From Pauline to Louise Magdelaine. April 4, 1877.
Wednesday April 4, 1877.
My dear little Louise
I don't want to break my promise, although it seems a little strange to me to write to a person I saw barely two days ago (arrival on vacation on April 2, Pauline will not return to Le Mans until the 17th) . However, I admit that I would be the most caught if I had to make the sacrifice. It is therefore with great pleasure that I come to talk a little with you. My dear little Louise, I hope you are going to be happy, otherwise I will console myself by thinking that there will always have been one of us to amuse herself and rejoice.
I begin by telling you that today is Wednesday, you see that I am starting my letter very early, but I am enjoying a good time which perhaps will not be repeated during all the Holidays. Thérèse and Céline are in the garden [1 v°], having fun blowing soap bubbles, Mama is busy lecturing Léonie, Marie has just left to go to work downstairs with my little Mother, Papa is at the pavilion, finally I am in complete solitude and I hear nothing but my pen running over my paper. So I'm going to be able, at my ease, to think of my dear Visitation and talk to my little Louise. Politeness demands that I start by making the usual compliments, I approach you: “Hello, my little Louise How are you?. . . Is the toothache cured?. . . And my sister Louise de Gonzague (Sister Louise de G. Vétillart, director of the boarding school) how is she doing? how quiet she must be now. . . My sister Marie Aloysia. Is she still in pain? If you see her, tell her I haven't had time to forget her yet. . . . A thousand gracious and kind things to all my mistresses....
[2 r°] Could I have you for a moment? Take this chair....... .
Come closer than that, it looks like you're afraid of me, yet I haven't changed my face, it seems to me. . . . Ah, here we are, let's not waste any more time. . . How do you spend your days? I hope you often see my sister Marie de Sales (Sister Marie-François de Sales). I want you to tell her that in a few years she will have a new novice, guess who? Like Madame de Sévigné, I give it to you in 10, 30 and even in a hundred?. . . Married ? No. . . Leonie? No. . . me, you, then?. . . No more. . . Well, this new postulant is, it is, it is. . . Miss. . . Therese Martin. . . Here are the motives that will lead it. Last night, she made all her confessions to me, it was hilarious. “I will be a nun in a cloister because Céline wants to go there, [2v°] and also, my Pauline, you have to teach people to read, you see? but it's not me who will teach them because that would bother me too much, it's Céline, I'll be the Mother, I'll walk around the cloister all day, and then I'll go with Céline, we will play sand and then dolls. . . I quickly demolished his castles in Spain. "So you think, my poor Thérèse, that you'll be talking all day, do you know you'll have to be quiet?" " - " TRUE. . . Ah! well then, I won't say anything. . . - "So what will you do then?" » - « It's hardly embarrassing, go, I'll pray to the good Jesus, but how can I pray to him without saying anything, I don't know, who will show me since I'll be the mother, say? »
I had a terrible desire to laugh. However, I was serious. She looked at me thoughtfully. Her little face had such a candid expression, everything she said to me came from [3 r°] so deep in her heart that it was impossible not to take an interest in it. Finally, after thinking for a few moments, she fixes her big blue eyes on me and smiles with a mischievous air, gesticulates her little arms like a big person and says to me: "After all, my little Paulin, it's not the no need to worry already, I'm too small, you see. When I grow up like you and like Mary, before entering the cloister, I will be told what to do? ...” - “That's it my darling baby, I replied covering her with kisses - now it's late, let's go to bed I'm going to undress you. . . Have a few more good nights before calling yourself Sister Marie Aloysia (that's the name she chose), you still have time to think about it. Thereupon we both went upstairs, I put her to bed and no longer remembering what she had said to me, she fell asleep in peace and without thinking any more. . . How I would therefore very much like this little angel not to grow up. It's so beautiful a little soul who has (3v°) never offended God. . . Also I really like having my Therese near me, it seems to me that with her no misfortune can reach me. . . .
At this moment it is thundering very loudly, my loneliness frightens me a little, the wind is blowing violently. The good Lord, who has no reason to be pleased with me, could very well put me to death, but I don't know why I'm not afraid of death. I hope NS will take pity on me, because, after all, when I offend him, it's not on purpose. . . I am therefore willing to leave if he wishes, but I would like to be informed a quarter of an hour before, in order to prepare myself so as not to stay too long in the terrible environment, if I still find my Aunt there, it seems to me that the greatest sufferings would seem sweet to me, but since she is in Paradise, and since I would not find anyone I know, I prefer to impose penances on myself on earth or rather [4 r°] to receive with joy the little sufferings that the good Lord will send me. . . But I'm so stupid though. . . . I say fine words, I form in my mind, in my poor head, a host of projects to become a saint. . but wait a moment, the calm and serene Sky just now is covered with clouds, a downpour falls and everything is dejected. . . Here is my little Louise the photograph of my soul, now compare it with yours and defend yourself if you can from a feeling of pride. . . I believe you are doing the novena with my Sister Louise de Gonzague. What should I tell you about my practices of humility. . . I do the four well at the Holy Trinity, but it's impossible for me to do the others, I don't have the courage to go and be told nonsense, on the other hand how can you [4v °l humiliate oneself deeply when all day long from morning until evening one is kissed, pampered, spoiled. . . I only hear these words: “Ah! How fortunate that Pauline is here, that we are happy now. My little Paulin, come and talk to me a little, Mom tells me, it will do me good. . . Oh ! How happy I would be to always have you close to me” - And Marie “It's my turn now, Pauline is coming with me to the garden. And Therese, Celine. . . hanging around my neck, so my head aches. In the midst of all this how do you find opportunities to practice humility, for me I cannot, tell my Sister Louise de Gonzague. I hope the Blessed Virgin will not hold it against me. . . . but that does not prevent me from having a terrible chagrin at being so bad and having such a holy aunt.
Goodbye my dear little Louise don't imitate me pray [4v° tv] a little NS for me, so that I become good
Your friend
Pauline child. from Marie
[3r°tv] I hope I keep my promises, here's a diary. . . . If it bothers you, don't answer me, I wrote to distract you and have fun! I will be very happy if you answer me, but don't bother yourself in the least and above all don't give yourself a headache for me. . . Here is my address: Miss P. Martin, rue St Blaise 36, Alençon Orne.
[3 v° tv] Don't forget my dear little Louise to kiss my Sister
Louise de Gonzague for me, tell her, I'm sorry I'm not going home like everyone else, but the whole house is against me and it's impossible to fight as I had hoped. Mom and Marie especially are implacable.
[4r°tv] Tell my Sister Marie Aloysia that I am madly sorry not to be able to talk to her anymore and to have arrived home stupid. . . embrace her for me with all your heart and gather up all your tenderness to say to her the most affectionate things for me. I did all her errands to Marie who often thinks of her dear Mistress and does not forget her especially close to the good Lord, she asks me to tell her all that I can find most amiable, as well as to my Sister Louise de Gonzague, and moreover, I can't find any pleasant things to interpret the feelings of others. . . My heart has enough and even too many of its own. [1r° tv ] Mum absolutely wants to keep me for 8 more days, I'll be back from Monday in a week, it's very boring but there's no way to decide her, she thought I looked very bad. . . My migraines are continuous now, the headache does not leave me so to speak anymore. . . If the good Lord took me to his Paradise I would be so happy, but I'm not ready to go there. . still happy if St Pierre wants to open the door for me. . . . . . I will only ask one thing of him and that is not to put his key in the lock so that I can see the good Lord and my dear Aunt and those I love, they will not see me, but what is does that do? They don't pay much attention to me.
[1v° -tv] Throughout my holidays, I will have the great consolation of carrying my dear Aunt's Christ with me, I never leave him for a single moment, I believe it is the greatest happiness that Mama m ever done...
It is absolutely as if I was with my Aunt, she follows me everywhere, and N. S, she and I are happy to spend these 15 days together, we meet often to talk about the things of heaven, but it is so beautiful that I don't understand anything about it, well I don't need to understand after all.... as long as I love the good God with all my heart, and that I serve him isn't that all what's needed?
[2r° tv] I charge you, my dear little Louise, to tell Our Mother that I often think of her, Mama and Marie were touched by her affectionate memory and by all the kindness she had for me. May the good Lord restore all this to this good mother!
[2 v° tv] Thérèse sends you a little letter, she is delighted and thinks she is very knowledgeable.
Mary sends you a thousand kisses.
