Therese's health
At the beginning of September 1897, Thérèse had a fever again and was in a lot of pain. On his return from vacation on September 10, Doctor de Cornière was appalled by his condition, which had considerably worsened.
From September 12, her feet began to swell, which was a bad sign, and any movement caused her pain. On September 14, the disease has progressed so much that it is estimated that she will not be able to live for more than 15 days. Victim of indigestion and sleepless nights, she is exhausted and skeletally thin. She feels in agony.
On September 22, she cannot speak. In the days that followed, she no longer had any strength, turned around with difficulty and had attacks of suffocation.
On September 29, she goes into agony. In extreme pain, she struggles to breathe, no longer speaks, she has a very painful rattle.
She “entered into Life” on September 30, 1897 at 19:20 p.m. after having pronounced these words: “Oh! I love it ! My God...I love you! »
September 2
1
You will of course die on a feast day.
- It will be quite a nice party! I never wanted to die on a holiday.
2
... I had been here for maybe two years when the good Lord put an end to my ordeal in relation to Sr Marie des anges, and I was able to open my soul to her... In the end she really consoled.
3
... It cost me a lot to ask to make mortifications in the refectory, because I was shy, I blushed, but I was very faithful to it my twice a week. When this ordeal of shyness happened, I paid less attention to it and I must have forgotten my two mortifications more than once.
4
We told her that she was the leader of the gang, that she had defeated all the enemies, and that all that was left was to follow her. She then made the well-known gesture for us to put her hands on each other at a very small distance saying:
“High like that in the family!”
Then pretending to sow something:
Little Thumb!
5
Sr Geneviève said to her: “When you think that you are still expected in Saigon! »
I will go, I will go soon; If you only knew how quickly I would have made my turn!
6
... When you accept the boredom of having been naughty, the good Lord returns immediately.
7
I especially offered my inner trial against the faith for an allied member of our family who does not have faith.
(Mr Tostain)
8
... Oh ! yes I desire Heaven! “Rip the canvas of this sweet encounter”, oh my God!
September 3
1
I reported to him what had been said to me about the honors paid to the Tzar of Russia in France.
Ah! I don't dazzle at all that! Speak to me of the good God, of the example of the Saints, of all that is truth...
2
When we think that we are caring for a little saint!
Well, so much the better! but I would like the good Lord to say so.
3
Poor Mother C. de J. was more and more demanding and the nurses complained of being forced to give in to her quirks.
... Oh! how much I would have been attracted to all that!
September 4
1
... This is how I took the good Lord and this is why I will be so well received by him at the hour of my death.
2
I'm very happy that meat disgusts me, because at least I don't find pleasure in it.
(He was served some meat)
3
As I was leaving the infirmary for the refectory:
I love you!
4
The Angelus was ringing.
Should I uncover my little hands?
No, you're too weak to even say the Angelus. Call only the Blessed Virgin by saying: “Virgin Mary! She resumed:
Virgin Mary, I love you with all my heart.
Sr. Geneviève said to her: “Say that you love her, for me too. Then she added in a low voice:
for "Mlle Lili", for Maman,
for Godmother, for Léonie, little Marie, my Uncle, my aunt, Jeanne, Francis, “Maurice”, “little Roulland” and all those I love.
5
She had wanted a certain dish, very simple indeed, and one of us had let my uncle know.
... It's very funny that we let the world know that! Finally I offered it to the good Lord.
I tell him that it was not my fault, because indeed I had defended him. She went on, taking the little dish:
Ah! it is offered to the good Lord. It doesn't matter to me anymore. Let them think what they want!
6
During Matins:
My little Mother, oh! how I love you!
With a pretty smile making an effort to speak:
Let's say something anyway, let's say...
... If you only knew how the thought of going to Heaven soon leaves me calm. Yet I am very happy, but I cannot say that I feel a lively joy and transports of joy, no!
7
Do you still prefer to die than to live?
O my little Mother, I do not like one thing better than the other, I will not be able to say like Our Mother St Thérèse: "I am dying not to die." What the good Lord loves best and chooses for me is what pleases me more.
September 5
1
So you don't have any regrets about leaving "mamma"? (in a childish way 🙂
No!... If there was no eternal life, oh! yes!... but there may be one... and that's for sure!
2
If you were told that you were going to die suddenly, at the very moment, would you be frightened?
... Oh! what happiness! I would like to leave!
So you would rather die than live?
No not at all. If I recovered, the doctors would look at me dumbfounded and I would say to them: “Gentlemen, I am very happy to be cured to still serve the good God on earth, since it is his will. I suffered as if I were to die; well, I will start again another time!”
3
Pointing to his glass of reddened water with his finger, with such a kind little cheerful air:
To drink, my dear mother, please. There's ice cream in it, it's good!
After drinking :
I drank without thirst! I am a little “drink without thirst”.
I told her that she had suffered less during the silence:
Oh ! equally ! much, much suffered! But it was to the Blessed Virgin that I complained.
4
Visit from Doctor La Néele who, after telling her at her previous consultation that she was dying, that she could even die suddenly while turning over in her bed, told her:
“You are like a vessel that neither advances nor retreats. »
At first she was amazed.
You heard, she told me, you see how it changes! But I don't want to change, I want to continue abandoning myself entirely to God.
September 6
1
...Tell me a few sweet words, after what happened to me yesterday.
Ah! how can I console you, my poor little one? I am quite helpless.
...with an air of peace:
I don't need to be consoled...
2
She wept for joy in the afternoon when a relic of the Vble Théophane Vénard was brought to her.
She offered me with great tenderness a small daisy for my birthday.
All afternoon she showed herself to be very affectionate to us, and lovely in every way. I tell him :
I noticed that as soon as you can, you become like before.
... Oh! it's true ! Yes, when I can, I do my best to be cheerful, to please.
3
She was waiting for M. Youf to go to confession; he couldn't come and it was a real disappointment to him. But immediately she resumed her beautiful air of peace.
4
They brought him some food: his stomach was better.
Alas! where then am I from in my illness? That's what I'm eating now! !
September 7
She hadn't said a word to me all day, and I was thinking in the afternoon: Today I'm going to have nothing to write.
But she said to me almost immediately:
Ah! there is no soul like you...
After that, she began to shed big tears from the fear that she kept from having hurt me in a circumstance that I had not even noticed.
September 8
A little robin came and hopped on his bed.
Léonie sent her the box à Music courses which has been preserved and the airs, although profane, are so sweet that she listened to them with great pleasure.
Finally, a wreath of field flowers was brought to him to celebrate the anniversary of his Profession. Seeing herself so overwhelmed, she wept with gratitude and said to us:
It is because of the delicacy of the good Lord towards me; on the outside I am filled with it, and yet, inside I am still in the test... but also in peace.
September 9
1
We had reassembled the music box too much, it seemed broken. Auguste repaired it, but since then it has lacked (for a certain air) the prettiest note. I was upset about it and asked her if she was too.
Oh ! not at all, I only have it because you have it.
2
... Oh! I know what suffering is!
September 10
1
When M. de Cornière was consulted, he seemed dismayed at his condition.
Well, are you happy? I tell him after the doctor leaves.
Yes, but I'm a bit used to it, they say and deny!
2
While we were arranging her pillows in the evening, she leaned her head on me, looking at me tenderly. This reminded me of the gaze of the Child Jesus at the Blessed Virgin when he listens to the music of the angel on the image where she said of the Blessed Virgin: “It is Pauline in ideal. »
September 11
1
It's little mother who will die last, we'll come and get her with Théophane Vénard, when she's finished working for me...
...unless little souls need her.
2
I love you very much, very much!
When I hear the door open, I always believe it's you; and when you don't come, I'm very sad.
Give me a kiss, a kiss that makes noise; finally let the lips go “pit!”
Only in Heaven will you know what you are to me... You are a lyre, a song to me... much more than a music box, come on! even when you don't say anything.
3
She had made two crowns of cornflowers for the Blessed Virgin, one was at her feet, the other in her hand. I tell him :
You probably think that the one she is holding is to give it to you.
Oh ! no, it's as she wishes, what I give her is for her pleasure.
4
... I'm afraid of having been afraid of death... But I'm not afraid of afterwards, of course! And I don't regret life, oh! No. It is only to say to myself: What is this mysterious separation of soul and body? It was the first time I experienced this, but I immediately abandoned myself to the good Lord.
5
Will you give me my Crucifix so that I can kiss it after the act of contrition, to gain plenary indulgence in favor of the souls in Purgatory. I don't give them more than that!
Give me holy water now. Bring me the relics of Mother Anne of Jesus and Théophane Vénard, I want to kiss them.
After that she gave a small caress to her image of the Virgin Mother; first to the Child Jesus then to the Blessed Virgin.
She could not fall asleep and said to me:
I know that, it is the malice of the devil; he is furious because I have not forgotten my little devotions. When, for one reason or another, I haven't done them, I fall asleep and wake up a few minutes after midnight. It's like making fun of me for missing the plenary indulgence.
6
Should I be afraid of the demon? It seems to me not because I do everything out of obedience.
7
Oh ! no, I don't want to see the good God on earth. And yet, I love it! I also love the Blessed Virgin and the Saints very much and I don't want to see them either.
September 12
It was the feast of the Holy Name of Mary. She asked me to read her the Sunday Gospel. I did not have the parishioner and simply said to him: It is the Gospel where Our Lord warns us that “no one can serve two masters”. Then she took on the little voice of a child reciting her lesson and telling me from beginning to end.
September 13
1
She was much sicker and had swollen feet from the night before. You couldn't make the slightest movement around her, such as moving the bed a little and above all touching her, without making her suffer a great deal, she was so weak. We did not suppose it at this point, and Sr. Marie du Sacré Coeur, after me, had felt her pulse for quite a long time. At first she showed no sign of fatigue so as not to upset us, but in the end, unable to bear it any longer, she began to cry. And when they next arranged her pillows and her cushion she moaned, saying in such a sweet tone:
Oh ! i would like... i would like...
- What ?
- Don't hurt my little sisters any more, and for that I'm leaving very quickly.
At this moment, she looked at Sr Marie du Sacré-Coeur and gave her a charming smile; it was she above all whom she feared the most for having been saddened.
As we couldn't arrange her cushion properly, because we didn't dare move it too much, she said gently, leaning on her hands and trying to do it herself:
Wait, I'm going to push myself to the bottom of the bed, making the movements of a little grasshopper.
2
A sister had picked a violet for her in the garden, she offered it to her and withdrew. So our little Thérèse said to me, looking at the flower:
Ah! the scent of violets!
then she made a sign to me as if to know if she could breathe it without becoming immortified.
September 14
1
They brought her a rose; she plucked it from her Crucifix with great piety and love, taking each petal and caressing the wounds of Our Lord.
In the month of September, she says, little Thérèse still strips “the spring rose”
By stripping for You, the spring rose,
I would like to wipe away your tears!
As the petals slid from her bed onto the infirmary floor, she said very seriously:
Pick up these petals well, my little sisters, they will serve you to please you later... don't miss any...
2
... Oh! NOW...
“I hope so, my exile will be short!”
3
Doctor La Néele had assured her that she would not be in agony, and as she suffered more and more:
... I was however told that I would not have agony!...
... But, after all, I really want to have one.
If you were made to choose whether to have it or not to have it?
I wouldn't choose anything!
September 15
1
When you will be in Heaven, your great sufferings today will seem like little to you, come on!
- Oh ! even on earth, I find that it is very little.
2
In the evening during recess:
When Sr Geneviève said earlier to Sr Marthe who was asking for my news: “She is very tired!” I thought to myself: That's very true, that's right! Yes, I am like a weary, weary traveler who falls at the end of his journey.
... Yes but, it is in the arms of the good Lord that I fall!
3
Our Mother told me that I had nothing to do to prepare myself for death, because I was prepared in advance.
September 16
To me alone, on questions that I asked him:
What attracts to us the lights and the help of the good God to guide and console souls, is not to tell one's sorrows to oneself, to relieve oneself; moreover it is not a real relief, it excites rather than appeases.
September 17
1
Around the sick one must be cheerful:
(We expressed our sorrow to him)
Come on, we mustn't lament like people who have no hope.
With a bit of a sly look:
You will end up making me miss my life.
- Oh ! we would have a hard time!
- It's true ! I said that to scare you.
2
Speaking to me of her childhood, she told me that one day they had given her a little basket and that she had exclaimed in her happiness:
Now I no longer desire anything on earth!
Then she had changed her mind to say very quickly:
Yes, I still want something, it's Heaven!
September 18
1
I told her that I was afraid of tiring her by talking to her:
My little Mother, your conversation is so pleasant to me! Oh ! no, it does not tire me. It's like music to me... There aren't two like you on earth. Oh ! how I love you!
2
Looking out the window at the red Virginia creeper on the Hermitage of the Holy Face:
The Holy Face is in all its splendour. See, there are branches of Virginia creeper up above the chestnut trees.
3
I'm better this afternoon.
In fact, she was interested in everything. She looked with pleasure at the tablecloth that Sr. Geneviève was making for the altar of the Oratory, then at the ornament of Father Denis.
But in the morning, when Sr. Aimée of Jesus had taken her in her arms to arrange her bed a little, I thought she was going to die.
September 19
A bouquet of dahlias had been brought from outside. She looked at them with pleasure and ran her fingers through their petals in such a sweet way!
After Father Denis' first Mass, she asked to see his chalice. As she looked for a long time at the bottom of the Cup, she was asked: Why do you look so attentively at the bottom of the Chalice?
Because I reflect myself in it. In the sacristy, I liked to do that. I was happy to say to myself: My features were reflected where the blood of Jesus rested and will descend again.
How many times have I also thought that in Rome my face was reproduced in the eyes of the Holy Father.
September 20
1
Visit of Doctor de Cornière who tells us that she must suffer a real martyrdom. On leaving he exclaimed over his heroic patience. I repeated something to him.
How can he say I'm patient! But that's lying! I keep moaning, I sigh, I cry all the time: Oh! la la! and then: My God, I can't take it anymore! Have mercy, have mercy on me!
2
In the afternoon, they changed her tunic and we were struck by her thinness, for her face had remained the same. I went to ask Our Mother to come and see her back. She took a long time and I admired the gentle and patient look of our poor little invalid while waiting for her. Our Mother was painfully surprised and said kindly: What is such a skinny little girl?
A dumpling!
September 21
1
I had gone without saying a word to empty her spittoon and I put it down beside her, thinking to myself: How happy I would be if she told me that in Heaven she would give me that back! And immediately, turning to me, she said:
In Heaven, I will return that to you.
2
When I think she's going to die, says Sr. Geneviève.
Ah! lady yes! so I believe it!
3
To think that she has no little Thérèse to love!
... He calls me his little Thérèse!
Who?
But Father Bellière!
He had just written and I wanted to re-read his letter to her, thinking I would please her by finding these words, but she was too tired and said to me:
Oh ! no, enough! I'm "clever" about little Thérèse!
Then turning to me with a little hug:
Not "smart" of little Pauline, too! Oh ! No !
4
I'm going to the dishes, I have two rounds to do.
Very hard for me, oh! Yes !
5
Sr. Geneviève asked me for a pencil, I needed one too, but I lent ours anyway. She then said in a sharp little tone:
That is sweet.
6
Ah! what is agony? I feel like I'm there all the time! !..
7
While wiping her eyes, a few lashes had come off her eyelids:
Take these eyelashes, my little Sr Geneviève, we must give as little as possible to the earth.
So, making a pun on the name of Father Alaterre (a worker), brother of Sr St Vincent de Paul.
Pauv'bonhomme however, if it makes him happy!
September 22
1
After reminding her of several circumstances in her religious life where she had been very humiliated, I added: Oh! How often have I pitied you!
You shouldn't have felt so sorry for me, I assure you. If you only knew how I floated above all that! I went away strengthened by humiliations; there was no one braver than me in the fire.
2
She wanted to talk to me and couldn't.
... Oh! how hard it is to be so powerless!
... With you ! It was so sweet when I could talk to you! This is what is the hardest.
3
I was saying while looking at the picture of Théophane Vénard: He's there with his hat down, and to finish it off, he's not coming to get you!
Smiling :
Oh ! I don't make fun of saints... I like them... They want to see...
What ? If you're going to lose patience?
With a clever and profound air at the same time:
Yes!... especially if I'm going to lose confidence... how far I'm going to push my confidence...
4
She had called Sr Geneviève her “bobonne”, Sr Marie de la Trinité her “doll” because she thought she looked like a doll.
It was to distract us and never for dissipation or childishness. But these appellations were abused and she said:
You don't have to call yourself names. All the same it is not religious!
5
The time must seem very long to you?
No, the time does not seem long to me; it seems to me that it was yesterday that I was following the Community, that I was writing the notebook. (his life)
6
What a terrible disease and how much you have suffered!
Yes ! ! ! what a grace to have faith! If I hadn't had faith, I would have killed myself without hesitating for a moment...
September 23
1
... Oh ! all that I owe you!... So I love you!... but I don't want to talk to you about it any more, because I would cry...
(It hurt her a lot to cry)
2
Tomorrow will be the anniversary of your Sailing, and probably the day of your death.
I don't know when, I'm still waiting, but I know it can't be long.
3
She often smiled at us, at one or the other, but we didn't always notice it.
... Many times I gave beautiful lost smiles to "Bobonne" and to others...
4
In the evening we had heard something like the cooing of a bird on the closed window. We wondered what it could be. One said: It's a dove. Other: Maybe it's a bird of prey.
Well, if it's a bird of prey, too bad! The birds of prey came to eat the martyrs.
5
About a confidence of little importance that a sister had made to him by asking him the secret:
... If the sisters defend, it's sacred... If it's for the slightest thing, it shouldn't be said.
6
After a very long silence, looking at Sr Marie du Sacré Coeur and me who were alone at that moment near her:
My little sisters, you raised me!...
and her eyes filled with tears.
September 24
1
For the anniversary of her Taking the Veil, I had Mass said for her.
Thanks for the Mass!
As I saw her suffer so much, I answered sadly: Ah! you see, you are no more relieved!
So it was for my relief that you obtained permission to have Mass said?
- It's for your own good.
- My good is undoubtedly to suffer...
2
She told me of a grief she had had in the past, when, much too late that year, the chestnut trees had been pruned.
At first it was a bitter sadness and great struggles at the same time. I loved the shadows so much! and there would be none this year. The already green branches were in bundles on the ground, nothing but trunks! Then, suddenly, I got on top of it, saying to myself: If I were in another Carmel, what would it matter to me if they cut down, even completely, the chestnut trees of the Carmel of Lisieux! And I experienced great peace and heavenly joy.
3
Visit of Mr. de Cornière, more and more edified. He said to Our Mother: “He is an angel! She has the face of an angel, her face is not altered, despite her great suffering. I have never seen this. With his general state of weight loss, it's supernatural. »
4
... I would like to run in the meadows of Heaven...
... I would like to run in meadows where the grass would not be crushed, where there would be beautiful flowers which would not wither and pretty little children who would be little angels.
You never look tired of suffering. Deep down, are you?
But no ! when I can't take it anymore, I can't take it anymore, and then there you go!
5
I felt like saying to M. de Cornière: I'm laughing because all the same you couldn't prevent me from going to Heaven; but, for your pain, when I am there I will prevent you from going so soon.
6
Soon I will only speak the language of angels.
7
You will go to Heaven among the Seraphim.
Ah! but, if I go among the Seraphim, I will not do like them, too bad! All cover themselves with their wings before the good Lord; I will be careful not to run from my wings.
8
... My God!... have mercy on
the little fi...fi...daughter!
(Turning around with great difficulty.)
9
- As she caresses her "Theophane" he is well honored!
- It's not honors...
- So what is it?
- It's caresses, finally!
10
... So you have no intuition of the day of your death?
- Ah! my Mother, intuitions! If you only knew how poor I am! I know nothing but what you know; I guess nothing except by what I see and feel. But my soul despite its darkness is in amazing peace.
11
Who on earth loves you best?...
September 25
1
I had reported to him what had been said during recreation, about Mr. Youf who greatly feared death. The sisters had discussed the responsibility of those who have charge of souls and who have lived a long time.
... For the little ones, they will be judged with extreme gentleness. And we can stay small, even in the most formidable loads, even while living a very long time. If I had died at 80, if I would have been in China, everywhere, I would have died, I feel it, as small as today. And it is written that “in the end the Lord will arise to save all the meek and humble of the earth”. He does not say to judge, but to save.
2
She had told me one of those last days of terrible suffering:
O my Mother, it's very easy to write beautiful things about suffering, but to write is nothing, nothing! You have to be there to know!...
I had retained a painful impression of these words when, that day, seeming to remember what she had said to me, she looked at me in a very special and as if solemn way, and pronounced these words:
I feel now that what I said and wrote is true about everything... It's true that I wanted to suffer a lot for the good Lord, and it's true that I still want it.
3
They said to him: Ah! It's terrible what you suffer!
No, it's not awful. A little victim of love cannot find dreadful what her Spouse sends her out of love.
September 26
She no longer had any strength.
Oh ! How overwhelmed I am!...
Looking out the window at a dead leaf detached from the tree and held up in the air by a light thread:
See, it's my image, my life hangs by a thin thread.
After his death, on the very evening of September 30, the leaf which until then had been swaying in the wind, fell to the ground, I picked it up with its spider's thread which still adhered to it.
September 27
Between two and three o'clock, we offered him a drink. She asked for Lourdes water saying:
Up to 3 o'clock, I prefer Lourdes water, it's more pious.
September 28
1
... Mom!... I miss the air of the earth, when will the good Lord give me the air of Heaven?...
... Oh! it has never been so short! (His breathing)
2
My poor little one, you are like the martyrs in the amphitheater; there is nothing more we can do for you!
- Oh ! Yes, just seeing you does me good.
All afternoon she gave us her smiles.
She listened to me carefully when I read to her these passages from the Office of St Michael:
“Archangel Michael came with a multitude of angels. It is to him that God has entrusted the souls of the Saints, so that he may lead them to the joys of Paradise. »
“Archangel Michael, I have made you prince over all souls that must be received. »
She made a sign to me with her hand stretched out towards me, then placed on her heart, that I was there, in her heart.
September 29
1
In the morning she seemed in agony; she had a very painful rattle and could not breathe. The community was called and gathered around his bed to recite the prayers from the Manual. After about an hour, Our Mother dismissed the sisters.
2
At noon, she said to Our Mother:
My Mother, is this agony?... How do I manage to die? I will never know how to die!...
3
I read him several more passages from the Office of St Michael and the prayers for the dying in French. When it was a question of demons, she made a childish gesture as if to threaten them and exclaimed with a smile:
Oh ! Oh !
in a tone that meant: I'm not afraid of it.
4
After the doctor's visit, she said to Our Mother:
Is it today, Mother?
- Yes, my little girl.
One of us then says:
The good Lord is very happy today.
Me too !
If I died immediately, what happiness!
5
... When am I going to be completely suffocated! ... I can't take it anymore! Ah! pray for me! Jesus! Married !
Yes ! I want, I want...
6
Sr. Marie de la Trinité had come, she had told him after a few moments, and very kindly, to leave. When she was gone I said: Poor thing! she loved you so much!
Was I mean to fire her?
And her face took on an expression of sadness, but I quickly reassured her.
7
(6 a.m.) A kind of insect had gotten into her sleeve, they were bothering her to get it out:
Leave, it doesn't matter.
- But yes, you will be stung.
- No, leave, leave, I tell you that I know these little beasts there.
8
I had a violent headache and I closed my eyes in spite of myself while keeping her.
Sleep... and me too!
But she couldn't sleep and said to me:
Oh my Mother, that hurts the nerves!
9
During evening recess.
... Oh! if you knew !
(If you knew what I suffer)
10
I would like to smile at you all the time and turn my back on you! Does it pain you?
(It was during the silence)
11
After Matins when Our Mother came to see her, she had her hands joined and said in a soft and resigned voice:
Yes, my God, yes my God, I want everything!...
- So it's atrocious what you are suffering, said Our Mother?
- No, Mother, not excruciating, but lots and lots...just what I can handle.
She asked to be left alone at night, but Our Mother would not. Sr. Marie du Sacré Coeur and Sr. Geneviève shared this great consolation. I stayed in the cell, very close to the infirmary, which overlooks the cloister.
September 30
Thursday, the day of his precious death.
In the morning I kept her during Mass. She didn't say a word to me. She was exhausted, panting; his sufferings, I guessed, were inexpressible. For a moment, she joined her hands and looking at the statue of the Blessed Virgin:
Oh ! I prayed to her with fervor! But it is pure agony, without any admixture of consolation.
I said a few words of compassion and affection to her and added that she had edified me well during her illness.
- And you, the consolations you have given me! Ah! they are very big!
All day long, without a moment's respite, she remained, one can say without exaggeration, in real torments. She seemed exhausted and yet, to our surprise, she could move, sit up in bed.
... See, she said to us, what strength I have today! No, I'm not going to die! I still have for months, maybe years!
- And if the good Lord wanted it, said Our Mother, would you accept it?
She began to answer, in her anguish:
It should be...
But recovering herself immediately, she said with an accent of sublime resignation as she fell back on her pillows:
I want it a lot !
I was able to collect these exclamations, but it is quite impossible to render their accent:
I no longer believe in death for myself... I no longer believe in anything but suffering... Well, so much the better!
Oh my God !...
I love the good Lord!
O my good Blessed Virgin, come to my aid!
If this is agony, what is death? !...
Ah! my good God!... Yes, it is very good, I find it very good...
Looking at the Blessed Virgin:
Oh ! you know I'm suffocating!
To me :
If you only knew what it is to suffocate!
- The good Lord is going to help you, my poor little one, and it will soon be over.
- Yes, but when,
- ... My God, have mercy on your poor little girl! Have pity!
To Our Mother:
O my Mother, I assure you that the chalice is full to the brim!...
... But the good Lord is not going to abandon me, of course...
...He never left me.
... Yes, my God, whatever you want, but have mercy on me!
... My little sisters! my little sisters, pray for me!
... My God ! my God ! You who are so good! ! !
... Oh ! yes, you are good! I know it...
After Vespers, Our Mother placed on her lap an image of Our Lady of Mount Carmel.
She looked at her for a moment and said, when Our Mother had assured her that she would soon caress the Blessed Virgin like the Child Jesus in this image:
O my Mother, present me quickly to the Blessed Virgin, I am a baby who can't take it anymore!... Prepare me to die well.
Our Mother answered him that having always understood and practiced humility, his preparation was made. She thought for a moment and humbly said these words:
Yes, it seems to me that I have never sought anything but the truth; yes, I understood the humility of the heart... It seems to me that I am humble.
She repeated again:
Everything I wrote about my desires for suffering. Oh ! it's still quite true!
... And I do not repent of having given myself up to The Love.
Insistently :
Oh ! no, I don't regret it, on the contrary!
A bit later :
I would never have believed that it was possible to suffer so much! Never ! Never ! I can only explain this to myself by the ardent desires I have had to save souls.
Around 5 o'clock, I was alone with her. His face changed suddenly, I understood that it was the last agony.
When the Community entered the infirmary, she greeted all the sisters with a sweet smile. She held her Crucifix and looked at it constantly.
For more than two hours, a terrible rattle tore his chest. Her face was congested, her hands purple, her feet were frozen and her whole body was shaking. Abundant sweat beaded in huge drops on his forehead and trickled down his cheeks. She was in an ever-increasing oppression and sometimes uttered small involuntary cries for breath.
During this time so full of anguish for us, we heard through the window - and I suffered a lot from it - a whole warbling of robins, and other small birds, but so loud, so close and for so long! I prayed to God to silence them, this concert pierced my heart and I was afraid it would tire our poor little Thérèse.
At one moment her mouth seemed so dry that Sr. Geneviève, thinking of relieving her, placed a small piece of ice on her lips. She accepted it with a smile that I will never forget. It was like a final farewell.
At 6 o'clock, when the Angelus rang, she looked at the statue of the Blessed Virgin for a long time.
Finally at 7 o'clock and a few minutes, Our Mother having dismissed the community, she sighed:
My mother ! Isn't it agony again?... Am I not going to die?...
- Yes, my poor little one, it's agony, but the good Lord perhaps wants to prolong it for a few hours.
She resumed courageously:
Well!...let's go!...Let's go!...
Oh ! I wouldn't want to suffer any less...
And looking at his Crucifix:
Oh ! I love it !......................
my god... i love you...
Suddenly, after saying these words, she gently fell backwards, her head tilted to the right. Our Mother quickly rang the bell of the infirmary to recall the Community.
- "Open all the doors" she said at the same time. This word had something solemn about it, and made me think that in Heaven the good Lord also said it to his angels.
The sisters had time to kneel around the bed and witnessed the ecstasy of the dying little saint. Her face had regained the lily complexion it had in full health, her eyes were staring up bright with peace and joy. She made certain beautiful movements of her head, as if Someone had divinely wounded her with an arrow of love, then withdrawn the arrow to wound her again...
Sr. Marie of the Eucharist approached with a torch to see more closely her sublime gaze. In the light of this torch, there appeared no movement of his eyelids. This ecstasy lasted almost the space of a Credo, and she breathed her last.
After his death, she kept a celestial smile. She was ravishingly beautiful. She held her Crucifix so tightly that it had to be snatched from her hands to be buried. Sr Marie du Sacré-Coeur and I fulfilled this office with Sr Aimée de Jesus and noticed that she was no more than 12 to 13 years old.
His limbs remained flexible until his burial on Monday, October 4, 1897.
Appendix
[See Words found]
September 30st
... All my little desires have been realized... So this big one (to die of love) will have to be!
In the afternoon :
Ah! what strength I have today!... I have enough for months! And tomorrow, every day, it will be even worse!...
... Well ! so much the better !
.................................................
I can't breathe, I can't die!...
... I will never know how to die!...........................
... Yes, my God!... Yes!.............
...I still want to suffer..........
Around 5 o'clock, Mother Marie de Gonzague dropped her relics of B. Theophane and Mother Anne of Jesus which were pinned to her curtain, on the right. They were picked up and she gave them a little caress.
Important note.
When my holy little Thérèse said to me, on July 16, 1897: "You know all the recesses of my little soul, you alone..." I am sure that, in her mind, she did not exclude from this complete knowledge of her soul, Sr Marie of the Sacred Heart and Sr Geneviève of the Holy Face. Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart to whom she owed the smile of the Blessed Virgin, and who had prepared her for her First Communion, to whom we still owe the marvelous response of her goddaughter on Sept. 17, 1896. Sr. Geneviève de the Holy Face, her Céline whom she called so sweetly: “the sweet echo of my soul. »
But she was inspired by the good Lord to say this to me very particularly, so that later, because of the authority which would be given to me, one could completely trust what I said and wrote about her.
Sr Agnes of Jesus
cdi ]
