The April 6 1897
1
Ah! as nothing should be judged on earth. This is what happened to me at recess a few months ago. It's a trifle, but it taught me a lot:
Two strokes were rung, and the Custodian being absent, my Sr Thérèse of St Augustin needed a third. Usually, it's boring to serve as a third party, but this time I was more tempted, because we had to open the door to receive the tree branches for the nativity scene.
Sr. Marie de S. Joseph was next to me and I guessed that she shared my childish desire. - "Who is going to serve as my third party?" said my Sr Thérèse of St Augustin. -
Immediately, I undid our apron, but slowly, so that my Sr Marie de St Joseph would be ready before me and take the place, which happened. Then, Sr Thérèse of St Augustin said, laughing and looking at me: “Hey! well it is my Sr M. of St J. who will have this pearl in her crown. You were going too slowly. I only replied with a smile and went back to work, saying to myself: “O my God, how different your judgments are from those of men! This is how we often deceive ourselves on earth, taking for imperfection in our sisters what is deserved before you! »
From 21 to 26 May
1
I was a little sad tonight, wondering if the good Lord was really pleased with me. I thought about what each of the sisters would say about me, if questioned. So and so would say, "She's a good little soul, she can become a saint." - Another: “She is very gentle, very pious, but this... but that...” - Others would still have different thoughts; many would find me very imperfect, which is true... As for my little Mother, she loves me so much, that blinds her, so I cannot believe her. Oh ! what the good Lord thinks, who will tell me? I was in these reflections, when your note reached me. You told me that everything about me pleased you, that I was particularly dear to the good Lord, that he had not made me climb the rough staircase of perfection like the others, but that he had put me in a elevator so that I can be more quickly returned to Him. Already, I was touched, but always the thought that your love made you see what is not, prevented me from fully enjoying; So, I took my little Gospel, asking the good Lord to console me, to answer me Himself... and there I came across this passage that I had never noticed: "He whom God has sent says the same things as God, because he has not imparted his Spirit to him in moderation.” Oh ! so, I shed tears of joy, and this morning, when I woke up, I was still quite perfumed. It is you, my little Mother, whom God sent for me, it is you who raised me, who made me enter Carmel; all the great graces of my life, I have received them through you; also, you say the same things as God, and now, I believe that the good Lord is very pleased with me, since you tell me so.
June 8
We had spoken of the long illnesses which often tire the nurses, which is a great suffering for the patients who notice it.
I don't mind staying like that until the end of a very long life; if it pleases the good Lord, I even want to be "disliked."
June 19
Our cousin, Mother Marguerite (Supre Gleà Paris des nuns Auxiliatrices de l'IC nurses) had sent me a pretty basket filled with artificial lilies, for the 21st, feast of Mother Marie de Gonzague. I brought this basket to her, saying very joyfully: “It is the Superior General of the Auxiliatrices who has sent this to me! »
She answered me suddenly with enthusiasm and affection:
Hey! well, you are the Superior General of my heart.
How I would have liked to be a priest to preach on the Blessed Virgin! One time would have been enough for me to say everything I think about it.
First of all, I would have made it clear how little we know about his life.
You shouldn't say implausible things or things that you don't know; for example that, very small, at three years old, the Blessed Virgin went to the Temple to offer herself to God with burning feelings of love and quite extraordinary; while she may have gone simply to obey her parents.
Why say again, about the prophetic words of the old Simeon, that the Blessed Virgin, from that moment had constantly before her eyes the passion of Jesus? "A sword of pain will pierce your soul" had said the old man. So it was not for the present, you see well, my dear Mother; it was a general prediction for the future.
For a sermon on the Blessed Virgin to please me and do me good, I must see her real life, not her supposed life; and I'm sure his real life must have been very simple. She is shown to be unapproachable, she should be shown to be imitable, to bring out her virtues, to say that she lived by faith like us, to give proof of this from the Gospel where we read: “They did not understand what he was saying to them. » And this other, no less mysterious: This admiration presupposes a certain astonishment, don't you think, my dear Mother?
It is well known that the Blessed Virgin is the Queen of Heaven and Earth, but she is more Mother than Queen, and it must not be said because of her prerogatives that she eclipses the glory of all the saints, like the sun. at its rising makes the stars disappear. My God ! how strange! A Mother who makes the glory of her children disappear! I think just the opposite, I believe that it will greatly increase the splendor of the elect.
It is good to speak of one's prerogatives, but one must not say that, and if, in a sermon, one is obliged from the Beginning to the end to exclaim and to say Ah! Ah! we've had enough ! Who knows if some soul would not even go so far as to feel a certain remoteness for such a superior creature and would not say to himself: "If that's it, we might as well go and shine as best we can in a little corner!"
What the Blessed Virgin has more than us is that she could not sin, that she was free from the original stain, but on the other hand, she was much less fortunate than us, since she had no Blessed Virgin to love; and it is so much more sweetness for us, and so much less sweetness for her!
Finally I said in my Canticle: “Why do I love you, O Mary!” whatever I would preach on her.
September 30
... All my little desires have been realized... So this big one (to die of love) will have to be!
In the afternoon :
Ah! what strength I have today!... I have enough for months! And tomorrow, every day, it will be even worse!...
... Well ! so much the better !
.................................................
I can't breathe, I can't die!...
... I will never know how to die!...........................
... Yes, my God!... Yes!.............
...I still want to suffer..........
Around 5 o'clock, Mother Marie de Gonzague dropped her relics of B. Theophane and Mother Anne of Jesus which were pinned to her curtain, on the right. They were picked up and she gave them a little caress.
Important Note
When my holy little Thérèse said to me, on July 16, 1897: "You know all the recesses of my little soul, you alone..." I am sure that, in her mind, she did not exclude from this complete knowledge of her soul, Sr Marie of the Sacred Heart and Sr Geneviève of the Holy Face. Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart to whom she owed the smile of the Blessed Virgin, and who had prepared her for her First Communion, to whom we still owe the marvelous response of her goddaughter on Sept. 17, 1896. Sr. Geneviève de the Holy Face, her Céline whom she called so sweetly: “the sweet echo of my soul. »
But she was inspired by the good Lord to say this to me very particularly, so that later, because of the authority which would be given to me, one could completely trust what I said and wrote about her.
Sr Agnes of Jesus
permanent contract
