Therese's health
At the beginning of July 1897, Thérèse was exhausted. Hemoptysis (blood coughing) resumed almost daily from July 6 (and will last until August 5). On July 7, she was suffocating, very weak and had a high fever. She looks dying. She suffers, “but not to shout about it”. It is treated with “gentle remedies”: ice to stop haemoptysis, pancreatin to digest milk, mustard flour-based poultices, suction cups, etc. Doctor de Cornière diagnoses him with an injury to his right lung and forbids him to move.
On July 8, she went down to the infirmary. Losing weight day by day, she suffers from stomach aches, headaches, heartaches and diarrhoea. She can no longer eat fruit. The doctor diagnoses her with a congestion in the upper right lung up to the shoulder: she is lost unless there is a miracle.
On July 25, she gets up for another two hours a day, but on July 28 the “great suffering” begins. Besides her continual hemoptysis, she is suffocating and too oppressed to speak. On July 30, she received extreme unction and communion viaticum from Canon Maupas.
July 2
July 2, 1897
She went for the last time before the Blessed Sacrament at the Oratory in the afternoon; but she was exhausted. I saw her looking at the Host for a long time and I guessed that it was without any consolation but with a lot of peace in the bottom of my heart.
I remember that the morning after Mass, when the Community went to the Oratory for thanksgiving, no one thought to support it. She walked close to the wall very slowly. I didn't dare offer him my arm.
July 3
1
One of our friends had died and Doctor de Corniere had spoken to her of her illness, a kind of tumor which he had been unable to define exactly. This case interested him greatly from a medical point of view. "What a pity," he said, "that I couldn't do the autopsy!" »
She then said to me:
Ah! This is how we are indifferent to each other on earth! Would we say the same thing if it were a mother or a sister? Oh ! How I would like to leave this sad world!
2
I confided to him my thoughts of sadness and discouragement after a fault.
... You don't do like me. When I have committed a fault that makes me sad, I know very well that this sadness is the consequence of my infidelity. But do you believe that I stop there? ! Oh ! no, not so stupid! I hasten to say to God: My God, I know that this feeling of sadness I deserved it, but let me offer it to you all the same, as a test that you send me out of love. I regret my sin, but I am happy to have this suffering to offer you.
3
How is it that you want to die with your trial against the unceasing faith?
Ah! but, I do believe in the Thief! Everything bears on the sky. How strange and incoherent!
4
As the milk hurt her and she couldn't take anything else at that time, Mr. de C. had indicated a kind of condensed milk which was to be found at the chemist's under the name of “maternized milk”. For various reasons this prescription made her sad and, when she saw the bottles arrive, she began to cry bitterly.
In the afternoon, she felt the need to come out of herself and said to us with a sad and sweet air:
I need food for my soul; read me a saint's life.
Do you want the life of St Francis of Assisi? It will distract you when he talks about the little birds.
No, not to distract me, but to have examples of humility.
5
When you're dead, they'll put a palm in your hand.
Yes, but I'll have to let her go when I want, to give my little Mother lavish graces. I will have to do whatever pleases me.
6
(The evening)
Until the saints who abandon me! I asked St Antoine, during Matins, to make me find our handkerchief which I had lost. Do you believe he answered me? He got away with it! But it doesn't matter, I told him that I liked him all the same.
7
During Matins, I saw the stars shine, then I heard the service, I liked it.
(His cell window was open.)
July 4
1
The good Lord helped me, and I got over my sadness about formula milk...
2
(The evening)
Our Lord died on the Cross, in anguish, and yet here is the most beautiful death of love. It is the only one we have seen, we have not seen that of the Blessed Virgin. To die of love is not to die in transport. I confess to you frankly, it seems to me that this is what I feel.
3
Oh ! how I foresee you will suffer!
What does it do! the suffering may reach extreme limits, but I am sure that the good Lord will never abandon me.
4
I am very grateful to Fr. Alexis, he did me a lot of good. Father Pichon treated me too much like a child; however, he also did me good by telling me that I had not committed a mortal sin.
July 5
1
I told her about my weaknesses, she said to me:
I also have weaknesses, but I'm happy about them. Nor do I always put myself above the nothings of the earth; for example, I will be teased for something stupid that I have said or done. So I return to myself and say to myself: Alas! I am therefore still at the same point as before! But I tell myself this with great gentleness and without sadness. It's so sweet to feel weak and small!
2
Don't be sad to see me sick, my little Mother, because you see how happy God makes me. I am always cheerful and happy.
3
After looking at an image that represents Our Lord with two little children, the youngest of whom is on his knees and the other at his feet, kissing his hand:
I am that tiny little one who climbed onto Jesus' lap, who pulls his little leg so gently, who raises his little head and caresses him without fearing anything. I don't like the other little one so much. He stands like a big person; we told him something... he knows that we owe respect to Jesus...
July 6
1
She had just coughed up blood. I said to him: So you are going to leave us?!
But no ! Monsieur l'Abbé said to me: "You will have a great sacrifice to make by leaving your sisters." I answered him: “But, Father, I find that I will not leave them; on the contrary, I will be even closer to them after my death.”
2
I think that for my death, it will be the same patience to have as for the other great events of my life. Look: I entered Carmel young, and yet, after everything was decided, it took 3 months; for my taking of the Habit, the same thing; for my Profession, the same again. Well, for my death, it will be the same, it will arrive soon, but it will still have to wait.
3
When I will be in Heaven, I will move towards the good Lord, like Sr Elisabeth's little niece in front of the parlor gate - You know, when she recited her compliment and ended with a bow, raising her arms and saying: "The happiness for all those I love.” -
The good Lord will say to me: "What do you want my little girl?" And I will answer: "Happiness for all those I love." I will do the same before all the saints.
You are very cheerful today, one feels that you are seeing the Thief.
Yes, every time I'm sicker, I see him again. But even if I wouldn't see him, I love him so much that I'm always happy with what he does. I wouldn't love him any less if he didn't come and rob me, on the contrary... When he cheats on me, I pay him all sorts of compliments, he doesn't know what to do with me anymore.
4
I read a beautiful passage in Reflections on Imitation. It's a thought of M. de Lamennais - too bad! - it's beautiful all the same. (She believed and we too that this Abbé de Lamennais had died in impenitence.)
Our Lord in the Garden of Olives enjoyed all the delights of the Trinity, and yet his agony was no less cruel. It's a mystery, but I assure you that I understand something of it by what I experience myself.
5
I put a lamp in front of the Virgin of the Smile to make sure she didn't continue to spit blood.
So you're not happy that I'm dying! Ah! to rejoice, I would have had to continue spitting blood. But that's it for today!
6
8:XNUMX a.m. I brought him his flashlight, which had been forgotten to be brought up to him. I had done him other small favors. She was very touched and said to me:
You have always acted thus with me... I cannot express my gratitude to you.
Wiping away her tears:
I cry, because I am so touched by what you have done for me since my childhood.
Oh ! all I owe you! But when I'll be in Heaven, I'll tell the truth, I'll tell the Saints: It's my little Mother who gave me everything you like about me.
7
When will the Last Judgment come? Oh ! How I wish I were at that moment! And what will be after? !...
8
I make a lot of small sacrifices...
July 7
1
of the Thief? This time he is at the door!
No, he's not at the door, he's entered. But what are you saying, my little Mother! If I am afraid of the Thief! How can I be afraid of someone I love so much? !
2
I asked him to tell me again what had happened to him after his offering to the Love. First she says to me:
My little mother, I entrusted it to you the same day; but you didn't pay attention to it.
(Indeed, I seemed to attach no importance to it.)
Well, I was beginning my Stations of the Cross, and all of a sudden, I was seized with such a violent love for the good God that I can only explain it by saying that it was as if I had been plunged entirely into the fire. Oh ! what fire and what sweetness at the same time! I was burning with love and I felt that for a minute, a second longer, I couldn't have endured this ardor without dying. I understood then what the saints say about these states that they have experienced so often. For me, I only experienced it once and for a single moment, then I immediately fell back into my usual dryness.
A bit later :
From the age of 14, I also had outbursts of love; ah! how I loved the good Lord! But it wasn't at all like after my offering to The Love, it wasn't a real flame that burned me.
3
These sayings of Job: "Even if God kills me, I will still hope in him", delighted me from my childhood. But I was a long time before establishing myself at this degree of abandonment. Now here I am; the good Lord put me there, he took me in his arms and put me there...
4
I asked him to say a few words of edification and kindness to M. de Cornière.
Ah! my dear Mother, she's not my little type... Let Mr. de Cornière think what he wants. I only like simplicity, I hate "feigning". I assure you that to do as you wish would be wrong of me.
5
Finally, I have the effect of being completely ill. I will never forget the scene this morning when I was coughing up blood; M. de Cornière looked dismayed.
6
See, it is for you that the good Lord treats me so gently. No blistering, only gentle remedies. I suffer, but it's not to shout.
After a moment, mischievously:
Yet He sent us trials to "cry out"...and we didn't "cry out" anyway...
(She was referring to our great family trial.)
As for the 'sweet remedies', they were not always so and his sufferings became terrible.
7
I'm like a poor “little gray wolf” who longs to return to his forest and who is forced to live in houses.
(Our good father, at Les Buissonnets, sometimes called him "my little gray wolf".)
8
I just saw a little sparrow on the wall waiting patiently, with a little cry from time to time, for its parents to come and pick it up and give it a bite to eat, I thought I looked like it.
9
I told him that I liked compliments:
I will remember it in Heaven...
July 8
1
She was so ill that people were talking about Extreme Unction. That day she was taken down from her cell to the infirmary. She could no longer support herself, she had to be carried. Still in her cell and seeing that they were thinking of giving her Extreme Unction, she said in a tone of joyful surprise:
It seems to me that I am dreaming!... Finally, they are not mad...
(M. l'Abbé Youf and M. de Cornière.)
I'm only afraid of one thing, and that is that things will change.
2
She wanted to seek with me the sins that she might have committed through her senses in order to accuse herself of them before Extreme Unction. We were at the smell, she said to me:
I remember that on my last trip from Alençon to Lisieux, I used a bottle of eau de cologne that Madame Tifenne had given me and it was with pleasure.
3
We all wanted to talk to him.
Lots of people with something to say!
4
She was overflowing with joy and did her best to communicate it to us.
If, when I'm in Heaven, I can't come and play little tricks on earth for you, I'll go and cry in a little “toin”.
5
To me :
You have a long nose, it will smell good to you later...
6¬
Looking at his wasted hands:
It's already becoming a skeleton, that's what "pleases" me.
7
You don't know: I will soon be a “dying”.
... It strikes me as a greasy pole; I made more than one slide, then, suddenly, here I am at the top!
8
I prefer to be reduced to powder than to be preserved like Saint Catherine of Bologna. I only know St Crispin who came out of the tomb with honor.
The body of this saint is admirably preserved in his Convent of the Franciscans in Rome.
9
Speaking to herself:
It's something to be there dying!... What does it matter after all! I have indeed been agonized by stupidities sometimes...
10
With a serious and gentle air, I no longer remember on what occasion, but I know that she had been misunderstood: The Blessed Virgin did well to keep everything in her "little" heart... You can't blame me for doing like her...
11
The little angels had a lot of fun playing little pranks on me... They all practiced hiding the light that showed me my approaching end.
Did they hide the Blessed Virgin too?
No, the Blessed Virgin will never be hidden from me, because I love her too much.
12
I really want Extreme Unction, too bad if they laugh at me afterwards.
(If she returned to health, because she knew that some sisters did not find her in mortal danger.)
13
Oh ! I will certainly cry when I see the good Lord!... No, however, one cannot cry in Heaven... But yes, since he said: "I will wipe all the tears from your eyes."
14
I offer you my little fruits of joy just as the good Lord gives them to me.
In Heaven I will obtain many graces for those who have done me good. For little Mother, everything. Not everything will even be able to serve you, there will be a lot to “delight” you.
15
If you only knew how sweet the good Lord will be for me! But if he's a little not sweet, I'll find him still sweet... If I go to Purgatory, I'll be very happy; I will do like the three Hebrews in the furnace, I will walk in the flames singing the canticle of Love. Oh ! how happy I would be if, by going to purgatory, I could free other souls, suffer in their place, because then I would do good, I would free the captives.
16
She warned me that, later, a large number of young priests, knowing that she had been given as a spiritual sister to two missionaries, would ask for the same favor here. She warns me that this could become a great danger.
Anyone would write what I write and receive the same compliments, the same confidence. It is through prayer and sacrifice that we can only be useful to the Church. Correspondence must be very rare and it must not be allowed at all to certain nuns who would be preoccupied with it, would believe they were doing wonders, and would in reality only hurt their souls and perhaps fall into the subtle traps of the devil.
Further emphasizing:
My Mother, what I have just told you is very important, please don't forget it later. In Carmel, one must not make counterfeit money to buy souls... And often the nice words that one writes and the nice words that one receives are an exchange of counterfeit money.
17
To make us laugh:
I would like to be put in a little gennin box, not in beer.
She was playing on the word “beer”. We had sent to the Carmel some pretty artificial flowers in long and very well-packaged boxes, from Maison Gennin in Paris.
18
... It makes it so good to have pain, it makes you be regular and charitable.
July 9
1
She didn't want sadness around her, nor in my uncle.
I want them all to have a "wedding party" at the Musse. I do the spiritual wedding all day.
She's not happy at this wedding.
I find her very cheerful.
2
My Sister Geneviève will need me... But for the rest, I will come back.
3
After Our Father's visit, I told her that she had not done well to obtain administration, that she no longer looked sick at all when she received visits.
I don't know the job!
4
... Would like to leave!...
5
You will undoubtedly die on July 16, feast of Our Lady of M. Carmel, or on August 6, feast of the Holy Face.
Eat "dates" as much as you want, I don't want to eat them anymore... I was too caught up in dates.
6
... Why should I be more protected than another from being afraid of death? I do not say like St. Peter: "I will never give you up."
7
We spoke of holy poverty:
Holy Poverty! How funny is a saint who will not go to Heaven!
8
I had trouble:
My love should console you.
To those who attended:
I'm going to make do with my little Mother.
In the evening, on my own:
... Oh ! come on, I'm not mistaken, I know very well that everything you do for me is out of love...
9
A mouse had been taken from his infirmary; she told us a whole story, asking us to bring her the injured mouse, that she would lay it down beside her and have it examined by the doctor. We laughed heartily and she was glad to have distracted us.
July 10
1
... Little children are not to be damned.
2
What you have written may one day reach the Holy Father.
Laughing :
And nunc et semper!
3
Showing me with a childlike gesture the image of the Blessed Virgin breastfeeding baby Jesus: Only that is good lolo, you have to tell Mr. de Cornière.
4
It was Saturday and she had coughed up blood at midnight.
The Thief, he made his mother a thief... So she came at midnight to force the Thief to unhide himself; or else she came alone, if the Thief did not want to come.
5
I won't be extended a minute longer than the Thief wants.
6
to me alone
You're worrying too much about things that aren't worth it.
7
smiling
... When you've done something like that, it's still very naughty, it's that you're too afraid of the consequences...
8
You are like a fearful little bird that has never lived among men, you are always afraid of being taken. I have never feared anyone; I always went where I wanted... I would have rather slipped between their legs...
9
Holding her Crucifix after having kissed it at 3 o'clock, she pretended to want to remove the crown and the nails.
10
Returning to the accident of the night, she says in a charming way: looking at the image of the Virgin-Mother attached to the bottom of her bed on the curtain:
The Blessed Virgin is not a thief by nature... but since she had her Son, he taught her the trade...
After a break:
However, baby Jesus is still too small to have these ideas... He hardly thinks of flying on his Mother's breast... Yes! he is already thinking about it, he knows very well that he will come to rob me.
At what age ?
At 24 years old.
11
We were talking about death and the contractions that often occur at this time on the face. She resumed: If it happens to me, don't be sad, because immediately afterwards I will only smile.
My Sister Geneviève looked at the lid of a baptism box saying that the pretty head she saw there would serve as a model for an angel's head. Our little Thérèse wanted to see it, but no one thought to show it to her and she didn't ask. I learned that later.
12
What shall I think as I gaze out the window of your cell when you have left the earth? I will have a heavy heart.
Ah! You will think that I am very happy, that there I struggled and suffered a lot... I would have been happy to die there.
13
(During Matins.)
It occurs to her that she is not seriously ill, that the doctor is mistaken about her condition. She entrusts me with her proofs and adds:
If my soul was not completely filled in advance by abandonment to the will of the good God, if it had to let itself be overwhelmed by the feelings of joy or sadness which follow one another so quickly on earth, it would be a bitter flood of pain and I couldn't bear it. But these alternatives only touch the surface of my soul... Ah! Yet these are great trials!
14
I don't think it's the Blessed Virgin who's playing these tricks on me!... She's forced by God! so... He told her to test me so that I would give her more testimonies of abandonment and love.
15
to me alone
... You are always there, to comfort me... You fill my last days with sweetness.
July 11
1
She recites the whole stanza:
“Since the Son of God wanted his Mother”
Was subjected to the night, to the anguish of the heart,
So, is it a good thing to suffer on earth?
etc . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .
So you no longer see the "Thief"?
But yes, I see it! You do not understand ! She is quite free not to rob me. Ah! “I looked to my right... and there is no one who knows me”... only God can understand me.
2
During Matins
She spoke to me of her prayers of the past, in the evening during the summer silence, and told me that she had understood then by experience what a "theft of the spirit" was. She told me about another grace of this kind received in the grotto of Ste Madeleine, in the month of July 1889, a grace which was followed by several days of 'quietude'.
... There was like a veil thrown for me over all things on earth... I was completely hidden under the veil of the Blessed Virgin. At that time, I had been put in charge of the refectory and I remember that I did things as if not doing them, it was as if I had been lent a body. I stayed like that for a whole week.
3
I spoke to him about the manuscript of his Life, about the good it would do to souls.
... But as we will see that everything comes from the good God; and what I will have of glory, it will be a free gift which will not belong to me; everyone will see it...
4
She spoke to me of the Communion of Saints and explained to me how the goods of some will be the goods of others.
... As a mother is proud of her children, so shall we be of each other without the slightest jealousy.
5
Alas! how little I have lived! Life has always seemed very short to me. My childhood days, it seems like yesterday.
6
One might think that it is because I have not sinned that I have such great confidence in the good God. Say well, my Mother, that if I had committed all possible crimes, I would still have the same confidence, I feel that all this multitude of offenses would be like a drop of water thrown into a burning brazier. You will then tell the story of the converted sinner who died of love; souls will understand immediately, because it is such a striking example of what I would like to say, but these things cannot be expressed.
7
In the evening, she repeated these verses from "La jeune poitrinaire" I believe. She did it with such a sweet air...
... My days are doomed, I will leave the earth
I will bid you farewell without hope of return;
You who loved me, beautiful tutelary Angel,
Let your gentle glances of love fall on me.
When you see the dead leaves falling, falling
If you loved me, you will pray to God for me.
8
... Very great peace in my soul... My little boat is refloated. I know I won't get over it, but I'm resigned to staying sick for several months, as long as God wills.
9
How the good Lord has favored you! What do you think of this predilection?
I think “the Spirit of God blows where it wills”.
July 12
1
She told me that in the past she had had to endure a tough fight over a night light to prepare for the family of Mother Marie de Gonzague who had just arrived unexpectedly to sleep with the port sisters. The struggle was so violent and such thoughts came to her against authority that, in order not to succumb to them, she had to earnestly implore God's help. At the same time, she applied her best to what had been asked of her. It was during the evening silence. She was a porter and Sr St Rapahël was her first job.
To overcome myself, I thought I was preparing the night light for the Blessed Virgin and the Child Jesus; so I did it with incredible care, leaving not a speck of dust, and little by little I felt a great relief and a great sweetness. Matins rang and I could not go immediately, but I felt in such a disposition, I had received such a grace that if my Sr St Raphaël had come and told me, for example, that I had made a mistake lamp, that it was necessary to prepare another, it is with happiness that I would have obeyed him. From that day on, I resolved never to consider whether the things ordered seemed useful to me or not.
2
Sr. Marie of the Eucharist said that I was admirable...
... Admirable mother! Oh ! no, rather loving Mother, because love is better than admiration.
3
To Mother Marie de Gonzague:
Nothing is in the hands. Everything I have, everything I earn is for the Church and souls. If I live to be 80, I will always be poor.
July 13
1
I can clearly see that I will have to watch over the fruits when I am in Heaven, but I mustn't kill the little birds, or you won't be given alms.
Waving the arm gently towards the image of baby Jesus:
Yes yes !...
2
The good Lord will have to do all my will in Heaven, because I have never done my will on earth.
3
You will be watching us from Heaven, won't you?
No, I will come down!
4
During the night she had composed the couplet for Communion:
You who know, etc.
In this regard, she said to me:
I composed it very easily, it's extraordinary; I thought I could no longer write poetry.
5
I do not say: “If it is hard to live in Carmel, it is sweet to die there” but: “If it is sweet to live in Carmel, it is even sweeter to die there.”
6
The doctor had found her better than usual.
Then holding her side from which she suffered a lot:
Yes, yes, it's better than usual!...
7
It seemed to me that she had a heavy heart, despite her cheerful and happy air, and I said to her:
It's not to sadden us that you put on this air and say cheerful words, isn't it?
...I always act without "pretty"...
8
They offered him wine from Baudon.
I no longer want the wine of the earth...I want to drink new wine in my Father's kingdom.
9
... When my Sr. Geneviève came to the parlor, I couldn't tell her everything I wanted in half an hour. So, during the week, when I had a light or if I regretted having forgotten to say something to her, I asked the good Lord to let her know and understand what I was thinking, and, at the next visit, she was just telling me what I had asked the good Lord to let him know.
... At the beginning, when she was in pain and I had not been able to console her, I went away heartbroken, but I soon understood that it was not I who could console a soul; and then I had no more sorrow when she had gone away very sad. I asked the good Lord to make up for my impotence and I felt that he was answering me; I realized it in the visiting room after... Since that time, when I involuntarily caused pain, I ask God to make amends and I no longer torment myself.
10
I ask you to make an act of love to the good God and an invocation to all the saints; they are all my “little” relatives up there.
11
... I would like someone to buy me three little savages: a little Marie-Louis-Martin, a little Marie-Théophane; a little girl between the two who is called Marie-Cécile.
After a while :
A little Marie-Thérèse and more.
(Instead of letting money be spent buying crowns after he dies.)
12
She spoke to me again of the Communion of Saints.
... With virgins we will be like virgins; with doctors like doctors; with the martyrs like the martyrs, because all the Saints are our parents; but those who have followed the path of spiritual childhood will always retain the charms of childhood.
(She developed these thoughts for me)
13
... Since my childhood, the good Lord gave me the deep feeling that I would die young.
14
...Looking at me tenderly:
You have a face!... "worse"... you will always have it... I will recognize you well, come on!
15
The good Lord has always made me want what he wanted to give me.
16
The three of us:
Don't think that when I'll be in Heaven I'll drop roasted larks in your beak... That's not what I got nor what I wanted to have. You may have great trials, but I will send you lights that will make you appreciate and love them. You will be obliged to say like me: "Lord, you fill us with joy by all that you do."
17
Don't imagine that I feel a lively joy in dying, as, for example, I once felt in going to spend a month at Trouville or Alencon; I no longer know what lively joys are. Besides, I don't make fun of enjoying, that's not what attracts me. I cannot think much of the happiness that awaits me in Heaven; a single expectation makes my heart beat, it is the love that I will receive and the one that I will be able to give. And then I think of all the good that I would like to do after my death: to have the little children baptized, to help the priests, the missionaries, the whole Church...
...but first console my little sisters...
... Tonight I heard music in the distance and I thought that soon I would hear incomparable melodies, but this feeling of joy was only temporary.
18
I asked him to tell me about his jobs at Carmel.
As soon as I entered the Carmel, I was put in the linen room with Mother Sub-prioress (Sr Marie des Anges), I also had the stairs and the dormitory to sweep.
... I remember that it cost me a great deal to ask Our Mistress to make mortifications in the refectory, but I never yielded to my repugnance, it seemed to me that the crucifix in the courtyard which I saw through the window of the lingerie turned to me to ask me for this sacrifice.
That's when I was going to pull grass at 4:XNUMX. ½, which displeased Our Mother.
After my habit, I was put in the refectory until the age of 18, I swept it and I put the water and the beer. At the Quarante-Heures in 1891, I was placed in the sacristy with my Sr St Stanislas. From the month of June of the following year, I was unemployed for two months, that is to say, during this time I painted the angels of the oratory and I was third of the depositary. After these two months I was put on the wheel with my Sr St Raphaël, while keeping the painting. These two jobs until the elections of 1896 when I asked to help my Sr M. de St Joseph in the laundry, under the circumstances that you know...
She then told me how she was found to be slow, undevoted in her duties, that I myself believed it; and, in fact, we remembered together how much I scolded her for a tablecloth from the refectory which she had kept for a long time in her basket without mending it. I accused him of negligence and I was wrong, because it was time that he had missed. This time, without apologizing at all, she had cried a lot, seeing me saddened and very unhappy... Is it possible!!!
She told me again what she had suffered in the refectory with me (I was her first job then) not being able to tell me her little things as before, because she did not have permission to do so, and for d other reasons...
So much so that you had come to no longer know me, she added.
She told me of the violence she used to remove the cobwebs from the black hole of St. Alexis under the stairs (she hated spiders) and a thousand other details which proved to me how faithful she had been in everything and everything. what she had suffered without anyone suspecting it.
July 14
1
I read long ago that the Israelites built the walls of Jerusalem, working with one hand and holding a sword with the other. This is what we must do: not devote ourselves entirely to the work...etc.
2
If I had been rich, it would have been impossible for me to see a poor man hungry without immediately giving him some of my goods. So as I gain some spiritual treasure, feeling that at the same moment souls are in danger of being lost and falling into hell, I give them all that I possess, and I have not yet found a moment to say to myself: Now I am going to work for myself.
3
She began to repeat with a heavenly air and accent the stanza of "Remember" which begins with these words:
Remember that your holy will
Is my rest, my only happiness.
4
It's not worth it to seem (to die of love) as long as it is!
5
I have always liked what the good Lord has given me, to the point that if he had given me the choice, that is what I would have chosen, even the things that seem to me less good and less beautiful than what others had.
6
Oh ! what a poison of praises I have seen served to the Mother Prioress! How a soul must be detached and elevated above itself in order not to experience any harm!
7
During her visit, the doctor had restored a little hope, but she no longer felt any pain and said to us:
I'm used to it now! But what does it matter to me to stay ill for a long time! It is to spare you anguish that I would like this to be done quickly.
8
Oh ! I love you very much, my little Mother!
9
My heart is full of God's will, so when you pour something over it, it doesn't get inside; it's nothing that slides easily, like oil that can't mix with water. I always remain deep down in a deep peace that nothing can disturb.
10
Looking at his wasted hands:
Oh ! what joy I experience in seeing myself destroying myself!
July 15
1
You may die tomorrow, (Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel) after Communion.
Oh ! that wouldn't sound like my little way. Would I therefore leave it to die? Dying of love after Communion is too beautiful for me; little souls couldn't impersonate that.
Provided only that no accident happens to me tomorrow morning! It's things like this that can happen to me: Impossible to give me Communion, God forced to go back; do you see that!
2
She spoke to me of Bx Théophane Vénard who had not been able to receive Holy Communion at the time of his death, and heaved a deep sigh...
3
We had made preparations for his Communion the following day. Sr. M. Philomène's nephew was to enter after his first Mass at Carmel to give him Communion; but seeing her more ill, we were afraid of a spitting of blood after midnight and asked her to pray so that nothing untoward comes to hinder our plans. She replied:
You know very well that I can't ask... but you ask it for me... Well, this evening, I asked God all the same to please my little sisters, so that the Community don't be disappointed, but deep down I tell him just the opposite, I tell him to do whatever he wants...
4
Seeing us adorn the infirmary:
Ah! how much trouble one takes to get everything ready! How good are the feasts of the earth! To the little first communicants, they bring their beautiful white dress in the morning, they only have to put it on; all the trouble we have taken for them is hidden from them, they have only joy. It's not the same when you grow up...
5
She told me the following trait, the memory of which remained with her like a grace:
Sr Marie of the Eucharist wanted to light the candles for a procession; she had no match, but seeing the small lamp burning in front of the relics, she approaches it. Alas! she finds it half extinguished, only a faint glow remains on the charred wick. However, she managed to light her candle and, by this candle, all those of the Community were lit. It is therefore this little half-extinguished lamp that produced these beautiful flames which, in turn, can produce an infinity of others and even set the universe ablaze. Yet it would still be the small lamp that we owe the first cause of this conflagration. How could the beautiful flames boast, knowing this, of having made such a fire, since they were lit only by correspondence with the little spark?...
The same is true for the Communion of Saints. Often, without knowing it, the graces and lights we receive are due to a hidden soul, because the good God wants the Saints to communicate grace to each other through prayer, so that in Heaven they may love with a great love, with a love even greater than that of the family, even the most ideal family on earth. How many times have I thought that I could owe all the graces I have received to the prayers of a soul who would have asked God for me and whom I will only know in Heaven.
Yes, a very small spark will be able to give birth to great lights in all the Church, like doctors and martyrs who will undoubtedly be well above her in Heaven; but how could one think that their glory will not become his?
. . . . . . . . . .
In Heaven we will not encounter indifferent glances, because all the elect will recognize that they owe each other the graces which have merited the crown for them.
(The conversation was too long I couldn't take it all, or word for word.)
July 16
1
- I'm afraid that to die you will suffer a lot...
- Why are you afraid in advance? at least wait for it to happen to feel pain. Do you see that I begin to torment myself by thinking that if persecutions and massacres occur, as is predicted, perhaps your eyes will be gouged out!
2
I had made the complete sacrifice of Sr. Geneviève, but I cannot say that I no longer desired her. Very often in the summer, during the hour of silence before Matins, sitting on the terrace, I said to myself: Ah! if my Céline was there near me! But no ! it would be too great a happiness for the earth!
... And it seemed like an impossible dream to me. Yet it was not by nature that I desired this happiness, it was for her soul, so that she would walk our way... And when I saw her enter here, and not only enter, but given to me completely to instruct him in all things; when I saw that the good Lord was doing this, thus exceeding my desires, I understood what immensity of love he has for me...
... Well, my little Mother, if a barely expressed desire is thus fulfilled, it is therefore impossible that all my great desires of which I speak so often to the good Lord will not be completely fulfilled.
3
She repeated to me with an air of conviction these words which she had read in the 'Little Flowers', a book by Abbé Bourb.
Latter-day Saints will surpass the former as cedars surpass other trees.
4
You know all the recesses of my little soul, you alone...
5
With the air of a child who has a nice mischief in mind:
I would like to give you a testimony of love that no one has ever given you...
I wondered what she was going to do... And now [Mother Agnès scratched the rest!]
6*
If the good Lord said to me: If you die now, you will have great glory; if you die at 80, the glory will be much less, but it will give me much more pleasure. Oh ! then I would not hesitate to answer: "My God, I want to die at 80, because I do not seek my glory, but only your pleasure."
The great saints have worked for the glory of the good God, but I, who am only a very small soul, work for his sole pleasure, and I would be happy to bear the greatest sufferings, if it were only to do so. smile even once.
July 17
Saturday - At 2 am she had coughed up blood.
I feel that I am going to enter into rest... But above all I feel that my mission is about to begin, my mission to make the good God loved as I love him, to give my little way to souls. If the good Lord grants my desires, my Heaven will happen on earth until the end of the world. Yes, I want to spend my Heaven doing good on earth. It is not impossible, since within the beatific vision itself, the Angels watch over us.
I cannot make a feast of enjoying myself, I cannot rest as long as there are souls to be saved... But when the Angel will have said: "The time is no longer!" then I will rest, I will be able to enjoy, because the number of the elect will be complete and all will have entered into joy and rest. My heart jumps at the thought...
July 18
1
... The good Lord would not give me this desire to do good on earth after my death, if he did not want to realize it; he would rather give me the desire to rest in him.
2
I have only inconveniences to bear, not suffering.
July 19
1
- "I'm going to go watering tonight. (It was at the beginning of recess)
... But... you would also have to water me!
- What are you?
- I'm a little seed, we don't know yet what will come out of it...
2
I felt like asking Sr. Marie from the SC, who was returning from the parlor to Mr. Youf, what he had said about my condition after his visit. I was thinking to myself: It will perhaps do me good, console me to know it; but, thinking about it, I said to myself: No, it's curiosity, I don't want to do anything to find out; since the good Lord doesn't allow her to tell me of herself, it's a sign that he doesn't want me to know. And I avoided bringing the conversation back to this subject, for fear that my Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart would tell me as necessarily; I wouldn't have been happy...
3
She told me that she had searched for herself by wiping her face once more than necessary, for Sr. Marie of the SC to notice that she was sweating a lot.
July 20
1
(In the morning at 3 o'clock, she had coughed up blood.)
"What would you have done if one of us had been sick in your place?" Would you have come to the infirmary during recess? »
- I would have gone straight to recess without asking for any news, but I would have done that quite simply so that no one would notice my sacrifice. If I had come to the infirmary, I would have done so to please, never to satisfy myself.
... all this to fulfill my little duty and to attract to you graces which the search for myself would not of course have attracted to you. And myself, I would have drawn great strength from these sacrifices. If sometimes, out of weakness, I had done the opposite of what I wanted, I would not have been discouraged, I would have tried to repair my shortcomings by depriving myself even more without it showing.
2
The good Lord is represented by whoever he wants, but that doesn't matter... With you, there would have been a human side; I prefer that there is only the divine. Yes, I say it from the bottom of my heart, I am happy to die in the arms of Our Mother, because she represents the good God.
3
... Mortal sin would not take away my confidence.
... Do not forget to tell the story of the sinner above all! This is what will prove that I am not mistaken.
4
I told her that I dreaded the anguish of death for her.
If you mean by the anxieties of death terrible sufferings which manifest themselves at the last moment in frightening signs for others, I have still never seen them here, in those who died before my eyes. Mother Geneviève had them for the soul, but not for the body.
5
You don't know how much I love you and I'll prove it to you...
6
I am harassed with questions, it makes me think of Joan of Arc before her court! It seems to me that I answer with the same sincerity.
July 21
1
When I see you, my little Mother, it gives me great happiness; you never tire me, on the contrary. I said it earlier: while so often I am obliged to give, it is you who bring me...
2
If the good Lord scolds me, even a little bit, I won't cry with tenderness... but if he doesn't scold me at all, if he welcomes me with a smile, I will cry...
3
Oh ! I would like to know in Heaven the history of all the saints; but you mustn't tell it to me, because that would take too long. When approaching a saint, I will have to know his name and his whole life at a glance.
4
I never did like Pilate who refused to hear the truth. I have always said to the good Lord: O my God, I want to hear you, I beg you, answer me when I humbly say to you: What is the truth? Let me see things as they are, so that nothing throws dust in my eyes.
5
We told her that she was very happy to be chosen by God to show souls the way of trust. She replied:
What does it matter to me that it is me or someone else who gives this way to souls; as long as it is shown, what does the instrument matter!
July 22
1
Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart said to him: “Go! you are cared for with a lot of love...”
Yes, I can see it clearly... It's an image of the love the good Lord has for me. I've only ever given him love, so he loves me back, and it's not over, he'll give me more soon...
I am very touched, it's like a ray or rather a flash in the middle of my darkness... but only like a flash!
2
She repeated to me with a smile these words that M. Youf had said to her after his confession:
If the angels were sweeping the sky, the dust would be made of diamonds.
July 23
1
He was told about associations:
I am so close to Heaven that it all seems sad to me.
2
One of us had said and read something to her and thought we had consoled and gladdened her greatly in her great trial.
-Hasn't your ordeal ceased for a moment?
- No ! It's as if you were singing!
3
I always told her this fear that never left me to see her suffer even more.
We who run in the way of Love, I find that we should not think about what can painfully happen to us in the future, because then it is lacking in confidence and it is like getting involved in creating.
4
... At the time of papa's ordeals, I had a violent desire for suffering... One evening when I knew he was more ill, Sr. M. des Anges, seeing me very sad, consoled me as best she could; but I said to her: “O my Sr. M. des Anges, I feel that I can still suffer more!” She looked at me astonished and often reminded me of it since.
Sr. M. des Anges, in fact, never forgot that evening. Our little saint, still a postulant, was about to go to bed, sitting on her mattress in her nightgown with her beautiful hair over her shoulders. "Her gaze," she said, "and her whole person had something so noble, so beautiful, that I thought I saw a virgin from Heaven. »
5
I remember that one day at the height of our trials, I met Sr. Marie of the SC after sweeping the stairs of the dormitory (on the side of the linen room). We were allowed to talk and she stopped me. So I told him that I had a lot of strength and that at that moment I was thinking of these words of Madame Swetchine which penetrated me so much that I was as if on fire: “Resignation is still distinct from the will of God; there is the same difference as between union and unity. In union, we are still two, in unity, we are more than one.
(I don't know if it's quite textual)
6
I had been obliged to ask for Papa's healing on the day of my profession; but it was impossible for me to say anything other than that: My God, I beg you, let it be your will that papa heals!
7
... “In te Domine speravi!” At the time of our great sorrows, how happy I was to say this verse to the Choir!
July 24
1
They had sent her beautiful fruit, but she could not eat it. She took them one after the other as if to offer them to someone and said:
The Holy Family has been well served. St Joseph and baby Jesus each had a peach and two plums.
In a half voice, questioning myself:
It may not be good, but I touched them with satisfaction? It gives me great pleasure to touch fruits, especially peaches, and to see them up close.
I reassured her and she continued:
The Blessed Virgin had her share too. When they give me milk with rum, I offer it to St Joseph; I say to myself: Oh! What good it will do poor St Joseph!
In the refectory, I always saw to whom it was necessary to give. The sweet was for baby Jesus, the strong for St Joseph, the Blessed Virgin was not forgotten either. But when I lacked something, for example when they forgot to do without the sauce, the salad, I was much happier because I seemed to give for good to the Holy Family, being really deprived of this that I offered.
2
... When the good Lord wants us to be deprived of something, there is no way, we have to go through it. Sometimes, Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart put my plate of salad so close to Sr. Marie of the Incarnation that I could no longer consider it as mine, and I did not touch it.
Ah! my little Mother, and what a "savate" of omelette I have been served in my life! They thought I loved her like that, all dried up. You will have to be very careful after my death not to give this filth to the poor sisters.
July 25
1
I told her that I ended up wanting her death so that I wouldn't see her suffer so much.
... Yes, but you mustn't say that, my dear Mother, because suffering is precisely what I enjoy in life.
2
Is it really peach season? Do we shout the plums in the street? I don't know what's going on anymore.
“When we come to its decline,
“We lose our memory and our heads.”
3
My Uncle had sent him some grapes. She ate some and said:
How good is this grape! But I don't like what comes to me from my family... In the past, when they brought me bouquets for my baby Jesus, I never wanted to take them without being sure that Our Mother had said so. .
4
At his request, I made him kiss his Crucifix and presented it to him as we usually do.
... Oh! but, me, it is the face that I kiss!
Looking then at the image of the Child Jesus (which Sr. M. de la Trinité brought back from the Carmel of Messina°.
This little Jesus there, he seems to be saying to me: "You will come to Heaven, I am telling you so!"
5
Where is the Thief now? We don't talk about it anymore. She answered by putting her hand on her heart:
He's there ! He is in my heart.
6
I told her that death was very sad in appearance and that I would be so sorry to see her dead. She replied in a tender voice:
The Blessed Virgin held her dead Jesus on her knees, disfigured, bleeding! It was something other than what you will see! Ah! I don't know how she did it!... I suppose I am brought back to you in this state, what would become of you? Answer mihi?...
7
After confiding in me several little things for which she reproached herself, she asked me if she had offended God. I answered her simply that all these little sins were not there and that she had done me good by telling me about them; so she seemed very touched and said to me a little later:
Hearing you, I remembered Father Alexis: your words penetrated deep into my heart.
And she began to weep; I collected her tears by wiping them with a fine cloth. (Sr Geneviève keeps this relic)
8
Sr. Geneviève presented her with a small geranium flower that had been on the table for a long time, so that she would throw it at her pictures pinned to the curtain of the bed:
...Never throw out little wilted flowers...just little 'fresh bloomed' flowers.
9
He was offered a distraction, but too noisy. She replied with a smile:
... No boys' games!... No little girls' games either; only games of little angels.
10
... I look at the grapes and I say to myself: That's pretty, and that looks good. Then I eat a grain of it; this one I don't give to the baby Jesus, it is he who gives it to me.
11
I am like a real little child during my illness; I think nothing; I'm happy to go to Heaven, that's all!
12
... The first time I was given grapes in the infirmary, I said to baby Jesus: How good are grapes! I don't understand why you waited so long to take me, since I'm a small bunch of grapes and they say I'm so ripe!
13
About spiritual directions:
... I think you have to be careful not to look for yourself because you would have your heart hurt afterwards and you could say with truth: "The guards took my coat off me, they hurt me.. .it was only after having passed them a little that I found my Beloved».
I think that, if the soul had humbly asked the guards where her Beloved was, they would have told her where he was, but for having wanted to be admired, she fell into confusion, she lost the simplicity of heart.
14
... You, you are my light.
15
Listen to a very laughable little story: One day, after I had taken the habit, Sr. St. Vincent de Paul saw me at Our Mother's and exclaimed: “Oh! what a figure of prosperity! How strong is this big girl! is she fat!” I was leaving completely humiliated by the compliment when Sr Madeleine stopped me in front of the kitchen and said to me: “But what is happening to you, my poor little Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus! You are losing weight visibly! If you go at it this way, with this mine that makes you tremble, you will not follow the rule for long! I couldn't get over hearing one after another of such contrasting assessments. From that moment I no longer attached any importance to the opinion of creatures and this impression has developed so much in me that now the blame, the compliments, everything slips over me without leaving the slightest imprint. .
July 26
1
I dreamed last night that I was in a bazaar with dad, and there I saw pretty little white balls tempting me to put on my pins; but in the end I said to myself that they did the same in Carmel and I asked for a little music.
2
She told me that around Dec. 8, 1892 she took care of Sr. Marthe; that in 1893 she had helped Mother Marie de Gonzague in the novitiate and that at the last election in 1896 she had seen herself, so to speak, completely in charge of the novices.
3
... Virtue shines naturally, as soon as it is no longer there, I see it.
July 27
1
She didn't want me to forget the drops of a medicine that had been prescribed for me.
... Oh ! you must strengthen yourselves; 30 drops tonight, don't forget!
2
We make you tired?
No, because you are very nice people.
3
She told us, laughing, that she had dreamed that she was carried to the heater between two torches for the feast of Our Father.
4
The community was in the laundry.
... Around one o'clock I said to myself: they are very tired in the laundry! And I prayed to the good Lord to relieve you all, so that the work would be done in peace, in charity. When I saw myself so ill, I felt joy at having to suffer like you.
5
In the evening she reminded me of the words of St John of the Cross:
“Break the web of this sweet encounter.” I have always applied this word to the death of love that I desire. Love will not wear out the web of my life, it will suddenly break it.
With what desire and what consolation I repeated to myself from the beginning of my religious life these other words of NP St John of the Cross: "It is of the utmost importance that the soul exercise itself a lot in Love so that , consuming itself rapidly, it hardly stops here but comes quickly to see its God face to face.
As she repeated these last words she raised her finger and looked celestial.
6
About the difficulties I foresaw for the publication of his life.
... Well, I say like Joan of Arc: "...And the will of God will be accomplished despite the jealousy of men."
7
- Soon I will no longer see your beloved little face! I will only see your little soul.
- She's much prettier!
8
- When we think we're going to lose you!
- But you will not lose me... period!...
9
To Sr Geneviève who was crying:
- You can see that's what's hanging over him (death) now he's seized with fear!
10
After offering a bunch of grapes to the Child Jesus:
I offered him this grape there to make him want to take me, because I think I am of this species there...
The skin was not hard and it was very golden - Tasting a grain:
Yes, I am of that species...
11
The little Mother is my telephone; I just have to lend my little ear when it comes, and I know everything!
12
... I'm not selfish, it's the good God I love, it's not me.
13
... For nature, I prefer to die, but I only rejoice in death because it is God's will for me.
14
I never asked God to die young, so I'm sure he's only doing his will right now.
15
She was suffocating and I showed her my compassion and my sadness.
Don't worry, come on! If I suffocate, the good Lord will give me strength. I love it ! He will never leave me.
16
She told me how she had worn her little iron cross for a long time and how sick she had been. She told me that it was not God's will on her or on us that we threw ourselves into great mortifications, that this had given her the proof of it.
17
About the frictions that had been ordered by the doctor:
Ah! to be "trimmed" as I was, it's much worse than anything!
18
... From June 9, I was sure to die soon.
July 29
1
... I would like to leave!
- Or ?
"Up in the blue sky!"
2
A sister had told her this reflection made during recreation: “Why then do we speak of my Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus as a saint?! She practiced virtue, it is true, but it was not a virtue acquired by humiliations and above all by suffering. She then said to me:
... And I who suffered so much from my earliest childhood! Ah! How good it does me to see the opinion of creatures at the moment of death!
3
We had thought to please him by bringing him an object and the opposite happened. She showed displeasure, guessing that someone had been deprived of the object in question, but soon repented and asked for forgiveness with tears.
Oh ! I beg your pardon, I acted by nature, pray for me!
And a bit later:
Oh ! how happy I am to see myself imperfect and to have so much need of God's mercy at the moment of death!
4
She had coughed up blood in the morning and at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
5
We expressed to her the fear that she would die at night.
I won't die at night, believe it; I had the desire not to die at night.
6
... Two days after the entrance of Sr. M. de la Trinité, my throat was treated... The good Lord allowed the novices to exhaust me. Sr. M. of the Eucharist told me that this happened to me as to preachers.
7
... To be my historian, you have to spare yourself.
8
Well ! “baby” is going to die! For 3 days, it's true that I've been in a lot of pain; tonight I'm in purgatory.
9
Very often when I can I repeat my offering to The Love.
10
I entrusted him with a problem.
... It was you who sowed the seed of trust in my little soul, don't you remember?
11
I supported her while we arranged her pillows.
I rest my head on my little Mother's heart.
12
She hadn't asked for relief, we thought it was out of virtue, but she hadn't thought of mortifying herself for it. How we admired his deed:
I'm tired of the earth! We give compliments when we don't deserve them and reproaches when we don't deserve them either. All that!... all that!...
13
What makes our humiliation at the moment makes our glory even in this life.
14
I have no capacity to enjoy, I have always been like that; but I have a very big one to suffer. In the past, when I had a lot of pain, I felt hungry in the refectory, but when I had joy, it was the opposite; unable to eat.
July 30
1
... My body has always bothered me, I didn't feel comfortable in it... even when I was little, I was ashamed of it.
2
For doing her a little favor
Thanks Mom !
3
I would not have wanted to pick up a pin to avoid purgatory. Everything I did was to please God, to save souls for him.
4
Looking at the photograph of PP Bellière and Roulland:
I'm nicer than them!
5
They promised to buy him little Chinese.
It's not Chinese people I want, it's niggers!
6
It's bitter to me when you don't look at me.
7
The flies tormented her a lot but she didn't want to kill them.
I always give them thanks. They alone, however, made me miserable during my illness. I only have them enemies and as the good Lord has recommended to forgive his enemies, I am happy to find this little opportunity to do so.
8
It's very hard to suffer so much, that must prevent you from thinking?
No, that still lets me tell God that I love him, I think that's enough.
9
Showing a glass that contained a very bad remedy in the form of a delicious currant liqueur.
This little glass is the image of my life. Yesterday, Sr Thérèse of St Augustin said to me: “I hope you are drinking good liquor!” I replied: “O my Sr Thérèse of St Aug. it's the worst thing I drink!"
Well, my little Mother, this is what appeared to the eyes of creatures. It always seemed to them that I drank exquisite liqueurs and it was bitterness. I say, bitterness, but no! for my life has not been bitter, because I knew how to make my joy and my sweetness out of all bitterness.
10
If you want to give a souvenir of me to Mr. de Cornière, make him a picture with these words: "What you did to the smallest of mine, you did it to me."
11
He had been given a screen, brought from the Carmel of Saigon; she used it to chase away flies. As it was very hot, she turned to the pictures pinned to the curtain of the bed and began to fan them, and then us, with the screen.
I fan the saints in place of me; I fan you to do you good and because you are saints too.
12
M. de Cornière had said to give him 5 or 6 spoonfuls of Tisserand au. she asked my Sr Geneviève to give her only 5 then turning to me:
Always the least, right, Mom?
13
Don't tell M. Ducellier that I only have a few days left; I am not yet weak to die, and after that, when one lives in it is well "hood".
14
(4 hours) She smiled at me after a sister left. I say to him: Rest now, close your eyes.
... No, I love watching you so much!
15
I wanted to catch a fly that was bothering him.
What are you going to do to her?
I'm going to kill her.
- Oh ! no, please.
16
Would you like to prepare me for Extreme Unction.
With a smile looking at me:
I'm thinking about nothing !
Pray to the good Lord that I receive it as well as one can receive it.
17
She told me what Our Father had said to her before the ceremony:
... "You are going to be like a little child who has just been baptized." Then he spoke to me only of love. Oh ! how touched I was!
18
She showed us her hands with respect after Extreme Unction.
I usually collected the little skins of her parched lips; but that day she said to me:
I am swallowing my little skins today because I have received Extreme Unction and Holy Viaticum.
It was in the afternoon. No sooner had she made a short thanksgiving than several sisters came to speak to her. She said to me in the evening:
How they came to disturb me after Communion! They looked at me right in front of me... but in order not to annoy me, I thought of Our Lord who withdrew into solitude without being able to prevent the people from following him there. And he wasn't sending it back. I wanted to imitate her by receiving the sisters well.
July 31
1
There was still supposed to be a feast day for his death, such as the Transfiguration on August 6, or the Assumption on the 15th.
Don't talk about a date, it will always be a party!
2
After having told us the fable of La Fontaine(1): “The miller and his three sons. »
... I have two boots, but I don't have a bag horn! It means I'm not about to die.
(1) This is the story of "Puss in Boots", not a fable by La Fontaine.
3
His mattress had been taken down to be displayed after his death. She saw him when they opened the door leading to the cell next to the infirmary and exclaimed with joy:
Ah! This is our bench! She's going to be ready to put my body in.
... My little nose has always been lucky!
4
How will baby die? But what will I die of?
5
... Yes I will steal... There will disappear many things from Heaven that I will bring you... I will be a little thief, I will take whatever I please...
6
Looking at the statue of the Blessed Virgin and pointing to her little dish:
When it came tonight (a great spitting of blood) I thought you were going to take me away!
7
We had fallen asleep watching it:
... Pierre, Jacques and Jean!
8
... I tell you that it will take me a long time if the Blessed Virgin does not put her hand to it!
9
Kindly:
... Let's not talk to each other, it's enough to fight each other!
10
The Thief will come
And take me away
Alleluia!
11
We discussed the few days he had left to live.
It is still the patient who knows best! and I feel that I still have a long time to go.
12
I thought I had to be cute and wait for the Thief nicely.
13
I found happiness and joy on earth, but only in suffering, because I suffered a lot here below; it will be necessary to make it known to the souls...
Ever since my First Communion, ever since I had asked Jesus to turn all earthly consolations into bitterness for me, I had a perpetual desire to suffer. I didn't think, however, of making it my joy; it is a grace that was granted to me only later. Until then it was like a spark hidden under the ashes, and like the flowers of a tree which must become fruits in due time. But seeing my flowers always fall, that is to say, letting myself go to tears when I suffered, I said to myself with astonishment and sadness: but it will never be anything but desires!
14
This evening, when you told me that M. de Cornière believed that I still had it for a month or more, I couldn't believe it; it was such a big difference with yesterday when he said that I had to administer the same day! But it left me in a deep calm. What does it mean to me to remain on earth for a long time! If I suffer a lot and always more, I'm not afraid, the good Lord will give me strength, he won't abandon me.
15
If you live a long time, no one will understand anything about it.
What does it do ! Everyone can well despise me, it is always what I wanted; I will have it at the end of my life!
16
... Now that the good Lord has done what he wanted to do, that he has deceived everyone... He will come like a thief at a time when we will no longer think of it; here is my idea.
