Therese's health
From April 3, Thérèse was seriously ill. She has fever and indigestion every day and starts coughing a lot. It is treated with blisters, a kind of poultice that causes blisters on the skin, which can last up to twelve hours and are very painful. It was on April 6 that Mother Agnès began to collect her last words on small pieces of paper which she would later copy into what is called the Yellow Notebook.
The 6 April
1
When we are misunderstood and judged unfavourably, why defend ourselves, explain ourselves? Let's drop it, say nothing, it's so sweet not to say anything, to let yourself be judged anyhow! We do not see in the Gospel that Saint Madeleine explained herself when her sister accused her of standing at the feet of Jesus without doing anything. She did not say: “O Marthe, if you knew the happiness I taste, if you heard the words I hear! And then it was Jesus who told me to stay there.” No, she preferred to be silent. O blessed silence which gives so much peace to the soul!
2
"Let the sword of the spirit which is the word of God abide in our mouths and in our hearts forever." If we are struggling with an unpleasant soul, do not be discouraged, never let it go. Let us always have "the sword of the spirit" in our mouths to correct her for her wrongs; let's not let things go to preserve our rest; still fight even without hope of winning the battle. What does success matter? What the good Lord asks of us is not to dwell on the fatigues of the struggle, it is not to be discouraged by saying: “Too bad! there is nothing to be gained from it, it is to be abandoned.” Oh ! that is cowardice; you have to do your duty to the end.
[3 See Words Found
Ah! as nothing should be judged on earth. This is what happened to me at recess a few months ago. It's a trifle, but that taught me a lot.
Two strokes were rung, and the Custodian being absent, my Sr Thérèse of St Augustin needed a third. Usually, it's boring to serve as a third party, but this time I was more tempted, because we had to open the door to receive the tree branches for the nativity scene.
Sr. Marie de S. Joseph was next to me and I guessed that she shared my childish desire. - "Who is going to serve as my third party?" said my Sr Thérèse of St Augustin. - Immediately, I undid our apron, but slowly, so that my Sr Marie de St Joseph would be ready before me and take the place, which happened. Then, Sr Thérèse of St Augustin said, laughing and looking at me: “Hey! well it is my Sr M. of St J. who will have this pearl in her crown. You were going too slowly. I only replied with a smile and went back to work, saying to myself: “O my God, how different your judgments are from those of men! This is how we often deceive ourselves on earth, taking for imperfection in our sisters what is deserved before you! »]
The 7 April
I asked him how I would die, letting him see my apprehensions. She answered me with a smile full of tenderness:
"The good Lord will pump you like a little dewdrop..."
The 18 April
1
She had just confided in me some very painful humiliations which had been given to her by sisters.
“The good Lord thus gives me all the means to remain very small; but that is what is needed; I am always happy; I arrange myself, even in the midst of the storm, so as to keep myself very peaceful within. If I am told of fights against the sisters, I try not to get excited in my turn against this one or that one. It is necessary, for example, that, while listening, I can look out of the window and internally enjoy the view of the sky, of the trees... Do you understand? Just now, during my struggle over Sr X. I watched with pleasure the beautiful magpies frolicking in the meadow, and I was as at peace as in prayer... I fought well with ... I'm very tired! but I am not afraid of war. It is the will of the good Lord that I fight until death. Oh ! my little Mother, pray for me! »
2
... Me when I pray for you, I don't say Pater nor Ave, I simply say with a surge of the heart: "O my God, fill my little Mother with all kinds of goods, love her more, if you can."
3
I was very young when my aunt gave me a story to read which surprised me greatly. I saw, in fact, that they hired a mistress of boarding school, because she knew how to get out of trouble without hurting anyone. I especially noticed this sentence: “She said to this one: You are not wrong; to this one: You are right. And I thought to myself: That's not right! This mistress there, she should have feared nothing and told her little girls that they were wrong when it was true.
And now I haven't changed my mind. I have much more misery, I admit, because it's always so easy to put the fault on the absent, and that immediately calms the one who complains. Yes, but... it's quite the opposite that I do. If I'm not loved, too bad! I'm telling the whole truth, don't come find me if you don't want to know.
4
Goodness must not degenerate into weakness. When one has scolded with justice, one must leave it at that, without allowing oneself to be touched to the point of tormenting oneself at having caused pain, at seeing suffering and crying. To run after the afflicted to console her is to do her more harm than good. To leave her to herself is to force her to have recourse to the good Lord to see her faults and to humble herself. Otherwise, accustomed as she would be to receiving consolation after a deserved scolding, she would still act, under the same circumstances, like a spoiled child who stamps her feet and cries until her mother comes to wipe away her tears.
