Therese's health
If the haemoptysis stopped on August 5, 1897, the physical suffering intensified. The pains in the side, in the shoulder and in the right arm are becoming more and more violent, she is oppressed every day from 11 am to midnight. Before going on vacation, the doctor notices that the left lung begins to be taken.
Thérèse's condition remained stable until August 15, when the illness took a new turn: the oppression increased, the pain became very intense on the left side, the legs swelled, she suffered from intercostal pain, fever and can no longer get up on her own.
On August 17, the tuberculosis reached the last degree: the left lung was taken in a third and the right lung completely taken: she suffered on both sides. Until August 30, Thérèse coughed for hours, causing severe headaches. At the same time, his weight loss produces sores. She slept less and less well, was oppressed regularly and began to have intestinal pain "to scream", raising fears of gangrene. She suffers violently with each breath, has an ardent thirst, a hard and bloated stomach, very red urine.
On August 30, the left lung is half taken. If she does not have more fever and is less oppressed, she is very pale, very weak and hungry.
August 1st
1
About the great grace she had once received when her Mass book had closed on the image of Our Lord on the Cross, leaving only one hand protruding. She repeated to me what she had said to herself then:
Oh ! I don't want to lose this precious blood. I will spend my life collecting it for souls.
2
During Matins, about the manuscript of his life:
After my death, nobody should be told about my manuscript before it is published; it will only be necessary to speak of it to Our Mother. If you do otherwise, the devil will lay more than one trap for you to spoil the work of the good Lord... a very important work!
3
I won't write anymore!
4
Oh ! how sick I am!... Because you know... with you!
Because she couldn't talk to me anymore.
5
... I am well abandoned, I will wait as long as He wants.
6
... How well the good Lord said: "There are many dwellings in my Father's House."
(About a very mortified priest who even deprived himself of relieving unbearable itching)
... Me, I prefer to practice mortification otherwise and not in such irritating things; I couldn't have held back like that.
7
There had been an annoyance about the ice cream and I had cried. I asked her if I had been wrong, she replied to console me:
You are always gracious!
8
Do you think of your missionary brothers?
I thought of them very often; but since I've been ill I don't think of much.
9
One of these missionaries had promised her a mass for her on Christmas Day 1896. She told me of her disappointment when she learned that he had not been able to say it that day.
... I who had joined it with so much happiness at the same time! Ah! everything is uncertain on earth!
August 2
1
I really want to keep your heart like that of Mother Geneviève.
Do as you wish!
I had changed my mind because the thing was too repugnant to me and I told him. She looked rather sad. I guessed her thought: We would deprive ourselves of a consolation that she would not give us by a miracle, knowing full well that it would not be preserved. Finally she said to me:
You procrastinate far too much, my little mother, I have noticed this many times in my life...
2
We had spoken together intimately of the little regard that is often made of hidden virtue.
... This struck me in the Life of NP St Jean de la Croix, of whom it was said: “Brother Jean de la Croix! but he is a less than ordinary religious!”
3
I have no great desires for Heaven; I'll be happy to go, that's all!
4
No one will be able to say of me: "She is dying not to die." I have already told you: for my nature, yes, Heaven! but grace in my soul has taken a great sway over nature, and now I can only repeat to God:
For a long time still, I want to live well,
Lord, if that's your desire.
In Heaven, I would like to follow you,
If it made you happy.
Love, this fire of the Fatherland,
Keep consuming me
What does death or life do to me?
My only happiness is to love you.
5
To Sr. Geneviève:
Everything passes in this mortal world, even "baby" but he will come back...
Sr Geneviève was kissing the feet of the Crucifix.
You don't follow the “baby” doctrine! Kiss him quickly on both cheeks and get kissed.
6
I experience a very lively joy not only when people find me imperfect, but above all to feel myself there. This surpasses all the compliments that annoy me.
August 3
1
How did you manage to arrive at this unalterable peace which is your share?
I forgot myself and I tried not to look for myself in anything.
2
I told her that she had to struggle a lot to get to be perfect
Oh ! it's not that !...
3
She had had trouble with a sister and said to me with a serious and tender air:
I tell you frankly: I need to see you close to me in the last days of my life.
4
My little sisters, pray for the poor sick to death. If you knew what is going on! How little it would take to lose patience! You have to be charitable for any... I wouldn't have believed that in the old days.
5
I told him about mortification in the form of instruments of penance.
... You have to be very moderate on this point, because it often involves more nature than anything else.
6
The three of us:
Pay attention to regularity. After a visit, don't stop to talk among yourselves, because then it's like being at home, you don't deprive yourself of anything.
Turning to me:
That, my Mother, is the most useful of all.
7
Oh ! how bruised my little shoulder, if you only knew!
We're going to put cotton wool in there.
No, you mustn't take my little cross away from me.
8
I have been suffering for a long time, but small sufferings. Since July 28, there has been great suffering.
9
We no longer understood anything about the progress of his illness and one of us said to him:
What will you die of?
But, I will die of death! Didn't the good Lord tell Adam what he would die of, with these words: "You will die of death." That's just it.
August 4
1
I had a lot of nightmares last night, and very scary nightmares, but at the worst time, you came to me and I was no longer afraid.
2
... No, I don't think I'm a great saint! I think I'm a tiny little saint; but I think the good Lord was pleased to put things in me that do good to me and to others.
3
They had brought her a sheaf of ears of corn, she took out the finest and said to me:
My Mother, this ear is the image of my soul: the good Lord has loaded me with graces for myself and for many others...
Then, fearing to have had a thought of pride:
Oh ! how I would like to be humiliated and mistreated to see if I really have the humility of heart!... However, when I was humiliated in the past, I was very happy... Yes, it seems to me that I am humble. .. The good Lord shows me the truth; I feel so well that everything comes from Him.
4
How easy it is to get discouraged when you are very ill!...
Oh ! how I feel that I would be discouraged if I did not have faith! or rather if I didn't love the good Lord.
5
Only in Heaven will we see the truth about everything. On earth, it is impossible. So, even for the Holy Scripture, isn't it sad to see all the differences in translation. If I had been a priest, I would have learned Hebrew and Greek, I would not have been satisfied with Latin, so I would have known the true text dictated by the Holy Spirit.
6
I fell asleep for a second during prayer. I dreamed that we were short of soldiers for a war.
You said: We must send Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus. I replied that I would have preferred to go for a holy war. Finally, I left anyway.
Oh ! no, I would not have been afraid to go to war. With what happiness, for example at the time of the crusades, I would have left to fight the heretics. Come on ! I wouldn't have been afraid to catch a ball!
7
And I who desired martyrdom, is it possible that I die in a bed!
8
How do you arrange your little life now?
My little life is to suffer and then that's it! I couldn't say: My God, it's for the Church, my God, it's for France... etc... The good Lord knows very well what he has to do with it; I gave him everything to make him happy. And then it would tire me too much to say to him: Give this to Peter, give this to Paul. I only do it quickly when a sister asks me to, and then I don't think about it anymore. When I pray for my missionary brothers, I do not offer my sufferings, I simply say: My God, give them all that I desire for myself.
August 5
1
It was very hot, and the sexton had complained that we were wearing heavy clothes.
Ah! in Heaven, the good Lord will repay us for having worn heavy clothes on earth for his love.
2
Noting that she could barely move:
David said in the psalms, "I am like the grasshopper that keeps changing places." Well, I can't say the same! I would like to go for a walk, but I have a thread in my leg!
3
... When the saints have closed the door of Heaven on me, they will sing:
Finally we have you,
little gray mouse,
Finally we have you
And we will keep you!
(A little song that came back to him)
4
Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart told her that the Angels would come at her death, to accompany Our Lord, that she would see them resplendent with light and beauty.
... All these images do me no good, I can only feed on the truth. That's why I never wanted visions. One cannot see on earth, Heaven, the angels as they are. I prefer to wait until after my death.
5
During Vespers, my little Mother, I thought that you are my sunshine.
6
I fell asleep, and I dreamed that you leaned towards me to kiss me; I wanted to give you back, but immediately I woke up, surprised that my kiss had fallen into the void!
7
His bed was not yet placed in the middle of the infirmary, but in the back, in the corner. To celebrate the next day, August 6, the Transfiguration of Our Lady, we took the Holy Face of the Choir that she loved very much and hung the frame surrounded by flowers and lights to her right, on the wall. She says to me while looking at the image:
How well Our Lord lowered his eyes to give us his portrait! Since the eyes are the mirror of the soul, if we had guessed his soul, we would have died of joy.
Oh ! how much good this Holy Face has done me in my life! While I was composing my hymn: “Vivre d'Amour” she helped me to do it with great ease. I wrote from memory, during my evening silence, the 15 verses that I had composed, without a draft, during the day. That day, going to the refectory after the exam, I had just composed the forgiveness of sinners.
I repeated it to him, in passing, with much love. Looking at her, I cried with love.
8
I repeat like Job: "In the morning, I hope not to arrive at evening, and in the evening, I hope not to see the morning again."
9
... These words of Isaiah: "Who has believed your word... He is without luster, without beauty... etc." have formed the whole foundation of my devotion to the Holy Face, or, to put it better, the foundation of all my piety. I too wanted to be without beauty, alone treading the wine in the press, unknown to all creatures...
10
Regarding a confidence that I made to her, she said to me:
A mother prioress should always give the impression that she is without any pain. It does so much good and gives so much strength not to say your sorrows! For example, it is necessary to avoid expressing oneself thus: You have troubles and difficulties, I have the same and many others, etc.
August 6
1
She had hoped to die during the night and told me in the morning:
I watched all night, like the little girl in the Christmas shoe song...
I did not stop looking at the Holy Face... I repelled many temptations... Ah! I've taken many leaps of faith...
I can also say: "I looked to my right, and I considered, and there is no one who knows me..." I mean no one who knows the moment of my death... The right shows me the side where you are for me.
She then looked at the statue of the Blessed Virgin and sang softly:
When will he come, my tender Mother,
When will that beautiful day come,
Where, from the exile of the earth,
I will fly in the eternal Stay?
2
His violent pain in the side had ceased during the night. M. de Cornières on auscultation found her just as ill, but she doubted her approaching death.
I'm like a poor little Robinson on his island. As long as I hadn't been promised anything, I was exiled, it's true, but I didn't think of leaving my island. But now I am surely told of a ship that will soon take me back to my homeland. So I stay on the beach, I look away, I keep looking... and, seeing nothing appear on the horizon, I say to myself: They deceived me! I'm not going away!
3
She showed me in the small breviary of the Sacred Heart, the words of Our Lady to Bse Marguerite-Marie, which she had drawn on Ascension Day:
"The cross is the bed of my wives, it is there that I will make you consume the delights of my love."
And she told me that one day, a sister having drawn from the same book and having come across a severe passage, had asked her to draw in her turn. She then came across these words:
"Trust in me..."
4
... I cannot lean on anything, on any of my works to have confidence. Thus I would have liked to be able to say to myself: I am quit of all my offices of the dead. But this poverty was for me a real light, a real grace. I thought that I had never been able in my life to discharge a single one of my debts to the good God, but that it was for me a real wealth and a strength, if I wanted it. So I made this prayer: O my God, I beg you, discharge the debt that I contracted towards the souls of Purgatory, but do it in God, so that it would be infinitely better than if I had said my offices of the dead. And I remembered with great sweetness these words from the canticle of St John of the Cross: “Pay off all debts.” I had always applied this to The Love... I feel that this grace cannot come... It was too sweet! One experiences such great peace in being absolutely poor, in counting only on the good Lord.
5
... Oh ! that there are few perfect nuns, who do nothing haphazardly and almost, saying to themselves: I am not bound by this, after all... There is no great harm in speaking here , to content myself with that... How rare are those who do everything as well as possible! And yet they are the happiest. So for silence, what good it does to the soul, what failures in charity it prevents and so many pains of all kinds. I speak above all of silence, because it is at this point that we miss the most.
6
How proud I was when I was a semainer at the Office, when I said prayers aloud in the middle of the Choir! because I thought that the priest said the same prayers at Mass and that I had like him the right to pray aloud before the Blessed Sacrament, to give blessings, absolutions, to say the Gospel when I was first cantor.
... But I can say that the Office was both my happiness and my martyrdom, because I had such a great desire to recite it well and not to make mistakes; and I have seen myself sometimes, having foreseen a minute before what I was to say, let it pass without opening my mouth by an entirely involuntary distraction. I don't believe, however, that anyone can desire more than I to recite the Office perfectly and attend it in the Choir.
... I very much excuse the sisters who forget or who are mistaken.
7
Sr. St. Stanislaus, her first nurse, had left her all the time of Vespers, leaving the door and the window of the infirmary open; the draft was very strong. Our Mother, finding her in this state, expressed her displeasure and asked for an explanation. She tells me :
I told Our Mother the truth, but while speaking, I thought of a more charitable expression than the one I was going to use and which nevertheless was not bad, of course; I followed my inspiration and the good Lord rewarded me with great inner peace.
8
I asked her in the evening during Matins what she meant by "remaining a little child before the good Lord." She replied:
It is to recognize one's nothingness, to expect everything from the good God, as a little child expects everything from his father; it is to worry about nothing, to gain no fortune. Even among the poor, the child is given what he needs, but as soon as he grows up his father no longer wants to feed him and says to him: Work now, you can be enough for yourself.
It was in order not to hear this that I did not want to grow up, feeling incapable of earning my living, the eternal life of Heaven. So I always remained small, having no other occupation than that of picking flowers, the flowers of love and sacrifice, and offering them to the good Lord for his pleasure.
To be small is still not to attribute to oneself the virtues that one practices, believing oneself capable of something, but to recognize that the good Lord places this treasure in the hand of his little child so that he uses it when needed; but it is still God's treasure. Finally, it is not to be discouraged by one's faults, because children often fall, but they are too small to do themselves much harm.
August 7
1
Sr. X... who has left, wanted to confide in me, although I am no longer prioress.
... Never listen to her, even when she would be like an angel; you would be very unhappy because you would not do your duty in this; it would be weakness that would certainly cause God pain.
2
... Oh ! how little the good God is loved on earth!... even priests and religious... No, the good God is not much loved...
3
She showed me the photograph of ND des Victoires on which she had pasted the little flower that Papa had given her at Les Buissonnets the day she had confided her vocation to him; the root was detached from it and the baby Jesus seems to be holding it in his hand and smiling at him and the Blessed Virgin.
... That the little flower has lost its root, that will tell you that I am in Heaven... That's why they make me so nice... (the Blessed Virgin and the Child J.)
4
Oh ! if I were unfaithful, if I committed even the slightest infidelity, I feel that I would pay for it with terrible troubles, and I could no longer accept death. So I keep saying to the good Lord: "O my God, please save me from the misfortune of being unfaithful."
What infidelity are you talking about?
Of a thought of pride maintained voluntarily. If I said to myself, for example: I have acquired such a virtue, I am certain of being able to practice it. Because then it would be relying on one's own strength, and when one is there, one risks falling into the abyss. But I will have the right, without offending God, to do little stupid things until my death, if I am humble, if I remain very small. Look at the little children: they keep breaking, tearing, falling, all the while loving their parents very, very much. When I fall like this, it makes me see my nothingness even more and I say to myself: What would I do, what would I become, if I relied on my own strength? !...
I understand very well that St Pierre fell. This poor Saint Peter, he relied on himself instead of relying solely on the strength of God. I conclude that, if I said: "O my God, I love you too much, you know it well, to stop at a single thought against the faith"; my temptations would become more violent and I would certainly succumb to them.
I am quite sure that if Saint Peter had humbly said to Jesus: "Grant me, please, the strength to follow you until death", he would have had it immediately.
I am also certain that Our Lord said no more to his Apostles by his instructions and his sensitive presence than he told us to ourselves by the good inspirations of his grace. He could well have said to St. Peter: Ask me for the strength to accomplish what you want. But no, because he wanted to show him his weakness, and because, having to govern the whole Church which is full of sinners, he had to experience for himself what man can do without the help of God.
... Before his fall, Our Lord said to him: "When you have come to yourself, confirm your brothers". This meant: Persuade them by your own experience of the weakness of human forces.
5
I would like you to be with me always, you are my sunshine.
August 8
1
I told him that I would promote his virtues later:
It's the good Lord alone that must be promoted, because there's nothing to promote in my little nothingness.
2
She was looking at the sky through the window of the infirmary and Sr Marie du Sacré Coeur said to her: “How lovingly you look at the sky! At this point she was more tired and only answered with a smile. Later she told me what she had thought.
Ah! she thinks that I look at the firmament while thinking of the true Heaven! But no, it's quite simply because I admire the material sky; the other is more and more closed to me. Then immediately I said to myself with great gentleness: Oh! but yes, it is out of love that I look at the sky, yes, it is out of love for the good Lord, since everything I do, the movements, the looks, everything, from my offering, it is by love.
3
JI thought today of my past life, of the act of courage I had once done at Christmas, and the praise addressed to Judith came back to me: "You acted with manly courage and your heart grew strong." Many souls say: But I do not have the strength to perform such a sacrifice. So let them do what I did: a great effort. The good Lord never refuses this first grace which gives the courage to act; after that the heart is strengthened and we go from victory to victory.
4
If Our Lord and the Blessed Virgin had not gone to feasts themselves, I would never have understood the custom of inviting his friends for meals. It seemed to me that to feed ourselves we should have hidden or at least stayed with the family. Invite each other, yes, but only to talk to each other, tell each other about travels, memories, finally for things of the mind.
I felt great pity for the people who served at the big dinner parties. If, by misfortune, they happened to drop a few drops on the tablecloth or on one of the guests, I saw the mistress of the house look at them severely, then these poor people blushed with shame, and I said to myself, completely revolted inside : Oh ! as this difference which exists here below between the masters and the servants proves that there is a heaven where each will be placed according to his interior merit, where all will be seated at the feast of the Father of the family. But then what Servant will be ours, since Jesus said “he would come and go to serve us”! This will be the time for the poor and the little ones especially, to be amply rewarded for their humiliations.
August 9
1
I said of her: Our warrior is down!
I am not a warrior who fought with earthly weapons, but with “the sword of the spirit which is the word of God”. So illness couldn't bring me down, and just last night I used my sword with a novice. I said it: I will die arms in hand.
2
About his manuscript:
There will be something for everyone, except for the extraordinary routes.
3
You have become again for me what you were in my childhood... I cannot say what you are for me!
She was told she was a saint:
No, I am not a saint; I have never done the deeds of saints. I am a very small soul that the good Lord has filled with graces, that is what I am. What I say is the truth, you will see it in Heaven.
August 10
1
She looked at the picture of Théophane Vénard pinned to the curtains of her bed. This image depicts the missionary pointing to Heaven.
Do you believe he knows you? Look what he shows me... He could well not have had this pose...
2
It was said that souls arrived like her at perfect love saw their beauty, and that she was one of them.
What beauty?... I don't see my beauty at all, I only see the graces I have received from the good Lord. You are always mistaken, so you do not know that I am only a very small kernel... a small almond...
(I was disturbed and couldn't take the explanation that followed.)
3
With such a cheerful and kind air, looking at the portrait of Th. Vénard:
... Oh! but !...
Why do you say: Ah! but, asked Sr. Geneviève.
It's because every time I look at him, he looks at me too, and then he seems to be watching me out of the corner of his eye with a half-sly expression.
4
He was shown a photograph of Joan of Arc in her prison.
The saints encourage me too in my prison. They tell me: As long as you are in irons, you cannot fulfill your mission; but later, after your death, it will be the time of your labors and your conquests.
5
I think of the words of St Ignatius of Antioch. “I too must be crushed through suffering to become the wheat of God.”
6
During Matins:
If you knew what you are to me! But I always tell you the same thing.
7
I spoke to him of Heaven, of Our Lord, of the Blessed Virgin who are there in body and soul.
She heaved a deep sigh with this exclamation:
Oh!...
Are you making me understand by this that you are suffering a great deal from your ordeal?
Yes!... Is it necessary to love the good God and the Blessed Virgin so much and to have these thoughts there!... But I don't stop there.
August 11
1
... I have always found, my little Mother, that you put too much ardor into your work - (about washing).
2
I told him that after his death we would be very good and that the Community would be renewed:
... "Verily, verily, I say unto you, Unless a grain of wheat fallen to the ground die, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit."
3
I did not expect to suffer like this; I suffer like a little child.
... I would never want to ask God for greater suffering. If he increases them, I will support them with pleasure and with joy since it will come from him. But I'm too small to have the strength on my own. If I asked for suffering, it would be my own suffering, I would have to bear it alone, and I've never been able to do anything on my own.
4
... The Blessed Virgin, she has no Blessed Virgin to love, she is less happy than us.
(She told me that at recess once.)
5
I often pray to the saints without being answered, but the more they seem deaf to my prayers, the more I love them.
Why?
Because I wanted more not to see the good God and the saints and to stay in the night of faith that others want to see and understand.
6
She had told us all sorts of things about the time of the flu. I say to him at the end: What fatigue you have imposed on yourself! And how kind and kind you have been! Surely all this gaiety is not sincere, you suffer too much in soul and body.
Laughing :
I never “feign”, I am not like Jeroboam's wife.
August 12
1
(She made Communion)
... "Farewell my sisters, I am leaving for a distant journey."
(Allusion to my “departure” for my professional retirement)
2
Looking at the photograph of Fr. Bellière as a soldier:
... To this soldier there who looks so dashing, I give advice like a little girl!
I show him the way of love and trust.
3
Since the cob, I have even lower feelings of myself. But how great is the new grace I received this morning, when the priest started the Confiteor before giving me Communion and all the sisters continued it. I saw there the good Jesus very close to giving himself to me, and this confession seemed to me such a necessary humiliation. "I confess to God, to the Blessed Virgin Mary, to all the Saints that I have sinned a great deal..." Oh! yes, I said to myself, one does well to ask forgiveness for me at this moment, to God, to all the Saints... I felt, like the publican, a great sinner. I found the good Lord so merciful! I found it so touching to address the entire Celestial Court, to obtain God's forgiveness through their intercession. Ah! I very nearly cried, and when the Holy Host was on my lips, I was very moved.
... How extraordinary it is to have experienced this at the Confiteor! I believe it is because of my present disposition; I feel so miserable! My confidence is not diminished, on the contrary, and the word “miserable” is not right, because I am rich in all the divine treasures; but it is precisely for this that I humble myself more. When I think of all the graces that the good Lord has given me, I hold myself back so as not to continually shed tears of gratitude.
... I believe that the tears I shed this morning were tears of perfect contrition. Ah! how impossible it is to give oneself such sentiments! It is the Holy Spirit who gives them, he "who blows where he wills."
4
We spoke to her of the resistance she had made in the past when we begged her to take it easy, not to get up at Community time, not to go to Matins. She tells us :
You didn't understand me when I insisted, but it was because I felt that we were trying to influence Our Mother. I wanted to tell Our Mother the whole truth, so that she could decide for herself. I assure you that if she herself had asked me not to go to Mass, to Communion, to the Office, I would have obeyed with great docility.
5
It's unheard of, now that I can no longer eat, I crave all sorts of good things, like chicken, chops, Sunday rice with sorrel, tuna!...
6
... You will be able to say of me: "It was not in this world that she lived, but in Heaven, where her treasure is."
13 August
I was telling him a thought that I had had during Compline on Heaven.
... For me, I only have lights to see my little nothingness. It does me more good than lights on faith.
August 13
I was telling him a thought that I had had during Compline on Heaven.
... For me, I only have lights to see my little nothingness. It does me more good than lights on faith.
August 14
(Communion)
... Many little sorrows during the day... Ah! how much trouble I give!
During Matins, I say to him: You have had many sorrows today:
Yes, but since I love them... I love everything the good Lord gives me.
August 15
1
(Communion)
I reminded him of what St John of the Cross says about the death of souls consumed in Charity. She sighed and said to me:
It must be said that in the depths of my soul it is "joy and transport"... But that would not encourage souls so much if people believed that I had not suffered much.
How I feel that you are anguished! And yet, a month ago you were telling me such beautiful things about the death of love.
But what I told you, I will tell you again.
2
She was very oppressed and as it always increased, she said to me:
I don't know what will become of me!
Do you worry about what you will become? With an ineffable tone and a smile:
Oh ! No...
3
I dreamed during the silence that you said to me: You are going to be very tired, when the Community comes, of being watched by all the sisters and obliged to speak to them a little. I answered you: Yes, but when I'm up there I'll rest from everything.
4
Last night I asked the Blessed Virgin not to cough anymore, so that Sister Geneviève could sleep, but I added: If you don't, I will love you even more.
5
Our new bells were ringing for Vespers; I opened the door so that she could hear them well and I said to her: Listen carefully to the beautiful bells that are ringing. After listening:
... Not very beautiful!
6
The good Lord gives me courage in proportion to my sufferings. I feel that, for the moment, I could not bear more, but I am not afraid, since if they increase, it will increase my courage at the same time.
7
I wonder how the good Lord can hold back so long from taking me...
...And then, it seems that he wants to make me "believe" that there is no Heaven!...
... And all the saints that I love so much, where are they "nested?"...
... Oh! I'm not pretending, it's quite true that I can't see a thing. But in the end, I must sing loudly in my heart:
“After death life is immortal”
or else without that, it would turn out badly...
8
After matins, she was exhausted and said to us when we were about to beat her pillows:
Now do what you want with me.
August 16
1
She could no longer speak, she was so weak and oppressed.
... Not... any more... even... being able to speak... to you!... Oh! if one could only know!... If I didn't love God!... Yes, but...
2
In the visiting room, you shouldn't say anything, for example talking about the toilet.
3
“You won't have a 'little Thérèse' to pick you up. »
She smiled, and looking at the statue of the Blessed Virgin and the image of Théophane Vénard, she pointed to them in turn.
4
Angels can't suffer, they're not as happy as me. But how surprised they would be to suffer and to feel what I feel!... Yes, they would be very surprised, for I am myself.
5
During Matins, suddenly waking up, and looking at me with a sweet smile:
My pretty little mother!
August 17
1
(Communion)
I feel that the good Lord wants me to suffer. Remedies that should do me good and relieve other patients, hurt me.
2
They had just gotten her up, and as they had bumped into her while making the bed, as they had also made her suffer by giving her certain cares, she asked for a little linen. We hesitated to give it to her, not knowing what she wanted to do with it. She then said softly:
People should believe me when I ask for something, because I am a very cute "little girl":
(i.e. who only asks for the essential)
Once back in bed, feeling exhausted:
I am a very sick “little girl”, yes, very sick!
3
She put on a periwinkle like Théophane Vénard; I kept this periwinkle.
4
I will pray for the Blessed Virgin to lessen your oppression.
No, we have to let them do it up there!
5
During Matins, looking at the image of Théophane Vénard:
I don't know what's wrong with me, can't look at it without crying.
6
She felt less oppressed after Matins and said to Sr. Geneviève, pointing to me:
She prayed to Marie, and then I stopped gasping.
(She used this word for fun and in such a nice little tone, when she meant that she was coughing until she was choking.)
August 18
1
I suffer a lot, but do I suffer well? So !
2
“Baby” is sold out!...
During the midday silence, I hid a little behind the bed to write.
Turn around so I can see you.
3
Mom, you must read me the letter you received for me. I refrained from asking you for it during prayer, to prepare myself for my Communion tomorrow and because it is not permitted.
(It was during recess.)
Seeing that I took the pencil to write this:
My merit will perhaps be lost, since I told you and you write it?
So you want to acquire merits?
Yes, but not for me; for poor sinners, for the needs of the whole Church, finally to throw flowers to everyone, just and sinners.
4
I told her that she was very patient:
I haven't had a minute of patience yet. It's not my patience!... People are always wrong!
5
Since it is said that all souls are tempted by the devil at the moment of death, I will have to go through it. But no, I'm too small. With toddlers, he can't...
6
I said to him: How strange would it seem to you to return to health?
If it was God's will, I would be very happy to make that sacrifice to him. But I assure you that it would not be a small thing, for to go so far, and to come back! Listen !...
7
In the weak state I find myself in, I wonder what would become of me if I saw a big spider on our bed. Finally, I still want to accept this fear for the good Lord.
... But if you ask the Blessed Virgin that this does not happen?
August 19
1
She almost fainted before communion, hearing the Miserere chanted, even in a low voice. She then said to me, shedding big tears:
I may be losing my ideas. Oh ! If you only knew what the weakness I feel is.
That night, I couldn't take it anymore; I asked the Blessed Virgin to take my head in her hands so that I could support her.
2
Stay with me, my little Mother, it gives me a support to have you.
3
Sr. Geneviève gave him the crucifix. She kissed him on the face tenderly. She was beautiful at that moment like an angel. This crucifix had its head tilted, she said while contemplating it:
He is dead! I prefer that he be represented dead, because I think he no longer suffers.
4
She asked for certain treatments which cost her a lot, but which the doctor and Our Mother had recommended. Sr. Geneviève said to her like a little child: “Who asked 'bobonne' that?
It's "baby", out of fidelity.
5
She caressed Théophane Vénard on both cheeks. (The picture was attached to the curtain, a little away from her.)
Why are you petting him like this?
Because I can't kiss her.
6
To Sr. Marie of the Eucharist:
One must not sit askew on the chairs; it is written.
7
To Sr Geneviève who was arranging her pillows without paying attention to the images on the curtain:
Watch out for little Theophane!
8
We talked too much when the three of us were together near her; that tired her, because too many questions were put to her at once.
"What do you want us to say today?" »
... It would be necessary to do well that we say nothing at all, because to tell the truth, there is nothing to say.
“It says it all, doesn't it? »
Yes!
9
No matter what you tell me, the most insignificant things; you strike me as a graceful troubadour who always sings his legends to new tunes.
And she was doing little sups to make me see that she was drinking in my words.
10
... I only suffer for a moment. It is because we think of the past and the future that we become discouraged and despair.
August 20
1
To Sr. Geneviève, in a childish tone:
You know very well that you are treating a "baby" upon death...
And then (showing his glass) you should put something good in the big glass, because "baby" tastes very rotten in your mouth.
2
She had asked that we kiss her little, because the breath tired her, being so weak.
Can we just give you a little hug?
Yes, because hands don't breathe.
3
They talked to her about the trouble that poor Mother Heart of Jesus caused the nurses.
Oh ! that I would have liked to be a nurse, not by nature but "by an attraction of grace". And it seems to me that I would have made Mother C. of Jesus happy! Yes, I would have had a taste for all that... And I would have put so much love into it, thinking of the words of the good Lord: “I was sick and you relieved me”. It is still rare to find this great opportunity here in Carmel.
4
With a cheerful and mischievous air:
I shall soon be in the horrors of the tomb! And you will be there one day too, my little Mother!... And, seeing you arrive near me, "my humbled bones will quiver with joy."
5
... As soon as I see beer (to drink) it does that to me. (She coughs and says to her glass of Bottot water: It's not for beer! Aside: - He doesn't understand - above: It's not for beer, I tell you!
6
She could no longer see the milk which, moreover, she had never taken with pleasure and which then caused her extreme repugnance. I said, "Would you drink this cup to save my life?" »
Oh ! yes!... Well, look, and I wouldn't take it for God's sake?
And she drank the cup in one gulp.
7
We were making our thoughts about the brand of the infirmary coat. +.F.
No, it doesn't mean what you say. That means we have to carry the cross (+) to go after, higher than the firmament (f.)
8
When I suffer a lot, I'm glad it's me; I'm glad it's not one of you.
9
“It is with you that I like best, my good Clarisse.”
(Word addressed to Mother Geneviève by her little brother.)
10
Regarding Communion, which she felt she could no longer make, and as a result of many reflections she heard on this subject, this day was a day of anguish and temptations which I guessed were terrible. She asked me in the afternoon to keep silent for a while and even not to look at her. She whispers to me:
I would cry too much if I told you my sorrows right away, and I am so oppressed that I would certainly suffocate.
After a silence of at least an hour, she spoke to me, but putting before her eyes the screen she had been given for the flies, for she was still too moved.
11
She told me about the letter from a priest who said that the Blessed Virgin did not know physical suffering from experience.
Looking at the Blessed Virgin this evening, I understood that it was not true; I understood that she had suffered not only in her soul, but also in her body. She suffered a lot during her travels, from cold, heat, fatigue. She fasted many times.
... Yes, she knows what it is to suffer.
... But is it perhaps wrong to want the Blessed Virgin to have suffered? Me who loves him so much!
12
She was very oppressed.
For some time past she had found in these painful oppressions a sort of relief by giving out a regular little cry, that is: “Oh! there there! or “Agne!” Agne! »
It's when the oppression comes from below that I say “Agne! Agne!” but it's not nice, I don't like it; now I will say: Anne! Anna!
We'll put that in your circular.
It would sound like a recipe!
13
It was you who gave me the consolation of having the portrait of Théophane Vénard; she is extremely tall. But he could very well not have pleased me!... But he is "very pleasant", he is "very amiable".
Expressions she had heard that amused her.
14
How nice it will be to know in Heaven all that has happened in the Holy Family! When little Jesus began to grow, perhaps seeing the Blessed Virgin fasting, he said to her: “I would like to fast too.” And the Blessed Virgin replied: "No, my little Jesus, you are still too small, you don't have the strength." Or maybe she didn't dare stop him.
And the good St Joseph! Oh ! That I like ! He could not fast because of his work.
I see him planing, then wiping his brow from time to time. Oh ! how I pity him! How simple it seems to me that their life was!
The women of the country came to speak to the Blessed Virgin familiarly. Sometimes they asked him to entrust their little Jesus to them to go and play with their children. And the little Jesus looked at the Blessed Virgin to know if he should go there. Sometimes even the good women went straight to the Child Jesus and said to him without ceremony: "Come and play with my little boy" and so on.
... What makes me feel good when I think of the Holy Family is to imagine a very ordinary life. Not all that we are told, all that we suppose. For example that the Child Jesus after kneading birds of earth breathed on them and gave them life. Ah! but no, little Jesus didn't perform useless miracles like that, even to please his Mother. Or else why were they not transported to Egypt by a miracle which would otherwise have been necessary and so easy for the good Lord. In the blink of an eye, they would have been there. But no, everything in their life happened like ours.
And how many sorrows, disappointments! How many times have we reproached the good St Joseph! How many times have you refused to pay for your work! Oh ! how astonished one would be if one knew how much they suffered! etc etc
She spoke to me at great length on this subject and I was not able to write everything.
15
... I would like to be sure that she loves me, the Blessed Virgin.
16
... When you think that I had so much trouble all my life saying my rosary!
17
When I received absolution, instead of losing myself in prayers to thank the good God, I simply think with gratitude that he put me in a very white little dress and changed my smock. Neither of them was really dirty, but that's all the same, my little clothes are shinier and I'm better seen in all of Heaven.
18
One does not suspect that Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart, being provisional, made me do many mortifications. She loves me so much that I looked very spoiled; but the mortification is greater in this case.
... She took care of me according to her tastes which were absolutely opposed to mine.
August 21
1
She was in a lot of pain and I looked at her on my knees with a very sad heart.
Little sad eyes, why?
- Because you suffer so much!
- Yes, but also peace, peace!
2
... There is nothing more than sleep for "baby"... everything, everything hurts!
Even more baby sleep! It's finish ! I will suffocate one night, I can feel it!
[see Words Found
3
How I would have liked to be a priest to preach on the Blessed Virgin! One time would have been enough for me to say everything I think about it.
First of all, I would have made it clear how little we know about his life.
You shouldn't say implausible things or things that you don't know; for example that, very small, at three years old, the Blessed Virgin went to the Temple to offer herself to God with burning feelings of love and quite extraordinary; while she may have gone simply to obey her parents.
Why say again, about the prophetic words of the old Simeon, that the Blessed Virgin, from that moment had constantly before her eyes the passion of Jesus? "A sword of pain will pierce your soul" had said the old man. So it was not for the present, you see well, my dear Mother; it was a general prediction for the future.
For a sermon on the Blessed Virgin to please me and do me good, I must see her real life, not her supposed life; and I'm sure his real life must have been very simple. She is shown to be unapproachable, she should be shown to be imitable, to bring out her virtues, to say that she lived by faith like us, to give proof of this from the Gospel where we read: “They did not understand what he was saying to them. » And this other, no less mysterious: This admiration presupposes a certain astonishment, don't you think, my dear Mother?
It is well known that the Blessed Virgin is the Queen of Heaven and Earth, but she is more Mother than Queen, and it must not be said because of her prerogatives that she eclipses the glory of all the saints, like the sun. at its rising makes the stars disappear. My God ! how strange! A Mother who makes the glory of her children disappear! I think just the opposite, I believe that it will greatly increase the splendor of the elect.
It is good to speak of one's prerogatives, but one must not say that, and if, in a sermon, one is obliged from the Beginning to the end to exclaim and to say Ah! Ah! we've had enough ! Who knows if some soul would not even go so far as to feel a certain remoteness for such a superior creature and would not say to himself: "If that's it, we might as well go and shine as best we can in a little corner!"
What the Blessed Virgin has more than us is that she could not sin, that she was free from the original stain, but on the other hand, she was much less fortunate than us, since she had no Blessed Virgin to love; and it is so much more sweetness for us, and so much less sweetness for her!
Finally I said in my Canticle: “Why do I love you, O Mary!” anything I would preach about her.]
August 22
1
It's good daddy's birthday today.
(St Joachim)
2
O my little Mother, what would become of me if the good Lord did not give me strength? Only the hands are left!... We don't know what it's like to suffer like that. No, you have to feel it.
3
... We found you imperfect on such an occasion ...
With satisfaction:
Oh ! well, so much the better!
4
On the side of the intestines and... moreover, she suffered violently, they feared gangrene.
... Well, it's better, as long as you suffer a lot and everywhere, to have several diseases together. It's like on a trip, where you put up with all sorts of inconveniences, knowing full well that it's going to end quickly and that once the goal is reached, you'll enjoy it all the more.
5
On a reflection that was made to him (I don't remember why)
Do you believe that the Blessed Virgin made contortions like Saint Madeleine! Oh no, that wouldn't have been nice. It's okay for me to hiccup!
6
She had spilled lime on the bed; they told her to console her that it didn't matter.
As if to say that she had to suffer anyway:
Ah! it doesn't matter, no!
7
She looked at me during prayer, then at her image of Théophane Vénard with her gaze so gentle and so deep.
Some time later she wanted to talk to please me because she could barely breathe. I tell him to keep quiet.
No, I mustn't talk?... But... I thought... I love you so much!... I'm going to be cute... Oh my little Mother!
8
We wanted to prevent him from making an effort to console us:
You have to let me do my little antics.
9
I enjoyed the thought of being prayed for, so I told God I wanted it applied to sinners.
- So you don't want it to be for your relief?
- No !
10
She was in a lot of pain and moaning.
My little Mother!... Yes!... I will!...
... I mustn't complain anymore, it's no use.
Pray for me, my little sisters, but not on your knees, sitting down.
(We were on our knees.)
August 23
1
I had never had such a bad night before. Oh ! how good God must be for me to be able to bear all that I suffer! I never thought I could suffer so much. And yet I believe that I am not at the end of my troubles; but He will not forsake me.
2
You sang to the Blessed Virgin:
“All that he gave me, Jesus can take back,
Tell him never to get in the way with me. »
She said it and he takes you at your word.
I'm happy about it and I don't repent.
3
... No, the good Lord does not make me foresee an approaching death, but much greater suffering... But I don't torment myself, I only want to think about the present moment.
4
I told him that I had been given a big blanket for the winter, that it was really too big.
Oh ! but no, you can never be too hot in winter.
... You will be cold, when I will not be cold! I pity.
5
Kiss me on the forehead.
To Sr. Geneviève:
Pray well to the Blessed Virgin for me, you who are my little nurse, because if you were sick, I would pray so much for you! But when it's for yourself, you don't dare.
6
She had offered her sufferings for M. l'Abbé de Cornières, then a seminarian, and very tempted. He had heard of it and wrote a most humble and touching letter.
Oh ! what consolation this letter has given me! I saw that my little sufferings were bearing fruit. Have you noticed the feelings of humility she expresses? That's exactly what I wanted.
... And how good it does me to see how in such a short time you can have so much love and gratitude for a soul who has done you good and whom you did not know until then. What will it be like in Heaven when souls know those who have saved them? !
7
In the midst of his sufferings so great:
My little Mother!... My little Mother!... Oh!... Oh!... Yes!... Mama! Mom ! Mom !...
8
... When we have prayed to the Blessed Virgin and she does not answer us, it is a sign that she does not want to. So you have to let her do her thing and not worry.
9
She told me that everything she had heard preached about the Blessed Virgin had not touched her.
Let the priests show us practicable virtues! It's good to talk about his prerogatives, but above all we have to be able to imitate him. She prefers imitation to admiration, and her life has been so simple! However beautiful a sermon on the Blessed Virgin may be, if one is constantly obliged to say: Ah!... Ah!... we have had enough.
That I like to sing to him:
You made the narrow path to Heaven visible (She said: easy)
By always practicing the humblest virtues.
10
... Mom!... Ah! I always complain!... Come on, but!... I really want to be sick... but it's when I cough all the time and I can't...
(We stopped the milk diet today)
I caressed her brow after matins:
Oh ! how sweet!
August 24
1
Are you discouraged?
No!...yet everything is for the worse! with each breath I suffer violently. Finally it is not yet to shout.
I (That morning, she looked particularly gentle and peaceful).
2
... I would so like to speak to you!... What mortification!... Come on! it costs me.
3
... My little Mother, do you want me to speak to you all the same?
(I kept it quiet for a long time.)
Half an hour later, during recess:
My little Mother!... ah! I who love you so much!
When waking up during Matins:
... Alas! I've been talking to you for so long! And I see you don't know the first word!
(She explained her pain to me in a nightmare)
... And now I feel the menacing cough! Finally !...
- It's all for the worse, isn't it?
- No, for the better.
4
I had complained about her, and on Sr. Geneviève's reflection that it was not progressing very much:
But if ! this is precisely what relieves the sick.
August 25
1
I told him of my desire to know the date of his death.
Ah! I don't want it! In what peace I am! It doesn't worry me much.
The door of the infirmary was open during the silence and Sr. St. Jean de la Croix came in every evening, and lying at the foot of the bed, looked at her laughing for quite a long time.
- How indiscreet this visit is and how it must tire you!
- Yes, it's very painful to be looked at laughing when you're in pain. But I think that Our Lord on the cross was well looked upon in the midst of his sufferings. It was even worse, because he was really being laughed at; is it not said in the Gospel that people looked at him shaking their heads? This thought helps me to offer him this sacrifice with a good heart.
2
How you suffer! Oh ! how hard it is! Are you sad ?
- Oh ! no, I'm not unhappy at all. The good Lord gives me just what I can bear.
3
Some pretty branches of artificial forget-me-nots had been brought to him from my aunt. They were used to adorn his images.
During the silence, with a little childish and gracious air:
I wanted someone to give me something, I didn't really analyze what or why; but I wanted to, then they gave me this.
4
Alas my poor little girl, you can well say: “How long my exile is! »
- But, I don't find it long, me; it's not because I'm in pain that it's longer.
5
She moaned softly:
... Oh ! how I complain! yet I would not like to suffer less.
6
She conjured us to pray and to have people pray for her:
... Oh ! how one must pray for the dying! If only we knew!
I believe that the demon asked the good Lord for permission to tempt me with extreme suffering, to make me lack patience and faith.
It was to Sr. M. of the Sacred Heart that she spoke of the hymn of Compline about the temptations of the spirit of darkness and the ghosts of the night.
7
It was the feast of St. Louis, she had made a fervent prayer to papa, and without being answered.
... Despite what I felt at the first moment, I repeated to the good God that I loved him more and all the saints too.
8
I told her of my sadness, thinking of what she would still have to suffer:
I'm ready for anything... Yet you see that, so far, I haven't had any beyond my strength.
... You have to surrender. I want you to rejoice.
9
... Oh ! Yes I want ! Yes ! but that's it!...
What ?
- I will choke!
August 26
1
They had left the blessed candle lighted for him all night.
It's because of the blessed candle that I didn't have a bad night.
2
To Our Mother, during prayer:
I'm very glad I didn't ask God for anything; like that, he is forced to give me courage.
3
I told her that she was made to suffer a great deal, that her soul was of a temper for that:
Ah! to suffer of the soul, yes, I can do a lot... but for the suffering of the body, I am like a little child, very small. I am thoughtless, I suffer from minute to minute.
4
She had to confess:
My little Mother, I would love to talk to you, if I could. I don't know whether to tell Mr. Youf that I had thoughts of gluttony, because I thought of things that I like, but I offer them to God.
5
She was choking.
... Oh! I will suffocate!... Yes!...
(In a soft, plaintive voice, the "yes" sounded like a little cry.)
6
During Matins I would tell her to move at ease to find a little relief.
... How difficult it is with what I have to find relief!
7
A stitch had come undone in the linen that lined her tunic, I was trying to do it again but it was very difficult and I was doing it wrong, I was tiring her a lot, she couldn't take it anymore and then said to me:
O my little mother, how one should not be surprised that a poor nurse sometimes gets angry with her patients. You see how difficult I am! How I love you!... You are very sweet. I am very grateful to you, I would cry!
8
How long is your illness, my poor little one!
Oh ! no, I don't find it long. When it's over, you'll see that it won't take long.
9
O my little Mother, how the good Lord must help when one suffers so much!
August 27
1
Oh ! how unhappy one is when one is ill!
- But no, we are not unhappy when it is to die. Alas! how funny it is to be afraid of dying!
... Well, when you're married, you have a husband and children, that's understandable; but I who have nothing!...
2
... How I would very much like Monseigneur not to come to see me... Finally, it is a grace that the blessing of a Bishop.
Laughing :
If it was only St Nicolas who brought three little children back to life!
(Bishop Hugonin was in Lisieux.)
3
Aren't you surprised, my dear Mother, at the way I suffer?
...Finally, I have a great peace at the bottom.
4
You haven't taken anything since this morning.
- Nothing taken! but I took two cups of milk, I'm stuffed. I'm a drunk, there's no need to buy it.
5
I'm giving poor little Sr Geneviève sleepless nights!
6
During midday recess:
You told me this morning that you had nothing, and you have little sisters, a little Mother.
- No, I have nothing, because I don't leave them!
With a sly look:
Take ! if I thought I was leaving them!
7
Alas! if you were going to be sick until next spring! I'm afraid, and what would you say?
- Well I would say so much the better!
8
She had a moment of great relief in the afternoon and did all kinds of kindnesses to us.
9
She suffered continuously from thirst. Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart said to him: Would you like some ice water?
- Oh ! I really want it!
- Our Mother has obliged you to ask for everything you need.
- I ask indeed all that I need.
- Do you only ask for what is necessary? never what can relieve you?
- No, only the necessary. So when I don't have grapes I don't ask for them.
Some time after drinking she looked at her glass of ice water:
- Drink a little more, he is told.
- No, my tongue is not dry enough.
August 28
1
We turned the bed towards the window.
Oh ! how happy I am!
Put yourself in front, my little Mother, so that I can see you clearly.
2
Our Mother and other sisters said she was pretty, people reported that to her.
Ah! what does it matter to me! It makes me less than nothing, it bores me. When you're so close to death, you can't have joy from it.
3
During the noon silence:
Here, do you see the black hole over there (under the chestnut trees near the cemetery) where you can no longer distinguish anything; it is in a hole like that that I am for the soul and for the body. Ah! yes, what darkness! But I am there in peace.
4
She couldn't take it anymore and moaned.
I think the good Lord would be happier if I said nothing.
5
My little Mother, take this mad little white affair from me.
- What is that ?
- Let's go ! It's a cute little thing that flies in the summer.
(a seed)
6
Looking through a small slit in the curtain at the statue of the Blessed Virgin in front of her.
Take ! she is watching me!
7
I really like flowers, roses, red flowers and beautiful pink daisies.
8
When she coughed and made the slightest movement in her bed, the branches of forget-me-nots stirred around her images.
The little flowers tremble with me, I like it.
9
... My good Blessed Virgin, this is what makes me want to go: I tire my little sisters too much, and then I hurt them by being so sick... Yes, I would like to go !
10
After Matins:
O my good Blessed Virgin, have pity on me... "this time!"
August 29
1
I read him the Sunday Gospel: the parable of the Samaritan.
... I'm like that poor “semivivo” traveler, half dead, half alive.
2
It is very hard to suffer without any inner consolation.
- Yes, but it's pain without worry. I am happy to suffer since the good Lord wants it.
3
My little mother?
(She was calling me)
What do you want ?
I just counted 9 pears at the pear tree by the window. There must be many more. I'm glad you'll eat it. It's so good, the fruit!
4
She gave us a little kiss tonight.
August 30
1
She spent the night very peacefully like the night of August 6; very happy to think that she might die.
... I clasped my hands nicely waiting for death.
2
Would you be happy if someone told you that you would surely die in a few days at the latest? Would you rather have that than be warned that you will suffer more and more for months and years?
Oh ! no, I wouldn't be happier at all. What satisfies me only is to do the will of God.
3
They put her on the folding bed and rolled her to the door of the choir which opens under the cloister. We left her there alone long enough. She was praying with such a deep look at the gate. Then she threw rose petals into it.
We photographed it before going home.
Doctor La Néele came and said to her: “It will be soon, my little sister, I am sure of it. So she looked at him with a smile of happiness.
- Youf also came and told her these words that she brought back to me:
“You have suffered more than you will suffer now.” ... We finish our ministry together, you as a Carmelite, I as a priest. »
August 31
1
Another visit from Dr La Néele.
2
If you died tomorrow, wouldn't you be a little scared, it would be so close!
- Ah! even tonight, I would have no fear, I would only have joy.
3
What courage I need to make the sign of the cross!
... Oh! my little sisters! Ah! my God ! my God ! ... My God, have pity on me! ... I have only that to say.
4
Soon this bed where we see you will be empty, what pain for us!
- Ah! in your place, how happy I would be!
5
... I have an appetite for my whole life. I always ate like a martyr, and now I would devour everything. It seems to me that I am starving.
... That Ste Véronique must have suffered!
(She had read that this saint had died of hunger.)
6
One of us said: “How oppressed she is! She could very well die today. »
What happiness!
7
In the afternoon - I was told that she was sleeping; She opened her eyes and said to me:
But no, come on, it gives me so much pleasure to see you!
8
How I need to see the marvels of Heaven! nothing touches me on earth.
9
During Matins.
Ah! it's amazing how all my hopes have come true. When I read St John of the Cross, I begged the good Lord to work in me what he says, that is to say the same thing as if I were living very old; finally to consume me quickly in love, and I am granted!
10
After looking at the statue of the Blessed Virgin for a long time:
... Who could have invented the Blessed Virgin?
11
To me :
... Oh! if you love me, that I love you too!
12
She told me that in the past, to mortify herself, she thought of dirty things while eating.
... But afterwards, I found it easier to offer God what I found to my liking.
13
... Sometimes I wanted to have a real dinner, so I took a grape and then a sip of wine which I offered to the Blessed Virgin. Then I did the same for the Baby Jesus, and my little dinner was over.
