Advice and memories from a novice

collected by Sister Geneviève of the Holy Face

Céline's old notes which she used for her testimonies at the Trials

 MISTRESS OF NOVICES

    On February 20, 1893, the Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus, elected Prioress of the Carmel of Lisieux, appointed Novice Mistress Mother Marie de Gonzague, whom she replaced at the head of the Community. Shortly after, she asked Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus - only twenty years old, but whose intelligence and virtues she knew better than anyone - to take care of her companions discreetly, to receive their confidences and to train them in religious life.
    There were then in the novitiate, with the Saint, only two Sisters (lay sisters): Sister Marthe of Jesus and Sister Marie-Madeleine of the Blessed Sacrament. Successively, they entered the Carmel of Lisieux and joined them: Sister Marie de la Trinité, June 16, 1894; Sister Geneviève of the Holy Face, September 14, 1894, and her cousin, Sister Marie of the Eucharist, August 15, 1895.

    On March 21, 1896, Mother Marie de Gonzague was re-elected Prioress and decided to combine this office with that of Mistress of Novices. Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus advised him to get as much help as possible from Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus who had so perfectly acquitted herself of the mission entrusted to her for three years. Mother Marie de Gonzague easily entered into these views and left - practically - all the direction of the novitiate to Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, who was therefore mistress, without bearing the title, until her death, September 30, 1897.
    It was only after having thus replaced Mother Marie de Gonzague in the novitiate - that is to say from March 1896 - that she gathered the novices together every day after vespers, from two and a half to three hours. [According to the usage of the time.]
    She did not lecture them properly speaking. His teaching was not systematic. She read or had others read a few passages from the Rule, the Constitutions or the Customary Book called Exaction Paper, gave the few explanations or clarifications she deemed useful, or answered the questions asked by the young Sisters, then took up their shortcomings, appropriate, and talked familiarly with them about what might be of interest to them at the time, in terms of spirituality or even work in progress.  

    In her private conversations with the novices, the Saint gave the advice best suited to each one. She shed light on the cases of conscience and the difficulties of her novices according to their personal tendencies, their own needs, their trials or their current joys. It happened that such advice given to one could not have suited the other. This had been underlined by the Saint herself. One will notice in the following passage a rare supernatural gift of psychology which is found in all the exercise of his function with the novices:
    ...I saw first that all souls have more or less the same battles, but that they are so different on the other hand that I had no trouble understanding what the Father was saying. Pichon: There is much more difference between souls than there is between faces. Also it is impossible to act with all in the same way... We feel that it is absolutely necessary to forget our tastes, our personal conceptions and guide souls by the path that Jesus traced for them, without trying to make them walk. not his own way - MS C 23,2 -
    ...What would happen if a clumsy gardener did not graft his shrubs well? If he did not know how to recognize the nature of each one and wanted to make roses bloom on a peach tree?... He would kill the tree which, however, was good and capable of producing fruit.
     This is how one must know how to recognize from childhood what the Good Lord asks of souls, and second the action of his grace, without ever anticipating it or slowing it down.
    It was in connection with the education of children that the Saint made these judicious observations. How she knew how to take this into account in this education of souls which is the formation given in the novitiate!
    By also taking inspiration from these remarks, everyone will make the choice in these Tips and Memories that best suits their personal needs, because not all of them can suit each reader indiscriminately.
    If she was very kind, our holy Mistress was also very firm and did absolutely nothing for us. As soon as she noticed any imperfection, she was going to find the culprit and, although it cost her a lot, nothing could prevent her from doing her duty.
    One day, in a sweet outpouring, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me:
     The time I spent caring for the novices was for me a life of war, of struggle. The good Lord worked for me..., I worked for Him, and my soul never advanced so much... I wasn't looking to be loved, I didn't worry about what could be said think of myself, I was only trying to please God, without wanting my efforts to bear fruit. Yes, you have to sow good around you, without worrying if it sprouts. To us the work, to Jesus the success. Do not fear the battle when it is a question of the good of the neighbour, resume despite one's personal tranquility and much less in order to succeed in opening the eyes of the novices, than in that of serving the good God. And for a reproof to bear fruit, it must cost to do it and not have a shadow of passion in the heart.
    This testimony is correct. I noticed his great renunciation, his patience in listening to us, in instructing us, without seeking any joy or distraction. I also noticed her disinterestedness and the zeal with which she took care of less gifted novices, always showing them the greatest affection. She had respect for souls of all kinds.
    To everything we said to her, she had an answer and, to make herself understood, quoted texts from Sacred Scripture or told stories that engraved in our memory the truths that she wanted to inculcate in us.
    I admired his great sagacity in detecting the tricks of nature, the various movements of our soul. She had indeed a celestial insight, so much so that we sometimes thought she could read our minds. We felt she was truly inspired, I consulted her, believing that she could not be mistaken and that the Holy Spirit was speaking through her mouth, without, however, anything out of the ordinary and that she seemed to suspect the grace that operated through it.

    It happened to her novices to disturb her at times and at mishaps, to bother her, to ask her indiscreet questions about what she was writing - the manuscript of her life or some letter to one of her spiritual brothers. I have never seen her answer in a way that was the least bit impatient, abrupt or even eager. She was always calm and gentle.

    As she herself testified, when it came to telling the truth, she would stop at nothing and had no fear of war. If we had to be taken back, she didn't calculate with her strength. I can still see her, trembling with fever, her throat on fire, in the last months of her life, regaining all her vigor to wither and correct a novice. On one of these occasions, she said to me: I must die, arms in hand, having in my mouth the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. [rule of Carmel]

His caution

    At the beginning of her charge as Mistress of Novices, when we told her of our inner struggles, our dear little Sister tried to appease us either by reasoning or by clearly demonstrating to us that one of our companions was not wrong. This led to long discussions which did not reach the desired goal and were of no benefit to our souls. She realized this very quickly and changed tactics. Instead of trying to take our fights away from us by destroying their cause, she made us look them in the face...
    So, for example, if I was going to say to him: Here we are on Saturday, and my work companion, responsible for filling the wood chest this week, did not think of doing it, whereas I put so much into it care when it's my turn!, she was trying to familiarize me with the very thing that angered me. Without trying to erase the dark picture that I drew before her eyes or trying to clarify it, she forced me to consider it more closely and she seemed to agree with me:
    Well ! admit, I agree that your companion has all the faults that you attribute to her...
    She did this so as not to put me off and then worked on this basis. Little by little, she managed to make me like my lot, to even make me want the Sisters to lack respect and thoughtfulness, that my companions imperfectly fulfill their obediences, that I be scolded in their place, accused of having badly done what I was not even responsible for. Finally, she established me in the most perfect feelings. Then, when this victory was won, she cited unknown examples of the virtue of the novice accused by me. Soon the resentment gave way to admiration and I thought other people were better than me.
    But, even more, if she knew that the famous wood chest had been filled by this Sister since the visit I had made there, she was careful not to tell me, although this revelation would have annihilated my fight at the first blow. So following the plan that I have just traced, when she had succeeded in putting me in perfect conditions, she would simply say to me: I know that the trunk is full.
    Sometimes she left us surprised by an analogous discovery and took advantage of the circumstance to show us that very often we fight for reasons that are not there and on pure imaginations.
    One will no doubt be surprised, on this occasion, and in other passages of this book, that nuns have to wage such struggles against nature. I admit that I myself shared this astonishment at the beginning of my Carmelite life. It seemed to me that after having consented to the sacrifice of separation from family and total renunciation of the world, it should be easy to bear the thousand little shocks of life together. I was quickly undeceived, and by personal experiences.
    The cloister is unaware of the thousand distractions which serve as a diversion for the wounded sensibility, which therefore experiences more acutely the little misunderstandings fatally provoked by different temperaments, educations, characters. We see a soul, heroic in the face of great immolations, having to fight a fight to the death over minor incidents. This is what Sister Thérèse pointed out to me, in the presence of supporting facts, as I will say later.
    This constant fight is particularly meritorious. He explains the oft-quoted saying of an experienced nun: My chalice is the common life. He gives all his value to the beautiful charity that flourishes in the monasteries. Our Saint, who knew so completely how to triumph over these trials and pacify her soul, brought all her vigilance to help us overcome these same obstacles. His little Way, his little Doctrine, worked wonders there.

    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus spoke to me, her sister and her novice, because she had permission to do so, being in charge of my direction, but I often noticed that she deprived herself of pouring out what concerned her personally. She did not confide her sorrows to us, her principle being that a Superior must forget herself completely and, when she is informed of an intimate suffering or a health problem, not complain of these same ills. So she did us good without trying to hurt herself, without drawing any consolation from the heart.
    She told me in confidence that when taking charge of the novitiate, she had first of all asked God never to be loved humanly, which was granted. [In the conduct of the novices under her charge, it is remarkable that she never seeks to conciliate their affection by the concessions of human prudence. She saw only the interest of their religious perfection and tried to procure it even at the expense of her popularity. I have witnessed a hundred times the fidelity she had to act towards them according to her conscience./ Rev. Mother Agnès of Jesus, Deposition at the Process of Canonization, Summarium § 1552] We loved her very much, but none of us was tempted to entertain towards her a mad and inconsiderate affection, which is often the sharing of the youth. We resorted to it out of a need for truth.
    Some older Sisters, noticing her prudence, also came to consult her in secret. Her ascendancy came above all from her virtue, her desire to attract souls to God, and the means she employed to succeed: total abnegation and prayer. Often, during our interviews, she lifted her heart to God and many times I discerned this inner movement.

2. SPIRITUAL POVERTY
           SPIRIT OF CHILDHOOD
           CONFIDENCE
    
Humility
    Among all the virtues, humility above all reached in Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus the last limits and it was to be more humble and smaller that she followed the Way of spiritual childhood, or rather it is this A path, followed faithfully, which made her humble and simple like a little child.

    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus considered with joy that, despite her nine years of religious life, she had always been in the novitiate, not being part of the conventual Chapter and looked upon as a child. [She should, in fact, have left the novitiate, according to the custom of the time, three years after her profession, that is to say in September 1893, but according to a current interpretation of the laws, one did not admit not, as capitulants, more than two sisters of the same family. The Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus and Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart being capitulants, their young sister never occupied, at the Chapter of the Convent, the place which belonged to her by right and had neither voice nor session. Responsible for the formation of novices, under the authority of the titular Mother-Mistress, she remained with them, as their dean, until her death.]

Lord, suffer and be despised!
    
    When she suffered the humiliating ordeal of our revered Father's illness, she showed that her desires for contempt were not a dead letter.
    How many times, since her adolescence, had she not repeated, with enthusiasm, these words of Saint John of the Cross: Lord, suffer and be despised for you! It was the theme of our aspirations when, at the windows of the Belvedere, we discussed together on eternal life.

Loving being bossed around and blamed
    
    Above all, she told me, you should be humble of heart and you are not so as long as you don't want everyone to command you. You are in a good mood as long as things are working out for you, but as soon as they no longer go your way, your face darkens. And that is not virtue. Virtue is to submit humbly under the hand of all, it is to rejoice in what you are blamed - Imit.L.III ch.49 -
    At the beginning of your efforts, the same annoyance will appear on the outside, and creatures will also judge you to be imperfect, but that is the best part of the matter, for you will practice humility, which consists not in thinking and saying that you are full of faults, but to be happy that others think it and even say it.
    We should be very happy that the next one denigrates us sometimes because if nobody did this job what would become of us? It's our little profit...
    During a Community feast where a pious recreation of his composition had been performed, it was taken up lengthwise and interrupted. - It was the canticle of "The Angel of the Desert", in the play "The Flight into Egypt", January 21, 1896 - I surprised her, behind the scenes, furtively wiping away a few tears; then, recovering herself, she remained peaceful and gentle under humiliation.

    It was with heavenly joy that Sister Thérèse accepted every reproach, not only from the Superiors, but from the inferiors. Thus, she allowed herself to be told unpleasant things by the novices, without ever scolding them at the time.

    I am quite willing to accept remarks when they are correct, I said to him; as soon as I'm wrong, I agree, but I can't stand reprimands if I'm not at fault.
    - For me, she went on, it's quite the opposite, I prefer to be accused unjustly, because I have nothing to reproach myself for and I offer that to the good Lord with joy; then I humble myself at the thought that I would be quite capable of doing what I am accused of.

    It seems to me, she admitted simply, that humility is the truth. I don't know if I'm humble, but I feel like I see the truth in all things.(20)
    It was his habit to class himself among the weak, from which came the appellation of "little souls".  
    In the particular instructions she gave to each of her novices, it was always necessary to return to humility. The basis of her teaching was to teach us not to be distressed by seeing our weakness itself, but rather to glory in our infirmities... It's so sweet to feel weak and small!, she said. [It is too clear that the Saint had no intention of approving the acceptance without a fight of moral faults, even slight ones. Such an attitude would have seemed to him an attack on the rights of God. We know with what vigor she denounced the specious error of quietism (see p.49). She would have applauded the firm language of His Holiness Pope Pius XII, deploring in his message of December 23, 1949, that some make sin a simple weakness, and weakness even a virtue. What Thérèse emphasizes many times in her little Doctrine is the fundamental need for the creature not to believe in its own strength, not to rely on its own merits, but to rely exclusively on divine grace, alone able to inspire, to help, to crown our efforts and to lend vigor to our good will. Recognizing, accepting, loving one's weakness is therefore neither excusing sin nor accommodating oneself to it, it is establishing oneself in the truth, losing all illusion about oneself and bringing forth from the very depths of misery better discerned the cry of desperate trust in infinite mercy. This applies in full to the impotences, the depressions, the temptations, the trials, the imperfections, the failures which escape human frailty and on which the novices to whom the Saint addressed herself tended to dwell. This is still valid, but with important nuances - other Teresian texts, in particular the moving finale of Manuscript C, folio 26 verso, clearly show this - for the legacy of past faults, however overwhelming, such as those of the Samaritan woman, of the adulterous woman, of the good thief, of the sinner of the desert. These faults cannot be loved; we must regret them and prevent their return: but, far from being in despair or proudly resentful of them, we must humbly take advantage of them to better mistrust ourselves and entrust ourselves all the more to Merciful Love. who forgives, who uplifts and who fulfills. Thérèse joins here the famous words of Saint Augustine interpreting and completing Saint Paul: For those who love God, everything turns out well, even sins.]

You have a little dog...

    In a circumstance where Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus had shown me all my faults, I was sad and a little distraught. I who so desire to possess virtue, I thought, I am so far from it, I would so much like to be gentle, patient, humble, charitable, ah! I will never get there!... However, in the evening, (21) during prayer, I read that Saint Gertrude expressing this same desire, Our Lord had answered her:
    In all things and above all, have good will, this single disposition will give to your soul the brilliance and the special merit of all the virtues. Whoever has good will, a sincere desire to procure my glory, to give me thanks, to sympathize with my sufferings, to love me and to serve me as much as all creatures together, he will undoubtedly receive rewards worthy of my liberality and his desire will sometimes be more profitable to him than their good works are to others.
    Very happy with this good word, all to my advantage, I shared it with our dear little Mistress who outbid and added:
    Have you read what is reported in the life of (22) Father Surin? He was performing an exorcism and the demons said to him: We can overcome everything, there is only this dog of good will that we cannot resist! Well ! if you have no virtue, you have a little female dog who will save you from all perils; console yourself, it will lead you to Paradise! - Oh! what is the soul that does not desire to possess virtue! This is the common way! But how few are those who agree to fall, to be weak, who are happy to see themselves on the ground and to be surprised by others!

Subjects of humiliation
    One day when I was discouraged and attributed this state of depression to my fatigue, she said to me:
    “Never believe that when you do not practice virtue it is due to a natural cause such as sickness, weather or grief. You must draw from it a great subject of humiliation and place yourself among the little souls, since you can only practice virtue in such a weak way. What you need now is not to practice heroic virtues, but to acquire humility. For that, your victories must always be mixed with a few defeats, so that you cannot think of them with pleasure. On the contrary, their memory will humble you by showing you that you are not a great soul. There are some who, (23) as long as they are on earth, never have the joy of seeing themselves appreciated by creatures, which prevents them from believing that they have the virtue they admire in others. .

A little way
    Lately, she told me, I had a natural movement with a Sister, I don't think she noticed it, the fight being interior; however, I nourished myself with the thought that she had found me without virtue and I was very happy to feel myself there. »
    Another time, on a similar occasion, she said to me: "It fills me with joy to have been imperfect, today the good Lord has given me great graces, it's a good day... I I asked then how could she experience these feelings? My little way, she replied, is to always be happy, to always smile, both when I fall and when I win.

    This strong soul doubted herself so much that she believed herself capable of the greatest sins. She had written at the bottom of an image of Jesus on the cross these words which translate the usual dispositions of her soul: Lord, you know very well that I love you..., but have pity on me, for I am only a fisherman. (24)
    She quoted me a little fact where she had touched with her finger the human frivolity from which no one can escape.
    Christmas Eve 1887 when she hoped to enter Carmel was an extraordinary ordeal for her; after all his steps, seeing himself still in the world, his soul was in agony.
    Well ! she said to me later, would you believe that despite this ocean of bitterness in which I was immersed, I was nevertheless happy to wear my pretty blue hat, adorned with a white dove! [It was a navy blue cheesecloth hat with matching velvet, the same material as her dress.] How strange these returns of nature are!

The real joy
    I noticed that something we rejoiced in, a cheerful, even pious thought, ended up tiring the heart when we became attached to it and that the persistence of a joy turned into sadness. She replied:
     In God alone is rest, and the true joy that never tires is that which one draws from self-contempt. So about your weakness last night...(I had shed a few tears because it was hard for me to go to visit the sick after Matins, when I was very tired, and a Sister had seen): if the Sister who surprised you judges you without virtue and you yourself agree from the bottom of your heart, that is the real joy! (25)    
- Oh ! you are right, I understand so well what I should do, I see it clearly and I cannot act, no, I will never be good!
- Yes, yes, you will get there, the good Lord will make you get there.
- Yes, but the creatures will never notice it and if I always fall, they will always find me imperfect, while you, they recognize you as having virtue.
- It's because I never wanted it! That you are always found to be imperfect, that is what is needed, that is your gain. Believing yourself imperfect and finding others perfect, that is happiness. That you are recognized as having no virtue takes nothing away from you and does not make you poorer, it is the others who lose in inner joy, because there is nothing sweeter than thinking of the good of your neighbour. Too bad for you if you humble yourself for the love of God.

    I confessed to him: I am in a frame of mind where it seems to me that I no longer think.
- It does not matter, she replied, the good Lord knows your intentions and, deliberately using to make me smile a little special jargon well known to both of us, she added: As long as you are humble, as long as you are happy. .

- Oh ! when I think, I tell him, of all that I have to acquire. (26)
- Rather say to lose!... It is Jesus who will fill your soul with splendor as you rid it of its imperfections.

    You won't manage to practice virtue, she often told me: you want to climb a mountain and the good Lord wants you to descend to the bottom of a fertile valley where you will learn contempt for yourself.

The Saint who played on the seesaw
    Taking too literally the advice of Saint Paul: Take care to do good, not only before God, but also before men, I always dreamed of giving a good example around me, I wanted the novices to take me as a model. , so when I had the misfortune to fall, I thought everything was lost:
    This, she tells me, is self-seeking, false zeal and delusion. It is said that a bishop, wishing to know a saint who enjoyed a high reputation, went to find him accompanied by the great people of his entourage. The saint, seeing the Prelate coming from afar with his court, had a movement of vanity, which is why, wanting to react and seeing children who were playing on the swing on (27) a tree trunk, he quickly brought them down. one and took his place. the Bishop took him for a madman and returned without further examination.
    So often the soul is not strong enough to carry the praise, it must then, sometimes, sacrifice even an apparent good, to its own sanctification. You should rejoice in falling because if, in falling, there was no offense to God, you would have to do it on purpose in order to humble yourself.

Like the Blessed Virgin
    She was indifferent to what people thought of her, even when the others cursed themselves with some appearance. It was thus that at the beginning of her illness, being obliged to go and take remedies a few minutes before meals, an old Sister was surprised and complained about it, finding her irregular. Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus would have had only one word to say to apologize and restore calm to this Sister. She was careful not to do so, taking the example of the conduct of the Blessed Virgin, who preferred to allow herself to be defamed rather than apologize to Saint Joseph. She often spoke to me of this behavior, so simple and so heroic.

    Like Marie, her great means was silence. She liked to keep everything in her heart, her joys as well as her sorrows; this reserve was her strength and the starting point of her perfection, as well as her external cachet, for she was remarkably poised. (28)

spiritual poverty

    As a reminder of my Profession, my dear little Sister painted me a coat of arms that I had composed with the motto: Who loses wins. [It was from this essay that she had the idea of ​​painting hers.] She explained to me that on earth, you had to lose everything, let yourself be taken in order to reach poverty of spirit.

    She preferred that others receive interior graces rather than herself and I saw her, having found a book that did her a lot of good, not finishing it, passing it on to the Sisters and never being able to finish it. reading.

    If the good Lord gave her lights, she communicated them to us as much as she could... But there were sometimes these bright and penetrating lights which only showed themselves to her without leaving her any memory: wanted to recapture them, she told me, but impossible; so, instead of tiring myself out looking for what had produced this joy in my soul, I contented myself with enjoying the balm that she had left me without knowing how it had come, and I was happy in this poverty. .
    Like little children who have nothing of their own and absolutely depend on their parents, she wanted us to live from day to day, without making spiritual provisions.
    
    If the good Lord wants beautiful thoughts and sublime feelings, he has his angels... He could even create souls so perfect that they would have had none of the weaknesses of our nature. But no, he delights in poor, weak, miserable little creatures... No doubt he likes that better!

Lean on nothing
    Sister Thérèse remembered words and passages from the Holy Books to nourish her piety.
    I tell him: "That's what I would like, but I don't have enough memory!"
    -Ah! now you want to possess wealth, to have possessions! Leaning on that is leaning on a hot iron! There is still a small mark! It is necessary not to lean on anything, not even on what can help piety. The nothing is the truth, it is to have neither desire nor hope for joy. How happy we are then! Where will we find someone perfectly free from shameful self-seeking, says the Imitation, we must seek him far and to the ends of the earth (Imitation, l.II, XI, 4) . Very far, that is to say very low... Very low in his own esteem, very low in his humility, very low, that is to say someone very small..."

Everybody's looking for augurs
    She said to me: You give yourself too much to what you do, as if everything were your last end and you constantly hope that you have arrived; you are surprised to fall. Always expect to fall! You worry about the future as if it were you who had to arrange it, so I understand your anxiety; you are always saying to yourself: O my God, what will come out of my hands! Everyone is looking for augurs, it's the common way, those who don't look for them are only the poor in spirit.

Vanity of creature esteem
    I expressed a desire for the creatures to take note of my efforts and notice my progress.
    To act like this, replied Sister Thérèse hastily, is to imitate the hen who warns all passers-by as soon as she (31) has laid eggs. Like her, you want, as soon as you have acted well, or your intention has been irreproachable, that everyone knows it and esteems you...
    What vanity to want to be appreciated by twenty people who live with us and who each take care, in their little center, of their respective intentions, of their health, of their family, of their spiritual progress or of their personal interests, who leave escape more or less happy words! But looking at the portraits of the saints, I tell myself that they were themselves subject to many weaknesses, that from their mouths came, on occasion, very human expressions, sometimes vulgar. So I think I only want to be loved, esteemed in Heaven...because only there everything will be perfect.
    
    It is very true that she only wanted to be loved and esteemed in Heaven, because on earth she had never sought anything but to be counted for nothing. How many times has she not told me that: contempt having seemed too glorious to her, because one can only scorn what one knows, she had become passionate about forgetting!

    Unlike my dear little sister, I, always seduced by vainglory, tried to draw attention to my sacrifices. She then said to me:
    You are in the argument, you! There are many who practice this profession, I take good care of it, I would be afraid of not earning enough. On the contrary, I hide what I do as much as possible (32) and I put it in God's bank without worrying whether it pays off or not.
    Once, laughing, forcing me to present my hand to her, she wrote to me, in ink, on one fingernail: Amour du lucre and forced me to keep this mark for some time!

Used blankets and personal interest
    As we were flapping blankets, I happened to say rather angrily to be more careful because they were in such bad shape.
    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus then remarked to me:
    What would you do if you weren't in charge of mending these blankets? How you would act with free spirit! And if you were to point out that they are easy to tear, how unattached it would be! So that in all your actions never creeps the slightest shadow of self-interest.

Celine's ring is lost
    It is a childhood trait that she herself recounted in her manuscript - MS A, 7,2 - She was two years old when she was taken to Le Mans to be introduced to our aunt Visitandine. She gave him a small pearl basket filled with sweets, on which were two sugar rings. Immediately, (33) the baby exclaimed: What happiness, there is a ring for Céline!
    But, on her way to the station to return to Alençon, she noticed that her sweets were all strewn in the street and that one of the precious rings had disappeared. Celine's ring is lost! she thought, and her pain was so great that her tears mingled with cries.
    Later, at the Carmel, telling me the story, she said to me: Look how self-love is innate in us, because after all why was it Celine's ring that had been lost rather than mine?

Make the sacrifice of not picking fruit
    Until the age of fourteen, she confided to me, I practiced virtue without feeling its sweetness, I reaped no fruit from it: my soul was like a tree whose flowers fell, as they hatched. Make to the good Lord the sacrifice of never picking fruit, that is to say, of feeling all your life the repugnance to suffer, to be humiliated, to see all the flowers of your good desires and your good will fall to land without producing anything. In the blink of an eye, at the moment of your death, he will know how to ripen beautiful fruits on the tree of your soul.
    The good Lord was pleased to show me how right my Thérèse was, for I read in the Ecclesiasticus this passage which I communicated to her and which delighted her: There is such a man lacking in strength and abundant in poverty, and the eye of God looked upon him well, and he raised him up from his humiliation, and he lifted up his head; many were surprised and honored God. Trust in God and remain in your place, for it is easy for the Lord to suddenly enrich the poor. His blessing hastens for the reward of the righteous, and in a swift instant he makes fruitful his progress - *Eccl. XL 12,12,19,20 -

spirit of childhood

    At the trial, when the Promoter of the Faith asked me why I wanted the beatification of Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, I replied that it was only to make her Little Way known. This is what she called her spirituality, her way of going to God.
    He resumed: If you speak of the way, the Cause will infallibly fall, as has already happened in several analogous circumstances.
- Too bad, I replied, the fear of losing the Cause of Sister Thérèse could not prevent me from emphasizing the only point that interests me: to have the Little Way canonized in a way.
    And I held on, and the Cause didn't fall apart. This is why I felt more joy at the Speech of Benedict XV which exalted Spiritual Childhood than at the Beatification and Canonization of our Saint. My goal was achieved that day, August 14, 1921.
    Moreover, the Summarium recorded this answer that I gave about supernatural Gifts: They were only very rare in the life of the Servant of God. For me, I would prefer that she was not beatified rather than not give her portrait as I believe to be correct in conscience.
    ...His life had to be simple to serve as a model for little souls.

    It is the truth that in every encounter our dear Mistress showed us her little path. To walk there, she declared, one must be humble, poor in spirit and simple.
    How much she would have relished, if she had known it, Bossuet's prayer: Great God! Do not allow certain minds, some of whom rank among the learned, others among the spiritual, to ever be accused of your formidable tribunal, for having contributed in any way to closing you the entrance to I don't know how many hearts, because you wanted to enter it in a way whose mere simplicity shocked them and through a door which, open as 'it has been by the saints since the first centuries of the Church, was perhaps not yet sufficiently known to them; grant rather that, becoming all as little as children, as Jesus Christ commands, we may enter once (36) by this little door, in order then to be able to show it to others, more surely and more effectively. So be it.
    No wonder that in his last hour, this great man said these moving words: If I could start my life over again, I would like to be only a very small child constantly giving my hand to the Child Jesus.

    Thérèse was marvelously able, in the light revealed to the little ones, to discover this door of salvation and to point it out to others. Did not divine Wisdom and human wisdom mark, in this spirit of childhood, true greatness of soul? Such as these illustrious Chinese philosophers, who had fixed it with these strong definitions:
    Mature virtue leads to the state of childhood. (Lao-Tse; XNUMXth century BC)
    A great man is one who has not lost his child's heart. (Meng-tse; XNUMXth century BC)
    And again: To know male virtue is to always advance in the way of good and to return to childhood. (Tao-Ta-Ching)

    For our Saint, this little way consisted practically in humility, as I have already said. (37)
    But it was still expressed by a very marked spirit of childhood. Thus, she loved to talk to me about these words that she drew from the Gospel:
    Let the little children come to me, the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them... Their Angels continually see the Face of my Heavenly Father... Whoever makes himself small like a child will be the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven... Jesus kissed the children after blessing them. Gospel.

    She had copied them on the back of an image on which were fixed the photographs of our four little brothers and sisters who flew to Heaven at an early age. She made me a present of it, herself keeping the same in her breviary. The photos are now partly erased by time.
    Beneath these Gospel texts, she had added others, drawn from Sacred Scripture, which delighted her and were always in contact with the Spirit of childhood. :
    Blessed are those whom God considers righteous without works, for with regard to those who do works, the reward is not regarded as a grace, but as a thing due... It is therefore gratuitously that those who do not works are justified by grace under the redemption of which Jesus Christ is the author. Epistle of Saint Paul to the Romans.
(38) (39)
    The Lord will lead his flock into the pasture. He will gather the little Lambs and take them into his bosom. Isaiah, c. XL.

    On the back of another large image, a facsimile of which is given opposite, it had still carried scriptural quotations, some of which repeat the preceding ones. But it is interesting to see how much they enlightened his Way.

    She was also particularly fond of an engraving which represented a child seated on the knees of Our Lord and making an effort to reach his divine face and kiss him.
    I showed him a memento with the photograph of a child who died at an early age; she put her finger on the baby's face, saying with tenderness and pride:
    They are all under my control! , as if she was already planning her title of Queen of the Toddlers.

    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus was tall, she measured one meter sixty-two, while Mother Agnès of Jesus was much smaller. I said to him one day:
    If you had been made to choose, what would you have preferred: being tall or short? (40) She answered without hesitation: I would have chosen to be small in order to be small in everything.
    the Church has always seen Thérèse of the Child Jesus as the Saint of Spiritual Childhood. Many are the testimonies of the Popes on this subject. I will limit myself to citing these, of His Holiness Pius XII: the first when he was legate a latere of Pius XI, at the inauguration of the Basilica of Lisieux, on July 11, 1937; the second, seventeen years later:
    “Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus has a mission, she has a doctrine. But his doctrine, like his whole person, is humble and simple; it is contained in these two words: Spiritual Childhood, or in these two other equivalents: Little Way. »
    “It is the Gospel itself, the heart of the Gospel that she found again, but with so much charm and freshness: If you do not become like children again, you will not enter the kingdom of Heaven. [Message of July 11, 1954 at the Solemn Consecration of the Basilica of Lisieux].

Devotion to the mystery of the Incarnation and the Crib
    She celebrated with the greatest piety every year on March 25 because, she said: It is the day when Jesus, in Mary's womb, was the smallest. But she particularly liked the Mystery of the Crib. It is there that the Child Jesus tells him all his secrets about the simplicity of abandonment. (41)
    Against the heresiarch Marcion who said with disdain: Take away from me these nappies and this crib unworthy of a God! , Thérèse was in love with the abasements of Our Lord, making himself very small out of love for us. She wrote with pleasure on Christmas pictures, which she painted, this text of Saint Bernard: Jesus, who made you so small? - Love!
    The name of Thérèse of the Child Jesus, which was hers from the age of nine, when she manifested her desire to become a Carmelite, always remained relevant to her and she constantly endeavored to deserve it. Later, she will write this prayer under an image of the child Jesus:
    “O Little Child, my only Treasure, I abandon myself to your divine whims, I want no other joy than that of making you smile. Imprint your childlike graces and virtues on me, so that on the day of my birth in Heaven, the angels and the saints will recognize your little wife: Thérèse of the Child Jesus. »
    These childlike virtues that she desired had won the admiration of the austere Saint Jerome before her, who is not taxed for that with childishness.

Sky Thieves
    My protectors and privileged ones are those who stole it like the holy Innocents and the good thief. The great saints have won it by their works: I want to imitate thieves, I want to have it by cunning, a cunning of love which will open the door to me, (42) to me and to poor sinners. The Holy Spirit encourages me, since he says in Proverbs: O little one! come, learn from me finesse.

The home of the little children
    I spoke to her of the mortifications of the saints, she answered me: “How well Our Lord has done to warn us that there are many dwellings in his Father's house! Otherwise he would have told us..."
    Yes, if all the souls called to perfection had had to practice these macerations in order to enter Heaven, he would have told us so and we would have imposed them on ourselves wholeheartedly. But he tells us that there are several mansions in his house. If there is that of great souls, that of the Fathers of the desert and of the martyrs of penance, there must also be that of little children. Our place is saved there, if we love Him very much, Him and our heavenly Father and the Spirit of Love.
    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus was, as we can see, a very simple soul who sanctified herself by ordinary means. One understands by this that the frequency of extraordinary gifts in her life would have been contrary to what she says were the designs of God on her. His life should serve as a model for little souls.
Little children are not damned
    What would you do, I said to her, if you could begin your religious life again?
- It seems to me, she went on, that I would do what I did.
- So you do not feel the feeling of this solitary who affirmed: Even if I had lived long years in penance, as long as I had a quarter of an hour left, a breath of life, I would be afraid of damning myself. ?
- No, I cannot share this fear, I am too small to damn myself, little children do not damn themselves.

Pass under the horse
    Discouraged, my heart still heavy with a fight that seemed insurmountable, I went to tell him: This time it's impossible, I can't put myself above it!
"That doesn't surprise me," she replied. We are too small to put ourselves above the difficulties, we have to go through them.
    She then reminded me of a feature of our childhood that follows. We were staying with neighbors in Alençon; a horse barred the entrance to the garden. While the grown-ups were looking for another access, (44) our girlfriend [Thérèse Lehoux, about seven years old, Celine's age.] found nothing easier than going under the animal. She slipped in first, held out her hand to me; I followed her, dragging Thérèse along, and without bending our small stature much, we reached the goal.
    That's what you gain from being small, she concludes. There are no obstacles for the little ones, they sneak in everywhere. Great souls can pass over business, circumvent difficulties, arrive by reason or virtue to put themselves above everything, but we who are very small, we must be careful not to try that. Let's go below! To pass under business is not to consider them too closely, not to reason with them. [The Saint was speaking to novices who had no responsibility for the questions to be dealt with and whose duty it was to isolate themselves from them. She would have spoken another language to people who would have been responsible for solving them and making decisions. To those she would have advised only not to analyze the difficulties unnecessarily.]

direction of intent
    During her illness, she accepted the most repugnant remedies and the most painful treatments with unfailing patience, while finding that it was a waste of money, but she never objected to the resulting fatigue. She confided to me that she had offered God all these useless cares for a missionary, who would have neither the time nor the means to take care of himself (45), asking that all this be profitable to him... As I objected to her my regret at not having such thoughts, she replied:
    This explicit intention is not necessary for a soul that has given itself entirely to God. The little child, at his mother's breast, takes the milk, so to speak, mechanically and without sensing the usefulness of his action, and yet he lives, he develops; however, that was not his intention.
    She said to me again: A painter who works for his master doesn't need to repeat with each stroke of the brush: it's for Mr. so-and-so, it's for Mr. So-and-so. at work with the will to work for his master. It is good to collect one's thoughts often and to direct one's intentions, but without constraint of spirit. The good Lord divines the beautiful thoughts and ingenious intentions that we would like to have. He is a Father and we are little children.

Jesus can't be sad with our arrangements
    I said to him: I must work, otherwise Jesus would be sad...
- Oh no, it's you who would be sad. He can't be sad with our arrangements. [By "our arrangements", Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus alluded to the Spirit of Childhood. Jesus cannot be sorry for the involuntary faults that escape the weakness and fragility of the humble and loving souls who trust in Him]. But what a sorrow for us not to give him as much as we can! (46)

To be holy without growing...
    Because she was deeply humble, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus felt unable to climb the steep staircase of perfection, so she applied herself to becoming smaller and smaller, so that the good God completely responsible for her affairs and carries her in his arms, as happens in families with very small children.
    She wanted to be holy, but without growing up because, just as the little clumsiness of children does not sadden their parents, so the imperfections of humble souls cannot seriously offend the good God, and their faults are not held strictly against them according to the words. de Saints Livres: The little ones are forgiven out of pity. - *Wis VI 6 - ConsConsequently, she was careful not to want to feel perfect and have others believe her so, because she would have grown up and the good Lord would have left her to walk alone.
    Children don't work to get a position, she said; if they are wise, it is to satisfy their parents; thus, one should not work to become saints, but to please God. (47)

How to fuck his crucifix
    During her illness, as I had been imperfect and since I greatly repented of it, she said to me: Kiss your crucifix now.  
I kissed his feet.
- Is this where a child kisses her Father! Quick, quick, face fuck!
I kissed him.
- And we're kissing now.
I had to place the Crucifix on my cheek, so she said to me:
- It's good, this time, everything is forgotten!

The sharing of small children
    Our Lord once replied to the mother of the sons of Zebedee: To be on my right and on my left, it is for those to whom my Father has destined it. - Mt 20, 23 - I imagine that these places of choice, refused to great saints, to martyrs, will be the share of little children... Isn't David predicting this when he says that the little Benjamin will preside over the assemblies (of the saints).
    They asked her under what name we should pray to her when she was in Heaven. You will call me little Therese, she replied humbly. (48)

CONFIDENCE

    His talks on God's love and mercy never stopped. Her confidence was invincible, and if she desired from her adolescence to become a Saint and a great Saint, as she declares in her autobiography, her ambition would be lost even in the infinite wealth of the merits of Jesus which were her property, said- She. So even the highest hopes did not seem rash to him. She assured us that we shouldn't be afraid of wanting too much, of asking too much of God: On earth, there are people who know how to be invited, who sneak around everywhere...If we ask God for something he did not intend to give us, He is so powerful and so rich that it is his honor not to refuse us, and He gives... But she never used this holy audacity to solicit consolations or even the alleviation of his sorrows. For temporal graces, she was very circumspect. She believed that God would refuse her nothing and she exercised great reserve, for fear, she confided, that He would think himself obliged to answer me. Consequently, when she asked for a favor or a relief, it was to please others and again (49) she made her prayers pass through the Blessed Virgin, which she explained as follows: To ask the Blessed Virgin, it's not the same thing as asking God. She knows what she has to do with my little desires, whether she has to say them or not...well, it's up to her to see so as not to force the good Lord to grant, to let him do all his will. When she expressed her wish to do good on earth after her death, she placed this condition: Before answering all those who will pray to me, I will begin by looking carefully into the eyes of the good Lord to see if I am not asking something against his will. ! She pointed out to us that this abandonment imitated the prayer of the Blessed Virgin who, at Cana, is content to say: “They have no more wine. Likewise Martha and Mary only say: "The one you love is sick." They simply state their desires without making a request, leaving Jesus free to do his will.

No quietism
    Although she walked this path of blind and total trust that she calls her little path or path of spiritual childhood, she never neglected personal cooperation, even giving it an importance that filled her whole life with generous and sustained acts. . (50) This is how she understood it and constantly taught it to us in the novitiate. One day when I had read these words in Ecclesiasticus: "Mercy will make room for each according to the merit of his works and according to the intelligence of his pilgrimage", - * Ecc. XVI, 15 - I pointed out to her that she would have a good place because she had steered her boat with sublime intelligence; but why was there according to the merit of his works?
    She then explained to me with energy that abandonment and trust in God are nourished by sacrifice. One must, she told me, do all that is in oneself, give without counting, constantly renounce oneself, in a word, prove one's love by all the good works in one's power. But in truth, as all that is a small thing... it is necessary, when we have done all that we believe we should do, to admit to ourselves useless servants, hoping however that the good Lord will give us, by grace, everything we want. This is what little souls who run along the path of childhood hope for: I say "run" and not "rest." »

Do not go to Purgatory
    My dear little Sister instilled in me at all times this humbly confident desire which she lived intensely. It was the atmosphere that I breathed like air. I was still a postulant when, on Christmas Eve (51) 1894, I found in my shoe a poem that Thérèse had composed for me in the name of the Blessed Virgin. I read this there:
    Jesus will weave your crown
    If you only want his love.
    If your heart surrenders to Him
    He will make you reign one day.
    After the night of this life
    You will see his very gentle gaze;
    And, up there, your delighted soul
    Will fly without any delay.
In her Act of Offering to the Merciful Love of God, speaking of her own love, she ends thus: . "May this martyrdom, after having prepared me to appear before You, finally cause me to die and may my soul soar, without delay, into the eternal conflagration of Your Merciful Love!..."
    She was therefore always under the impression of this idea, the realization of which she did not doubt, according to these words of our Father Saint John of the Cross which she made her own: "The more God wants to give us, the more He makes us desire . » [Letter to Mother Éléonore de Saint-Gabriel, Discalced Carmelite nun of the convent of Seville.] She based her hope for Purgatory on abandonment and love, without forgetting her cherished humility, a characteristic virtue of childhood. . The child loves his parents, and has no pretensions, except that of abandoning himself totally to them because he feels weak and helpless.(52)
    She said to me: Does a father scold his child when he accuses himself, inflicts penance on him? No, of course not, but he presses it to his heart. In support of this thought she reminded me of a story we had read in our childhood: A king, gone hunting, was pursuing a white rabbit that his dogs were soon to reach, when the little rabbit, feeling lost, turned back. quickly and jumped into the hunter's arms. The latter, touched by so much confidence, no longer wanted to part with the white rabbit, not allowing anyone to touch it, reserving the care of feeding it himself. Thus, the good Lord will do with us, she told me, if, pursued by justice, represented by dogs, we seek refuge in the very arms of our Judge...
    Although she had in view, here, the little souls who follow the Way of Spiritual Childhood, she did not dismiss even great sinners from this bold hope. This is why Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus was able to write in her manuscript: Yes, I feel it, even if I had on my conscience all the sins that can be committed, I would go, heartbroken to repent throw myself into the arms of Jesus, because I know how much He cherishes the prodigal son who returns to Him. It is not because the good God in his considerate mercy has preserved my soul from mortal sin that I rise to Him through trust and love.
    Immediately after entering Carmel, I asked to read the history of the Desert Fathers. I had picked out a few notes, including this one which struck my dear little Sister so much that she regretted not having included it in her autobiography and urged her to add it: Une pecheresse, named Paésie, desolated the country with its scandals. A Father of the desert, John the Dwarf, went to find her and as he had exhorted her to penance for her crimes, she said to him: My Father, is there still any penance for me? - Yes, said the Saint, I assure you. - Take me then where you will find good for that, she said to him. She immediately got up and followed him without giving orders to his house, without even saying a word to anyone. As they had entered the desert and night was approaching, John made a heap of sand, like a pillow, which he marked with the sign of the Cross and told Paesie to lie down there. He then went further to sleep too, after praying. But having woken up at midnight, he saw a ray of light which descended from Heaven on Paesia and which served as a path for several angels who carried his soul to Heaven. In his surprise at his vision, he went towards Paesia, whom he pushed with his foot to see if she was dead, and found that she had given up her soul to God. At the same time, he heard a miraculous voice which said to him: Her one-hour penance was more pleasing to God than that which others do for a long time because they do not do it with as much fervor as she does. [Lives of the Fathers of the Eastern Deserts with their spiritual doctrine and their monastic discipline, by Father Michel-Ange MARIN, of the Order of Minims, book IV, ch. 18] (54)
    Many times, Sister Thérèse had pointed out to me that the justice of God was content with very little when love was the motive and that then it tempered, to excess, the temporal punishment due to sin. because it is only sweetness. I have experienced, she confided to me, that after even a slight infidelity, the soul must undergo a certain uneasiness for some time. I then say to myself: My little girl, it is your fault for the ransom and I patiently support that the small debt is paid.
    But there was limited, in his hope, the satisfaction demanded by justice, for those who are humble and abandon themselves to God with love. She did not see the door of Purgatory opening for them, thinking rather that the Heavenly Father, responding to their trust with a grace of light at the hour of death, would cause these souls to be born, at the sight of their misery, a feeling of perfect contrition erasing all debt.

LOVE OF GOD
UNION WITH GOD

Love of God

    Unlike other mystics who exercise themselves to perfection in order to reach love, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus took love itself as the path to perfection. Love was the goal of his whole life, the motive of all his actions.

Pleasing God
    “The great saints have worked for the glory of the good God, but I, who am only a very small soul, work for his pleasure, for his whims and I would be happy to bear the greatest sufferings, even without him know it, if it were possible, not in order to get him a temporary glory - it would be too good! - but if, by that, a smile could touch his lips... There are enough of them who want to be useful! my own dream is to be a useless little toy in the hand of the Child Jesus...I am a whim of the little Jesus!...”
    During her illness, she confided to me: I have never wanted anything but to please God. If I had sought to amass merits, at the present time, I would be desperate. Yes, because knowing that all our justices (58) have stains before God, in her humility, she counted for nothing the works she had accomplished and only esteemed the love which had inspired them.
    The good God, she said, has enough trouble, he who loves us so much, to be obliged to leave us on earth to fulfill our time of trial, without our constantly coming to tell him again that we are in trouble there; you mustn't seem to notice! If she perspired in the great heat, or if she suffered too much from the cold in winter, she had this exquisite thought of wiping her face and rubbing her hands only on the sly, as if to avoid giving the good God the time to see her...Similarly, when she engaged in an exercise of penance prescribed by the Rule: I tried to smile there, she confided, so that the good Lord, as if deceived by the expression on my face, did not know that I was suffering.
    In her naive language, she said: If when I get to Heaven I don't have everything I wanted, I'll be careful not to show it and God won't notice my disappointment!
(59)
Rejoicing in not having a single delicate feeling
    “You are delicate with the good Lord and I am not, but I would like it! ...Maybe my desire makes up for it?
-Precisely, especially if you accept the humiliation. If you even rejoice in it, it will please Jesus more than if you had never lacked delicacy, say: “My God; I thank you for not having a single delicate feeling and I rejoice to see the others... You fill me with joy, Lord, by all that you do. - Ps 91 -

regret reading
    If the flame of her love was always pure and devouring, it was because she thirsted to isolate it from all created things, feeding it only with sacrifice. One day when we found ourselves in front of a library, she said to me with her usual gaiety: Oh! How I would be married to have read all these books! - Why then, I resumed, since they would be read, it would be well acquired; I would understand: regret having read them, but not having read them? - If I had read them, I would have broken my head, I would have wasted precious time that I used simply to love God. (60)

Generosity
    I pointed out to her that the good Lord asked more of me than of others, that such and such a Sister allow herself what I was depriving myself of. I had this answer: "Me, I'm always happy with what the good Lord asks of me, I don't worry about what he asks of others and I don't think I have more merit because he ask for more. What I like, what I would choose - if I had the chance - is precisely what the good Lord wants of me. I always find my share beautiful...Even though the others should have more merit by giving less, I would rather have less merit by giving more, because I would accomplish the will of the good God. »
    And as I was saying that she was very happy to go away with Him: It is in no way for enjoyment that I want to go away. Suffering attracts me too much for me to prefer Heaven. Only the certainty of accomplishing the divine will makes me wish for death, otherwise I would rather live and suffer martyrdom.
    Although grieved by the persecution against the Religious Communities, her gaze brightened with a lively flame at the thought that we might have to shed our blood. She then had quite ( 61) vehement words which translated the ardor of love with which her heart was on fire. During his last illness, I heard him exclaim: When I think I am dying in a bed! I would have liked so much to die in an arena!

The altar donated by Mr. Martin
    While certain members of the family criticized my Father for having offered the high altar of the Cathedral of Saint-Pierre in Lisieux [One Sunday in 1888, from the top of the pulpit, Canon Rohée, archpriest of the Cathedral, had indicated the price of 10,000fr. sufficient then, he believed, for the purchase of a new altar. Mr. Martin brought it immediately, insisting on secrecy, which was so well kept that no one in the parish knew the name of the donor. The thing, however, could not be hidden from M. Guérin.] , too important a gift, it was said, for his means, which did harm to his children, Thérèse rejoiced in saying: After having given us all to the good God , it is quite natural that he offers an altar to immolate us and to immolate himself.

Pick flowers from fruit trees
    I confided to my dear little Sister that, during the Divine Office, I had thought that I was throwing flowers in honor of the good Lord. In the alternate recitation of verses, I saw a battle of flowers. With each psalm, the flowers varied. Sometimes (62) they were lilies, sometimes roses. All the flowers that naturally came to my mind passed through it. Finally, the garden in which I was picking was stripped. Only the fruit trees remained. I hesitated for a moment, then I harvested peach blossoms, cherry blossoms, apricot blossoms... At the end of the Office, there were no longer any blossoms. This idea of ​​picking flowers from fruit trees pleased my holy little Thérèse. She pointed out to me that the characteristic of love was to sacrifice everything, to give indiscriminately, to squander, to annihilate the very hope of fruits, to act madly, to be prodigal to excess, never to calculate. Oh! the happy insouciance, happy intoxication of love, she says! Love gives everything and confides! But so often we don't give until after deliberation, we hesitate to sacrifice our temporal and spiritual interests. That's not love! Love is blind, it's a torrent that leaves nothing in its path!

Apply only to Love
    I said to him another time: “What I envy in you are your works. I would also like to do good, to compose beautiful things that make the good God loved!
- You mustn't attach your heart to that, she replied. Believe me, writing pious books, composing the most sublime prayers, making works of art...Oh! no, in the face of our impotence, we must (63) offer the works of others, that is the benefit of the communion of Saints and, from this impotence, we must never cause ourselves pain, but apply ourselves only to the 'love. Tauler says, “If I love the good that is in my neighbor more than he loves it himself, that good is mine more than his. If I love in Saint Paul all the favors that God granted him, all that belongs to me in the same way as to him. By this communion, I can be rich with all the good that is in heaven and on earth, in the angels, the saints and in all those who love God. »
    “The Doctors teach us that, in heaven, the love which unites all the elect is so great, that each one enjoys the happiness of others as much as if he had deserved it and enjoyed it himself. » [Cf. Saint Thomas: "In heaven each of the elect rejoices in the happiness of all the others". (ST Suppl. 9. 71, art. 1). and mysteries of the future life, by Abbot Arminjon, the following passage: "The chosen ones will no longer have but one heart among themselves...Each will be rich in the wealth of all, each will tremble with the happiness of all. "7th Lecture: On Eternal Bliss and the Supernatural Vision of God. p. 312]
    "You will do as much good as I and even more, by the desire to do this good and by the most hidden work accomplished by love, for example by rendering a small service which costs a lot. You know that I am poor, but the good Lord gives me everything I need. » (64)

It is love and obedience that alone count...
    During the winter of 1896-1897, not wanting Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus to have cold feet, our Reverend Mother Prioress (Mother Marie de Gonzague) demanded that she use a heater with embers, so as to always have a pair of warm alpargates [kinds of sandals with rope soles which serve as shoes for the Carmelites], but she only used them out of obedience and great necessity, causing her to die inexorably, to my great displeasure, when she judged that it was not cold enough. The others will present themselves in heaven with their instruments of penance and I with a heater, she told me, but it is love and obedience that alone count...

She who built the church...
    I read, Sister Thérèse told us, that a great lord, wanting to build a church, published an edict, by which he forbade his vassals to give the smallest alms for this purpose, because he alone wanted to have some. glory. Thus the church is built. “However, one day, a poor old woman, seeing the horses carrying the stones struggling to climb the hill, said to herself: (65) “It is forbidden to give money to build this temple in God, I would have been happy to contribute to it, but if I helped the animals who work unconsciously at this great work, maybe the good Lord would be happy? With a few pennies, her last, she bought a bundle of hay and gave it to the horses. When the church was completed, the lord wanted to have the dedication celebrated and, for this purpose, had his name and that of his family engraved on a stone, as an immortal testimony to his liberality. But the next day, this name was erased and we read instead that of a poor unknown woman. “The lord, furious, had the inscription repeated several times; the miracle always happened again. Finally, he ordered a search and, having found the humble woman, asked her if she had not given anything to build the church. Trembling she apologized. Then, pressed with questions, she remembered the haystack and said that according to the defense she had not given any money but only helped the horses by feeding them a little hay. We then understood why his name was inscribed and no one dared to erase it. Thus, Thérèse concludes, you can clearly see that the smallest work, the most hidden, made out of love, is often more valuable than great works. It is not the value, nor even the apparent sanctity of the actions that counts, but only the love that one puts into them, and no one can say that he cannot give these little things to the good God, because they are to everyone. (66)
A simple wingbeat
    “Remember this beautiful stanza from the spiritual canticle of our Father Saint John of the Cross: [stanza 13]
Come back my dove
because the wounded deer
appears on the top of the hill,
attracted by the air of your flight and it takes the fresh air there.
You see, the Bridegroom, the wounded deer is not attracted by the height, that is to say by brilliant actions, but only by the air of flight, and a simple flap of the wing. - an act of true charity - suffices to produce this breeze of love.

The offering to merciful Love
    During the hour of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament exposed for the Forty Hours - Tuesday, February 26, 1895 - Thérèse had composed her canticle "Vivre d'amour" in one fell swoop. On Sunday, June 9, 1895 - on the feast of the Holy Trinity - during the mass, she was inspired to offer herself as a victim of holocaust to the merciful Love of the good God to receive in her heart all the despised love by the creatures on which he would like to lavish it. Immediately after mass, very moved, she dragged me after her, I didn't know why. But soon we had joined our Mother Prioress (Mother Agnès de (68)Jésus), who was heading towards the Tour. Therese seemed a little embarrassed to explain her request. She stammered a few words asking permission to offer herself, with me, to merciful Love. I don't know if she uttered the word "victim." The thing not seeming important, our Mother said: yes. Once alone with me, she explained briefly what she wanted to do, her eyes were on fire. She told me that she was going to put her thoughts in writing and compose a deed of gift. Two days later, kneeling together before the miraculous Virgin of the Smile, who was then at work next to her cell, she pronounced the Act for both of us. It was Tuesday, June 11. Sister Thérèse later communicated her Act of Offering to Sister Marie de la Trinité. She talks about it in her manuscript. She invites all the little souls there. In his mind, in fact, it was not a question of offering oneself to a whole luxury of supererogatory sufferings, but of abandoning oneself with complete confidence to the mercy of the good God.
    Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart, our eldest sister, refused at first to make this Act of Offering, not wanting to bring on her additional trials. In this regard, here is the relationship recorded by his nurse in unpublished intimate notes: "Today, June 6, 1934, I spoke with Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart about the Act of Offering to the merciful Love (68) . She told me that it was while wilting the grass in the meadow that Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, who was next to her, had asked her if she was willing to offer herself as a victim to the merciful Love of the good Lord and that she had replied: "Of course not, I'm not going to offer myself as a victim, the good Lord would take me at my word and the suffering scares me far too much. First of all, this word victim displeases me a lot”. Then little Thérèse told her that she understood her well, but that offering herself as a victim to the love of God was not at all the same thing as offering herself to his Justice, that she would not suffer no more, that it was to be able to love the good God better for those who do not want to love him. Finally, she was so eloquent, added Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart, that I let myself be won over and I don't regret it either. »
    It should be noted that Sister Marie du Sacré-Coeur endeavored afterwards to have this act pronounced by all her friends and all the people with whom she corresponded. To my knowledge, only one resisted his advances. Finally, it was by renewing this offering in a low voice, but clearly chanting the words that she expired on January 19, 1940, at 2:20 am.
    I now add the confidence I received from Sister Marie de la Trinité: "Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus did not inform me of her donation as a victim of holocaust to Merciful Love until November 30, 1895. I immediately expressed the desire to imitate him and it was decided that I would make my consecration the next day.(69) Left alone and reflecting on my unworthiness, I concluded that I needed a longer preparation for an act of such importance. So I went back to see Sister Thérèse, explaining to her the reasons why I wanted to postpone my offering. Her face took on an expression of great joy: "Yes, she said to me, this act is important, more important than we can imagine, but do you know the only preparation that the good Lord asks of us? Well, it is to humbly recognize our unworthiness and since he is giving you this grace, give yourself up to him without fear. Tomorrow, after the thanksgiving, I will stay close to you at the Oratory o where the Blessed Sacrament will be exposed, and while you are pronouncing your act, I will offer you to Jesus as the little victim that I have prepared for him. If our dear Mistress had believed that she would have brought additional suffering on us, she would not have thus hastened our dedication to love; but on the contrary, she told us that this gesture was distinctly different from the offering as a victim to divine justice: We have nothing to fear from the Offering to Merciful Love, she said forcefully, because this Love, we can only expect mercy. She nevertheless added that this offering required goodwill and generosity. Goodwill and generosity supported by the grace attached to the present moment. The act of giving to love has the effect of considerably reinforcing this grace, and divine help is all the more immediate and effective the more complete the offering. (70)

The kaleidoscope
    She spoke to me on occasion of a well-known game, with which we had fun in our childhood. It was a kaleidoscope, a kind of telescope at the end of which you can see pretty designs in various colors; if you turn the instrument, these patterns vary ad infinitum. This object, she had told me, caused my admiration, I wondered what could produce such a charming phenomenon; when one day, after a serious examination, I saw that it was simply a few little bits of paper and wool thrown here and there, and cut haphazardly. I continued my search and saw three mirrors inside the tube. I had the key to the problem. It was for me the image of a great mystery. As long as our actions, even the smallest, do not leave the hearth of love, the Holy Trinity, represented by the converging mirrors, gives them an admirable reflection and beauty. Yes, as long as love is in our heart, that we do not move away from its center, all is well and, as Saint John of the Cross says: "Love knows how to take advantage of everything, good and bad. that he finds in me, and transform all things into themselves." (Gloss on the divine). The good Lord, looking at us through the small telescope, that is to say as if through himself, finds our miserable straws and our most insignificant actions (71) always beautiful; but for that, you must not stray far from the small center! Because then, thin bits of wool and tiny papers, that's what he would see. »

 I play the bank of Love!
    She often told me that she didn't want to be a four-season seller, because in that trade, you don't earn big, but penny by penny. Yet there are souls who earn their living on this small scale, there are those who ask to be paid as they go. But me, she said, I play at the bank of Love... I play high stakes. If I lose there, I'll see it. I don't worry about stock market shocks, it's Jesus who does them for me, I don't know if I'm rich or poor, later I'll see him.

“God is a consuming fire”
    Once she had the Epistles of Saint Paul in her hands, she called me and said enthusiastically: Listen, here is what the Apostle says: "It is not a mountain that the hand can touch that you are approaching (by love), neither to a blazing fire, nor to a whirlwind...but to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God which is the heavenly Jerusalem, to myriads of angels and the society of our elders...for our God is a consuming fire." [Hebrews 12, 18,22,23,29] And taking up these last words, she commented on them to me with emotion. (72)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

    My dear little Sister said to me: What attracts the most graces from the good God is gratitude, because if we thank him for a benefit, he is touched and hastens to give us ten more and if we let us thank him again with the same effusion, what an incalculable multiplication of graces! I have experienced it, try it and you will see. My gratitude is boundless for everything he gives me and I prove it to him in a thousand ways. She was also grateful for the smallest service received, but especially for the good that had been done to her by the ministers of the Lord in whom she had had the opportunity to confide.

Do not doubt the good Lord
    I was lamenting that God seemed to be abandoning me...Sister Thérèse resumed quickly: Oh! don't say that! You see, even when I don't understand anything about events, I smile, I say thank you, I always seem happy before God. You mustn't doubt him, that's lacking in delicacy. No, never imprecations against Providence, but always gratitude. (73)

Reminds you
    I entered Carmel with the impression that I had given a lot to Jesus. So I asked my little Thérèse to compose for me, to the tune of "Remember", a poem that would remind Jesus of all that I had thought I had sacrificed to him and all that our family had suffered. She welcomed the statement with pleasure, as an opportunity to teach me a little lesson. In many verses, she evoked not what I had done for Jesus, but what He had done for me. I then thought of the parable of the Pharisee and the Publican: hadn't I somewhat imitated the first who boasted of paying the tithe of all his property?... Thérèse had wanted to teach me to forget myself completely in order to live in love and thanksgiving.

UNION WITH GOD

What concerns us is to unite ourselves to the good Lord
    One day I was inflamed with indignation against the Communities which complied with the unjust laws then brought against them and I said: “How unhappy I would be if I belonged to one of these Communities! Ah! on this subject, I feel all my ardor awakening! I would rather have myself torn to pieces than give only a carrot! » (74) She answered me : « That does not concern us. I think like you, I would act like you if I was responsible in the case, but I am not in charge of it. What concerns us is to unite ourselves to the good God. Even if we belong to a Community quoted in the newspapers as an example of cowardice, that should not worry us. »

Neither eagerness nor nonchalance
    She tried to fight in me the eagerness in business, the desire to do too well, the deep pain I felt when I had not succeeded as I pleased, in a word, the worry I gave myself for the work: "You didn't come here, she told me, to do a lot of work. You don't have to work to be successful either. Are you concerned, at this moment, with what is happening in the other Carmels? whether the nuns are in a hurry or not? Does their work prevent you from praying, from praying? Well, you must exile yourself in the same way from your personal work, conscientiously employ the prescribed time in it, but with disengagement of heart. I read long ago that the Israelites built the walls of Jerusalem working with one hand and holding a sword with the other. This is the image of what we must do: to work with only one hand, in fact, and with the other to defend our soul from the dissipation that prevents it from uniting with the good God. » (75) I know that she did not hold this language with the souls who had the opposite inclination, because she could not bear that one worked nonchalantly while saying to oneself: "If it is good, if I have finished, so much the better; if it's bad, if I haven't finished, so much the worse!" She wanted us to put our heart into our work, never too much to prevent keeping the presence of the good God, nor too little, which harms this same presence. The heart that loves, she added, works with love, that is to say, with fervor; he runs, he flies, he finds nothing impossible and nothing stops him. (Imitation, L. III, ch. IV, 4)

divine office
    Her demeanor in choir, so modest and collected, edified me so much that I asked her what she thought during the recitation of the Divine Office. [The Saint, not understanding Latin, could not usually give literal attention to the text, but she caught certain passages read, outside the Office, in the translations.] She replied that she had no fixed method , but that she often saw herself in her imagination on a desert rock, in front of immensity, and there alone with Jesus, having the earth at her feet, she forgot all creatures and repeated her love to him in terms she did not understand. not, it is true, but it was enough for him to know that it gave him pleasure. She liked to be weekly [The nun appointed each week to fulfill, in the choral recitation of the Divine Office, the role of the officiating priest.] to say the prayer aloud, like the priests at mass. (76)
    On her deathbed, she gave herself this testimony: "I do not believe that it is possible to desire more than I have done, to recite the Office well and not to commit errors. Since she had begged the "blessed inhabitants of heaven to adopt her as a child", MsB, fol.4r° she told me that she listened each morning with reverence and piety to the reading of the martyrology, happy to hear the names of dear parents. She advised me not to say something amusing or worrying to a Sister just before the Divine Office, but to wait after, to avoid giving her distractions. She herself practiced this advice very faithfully.

Prayer: time of the good Lord
    His whole life was spent in naked faith. There was no soul less consoled in prayer; she confided to me that she had spent seven years in the most arid prayer: her annual retreats, her monthly retreats were torture to her. And yet one would have believed her to be inundated with spiritual consolations, so much were her words and her works unctioned, so united was she to God. Despite this state of dryness, she was only more assiduous in prayer, “happy, by that very fact, to (77) give more to the good God”. She did not allow anyone to steal a single moment from this holy exercise and formed her novices in this direction. One day when the Community was busy washing when the prayer rang and she had to continue the work, Sister Thérèse who was watching me, working with ardor, asked me: "What are you doing? - I am washing, answered - I. - That's good, she went on, but you must pray inwardly, it's the good Lord's time, you mustn't take it from him.
    Sister Thérèse's union with God was simple and natural, as was her way of speaking about Him. As I asked her if she sometimes lost the presence of God, she replied very simply: “Oh! no, I really believe that I have never been three minutes without thinking of the good Lord. I expressed my surprise to him that such an application was possible. She went on: 'One naturally thinks of someone one loves. »    
    It was the Gospel and the little that we were then allowed to read in the Old Testament which occupied him during his prayers; especially at the end of his life when no book, even those that had done him the most good, no longer spoke to his heart. Among these, she had especially appreciated Bossuet's Discourse on "The hidden life in God". As soon as I entered the Carmel she recommended that I read it. (78) At the beginning of her religious life, when I was still in the world, she advised me to buy the work of Bishop de Ségur on our "Greatness in Jesus". But if she meditated on her greatness in Jesus, it was the knowledge of her smallness that she especially liked to deepen, to the point of admitting “preferring light on her nothingness to light on faith. »
    At that time and even later, she particularly liked the works of Saint John of the Cross. When I had joined her at the monastery, I witnessed her enthusiasm when in front of the graph of our Blessed Father, in "The Rise of Carmel", she stopped and pointed out to me this line where there was written: "Here , there is no longer a way, because there is no law for the just." So, in his emotion, he lacked the breath to translate his happiness. These words helped her a lot to take her independence in her explorations of pure love, which many taxed with presumption. She excited her boldness to find, to reach her, a completely new path, that of spiritual Childhood, which is no longer one, so straight and short is it, ending in a single jet at the very heart of God. . I believe that all his prayers were aimed solely at this search for "the science of love".       

DEVOTION

Predilection for Holy Scripture
        She had a high degree of knowledge of the things of God and spirituality. Endowed with an excellent memory, she easily remembered what she read or heard and knew how to use judicious remarks, the smallest anecdotes at the appropriate time. But above all she assimilated, with promptness and a sure appreciation, the passages of Sacred Scripture which was, in Carmel, her greatest treasure. She discovered its hidden meaning and made surprising applications of it. I had copied several extracts from the Old Testament, [Sister Geneviève made this copy while still in the world when Thérèse left her for Carmel. She used for this work first of all a Bible which belonged to her uncle, Mr. Guérin. It was a luxury book, very large format, illustrated by Gustave Doré, translation Bourassé and Janvier. She then preferred to use a more manageable book and continued her copying from a Bible translated by Lemaistre de Sacy, published in 1864 by Furne et Cie, Paris. The manuscript notebook copied by Sister Geneviève contains passages from the following books in the order in which they are copied: Song of Songs, Ecclesiastes, Wisdom, Proverbs, Isaiah, Tobit, Ecclesiasticus, Ezekiel, Hosea, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Malachi, Joel, Amos, Micah, Zacharias. After entering Carmel on September 14, 1894, she gave this little notebook to Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, who drew on it for her meditations and readings. It was there that, in all probability, she read the words she loved so much: "If anyone is small, let him come to me" - Prov 9,4, quoted in Ms.C fol 3 r°.] I communicated them to him and these few pages were delicious food for his prayers. (80)
    She sought to know God, to discover, so to speak, "his character" and how better could she do this than by studying the inspired books, especially the holy Gospel? She also grieved over the difference in the translations. [She had been able to judge because, although the young Sisters were not authorized to read a complete Bible, the saint had compared the texts of Sister Geneviève's little notebook with certain translations of the Psalter (in particular in the edition of Glaire) of the books of the prophets and the New Testament. She read it especially in the Manuel du Christian which also contained the Psalms and the Imitation of Jesus Christ, preceded by the Ordinary of the Mass, Vespers and Compline. (Edition approved by the Archbishop of Tours, Mame et Fils, publishers, Tours, 1864. No translator's name), "Psalms translated from Hebrew". In addition to copies of Sacred Scripture proper, it had at its disposal works which give long extracts from it, such as the translation of the Breviary, read each day to the community in the refectory, the Latin-French Holy Week, the Parishioners and other books which contain numerous scriptural quotations, such as the Liturgical Year of Dom Guéranger, the Works of Saint John of the Cross, etc. Examination of the quotations from the Old and New Testaments made by the saint clearly proves that she drew, in fact, from these different sources.]
     If I had been a priest, she told me, I would have studied Hebrew and Greek in order to be able to read the word of God as he condescended to express it in human language. She carried the holy Gospel day and night on her heart and took great care to find the texts published separately, in order to have them linked and to bring us the same happiness.(81)

His love for the Most Holy Trinity
    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus had a great devotion to the Most Holy Trinity. She would have liked her party to be raised to a higher rite. When I was still in the world, she had first had the idea of ​​calling me Marie de la Trinité, before choosing the name Marie de la Sainte Face for me, which I actually bore for a few months in Carmel. But the first term having been attributed to another novice, she was greatly consoled. It was on the feast day of the Most Holy Trinity, June 9, 1895, during Mass, that she was inspired to offer herself as a victim of holocaust to the merciful Love of God.

Calling the good God “Our Father”
    One day I entered the cell of our dear little Sister and I was struck by her expression of great recollection. She was sewing with activity and yet seemed lost in deep contemplation: "What are you thinking about?" I asked her.
- I meditate on the Pater, she replied. It is so sweet to call the good God our Father!...” And tears shone in his eyes.(82)
    She loved the good Lord as a child cherishes his father, with incredible turns of tenderness. During his illness it happened that in speaking of him she took one word for another and called him "Dad." We began to laugh, but she resumed, all moved: “Oh! yes, he is indeed my Dad and how sweet it is for me to give him that name. »

Familiarity with Jesus
    Jesus was everything to his heart. When she wrote and it was about Our Lord Jesus Christ, she always capitalized Him and Him, out of respect for his adorable person. She asked me: "Would you rather say you or you when praying to Jesus?" I replied that I preferred to say: you. All relieved, she resumed: "Me too, I much prefer to say you to Jesus, that better expresses my love and I never miss it when I speak to Him alone, but in my poems and the prayers which must be read by others, I dare not. »

Devotion to the Holy Face
    This devotion was, for Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, the crowning achievement and complete fulfillment of her love for the Holy Humanity of Jesus. The Holy Face was the mirror where she saw the soul and the heart of her beloved, where she contemplated him (83) entirely. Thus the photograph of the single face of a loved one is enough for us to make this one present to us. We can say that devotion to the Holy Face guided the spiritual life of Sister Thérèse. If we want to preserve the correct note of his pious inclinations, we must recognize that this surpasses them all, no doubt because it sums them all up. It is by contemplating the bruised Face of Jesus, by meditating on his humiliations that she drew humility, love of suffering, generosity in sacrifice, zeal for souls, release from creatures, in short all the active virtues , strong, virile that we have seen him practice. She followed, without knowing it, the advice of perfection that Our Lord gave to Saint Gertrude when he said to her: desires to carry its flight further and to rise even higher on the wings of its desires, that it rises with the speed of an eagle, that it flies around my Face, supported like a seraph on the wings of generous charity." This is what Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus did and the consequences of her flight were a truly seraphic love, producing fruits of heroic generosity. She pointed out to her novices the Face of Jesus as a book from which she drew the science of love, the art of virtues... She made a point of inscribing near the Holy Face, in her mystical coat of arms, this motto: Love is (84) only paid for by love!" His letters, his autobiography, his poems are impregnated with love for this blessed Face. I remain convinced that it was my dear little Sister who inspired my project to reproduce the Holy Face from the Shroud of Turin, and that I owe her the success of this copy executed in 1904, seven years later. his death.

Eucharistic piety
    The Holy Mass and the Eucharistic banquet were his delights. She never undertook anything important without asking to have the Holy Sacrifice offered for this intention. When our aunt gave her money for her birthdays and birthdays at the Carmel, she always asked permission to have masses celebrated and sometimes said to me quietly: It's for my child (Pranzini), I have to help now! [A death row inmate whose conversion she had obtained in extremis in August 1887.]
    Before her profession, she had her little girl's purse, which consisted of a hundred francs to have masses said for our revered Father, who was so ill at the time. She felt that nothing could be better to merit her many graces than the shedding of the Blood of Jesus. (85) She would very much have liked to take communion every day, but custom not allowing it, it was one of her greatest sufferings in Carmel. She prayed to Saint Joseph to obtain a change in this custom. The decree of Leo XIII, giving greater freedom on this point, seemed to him an answer to his ardent supplications. [This decree is dated December 17, 1890. Here is the essential passage: "Regarding the permission or prohibition to approach the Holy Table, the Most Holy Father decrees that these permissions or prohibitions concern only the ordinary confessor, without that the Superiors have no authority to interfere in this thing... whoever has obtained from the confessor the authorization of a more frequent or even daily communion, will be required to inform the Superior." - In practice, the Chaplain of the Carmel of Lisieux, Father Youf, did not change the established customs except during the period of influenza (December 1891-January 1892) when Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus was able to take communion the days.] She predicted that after her death we would not lack our daily bread, which was fully realized. [Mr. Father Youf died a few days after the Saint, and his successor, Father Hodierne, in accordance with the decree of Leo XIII, introduced the practice of daily communion into the Carmel of Lisieux.]
    Her love for the Holy Eucharist led her to fill the office of sacristan with great fervor. His joy was at its height when there remained on the paten or the corporal a fragment of the Holy Host. One day when the ciborium was insufficiently purified, (86) she called several novices to accompany her to the Oratory where she placed it with unspeakable joy and respect. She told me of her happiness when once, at the moment of Holy Communion, the Holy Host having fallen from the hands of the priest, she stretched out her scapular to receive it: she thus considered that she had had the same privilege as the Blessed Virgin when she had carried the Child Jesus in her arms. In preparing the sacred vessels for the Holy Mass, she loved, she said, to be reflected in the chalice and the paten, it seemed to her that the gold having reflected her image, it was on her that the divine Species rested.
    With what emotion she composed and painted a fresco around the tabernacle and the Oratory! It is a real monument of obedience, because she did not know drawing thoroughly [Céline had given Thérèse a few lessons just six months before she entered Carmel] and not at all painting, and he she had to do this work, mounted on a ladder, in such poor lighting that an experienced artist would have had difficulty in pulling it off. However, she completed it happily and the little angels she left us have an expression that is both childish and celestial.

worship of the priesthood
    His spirit of faith inspired him with great respect for priests, because of the priesthood with which they are invested and of which it is impossible to have a higher esteem. (87) Several times during her life she expressed regret at not being able to be a priest. Feeling very ill, in June 1897, she said to me: The good Lord is going to take me at an age when I would not have had time to be a priest if I had been able to. The thought that Saint Barbara had taken communion to Saint Stanislas Kotska thrilled her. Why not an angel, she told me, why not a priest, but a virgin! Oh ! that in heaven we will see marvels! I have the idea that those who will have desired it on earth will enjoy the privileges of the priesthood there.

Flowers for the statue of the Child Jesus
    My little Thérèse was happy to be in charge of adorning the statue of the Child Jesus placed in the cloister and took the greatest care of it. She painted it pink and always surrounded it with cheerful flowers and little stuffed birds with shimmering plumage. Instead of resting as was permitted during the hour of silence, from noon to one o'clock in the summer, she spent part of it adorning her baby Jesus. But flowers at Carmel were rare at that time. At fifteen, a prisoner, no longer being able to walk in the countryside, or pick a single buttercup, it was painful for a nature like hers! However, Jesus took it upon himself to provide for his little bride. She herself told me the following anecdote. The first summer that she spent at Carmel, she happened to say to herself: So I will never see blueberries again, big daisies, poppies, or oats, or wheat! ... and she felt one. (88) real grief, when the portress came to give our Mother a superb rural wreath, made up of all the flowers and all the ears of corn that Thérèse had wanted. The portress outside had found her sitting on her window sill, without explanation. Unaware of Thérèse's pain, our Mother gave her the bouquet for the statue of the Child Jesus. From that moment, the flowers of the fields never failed him.

Roses for the crucifix
    She had great devotion in throwing flowers to the great Christ of the courtyard and later, during her illness, she covered her crucifix with roses, [This is the crucifix that every Carmelite carries on her person.] carefully removing the faded petals . One day when I saw her gently touching the crown of thorns and the nails of her Jesus with the tips of her fingers, I said to her: “What are you doing there? Then, with a little air of astonishment at being so surprised, she confessed to me: I'm unnailing him and I'm taking off his crown of thorns. She didn't want to give the creatures the token of love by throwing flowers at them. One day, I put roses in her hand and asked her to throw them to someone as a sign of affection, she refused.

Marian piety
    The statue of the Blessed Virgin who had come alive to smile at him during his miraculous recovery was his consolation. When on my entry into Carmel (89) this statue was brought, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus went to the convent door to receive it and, seizing it with a rapid movement, squeezing it with love, carried it away. with the same ease as one lifts a feather, although it was very heavy. [This statue is in solid plaster and measures 0 m.90.] The Sisters present were surprised and edified. Many times since then I have seen her kneel at her feet and pray to her with great fervor. During her last illness, she was placed opposite her bed. His gaze was constantly turned towards her.
    Thérèse liked to distribute medals of the Blessed Virgin, not doubting their effectiveness. In the world, she had strapped some on the breasts of the two poor little girls she was teaching and she had persuaded an unbelieving daywoman to wear the one she gave her. At her First Communion, she resolved to recite a "Remember" every day and she was faithful to it all her life. Later, at Les Buissonnets, she said her Rosary daily, but these outward practices were only a faint reflection of her intimacy with her dear Mother whom she called Mama. She believed that all conversions should be obtained by the invocation of Mary and recommended to the Blessed Virgin all her intentions. One afternoon, at three o'clock, I noticed that she was praying (90) and asked her what she was saying: “I recite an Ave Maria to offer my work to the Blessed Virgin. I got into the habit of doing this every time I get back to work. She passed our beads round our necks at night.  
    Our dear little Mistress was already very ill when she composed her canticle "Why I love you, oh Mary". She put her whole heart into it. I can still hear her tell me “that before she died she wanted to express in a poem everything she thought about the Blessed Virgin. »

FRATERNAL CHARITY
ZEAL OF SOULS

Reading the prophet Isaiah
    On charity, our holy little Sister never ceased. She communicated to me the light she had received by reading this passage from Isaiah [Ch.58]: take the sackcloth and the ashes? is this what we call a fast and a day pleasing to the Lord? The fast that I approve of, isn't it rather this one? Break the chains of ungodliness, relieve those who are burdened with their heavy burdens, set those who are oppressed free and break everything that burdens others. Share your bread with the hungry and bring into your house the poor and those who do not know where to withdraw. When you see a naked man, put him on, and don't despise your own flesh."
    And taking up each of these expressions, she explained them to me, telling me that there was, with regard to souls, a much greater charity to practice than with regard to bodies: "There are poor people everywhere. , weak, sick, oppressed souls... Well! take their burdens. Send them back free, that is to say when someone speaks in front of you (94) of some defect of your Sisters, never add to it... Cleverly, because sometimes it is not appropriate to contradict, put their virtues in balance, set free those who are oppressed and smash all that burdens others. Share your bread, that is to say, give of yourself, bring them into your house, lavish yourself, give of your goods: your tranquility, your rest to those who do not know where to withdraw, who are poor. »
    And continuing his quote: “Then your light will break out like the dawn, you will soon recover your health, your righteousness will go before you and the glory of the Lord will protect you. Then you will call on the Lord and he will answer you. say: Here am I. If you destroy the chains among you, if you stop stretching out your hand and speaking outrageous words, if you help the poor with effulgence, if you comfort the afflicted soul, the light will arise for you in darkness and your darkness will become like noon, the LORD WILL GIVE YOU FOREVER REST, HE WILL FILL YOUR SOUL WITH SPLENDOR; HE WILL REVIVE YOUR BONES; YOU WILL BECOME LIKE A GARDEN THAT IS ALWAYS WATERING AND LIKE A FOUNTAIN WHOSE WATERS NEVER DRY UP. [This passage was applied by the Church to the saint herself, in the liturgical office of her feast: Antiphon of the Benedictus.] The places deserted for centuries will be filled with buildings; you will raise the abandoned foundations years, and it will be said of you that you repair the walls and make the roads safe. » (95)
    She continued: You have just heard the reward! If you stop speaking uncharitable words, if you break the chains of captive souls by your gentleness and your affability; if you assist poor and abandoned souls with effusion, that is to say with heart, with love, with disinterestedness, if you console those who suffer, you will recover your inner health, your soul will no longer languish. Your justice will go before you. But as these works to be profitable must remain hidden, as the characteristic of virtue, similar to the humble violet, is to embalm without the creatures knowing where this perfume comes from: the glory of the Lord will protect you, not your own glory, but the glory of the Lord! And the Lord will answer you, He will give you rest, a light will rise for you in the darkness and your darkness will become for you like noon, not that the darkness will disappear for the trials cannot fail a soul, but your darkness will be luminous...and you will have peace, joy, a clarity will always shine for you, in the middle of the inner night. You will become like an ever-watered garden, like a fountain whose waters never dry up, from which all souls, all creatures draw without harming it. But that's not all, pay attention to the last reward: The places deserted for centuries will be filled with buildings, you will raise the foundations. What does that mean? How, by practicing charity, love of neighbor, can I build buildings! (96) This is not alike, has no connection?...And yet the angels in heaven will say of you that you repair the walls and that you make the paths safe..." In saying this, she told me gazed enthusiastically... "What a mystery!" By our little virtues, our charity practiced in the shadows, we convert souls far away...we help the missionaries...and even, on the last day, it will perhaps be said that we have built material dwellings for Jesus and prepared his ways..."

brotherly devotion
    The acts of charity that I have seen practiced by our dear little Sister are innumerable and varied. She never missed an opportunity. For example, on her Sundays and holidays, the little free time she had was spent pleasing others. She composed poems at the request of the Sisters, she never refused one, so that she found almost no leisure to write on her own initiative. It was thus again that she never copied a single canticle for her personal devotion, although she would very much have liked to have some at her disposal. In the same way, she deprived herself of picking up the beautiful passages of her readings, so much so that one of her novices to whom she had confided her preferences, had to take this care without her knowing it.

Leave the best place to others
      Leaving evening recreation to go to Compline, she told me, I had gotten into the habit of putting our work basket on one of the benches near the front choir. It was convenient, and there was less danger of spiders dwelling there than when I put it down. But I soon noticed that the place was often taken by the basket of a Sister who had passed before me. Others, I thought, also find it more convenient? Well, I'll leave the place to them, it's so much fun when she's free since you don't have to bend down. »

Sacrifice of a small triumph
    Once she wanted to urge me to practice charity, she told me that being a young novice and devoting her happiness to adorning the statue of the Child Jesus in the cloister, she always refrained from putting fragrant flowers on it, even a little violet, because the perfumes bothered one of our old mothers. The latter, having seen her place a beautiful rose at the foot of the statue, called her, with the obvious intention of making her remove it. “At that moment, Thérèse told me, guessing her mistake, I felt a strong desire to let her see her mistake, because the rose was artificial. But Jesus had asked me to sacrifice (98) this small triumph. Anticipating all thought, I took the flower and said to her: "Look at my mother, how well we imitate nature today, doesn't it look like this flower has just been picked from the garden? Oh! she, you cannot imagine how sweet this act of charity has been for me and how much strength it has given me.

Treat souls with delicacy
    During her illness, she pointed out to me that Sister Saint-Stanislas [The first nurse, who died on May 23, 1914; at the age of 89 and a half.] always wore very soft linens, chosen with the most delicate attention in order to relieve her a little: "You see, she said to me, you have to take the same care of souls, often we don't think about it and we hurt them. Why that ? Why not relieve them with the same charity, the same delicacy as the bodies? Yet some are sick, many are weak, all are suffering. What tenderness we should have for them!

Peas and broad beans
    When a Sister was in the wrong and disagreeable, she only showed herself to be more kind, considerate and gentle, in order to calm the irritated heart that she felt was suffering. (99) The goodness of hers showed itself in great tenderness when we returned to her after having caused her pain. One day she explained the reason to me: “Oh! how merciful God is to imperfect souls! I find proof of this in nature. Look at the peas that melt in your mouth, which are composed only of sugar and their envelope is very light. However, they can receive the heat of the sun and the freshness of the night, which are not spared them. They are the symbol of perfect souls. The large beans, on the contrary, which represent imperfect souls, have a completely filled envelope which preserves them well. We must therefore act like the good Lord, deploying all our delicacy and consideration for imperfect souls. »

Visiting Jesus and Mary
    When it seemed to her that I was withdrawing into myself, she would say to me: "To withdraw into oneself, that sterilizes the soul!" We must hasten to run to works of charity. “Sometimes, she specified, one is so bad at home, in one's interior, that one has to quickly leave it. The good Lord does not oblige us to stay in our company, on the contrary, he often allows her to be disagreeable to us so that we leave her. I see no other way in this case than to leave home and go to visit Jesus and Mary by running to works of charity”. (100)
Preparing the night light for the Baby Jesus
    [The saint related this same trait to the Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus on July 12, 1897.] I had entrusted her with a sentence. To encourage me by proving to me that she was not insensitive, she told me that being second portress, it happened one evening during the "silence" [Hour of free time and rest between compline and matins.] that they had a night-light prepared for him outside. [For secular people, relatives of a nun of the community, who were exceptionally received at the outer tower of the Carmel.] We had to look for oil, wicks, nothing was prepared, each was retired to her cell, the doors were barred.  
         I had, she told me, a great fight. I murmured inwardly against people and circumstances, I resented the tourières outside for making me work like this during a time off, when they could have served themselves so well. But suddenly the light dawned in my soul. I imagined that I was serving the Holy Family in Nazareth, that I was preparing this little night light for the Child Jesus and then I put so much, so much love into it that I walked with a very light step and my heart overflowing with tenderness. Since then, she added, I have always used this method, which has worked marvelously well for me. » (101)

    Care of the Sick - Patience and Renunciation
        In the infirmary where I was employed as soon as I entered the Carmel, there were no seriously ill people, but nuns in poor health. Among them was one affected by chronic cerebral anemia and suffering from manias which made nursing a perpetual exercise in patience. This patient had as a principle “that it was necessary to exercise the novices on purpose. » Consequently, it happened to me, finding myself at the other end of the monastery, to be stunned to hear me say: « My little Sister, I recognize your step from that of your companion. Once, unable to take it any longer, I came all in tears to Sister Thérèse who welcomed me with tenderness, consoled me, encouraged me. I can still see her sitting next to me on a sideboard, hugging me. However, I had to constantly return to my battlefield and often I found myself taking a long turn so as not to pass under the windows of the infirmary because, the Mother seeing me nearby, made a sign to me to return to her. some superfluous service. Sometimes it was by lowering my head so as not to be seen by her that I passed quickly, keeping a certain bitterness in my heart.
        Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, who knew the situation and basically excused me with all her heart, said to me in one of these circumstances: You would have to pass in front of the infirmary on purpose so that they bother you and , when you're loaded and can't stop, respond with (102) kindness, promise to come back, look happy as if you were being done a favor. The infirmary bell should be a heavenly melody to you. When someone rings you, it's the best, it should be desired...Oh! you see, to think of beautiful and holy things, to write books, to write biographies of saints, is not worth an act of love from God, nor the action of responding when the bell of the infirmary rings and it disturbs . When you are asked for a service or when you do a job with sick people who are not pleasant, you must consider yourself a little slave whom everyone has the right to command and who does not think of complaining about it. because she is a slave.
    - Yes but often, you know, they call me for nothing so I'm bubbling!
    - I understand that it costs you, but if you saw the angels watching you in the arena, they are waiting for the end of the fight to throw crowns and flowers at you as they used to be thrown at valiant knights. Since we want to be little martyrs, it's up to us to earn our palms! And do not think that these battles are worthless: "The patient man is better than the strong man and he who tames his soul is better than he who takes cities" [Prov. 16,32]. For me, if I were to live again, the office of nurse would be the one that would please me more. I would not want to ask for it, fearing that it would be presumption, but if it was given to me, I would believe myself (103) very privileged. Oh ! yes, I would have been happy if someone had asked me that! Nature perhaps would have found it costly, but it seems to me that I would have acted with great love, thinking of the words of Our Lord: “I was sick and you relieved me. » [Mt 25,36] She recommended me a lot to care for the sick with love, not to do this work like any other but with as much care, delicacy as if we were rendering this service to God himself. However, after a day's work, it seemed hard to me to go in the evening, during the hour of rest or after matins, to bring some relief to the tired Sisters. I complained about it. She said to me: Now it is you who carry small cups right and left, but one day in heaven, it is Jesus “who will come and go to serve you. » [Lk 12,37]
    
    human wisdom    
    “You say: I want to be good with those who are good, gentle with those who are gentle. And as soon as someone thwarts you, you are outside of yourself: you act in this like the pagans of whom it is spoken in the Gospel. On the contrary: Do good to those who hate you, pray for those who persecute you. [Mt 5,44; Lk 6,27] To be kind to those who do us good is human wisdom, nothing for God”.
    
    When you will be at the time of death
        I always wanted the details of my life to fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. Beware who bothered them! If an unforeseen circumstance came to break this combination and scramble the arrangement, I seemed displeased. One day, during my dear little Sister's last illness, I counted on one afternoon to finish a job and I was unexpectedly called to the parlor. I say to him: “Oh! How sorry I am to have been disturbed, I would have finished my work!' She looked at me: When you are at the moment of death, how much you will wish you had been disturbed!

    Spend time being disturbed
        I really wanted to do my retreat for the month quietly and it was a real problem to choose a Sunday where there were no pitfalls, because of my job or for any other reason. Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: “So you are going on a retreat to have more free time, for your satisfaction? Me, I go there out of fidelity, to give more to the good Lord... If I have a lot to write that day, in order to have a free heart, I put myself in the frame of mind to be disturbed, I say to myself: This free hour, I dedicate it to the disturbance, I want it, I count on it and if I am calm, I will thank the good God for it as for a grace on which I did not count. Also, I am always happy. » (105) In fact, I noticed that being a sacristine and her personal work being finished, she purposely went on holidays to pass in front of the sacristy to be called. She put herself in the way of the first job so that she could ask her for a favor, which was not lacking. Knowing that deep down it was costing him a lot, I made a sign to him not to go that way, I got him the means, but it was in vain.

    Sacrifice, joy and pure love
        In the last months of exile of my angelic little Sister, it happened to me, in order to stay longer to care for her, to delay going to recreation and not to show the same zeal in serving the other patients who were much less affected. seriously. She said to me: “In your place, even when you are not strictly obliged to do so, I would do my best to go to recreation and to serve the other invalids. I would contrive to make a thousand sacrifices, to deprive myself in every encounter to obtain graces for you. You should never seek yourself in anything, because “as soon as you begin to seek yourself, you immediately stop loving. [Imitation III, 5:7] At the end of my religious life, I led the happiest existence that one can see, because I never sought myself. (106) When we renounce ourselves, we have our reward on earth. You often ask me the way to arrive at pure love, it is to forget yourself and not to seek yourself in anything. »

angel of peace
        I had shed a few tears to make a sister think I was very upset. Yet there was no attachment to the thing I regretted. I had also the same day supported my rights vis-à-vis another sister and defended justice, I also wanted to prove to her that she was wrong. My Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: It's true, basically, there was no trouble, peace was not achieved, but the down of the little peach is crumpled. ..Supporting your rights, wanting justice is not a great wrong vis-à-vis the neighbor, but for you, what a pity!
    - Oh! since the fishing is bruised, what to do?
    -A look of love towards Jesus and the knowledge of one's own misery repairs everything. To seek one's rights is to act to the detriment of one's soul, and to want to instruct others, even without putting yourself in the wrong, is to rob you at the wrong time. Moreover, it's not fair game, since you are not in charge of their conduct. You don't have to be a Justice of the Peace - only God has this right - your mission is to be an Angel of Peace! » (107)

Judge favorably
        She often told me that we must always judge others with charity because very often, what appears negligent in our eyes is heroism in the eyes of God. A tired person, who has a headache or who suffers in his soul, accomplishes more by accomplishing half of his task, than another healthy in body and mind who does it all. Our judgment must therefore be, on all occasions, favorable to our neighbour. We must always think the good, always excuse. And if no reason seems valid, there would still be the resource to say to oneself: "Such a person is apparently wrong, but he does not realize it and if I enjoy better judgment, all the more reason to have pity of her and to humiliate myself for being severe towards her. She also pointed out to me that ordinarily, the good Lord allows us to go through the same weaknesses that have displeased us in others: oversights, involuntary negligence, fatigue... so it is quite naturally that we excuse the faults. into which we have fallen. Taught by such a clairvoyant guide, I saw myself by experience that sisters whom I had believed to be imperfect were not at fault. A work accomplished by obedience, a more useful action had prevented them in the eyes of others from doing their duty and they bore this humiliation in silence.(108)

Lesson learned from the little pears without appearance
        Walking in the garden during recess, she said to me, pointing to a fruit tree: “Look at these very ugly pears in appearance, they are the image of the sisters who displease you. In the fall, when you are given these fruits freed from the foreign bodies which disfigure them, you will eat them with pleasure, without suspecting that you had despised them. Likewise on the last day, you will be amazed to see your sisters delivered from all their imperfections and who will appear to you as great saints. »

pray for priests
    What attracted her to Carmel was the sacrifice for the Church, for the priests...she wanted her life to be dedicated to the sanctification of the ministers of the Lord. She said that to pray for priests was to do wholesale trade, since through the head she reached the limbs. This desire for the sanctification of priests, and through them for the conversion of sinners, was truly the motive of his life. She taught us in the novitiate a prayer for them, quite long, of which she did not know the author. [Thérèse Durnerin] Almost all the letters she wrote to me, when I was in the world, testify to this attraction which was common to us.

ZEAL OF SOULS
        
    In June 1896, I photographed her to give her portrait to our Mother Prioress (Mother Marie de Gonzague) whom we celebrate on June 21. She wanted to be taken holding in her hand a scroll on which she had written these words of our Holy Mother Thérèse: "I would give a thousand lives to save a single soul." [Interior castle, 6th mansions, ch.6; Life ch.23, Foundations ch.1]
    During our trip to Rome, she was still only fourteen years old, having read a few pages of Annals of Missionary Religious, she soon interrupted her reading and said to me: I do not want to read any more; I already have such a strong desire to be a missionary, what would it be if I revived it still further through the picture of this apostolate? I want to be a Carmelite. She then explained to me the reason for this determination: It was to suffer more in the monotony of an austere life and, thereby, to save more souls.
    She recounted in the story of her life the tenacity of her prayers for the unfortunate assassin Pranzini, (110) her emotion when she saw herself answered by the sudden return to God of the condemned man, at the foot of the scaffold. It was to me that she had handed over, blushing, the coin intended to have a mass celebrated for this conversion. Her shyness prevented her from asking her confessor herself. She had not revealed to me the intention of this mass and was greatly relieved when I told her that I had guessed it. Afterwards, she shared with me her fears and her hopes. The zeal for souls had begun to devour her heart when, in her adolescence, the image of a bloody hand of Jesus crucified had revealed to her her vocation as co-redemptrix with the Saviour.
    In Carmel, this zeal never ceased to increase and was manifested in every encounter. I saw her, after the departure of a worker far from God who was to return during the day to work in the monastery, stealthily hiding a medallion of Saint Benedict under the lining of his work jacket.
    In a moment of cruel suffering, when the tuberculosis had taken hold of our entire body and we implored Heaven with tears, she said: I ask the good Lord that all the prayers made for me should not serve to alleviate my sufferings but to save sinners. (111) And I still hear him affirm: No, I would never have believed that one could suffer so much...never, never! I can only explain this to myself by the ardent desires I have had to save souls. It was one of his last words.

After his death
     Many times and in very varied forms, she promised to "show a shower of roses" and expressed her desire and her assurance of doing good after her death by praying for the Church, by continuing her mission of choice among the priests. Above all, I heard her explain, describe what this good would be, by what means she would call souls to God by teaching them her way of trust and total abandonment. Responding to one of his reflections, I said to him, “So you think you will save more souls in heaven?
-Yes, I believe so, she replied, the proof is that the good Lord lets me die, when I so desire to save souls for Him... (112)

FIDELITY - OBEDIENCE - POVERTY - SPIRIT OF MORTIFICATION

Loyalty to the rule
    My dear little sister's fidelity to observance was commensurate with her esteem for our holy Rules and Constitutions: We are only too happy, she said, to have only to practice what our reformers had to institute with so much pain. Also, she could not bear that we find fault with what was prescribed.
    She assured us that in community everyone should try to be self-sufficient and make sure not to ask for service without great need. To keep a happy medium, when you think you can dispense with some common work or ask for an exception to the rule, she advised you to say to yourself: - If everyone did the same thing? – The answer would be, she added, that a great disorder would result, for each one would find good reasons and always enough occupations of her choice or in her employment to evade the common obligations. To miss community hours as little as possible: Divine Office, prayer, recreation, such was his teaching. There are some, she said, who, under the pretext of devotion to work, cut short those hours whose use is (116) specified in the rule, that is stealing God's time! She set us the example herself and left her work at the first sound of the bell, without taking the time to finish a word started or to make a point. When she was ringing, I saw her disturbing herself at the end of recess half a quarter of an hour before the regulation time, as it was prescribed in our "Usages". She was leaving in the very middle of the most interesting conversation. On a continuous basis, this conduct is very mortifying.
    In order not to miss Matins or other hours when the community is gathered, she practiced very meritorious acts of virtue. Being still only a postulant or a novice, if she felt ill, she did not say so, unless she had received the express order to reveal it, for she only took help and relief on any occasion. offered to him, without any advance on his part. On the contrary, she showed more courage when she was in pain, in order to disguise her discomfort. Several times, she went to choir for the recitation of the Divine Office with such a stomach ache that she did not believe she could keep her meal without fainting, but she mustered all her energy by saying to herself; If I fall, we'll see! This little (117) phrase that she often repeated to herself helped her a lot, she confided to me, especially at the beginning of her religious life.
    Once the end of an exercise was sounded and I was not disturbing myself quickly enough, she said to me: Go to your little duty, not to your little love...

Obedience
    The obedience of Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus extended to everything. She said to me: We must not make life easy for ourselves. Since we would like to be martyrs, we must use the instruments we have, and make our religious life a martyr. This advice, she practiced rigorously, to the letter. The Superiors had to pay great attention to what they said in her presence, because advice became an order to her, and she did not follow it just for a day, or a fortnight, but without stopping.
    This is how I saw her observing little things like closing such a door, not going through such a place, not crossing the choir and a thousand other recommendations of this kind to which our Mother Prioress - the Reverend Mother Marie de Gonzague - no longer thinking (118) after a few days. She did not suspect that for this faithful soul all her words became oracles, and that she fulfilled them as being the express will of God. During her novitiate, her Mistress, Sister Marie des Anges, had made it her duty to tell her whenever she had a stomach ache. As it was every day, she felt compelled to make this confession every day. Then his Mistress, no longer remembering the order she had given, exclaimed: "This child is only complaining". What Thérèse endured without apologizing.
    She obeyed each of the sisters in the same way, without ever appearing the shadow of a search for her own will, sacrificed in every encounter. One day when the community was gathered in a hermitage to sing hymns, and exhausted by illness, she sat down, a Sister having made a sign to her to get up, she did so immediately with a kind face. After the meeting, I asked him why this obedience that I considered too blind. She replied simply that in things of little importance, she had got into the habit of obeying everyone in a spirit of faith, as if it were God himself who was showing his will to her.
    I had responded quickly to a Sister who had reproached me that I did not believe deserved: “She is not within her rights, that was none of her business! (119) I said. -It is true, resumed our Mistress, but Jesus did not say: obey only your Superiors, but: “Give to whoever asks you [Luke 6:30] and walk a thousand paces with him who obliges you to give. make a hundred.”[Mt 5:41].  
    Some time before dying, Sister Thérèse said in front of me to Mother Agnès of Jesus: “I have a little piece of advice to give you: the Prioresses should recommend to the nurses to oblige their patients to ask for everything they need. It is very necessary, my Mother...”. [Obviously, Sister Thérèse, so mortified, had in view here only the seriously ill, because more than any other she endorsed this recommendation of our Holy Mother Thérèse: “Let us must not bother the nurses when the harm is not great. »] She also told me, who was assigned to this job. As a result, we judged that she was speaking from experience, but it was too late to remedy this effectively. How many things has she not deprived herself of? These sacrifices are God's secret, because even while thinking of relieving her, we made her suffer. So the nurse, a good old woman who was a little deaf, thinking she was cold when she was burning with fever, covered her over her head and, seeing that her patient was taking everything she gave him, brought new blankets again. Sister Thérèse let herself go. When I returned, I found her dripping with sweat. All smiling, she related this story to me, without a word of displeasure leaving her lips. She tells me, on the contrary, that she accepted everything in a spirit of obedience to her first nurse. (120)

do nothing without permission
    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus often advised us to be very faithful in asking for our permissions. "For me, she told me, when I forgot to do it on Saturday and I didn't think about it when I should have asked for it, I was depriving myself of something essential rather than taking action. by myself. [Three years after profession, the novices left the novitiate, took the rank of the other sisters and were no longer held to the same obligations. This is how the novices ask for their permissions every week and the other Sisters every month. Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, having exceeded the three years following her profession and fulfilling an office with the novices, could have freed herself from these ties, but she was careful not to do so.] “I was very scrupulous about it and I was very tormented when I had to do something without our Mother's authorization. Thus, the good Lord did not allow her to tell me to write my poems as I composed them, and I would not have wanted to ask her for fear of committing a fault against poverty. So I waited for the hour of free time, and it was not without extreme difficulty that I remembered at eight o'clock in the evening what I had composed in the morning. These little nothings are a martyrdom, it is true; but we must beware of diminishing them by allowing or being allowed a thousand things which would make religious life agreeable and convenient. You don't have to give yourself any leeway. [It would be to misunderstand the spirit of holy freedom of a child of God which animated Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus to set up as an axiom valid for all and in all conditions, that one should not give oneself any latitude, whereas in this particular case it is a question of the loving fidelity with which the Carmelites must observe the least prescriptions of religious life.] (121)
    When she entered Carmel at the age of fifteen, her poorly formed handwriting displeased Mother Agnès of Jesus. Thérèse then suggested that she write in return, which was much more convenient for her, but they would not allow her to do so and she submitted, doing her best. It was not until 1894 that permission was given to him.
Comply with customs
    Although she recommended that we do everything as perfectly as possible, she considered that we should not try to act better than others, but conform in everything to custom, because an indiscreet zeal can harm oneself. itself and to others. For example, she told me, if you are on a long retreat, relieved of the community works and there is laundry to hang up in the attic, do not mingle with the sisters who do this work. Although it is an act of charity, it is better to abstain from it as is the custom, because, once your fervor has passed, the obligation that you would have imposed on yourself could become a fatigue for your soul and tire the others who would think themselves obliged to imitate your example, and would be afraid of refusing something to the good God by not doing it. (122)
    Or else, if a Sister is accidentally asked for a service for a job that is not hers, she must conform in everything to what is indicated to her, even if she conceived the job in a more perfect way, because one exposes oneself to embarrassing the usual officers who may have reasons for acting as they do and of which the others are unaware. Since in life it happens that the continuity of a thing tires, it is better to embrace, in terms of practices, only what one believes to be able to carry with perseverance.

POVERTY

    A Sister asking me to lend her poems that I had copied on loose sheets, I did not seem in a good mood. I thought: "I would have done better to have copied these on a notebook like the others do, at least I wouldn't be liable to lose them!" »
    Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus stared at me and said: You should be happy to strip yourselves, you should not only lend them with joy, but make sure that they are asked for again. Since you so desire to do good to souls by composing them, you should make it your happiness not only to lend them, but to give them for the purpose of the apostolate. It is reported of Saint Louis de Gonzague that he never asked for a lent object again, out of a spirit of poverty. (123) She said to me another time: Earlier, you complained that your basket had been messed up, that you were missing this or that. You should be happy about it and say to yourself: I am poor, so it is natural that I lack something, we did well to seize it since it is not mine.
    I had been asked for a pin which was very convenient for me and I regretted it. Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: Oh! how rich you are! You cannot be happy.... I have noticed that on all occasions one still gives rather generously; but there are few souls who let themselves take what belongs to them. This is what is difficult. And yet the word of the Gospel is there: “If what belongs to you is taken away, do not ask for it again! [Luke 6:30]”
    “I would like,” I said to him during his illness, “that you leave me this picture in memory of you.
-Ah! you still have desires!... When I will be with the good Lord, don't ask for anything that has been for my use, simply take what they (124) want to give you; to do otherwise would be not to be stripped of everything, instead of giving you joy, it would make you unhappy. Only in Heaven will we have the right to possess.  
    Shortly after her death, one of our Sisters having suggested that I take steps to obtain for me some object that had belonged to my dear sister, I consulted her asking: “How should I do it? and I opened the Holy Gospel to find his answer. I read: “As a man who goes on a journey abandons his house and gives power to his servants.[Mat, XXV,14]”
        Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus liked, for the love of God, to own only the ugliest and most worn objects. I say: for the love of God, because naturally, with her artistic temperament, she would have preferred things in good taste and not deteriorated. I noticed it one day when I had made an irreparable stain on his hourglass. I noticed the effort she made to agree to keep it that way and not let me see the sacrifice I had imposed on her without wanting to. (125)
    She didn't care that her dresses fit her well or were long enough. It was apparently complete indifference from her exterior without any negligence on her part. But the closer, in all things, she approached to true poverty, the happier she was, so she mended her alpargates and her clothes to the extreme limit of what was possible. Still in the same spirit, if she had a book or a picture with golden edges, she scratched them carefully. His work basket beginning to come apart, a Sister lined it with a strip of old velvet because this fabric is indestructible. Although in a great hurry, Thérèse undid the work and put the velvet inside out, that is to say the weft on the outside, so that it would be poorer and uglier. A novice having rubbed linseed oil on his cell desk, which is usually poorly dyed with walnut stain, she had him wash it immediately with a brush and could not bear the furniture of his own cell, thus coated. , only because she had found them such on her arrival; but they displeased her very much and if it had been up to her, they would have been mercilessly washed away.
    When I entered the monastery, she got rid of her writing desk and her holy water font to give them to me, and took out of use objects for herself from the attics. (126) Our model in all things, Sister Thérèse had nothing more than she strictly needed and carefully rejected what reminded her of convenience.
    She only had at Carmel a pair of children's scissors which she had brought from society and which were very insufficient for her work. For several years of her religious life, she used a lamp whose mechanism no longer worked, so that to pull up the wick, she had to use a pin. But she did it with such good grace that it seemed natural to see her going to this trouble and that people were deceived into it, convinced that she preferred this lamp to another.
    When she needed a penknife, if she didn't have time to take it back to the job of painting, before going to bed, she put it on the ground outside near the door of her cell, so as to clearly indicate that it was not part of the objects for his use.
    He needed a vaporizer to cure his burning throat. All the bottles being suitable for this purpose, she had chosen one whose similar ones were intended for the broken pots. One day, having broken it inadvertently, she wanted to reveal her culpability to the chapter, despite my remonstrances. (127)
    To write her manuscript, she obtained from our Sister Léonie a two-cent notebook on poor paper. She believed, at first, to use only one, so her surprise was great when she saw herself obliged to ask for another. As for the part addressed to Mother Marie de Gonzague which she wrote when she was so ill, she had to be forced to write less tightly, putting a suitable distance between the lines and on squared paper. When she composed her poems, she wrote them down on small pieces of paper of all colors and sizes that no one would have wanted, so her drafts are almost unreadable. She used her pens to write to the last limit. At the end of her life, compelled to follow a milk diet, she soaked them in a little milk made available to her. It was, she said, to give them sweetness.
    At the profession of her little Sister, Mother Agnès of Jesus, fearing that Thérèse's crucifix was too heavy and might hurt her, gave her her own, which was smaller. Sister Thérèse did not hide from me, afterwards, the sacrifice that this had imposed on her, because she had dreamed of having a large crucifix, but she did not ask for it and kept the little one all her life. It's the one she had in her hands when she died.(128)

SPIRIT OF MORTIFICATION IN MEALS
RECREATIONS AND TALKS

    She seized the little opportunities for mortification which could not harm her health and imposed them on herself always and at all times. These are very minimal practices, no doubt, but the good Lord shows his power as much in the creation of the infinitely small as in that of the infinitely large, and it seems that Thérèse has precisely unveiled her strength in the multiplicity of microscopic acts, if the we can express it this way.
    My dear little Sister confided to me that she had felt, from her earliest childhood, an instinctive repugnance for meals. She couldn't understand why people invited each other for that, that that was the purpose of the meetings. As soon as you want to enjoy someone's presence, she said, you invite him to dinner. How strange! We should be ashamed to do this action and hide. Ah! if Our Lord and the Blessed Virgin had not eaten, I could never have consoled myself for doing so! [To those who would be disconcerted by a repugnance they would not experience, the Saint would doubtless reply, as to Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart, frightened by her great desires for martyrdom: This is not at all what pleases the good God in my little soul, what pleases him is to see me love my littleness, my poverty, it is the blind hope that I have in his mercy. Repugnance for meals, desires for martyrdom were dispositions proper to the Saint, but which in no way belong to the Little Way which she has the mission to teach.]
(129)
    At the end of her life, when she was so ill, she had small desires for food. So she said to me with a little sad air: This humiliates me a lot! but I don't mind, since it is God's will that I pass through this weakness.

Purity of intention in the refectory
    Asked how to sanctify meals, she replied: This action, so base in itself, must be done in union with Our Lord. Very often, it is in the refectory that the sweetest aspirations of love come to me. Sometimes I have to stop...Oh! it delights me when I think that if Our Lord had been in my place before my portion, He would certainly have eaten it. He would take what was offered to him... Then, it is quite probable that during his mortal life, he tasted the same food as me. The Blessed Virgin made soup for him. He ate bread, fruit, vegetables, fish...
    Thus, she conversed with these thoughts and her soul was exhaled in the perfume of love.
    Here are the penances that she allowed herself in the refectory since the others were forbidden to her: (130) When the handle of her knife or her spoon was not sufficiently wiped and that, slightly sticky, it adhered to her hand, she took good care to put an end to this mortification which cost him so much and continued it until the end of the meal.
    One year when, during the last weeks of Lent, a book was read on the Passion of Our Lord, she told me that it was so repugnant to her to take her food while listening to this reading that she was forced to carry out this act furtively. who seemed so low to him and deprived himself of drinking until the reader stopped for a moment or the story was less moving. So she drank quickly and as if on the sly because, she said, you have to eat well all the same, but drinking, you can do without it, it's a relief. She told me this fact not to commit me to follow her example, but to show me how much she was moved by the account of the sufferings of Our Lord.
    In the refectory, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus had little childish rubrics that she gave us simply: I imagine myself being in Nazareth in the house of the Holy Family. If they serve me, for example, salad, cold fish, wine or something else that has a strong taste, I offer it to the good Saint Joseph. To the Blessed Virgin, I give warm portions, very ripe fruit, etc. And the dishes for feast days, especially the porridge, the rice, the jams, I offer them to the Child Jesus. Finally, when someone brings me a bad dinner, I say to myself cheerfully: Today my little girl, all this is for you!(131)
    She hid her mortification from us under a graceful exterior. However, one day of fasting, when our Reverend Mother had imposed a relief on her, a novice surprised her seasoning this sweetness with absinthe, which was too much to her taste. Another time I saw her slowly drink an execrable remedy.
“- But hurry then, I said to him, drink it all at once!
- Oh! No; Shouldn't I take advantage of the little opportunities that come along to mortify myself a little, since I'm forbidden to look for great ones? »

How to sanctify recess
     At recreation more than anywhere else, said Sister Thérèse, you will find the opportunity to exercise your virtue. If you want to derive great benefit from it, do not go there with the thought of recreating yourself, but with that of recreating others; practice there a complete detachment from yourself. For example, if you tell one of your Sisters a story that seems interesting to you and she interrupts you to tell you something else, listen to it with interest even though it does not interest you at all, and do not look for not to resume your first conversation. By doing so, you will come out of recreation with great inner peace and invested with new strength to practice virtue, because you will not have sought to satisfy yourself but to please others. If (132) we knew what we gain by renouncing ourselves in all things!...
- You know it well, you; is that how you always did?
- Yes, I forgot myself, I tried not to look for myself in anything. »
    How true is this testimony! She practiced perfect self-sacrifice, with so much ease that one might have thought it natural to her. And yet this virtue was due to his generous correspondence to the grace of God. Witness this confidence: As I pointed out to her that in recreation it is sometimes a real itch that one feels to tell an excellent truth, she confessed to me having felt this temptation. No wonder that with his sharp mind, fine and spicy repartee burned his lips! But she was always victorious in the art of depriving herself of shining.

Abnegation in visiting rooms
    In the visiting room, she listened in silence, speaking only when questioned. Her reserve was such that, even in our family, she was considered insignificant and it was said that, having entered the convent too young, her education had been truncated and that she would suffer from it all her life.
    When I am no longer of this world, she tells us, her three sisters, be very careful not to lead family life, not to tell you anything about visiting rooms without permission, and even then not to ask only if it's useful and not just fun.
    In fact of talking, she was always looking for a way to slip away when she planned to have fun, while on the contrary, she was not asked to stay when it was a question of devoting herself.

Détachement
    When Sister Thérèse was ill, she said so out of obedience to our Mother, without caring whether she was being treated or not, and, if something was lacking, she thought that the good Lord was sure of her patience, which she was quite proud and happy. When you undertake a job, she told me, you must always do it with a free hand, let your Sisters give you advice, even touch it up, in your absence, and thereby cause you to lose several hours of effort if they do not don't taste the same as you. Moreover, if your work thus revised loses its value, you should rejoice, because one should not work so much with the aim of accomplishing a perfect work as of doing the will of God. [These advices are given to a novice who did not have to worry about external performance and whom it was important to form in the spiritual life. All souls therefore do not have to take them (134) literally. To another novice, much less inclined to seek the finished, the perfection, she recommended to apply to do everything with the greatest care for the love of God.]

self-esteem
    During her illness, I imagined to relieve her an organization which I arranged so quickly and which seemed to her so ingenious that she considered me astonished. She then complimented me on my charitable promptness, my skill and added: If you had been ordered to do this, if it was your first job who had thought of it, would you have carried it out with as much spirited? And, developing her thought, she showed me how nature is inclined to find easy what comes from our personal inspiration while on the contrary there are always ifs and buts when it is the ideas of others that we must adopt. . So we look favorably on the reliefs we give to others when we have obtained them for ourselves. If we have nothing to do with it, a thousand temptations arise in our hearts, and we find fault with everything we have not touched!

Sacrifice of family affections
    A further example of his detachment comes from his conduct when a photograph was taken of the community. Being in charge of preparing the camera and arranging (135) the groups, it happened, when the time had come to take my place [An older sister, no longer wanting to pose, had offered to open and close the lens once everything worked out.], that I no longer found any available even among the novices: these having gathered around our Mistress so as to be closest to her. My dear little Sister let them do it, not without regretting that from time to time they did not delicately reserve for us the joy of being near each other. She confessed to having suffered from it... Once, however, she deviated from this way of acting: it was at the "washing" group where she asked Sister Martha of Jesus to move away a little to leave me a place.
    In truth, one could not have found a heart more affectionate than hers, but it was only in intimacy that to us, her sisters, she showed all her tenderness. Having read that certain Saints moved away from their parents for the sake of perfection or changed their relationship with them, she told us that she was very happy that there were several dwellings in the house of the good Lord, adding that hers would not be the one of these great saints but of the little saints who love their family very much. However, on the subject of her probable departure for Hanoi, when I asked her what was the motive that made her act, she answered me: It is not to be useful there, but to suffer the exile of the heart there. (136)

RENUNCIATION

Do not compromise with the century
    At the time when, exiled in the world, I was forced to follow the current of the environment in which I lived, my dear little Thérèse felt a deep pain, especially on a certain day when I had to attend a dance party. She wept, she told me, as she had never wept, and asked me in the visiting room to give me her recommendations. As I found that she was a little over the top and that she was too severe, because you mustn't make a fool of yourself, she seemed indignant and said to me forcefully: Oh! Céline, considers the conduct of the three young Hebrews who preferred to be thrown into a fiery furnace rather than bend their knees before the golden statue; and you, the spouse of Jesus, are you willing to make a pact with the century, to adore the idol of the world by indulging in dangerous pleasures? Remember what I tell you from God, see how he has rewarded the faithfulness of his servants and try to imitate them.
    After taking the firm resolution not to dance and not knowing how to go about carrying out my plan, I put a large crucifix in my pocket and made an ardent prayer. The evening was almost over and I had resisted all the time the pressing solicitations which had (137) been made to me, to the point of angering certain people when, I don't know how, I was dragged away by a young man. But it was impossible for me to perform a single dance step. It was really strange. Each time the music resumed, the poor gentleman tried to rush off and I really did my best, useless trouble! Finally, after walking with me with a very religious step, he slipped away, red with confusion. As for me, I was not at all embarrassed and I went back very happy, near the ladies who were doing tapestry and whom I greatly relieved by laughing at my adventure.

 To do one's will by not doing it
    A few months after my entry into Carmel, finding religious life a bit harsh by nature, I was encouraged by Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus: You complain of not doing your will, she told me, is not fair. I admit that you don't do it in the detail of each day, but life in itself, didn't you choose it? So you are doing your will by not doing it, since you knew well what you were embracing when you came to Carmel. I confess to you that I would not stay here a minute out of constraint. If I was forced to live this life, I couldn't, but I want it...I want everything that upsets me. Yes (138) it is I who want everything that is against my will, since I said aloud, on the day of my Profession: "that it was of my own free will and free will that I wanted to be a Carmelite. " [Formula then in use before the issuance of Vows.]
    In March 1895, being in the garden with the novices, I saw a small snowdrop in a flowerbed. I rushed to pick it up, but Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus held me back, saying: It's not allowed. The thought that I wouldn't even be able to pick a flower anymore felt so harsh that tears glistened in my eyes. It was a Sunday. Back in our cell, I wanted to console myself by composing a canticle that would say all that I had loved and that I found in Jesus, but I could only write this one ending:
"The flower that I pick, O my King,
It's you!"
Therese, to whom I confided my grief, said nothing, but a few days later she brought me a poem entitled "Le cantique de Céline" which was later published under the title "Ce que j'aime". Each line shines there, with its hope, its release from the things of this world. (139)
Examples of renunciation
    I give them as having been a witness or because she confided in me to urge me to sacrifice. Our Mother had read, during recess, a letter in which Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus was mentioned, one day when she was absent. She begged me to communicate it to her. I passed it to him with permission. A few days later I needed it. She returned it to me and, as I asked her if it had interested her, she had to admit that she had not read it. I handed it to her again so she could see it, but it was useless, she didn't open it. It was thus that in all things she mortified her most innocent desires and, in this circumstance, she particularly wanted to punish herself for having asked me to. She never inquired about the news. If she saw a group of Sisters to whom the Mother Prioress seemed to favor, she was careful not to go that way.
    When I entered Carmel on September 14, 1894, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus was happy to see her dearest wish fulfilled, since she was going to be able to teach me herself and guide me in her "Little Way"; nevertheless, when I passed through the closing gate, his first act was a renunciation. (140) After having kissed me like the other nuns, she was already running away when our Mother Agnès of Jesus made a sign to her to go and wait for me in the cell which was intended for me. She was entitled to it as an "angel" and helper to the Mistress of Novices, but she would not have come without this call.
    Likewise, when Sister Marie of the Eucharist entered, when the community came to look for her at the convent door, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, one of the youngest, was on the sidelines. A Sister said to her: “Come on, you will see your family while the door is open”, but she didn't do anything about it. It should be noted that the visiting rooms being under construction, it had been a year since we had seen our parents. As I later reproached her for having been the only one to miss the appointment, she told me that she had deprived herself of it to mortify herself, adding that this sacrifice had cost her a great deal.
    Sometimes she felt like glancing at the choir clock, during prayer or in other circumstances. She always deprived herself of it and waited patiently for the hour to strike: I'm in a hurry, it's true, she said to herself, but it won't help me to know if there are still five or ten minutes. (141) She bore with the patience of an angel and in a spirit of mortification the excessive care given to her by her first job at the Tour. She was a very slow and obsessive old maid, who nursed her frostbitten and cracked hands in the winter. This Sister was wrapping his fingers one by one in a multitude of tiny bands. One day, only the last phalanx of the little finger remained free, but it was not long in being buried like the others! And in front of my amazement, Sister Thérèse laughed!
    During his illness, we were brought a box of baptismal dragees, the subject of which was charming. They rented it in front of her, they put the box on the table not far from her bed, forgetting to show it to her: she was careful not to ask for it.

You sacrifice
    My dear little Sister confided to me that in order to excite her novitiate companion to virtue, converse Sister whom she was trying to enlighten, she pretended to need for herself, a whole daily direction of actions, to advance in perfection. Each day, a special gift was offered to the Child Jesus, sometimes flowers or fruits, sometimes clothes, or else he was given melodious concerts with musical instruments that changed constantly. A method which went against her charms of great simplicity, but she applied herself to it (142) with such good grace that her companion could be persuaded that these stimulants were necessary for her.
    At the very beginning of my religious life, passing through the garden near a vine, I offered her little curlers that we loved to suck on when we were little. But she refused them, saying that at Carmel she had forbidden herself that satisfaction which brought back so many childhood memories. I insisted this time, then a day of celebration, hoping that she would accept on this occasion what was offered to her. Everything was useless: "I promised the baby Jesus, she told me, to taste the frizzles of the vine only in his Kingdom."

Breadth of sight in mortification
    On the other hand, I had had the opportunity to experience her breadth of vision so as not to take away from a postulant a distraction that could do her good. As I entered, she pointed out to me that from the window of our cell, we could see the railway line in the distance between two houses and she said to me: "You will be happy to see the train go by..." She did not made no allusion to the mortification which would have consisted in depriving me of this innocent pleasure, but God allowed that the construction of a new building almost immediately concealed the railroad tracks from me! Sister Thérèse did not seek, to mortify herself, extraordinary things, and was not even of an (143) absolute rigor about the permitted satisfactions. In this, as in everything else, she proceeded with simplicity and did not refuse to bless God in her works. Thus, she liked to touch the fruits, the peach in particular, admiring its velvety skin, even to distinguish between them the perfumes of the flowers. But if she had felt a natural pleasure, even in innocent things, she would have stopped immediately. Which she did faithfully, since at the time of death she had nothing to reproach herself for in her whole life except for having taken pleasure, once and for a moment, in inhaling a bottle of eau de cologne which she given to him on his trip.

INSTRUMENTS OF PENANCE
    Before entering Carmel, Thérèse deliberately turned away from mortification in this form. A nun, she was perfectly faithful to the disciplines of the Rule and, as long as she was allowed to, to the wearing of the supererogatory instruments of penance customary in the monastery. As for me, having experienced that, when one carries these sorts of objects, one instinctively avoids many painful movements, and that, for discipline, one stiffens up so as to suffer less, I reflected on this to my virtuous little Sister who exclaimed: Ah! not me ! I don't think it's worth doing things by halves. I take discipline (144) to hurt me and I want it to hurt me as much as possible. She confessed to me that, sometimes, tears came to her eyes, but that she tried to smile, in order to have on her face the imprint of the feelings of her heart, happy to suffer in union with her Good. - Beloved, to save souls for him.
However, she had noticed that the nuns most prone to bloody austerities were not the most perfect, and that even self-love seemed to find nourishment in excessive bodily penances. This contributed not a little to show her the danger of it (The Saint was completely enlightened on this when, having worn a small iron cross for too long, she became ill from it. The Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus testified at the Canonical Process (cf. Sum. § 63o) that “during the rest she had to take afterwards, the good Lord made her understand that if she had been ill for so little, it was a sign that that was not her way nor that of the “little souls” who were to follow him on the same path of childhood, where nothing is out of the ordinary”.
See also, in the Last Talks, August 3, 897, how she warned her “Little Mother” against excessive bodily penances. Novissima Verba, p. 110).
     She told us that all corporal penances were nothing, weighed against charity.
During his novitiate - I learned about it in the last months of his life - one of our Sisters, having wanted to do him the service of retyping his scapular on his shoulder, inadvertently went through his epidermis with her large pin. , suffering that she endured several hours with joy.

STRENGTH IN SUFFERING
HOLINESS AND GLORY

    STRENGTH IN SUFFERING

Her perfect conformity to the will of God could even be read on her face: you could see her always gracious and cheerful sweet, full of consolation.

Temptations against the Faith

She spoke to no one of her great ordeal of temptations against the faith, which made the sky of her soul very dark, during the last eighteen months of her life.
She only told me that she had opened up about it to RPGodefroid-Madeleine, who had advised her to copy the Credo and wear it on her heart, which she did immediately. She even wrote it in her blood. I know that she would have liked to confide all her troubles to me, it seemed to her that this outpouring would have relieved her, but she was afraid of making me share her doubts, and preferred to bear them entirely alone. When I asked her questions about her inner ordeal, she contented herself with looking at me with her deep eyes, saying to me: If you only knew!... Oh! if you spent only five minutes by the temptations that I undergo! (148) Sometimes she seemed to let slip her painful secret, and, in the middle of a quite foreign conversation on this subject, she said to me in an anguished tone: Is there a Heaven?. .. Tell me about Heaven. I tried to tell her all sorts of beautiful things about Heaven and the good Lord, I would have liked to pour myself out with her, alas! my words found no echo. Sometimes I was interrupted by an "Ah!" sorry, but more often than not it was necessary to change the conversation, because my words seemed to increase his torture. I suffered a lot to see her in this ordeal.
My dear little Thérèse, in the face of my powerless efforts, told me to pray for her, then outwardly it no longer appeared. She triumphed over her temptations by often making acts of faith and by composing her poems, the echo of a soul aflame with love.

Beautiful dream and true courage

Like our Father Saint John of the Cross, she lived supported without any support (Glose sur le divin).
I who did not appreciate these austere maxims, in practice at least, I was quite astonished at the ruins that were piling up in my soul, by the destruction wrought on the "self" by religious training, and I found myself regretting the vivid and fiery impressions once felt.
“In the world, I told him, I was passionate, I felt my heart beating with zeal, I was enterprising. For the glory of God, I would have gone to the end of the world, I would not have been afraid of ferocious beasts, whereas now all these vivid impressions are extinguished, and I do not feel brave for anything. !...
- That, she answered me, was youthful: true courage is not in this ardor of a moment which makes you want to go to the conquest of souls, at the cost of all the imaginary dangers, which only add he added charm to this beautiful dream is to want it in the anguish of the heart and, at the same time, to reject it, so to speak, like Our Lord in the Garden of Olives.

The Crosses of the World and the Crosses of Religious Life

     It is commonly thought in the world, she told me, that we have nothing to suffer or only childish sufferings and they say: Good luck! the crosses that we meet in the century, that is what we can call crosses!
 It is true that in the world, there are very large and heavy crosses... Those of religious life are daily pinpricks, the fight is exercised on a completely different ground, we must fight each other, destroying yourself, that's where the real victories are won. How many souls come from the world into the cloister, having lost parents, children, whose male courage and fortitude were admired and who, faced with the crosses of religious life, often find themselves discouraged. I have observed myself, here, that the strongest natures, apparently, are, in these little things, the easiest to bring down, so true is it that the greatest of victories is to conquer oneself. .
150- Oh! I replied, renunciation in small things is too difficult, I'll never get there! I make good resolutions, I see clearly what I have to do, then, at the first meeting, I let myself be defeated, it's stronger than me.
- You disassemble so easily, because you do not soften your heart in advance. When you are upset with someone, the way to find peace is to pray for that person and ask God to reward them for causing you pain. It happens, however, that, despite all their efforts, the good Lord leaves weaknesses in certain souls, because it would be very prejudicial to them to have felt virtue, that is to say that they believe they possess it and that others recognize them.

    About our cloistered life without any active apostolate, she felt that the hardest thing for nature is to work without ever seeing the fruit of one's labors, without encouragement, without distractions of any kind, that the hard work of all is that which one undertakes on oneself in order to succeed in conquering oneself.

"...Your works are not seen"

Here is an example of the “crosses” encountered in religious life:
During my postulancy, I was placed in the robery (Job concerning homespun clothes, woolen sheets and blankets) with the responsibility of rendering some services to the infirmary. But, as soon as I entered, I was asked for completely different work for which "I was expected."
I had to paint a medallion on a chasuble, then a multitude of small objects that the Sisters brought me to embellish them in view of Saint Agnes, our Mother's feast.
As it was my first job that required me to do all this, I did it obediently and yet I would have preferred to sew.
But then, noticing that the work of the dressmaking was suffering from it, she complained, which caused me great pain, of which my Thérèse had confidence.
On Christmas Eve, I found in my shoe, in the name of the Blessed Virgin, a poem which she addressed to me (I was then called Mary of the Holy Face), and of which here is a fragment:
  Don't worry, Mary,
Of the work of each day,
Your only job in this life
Must be only love.

And if someone comes to complain
 That your works cannot be seen,
 I like it very much, can you say,
This is my job here. »

My dear little Sister did this on her own, without any request from me. She wanted to encourage me, console me, which she succeeded perfectly. (152)

About the suffering    

      I had, she told me, a very great capacity to suffer and a very small one to enjoy, I could not bear joy. Thus, joy robbed me of all appetite, while on days when I had a lot of pain, I ate like four, unlike everyone else! Although desiring martyrdom, Sister Thérèse did not seek suffering for suffering's sake; she loved him because she was a way for him to prove his love to Jesus, just as Our Lord desired his baptism of blood to give us a testimony of his own, fearing him at the same time, according to his human nature.
Moreover, when she expresses to God her desire to suffer much for Him, she always subordinates this prayer to the designs of Providence on her. And even at the end of his life, this disposition of total abandonment to divine good pleasure had taken on a predominant influence in his soul which made him say:
    I no longer desire either suffering or death and yet I cherish them both. Today, it is abandonment alone that guides me, I no longer know how to ask for anything with ardor, except the perfect fulfillment of God's will on my soul. » Ms. A, fol. 83 r.

Don't ask for consolation

Her interior mortification was so great that she never asked God for the smallest consolation. Here is a line that brings out the lesson she gave me in this regard:
In the beginning of my religious life I struggled, I experienced many defeats, few victories and discouragement was there, very close. The wise advice of my dear little Sister entered deeply into my soul, but the more I relished it, the more I suffered from not being able to put it into practice. I said to myself: “No, I'll never have the strength to go all the way, I'd rather have less in Paradise, I can't go any further. »
In this perplexity, I addressed myself to the Blessed Virgin, begging her to give me a small consolation or else a dream. I was granted.
During my sleep, I saw myself in the courtyard, crying a lot. My heart pressed by anguish, I raised my eyes: an immensity of sky surrounded me, there were many small clouds and, between them, intertwined crowns, they were like nimbus surmounted by a star, it there were thousands of them, innumerable multitudes, and as the clouds parted, I discovered others. I remained panting, my tears dried up and I saw that the horizon was completely red, red with blood and this red was still rising.
So, I thought that it was not for myself that I had to work, but to please the good God and save souls for him... to gain Paradise, yes, but for sinners, and since a mother gives birth in pain, I had to suffer a lot in order to give birth to many souls.
As my heart opened and expanded before (154) the beauty of my mission, I awoke and, very happy, I told this encouraging dream to our dear little Mistress. She said to me quickly: Ah! that's something I would never have done!... ask for consolation. Since you want to be like me, you know very well that I say:
  Oh ! do not be afraid, Lord, that I will awaken you,
 I await in peace the Kingdom of Heaven. " (Live on love)
 It is so sweet to serve the good God in the night of trial, we only have this life to live by faith!...

 No doubt he was sleeping
During her last illness, she was far from being led by the path of consolation herself. After one of her communions, she tells us:
 It's as if we had put two little children together, and the little children say nothing to each other; However, I said something to Jesus, but he didn't answer me: no doubt he was asleep!

Do not complain
One day of washing, I complained of being more tired than the others, because I had done, in addition to the common work, a job that was unknown. She replied: (155)
   I would always like to see you as a valiant soldier who does not complain of his sorrows, who calls his wounds scratches, who is constantly inclined to relieve others and to find their smallest ailments very serious.
She then made me admit that I felt my fatigue all the more because the others did not know it.
 Why don't we have courage? it's because we are not complaining! One would say to a Sister: You are tired, go and rest! immediately, she would feel her fatigue less... It's like the vulgar to want people to know when we've had trouble. Blessed Marguerite-Marie, having had two paronychia, felt that she had suffered only from the first, because the second, not having been able to remain ignored, had been the object of the Sisters' compassion. If we pity you, that would be a consolation. If you're not complaining, rejoice! In your place, I would like this extreme, and I would take pleasure in it. All or nothing: either compassion as much as your pain deserves, or a great forgetfulness, and to make it greater, help it!... Bring out the pain of others, the titles they have to to be complained, consoled more than you...

Sundays and holidays

I also pointed out to him that unforeseen occupations prevented me from taking advantage of the free time on Sundays and holidays. She answered me: Do you know which are my Sundays and feast days?... These are the days when I am tested the most.(156)
SELF CONTROL

Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus judged things truthfully. She didn't raise her head. We were sure to find near her a wise and balanced opinion. Nothing rushed in her behavior, she had a very remarkable sense of self.
She advised us never to entrust her with a pain, a temptation, when we were still moved. If we did not have the strength to wait, she listened to us, however, but said to us:

  Do not tell, even to our Mother, a difficulty so that the thing of which you are complaining cease, but open yourselves by duty, with clearing of the heart. When you do not feel this release, when there is even a spark of passion within you, it is more perfect to be silent and wait for your soul to be pacified, otherwise the interview will only be make things worse.

Nothing could move or upset her. The threats of persecution, the cataclysms here below made his songs rise higher. On all occasions, peace and tranquility were reflected on her face and she wanted to see in her novices the same serenity, not allowing, for example, that we wrinkle our foreheads, which indicates some concern.(157)
On a feast day of our Mother Prioress, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, representing Joan of Arc at the stake, was almost burned as a result of an imprudence. But on an order from our Mother not to move from her place, while they tried to extinguish the flames which crackled at her feet, she remained calm in the midst of the danger offering her life to the good God, like her then gave it to us.
When some accident occurred, she repaired it. the damage with perfect tranquillity. Shortly after entering Carmel, I happened to spill a whole inkwell on the white wall of our cell and on the floor; I ran up to her, beside myself: "Come quickly," I told her. - To help me, in my opinion, it would have been necessary to fly!
She, always so self-possessed, had great difficulty keeping her seriousness. It is true that my appearance was pitiful, and what made it even worse was the large crepe veil that hung from my postulant's cap.
Looking at me with a smile, she said to me gently: Don't worry, we'll right away repair the misfortune, your veil represents to me that layer of ink you're telling me about, but we're going to make it disappear. And peacefully taking the necessary utensils, she repaired, indeed, very quickly, the misfortune, although without hurry. And I, amazed, admired her calm which kept her from being disconcerted by the setbacks of life.
(158) However, she had trouble when she happened to commit a fault against poverty by breaking any object.
The very year of her death - it was February 2, 1897 - being a waitress in the refectory, she broke one of the windows of the service counter with the corner of the tray. As she was already very unwell, she could not conceal her emotion quickly enough and I saw her cry.
After the Community meal, while helping her pick up the broken glass, I wanted to console her, but she said to me: I had asked the good Lord to have a great deal to offer her today, by the honor of my dear little brother, Théophane Vénard, whose martyrdom it is, well! here it is ! I would not have chosen it, because it is a fault against poverty, but it is involuntary, I present it to the good Lord as a pleasant-smelling sacrifice.

INSTRUMENTS OF GOD
Since my dear little Thérèse was my ideal and I burned with the desire to imitate her, I often showed it to her. To each fear that I expressed to her, she found answers that put my soul back in the truth, because I was inclined to estimate what shines.
"You can clearly see," I said to him, "that the good Lord loves you particularly since he puts you in the forefront (159) (For the direction of the novices, although it does not have the official charge.) and allows may you be esteemed and loved by creatures, for you cannot deny that everyone in the Fellowship seeks you out and loves you!
- It gives me nothing, she replied, and I am really only what the good Lord thinks of me. As for loving myself better because He puts me forward and allows me to be his interpreter with some novices, I find that it is rather the opposite. He makes me their little servant. It is for you that the good Lord has placed charms of outward virtue in me, it is not for me.
 I often compare myself to a small bowl of milk, all the little cats come to drink from it, they sometimes argue over who will have the most; but over there, from the side, little Jesus is watching! I don't mind you drinking from my little bowl, he said, but I'm going to see that it doesn't get knocked over.
 Indeed, he pays attention to it! Besides, it would be difficult to break it since it is on the ground... The Prioresses are also filled with graces for the others, but they are on a table, there is more danger, the honor is always dangerous! The good Lord puts milk in his little bowl as you need it and you say it's more for me than for you! But it's not me who benefits, it's you!
- Yes, but it is a sign that He places His trust in you. You are in a position of honor by being in a position of dedication. The good Lord is sure of you. (160)
- Ah! you don't know what you're saying! Humanly speaking, the most privileged are those whom God keeps for Himself alone. He has, for example, two small vases of incense. He keeps one for Himself and releases the perfume of the other before the creatures. Which is more privileged?
 He has pretty little baskets, He keeps some in store and puts others on display to attract passers-by. To these He attaches pink and blue ribbons, which make them appear prettier, but that adds nothing to the value of the baskets themselves, and those in the cupboards are as pretty, often prettier, for it takes almost a miracle of his grace for those whom he puts thus on display to preserve their freshness. And this is what you want!
- Ah! I don't envy that, in itself, but because you have it.
- Well ! if I were favored with extraordinary graces, you could not however desire them, because it would be a venial fault.Cf. Saint John of the Cross - The soul that wants to have revelations sins at least venially (Maxims and Spiritual Advice, faith n° 34).
So I took on an expression of sadness and I blushed as I replied: "I would have a hard time stopping myself... I admit that it's childishness." The proof is that, if I received extraordinary graces and you don't have any, I would like not to have any, so much do I have confidence in the path that the good Lord is leading you to follow.
- A soul, she resumed, is not holy because (161) God takes it as an instrument. It's like an artist who uses this or that brush. Why this one, while that one stays aside? It is nonetheless a brush and perhaps better than the other. In any case, to be employed in the work of the Master gives nothing to the first.
- So what's the use?
- To recognize this truth, to attribute nothing to yourself, not to esteem this or that greater, to return everything to God (Imitation: Appropriate nothing of the good that you do and attribute to no man the virtue that you he shows: relate everything to God without whom man has nothing good (L.III, ch. ix, v. 2).
  Just as with a very small weak and flickering flame, one can light a big fire, so the good Lord uses whom He wants to extend his reign. An ordinary book, even a profane one, can help. So there is never anything to be proud of when we are taken as instruments. The good Lord doesn't need anyone.
However, I insisted again:
“Lights come to me through you, I said to him for the hundredth time, while the good Lord speaks directly to you.
- It is not a sign of predilection for me, on the contrary. Our Lord, as I told you, makes me your little servant. It is on purpose for you that he says such and such a thing to me. I should rather feel my inferiority in this circumstance. The good God, indeed, speaks to us through books, through external things, he often uses material objects, well (162) good! all this is at our service. Likewise, what comes to us through certain saints is much more for us than for their own glory. God exalts them for us. They too are our servants. Yes, in truth: “All is ours, all is for us (Saint JOHN OF THE CROSS, Prayer of the Soul Ablaze with Divine Love.”)

HOLINESS AND GLORY

      There are saints we know because they are closer to us, but there is no evidence that they are the greatest. So we judge the stars by their distance, but their true beauty only God knows. Some which seem very small to us, or even which we do not see at all, are incomparably more beautiful than those which we call "of the first magnitude".
    On earth, we don't know... Often, as souls rise, they lose the esteem of those around them. As a balloon rising in the air seems smaller and smaller, so the most sublime holiness is sometimes despised. Knowing this, would we "value the glory we receive from each other?" (John 5, 44)
    Nothing assures us that the canonized saints are the greatest. God has set them in relief for his glory and our edification, more than for themselves. I read this: “The love which the saints give to one another in eternity will not be measured by their greatness and elevation in glory, but there will be sympathy between them. We will be able to love very little souls with a much greater affection than other much holier ones. This thought has always delighted me.
 Do we believe that the canonized saints are the most loved? Ah! who loves unselfishly on earth? Who is the saint who is loved for himself? We praise him, we write about his life, we prepare magnificent feasts for him, there are religious solemnities. “Let's cast the bell” and see those people who fidget around a drapery, get upset because everything doesn't work out, or rejoice when nothing goes against their will. We shout, it's a tumult, in this fire of preparations. Afterwards, we talk about the organ, the sermons... And the Saint? Ah! I prefer to remain hidden than to have half-glory. I expect from God alone the praise I deserve.
   Saints are not holy because they are recognized as such and are not greater because their "Life" has been written down. Who knows if it is not to another saint - unknown this one - that we owe the good done by such a work, either that he inspired it, directed it or that he disposed souls to taste it. We will see so many things later! I sometimes think that maybe I am the fruit of the desires of a little soul to whom I will owe everything I have.
Therefore, to God alone the glory, we must desire only one thing: that it arrives and be as happy as it is by others as by ourselves. (164 )
And what an illusion to estimate the saints according to what one thinks of them! How many Carmelite saints have had circulars (We call “circular” the biographical note addressed after the death of each Carmelite to the monasteries of the Order. badly written, and as a result, won no esteem, while others, of very ordinary virtue, seemed ravishing, because their Mother Prioress knew how to handle the pen!
     I can't really desire a glory that hangs like this by a hair's breadth, it's a lottery! And if the saints came back to tell us their thoughts on what we have written about them, we would be very surprised... No doubt they would often admit that they do not recognize themselves in the portrait that has been drawn of their soul. (In front of certain biographies, abundant in fanciful or superfluous details, she had once said to Sister Geneviève in a playful tone: The saints are all my relatives up there. When I reach Heaven, I will go and pay them a little bow and ask them to tell me about their lives. But it won't be long! In the blink of an eye!)
     By whom are we perfectly known on earth and by whom are we perfectly loved? For me, I only want to be loved in Heaven. My joy is to think that there everyone will love me, even those who love me the least in this world... I find that the love given to the saints on earth is more for us than for them, because it it is we who reap the good, it is we who profit from it.
    Everything can be equally appreciated here below... In one "Life", we praise such a saint because he was exempted from the temptations of the flesh, in another we will praise the saint because he conquered these same temptations ... Where is the glory? What is true, since from (165) whichever way one turns, everything is worthy of praise!...
   Human glory is nothing. Artists, for example, fight over it among themselves. The rest of the world, unaware of their works, does not care, so they have only a small number of admirers and in their madness, they are satisfied with it. It is the same for the external glory attached to holiness, there will always be only a very small number of people who will admire him, who will love such a saint, who will read his “Life”.
    Everything is subject to jealousy. From childhood, recognizes this germ. Saint Augustine tells the story of two little children who had the same nurse: when one saw his little brother's turn coming, he cried out in rage and rolled over in anger. However, he couldn't have taken a drop of milk more.
     For me, I confess that I never sought glory. Contempt had an attraction for my heart, but having recognized that it was still too glorious, I became passionate about oblivion.
She told me, however, that, like me, she was enthusiastic about the beautiful, the sublime, the perfect and had experienced this certain feeling of exile, this sadness that one feels when one thinks oneself inferior or less privileged than others, whose praise we hear.
I asked her how she fought that feeling.
 I put up with it, she answered me humbly, and I applied myself to loving my inferiority... so it became sweet to me like the rest.

CELESTIAL REWARDS
 DESIRE FOR DEATH

Sister Thérèse always had the intuition that her life would be short, which made her despise all perishable things.
When she wanted to realize if her degree of love for God was always equal, she wondered if death had as much attraction for her. A too prosperous day, a lively joy were burdensome to him because they tended to weaken his desire for death.
     Why would death scare me? she said to me, I have never acted except for the good Lord. And as they were thinking to her: "Perhaps you will die on the day of such a feast?...", she replied: I do not need a feast day to die, the day of my death will be for me the greatest of all party days.
HAPPINESS AND HEAVENLY REWARDS

To reassure me about the unmixed happiness of Heaven, she told me over and over again that God would know how to arrange all things so well that we would have nothing to envy one another.
In order to communicate this conviction to us, she relied on the smallest facts that were happening near her.
Seeing me arranging the artificial flowers in such a way as to show off the smallest, refreshing the most faded so that, when the bouquets were finished, one did not recognize what had been entrusted to me, she told me that this was a striking example of what the good Lord would do, by enhancing us, after having made all our miseries disappear. We will thus see the greatest Saint highlighted by the smallest and the smallest, very large, by the projection of glory that the great will give him.
The Gospel of the workers of the last hour, paid as much as those who had carried the weight of the day, delighted her: You see, she said, if we put our trust in the good God, making all our little efforts and hoping all of his mercy, we will receive as much as the great saints.
    One of my friends having given me a doll, I offered it on Mother's Day and, while the other Sisters brought magnificent things, my modest gift gave more pleasure than all the rest.
In this regard, our dear little Sister said to me: The saints will act like this with us, they are our elders, they will give us presents and we will find ourselves rich...
   The Sisters who made splendid boxes, objects of price and patience represent to me the saints who did deeds and left admirable writings. And yet your little doll attracted more attention...and yet another little toy that was given to you! None of you!

LAST ILLNESS (ch VII)

LAST ILLNESS OF THE SAINT

The last years that the Servant of God spent on earth were the echo of her life, she never denied for a single moment her tender abandonment to God, her patience, her humility. His face had an expression of indefinable peace. One felt that his soul had arrived where the desires of a lifetime had led it, directed towards a single goal now achieved. Like Our Lord, before expiring, she said to me the day before her death in a serious tone - All is well, all is accomplished, it is love alone that counts.
The physical sufferings that she endured the last months were atrocious, because, to the disease of the chest joined the tuberculosis in the intestines which brought the gangrene, while wounds formed, caused by her extreme thinness, evils that we were powerless to relieve.
I approached my dear little Sister very closely during her illness because, being the second nurse, I was entrusted with her care. I slept in an adjoining cell and left it only for the hours of the Office and some care to give to other patients. During this time, Mother Agnès of Jesus replaced me and took down on loose sheets all the words of our little Sister as she spoke them. It is thanks to these certain documents that we have preserved the memory of facts which are as vivid as on the first day. (172)

Strength in physical suffering
After her first hemoptysis on Good Friday 1896, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus was blessedly joyful to have permission to complete Lent in all its rigor, that day, and the next day. Seeing her follow all the exercises like this, I had no idea of ​​the accident that had happened to her. I have since learned that she had suffered a great deal from the fast that year, but, as usual, she had not complained about it.
Likewise, she asked for no relief from the extreme fatigue she experienced every day in reciting the Office, at the very hour when the fever was most ardent. She was careful not to tell us, in good time, that she suffered more while doing certain jobs, for example washing and hanging up the laundry.

And what courage to endure painful care!
I still see her suffering more than five hundred points of fire on her back (I counted them myself).
While the doctor acted, talking to our Mother about mundane things, the angelic patient was standing, leaning against a table. She offered - she told me afterwards - her sufferings for the souls and thought of the martyrs. After the sitting, she went up to her cell, without waiting for a word of compassion to be addressed to her, sat down trembling on the edge of her poor mattress, and there endured alone the effect of this painful treatment. (173)
When evening came, as she had not yet been recognized as seriously ill, there could be no question of a mattress, so all I had to do was to fold our blanket in four and slip it on her mattress, which my poor little Sister accepted with gratitude, without it escaping from her lips, a single word of criticism on the primitive way in which the sick were then cared for.
It is true that in the midst of the most acute pain, she maintained great serenity and cheerfulness. Inwardly I was surprised, thinking it was because she wasn't suffering as much as we thought and I wanted to surprise her in a moment of crisis. Shortly after, I saw her smile with an angelic look and asked her why. She said to me: It's because I feel a very sharp pain in the side, I've got into the habit of always welcoming suffering.

HEROIC GAIETY
My holy little Sister preserved until the end of her life childish and charming manners which made her company very pleasant. Everyone wanted to see it and hear it. Her amiable cheerfulness even seemed to increase with suffering - she thus revealed her extraordinary fortitude and her exquisite charity for us, wanting to distract us - in spite of ourselves - from our pain.

She therefore liked to multiply the little (174) "games", allowing herself the use of nicknames recalling memories of our childhood, to amuse me and, sometimes, to wrap a piece of advice in a graceful form.
This is why I do not hesitate to deliver these little familiar words, which show her so simple in the most painful hours of her life. I group them, not having kept the precise dates.

Reminiscences of a children's tale
Among the stories that had most entertained our young age was a tale (The illustrated album where it appears can be seen at Les Buissonnets, in the toy window.) in which appeared a little girl: Mlle Lili, and her little brother, M. Toto; as I was the eldest, I had been assigned the role of Lili, and Therese had inherited that of Toto.
This is why, on several occasions and to relax me, she alluded to it, in private, even at Carmel.
Thus, when, tired, she was afraid of not hearing the alarm clock, she recommended to me:
 Would you like to see, tomorrow morning, if Mr. Toto heard the truncheon (Wooden instrument equipped with a kind of rattle which is used to wake up the Community.)
Or :
 Don't forget to wake M. Toto tomorrow, poor Miss Lili, humiliated by everyone (Allusion to the small humiliations, customary in the novitiates), but loved by Jesus and M. Toto. (175)
I gave her frictions, by doctor's prescription, it was a martyrdom for her, she entrusted it later to Mother Agnès of Jesus, but to me, she demanded them...
Once when I wanted, no doubt, to omit them, she reminded me of this:
    I'm afraid Our Mother isn't happy, she's very attached to friction, especially in her back. If the doctor comes on Sunday, he will wonder why we didn't do what he said... Perhaps it would be better to wait until Monday? Finally, Pauvre, Pauvre (nickname taken from a romance), do as you like, everything will be ready tomorrow. Above all, don't talk to poor M. (so as not to break the "great silence"), operate as you see fit and remember that we must both be rich, very rich!...
This finale refers to the good word that a novice made him read in an almanac, under an engraving representing a very wealthy Jew saying smugly to his friend:
 “I am rich, very rich, well! when I started the business, I had nothing!
- Yes, replied the other, but the one with whom you made them had something!»
Our little Saint remarked subtly: Me, I am like this Jew: I am rich, very rich, well! when I started the business, I had nothing! ... Yes, but the one with whom I made them had something!...(176)

About an image
She tried, on all occasions, to detach me from myself and liked to compare our race to that of two children represented in an image (Picture by PLOCKHORST):
Watched over by their Guardian Angel, these little ones go carefree to the edge of a precipice, one dressed in a simple tunic and free from any hindrance, except the hand of his little sister whom he is dragging along. The little girl, on the contrary, resists, burdening herself with a large bouquet and frolicking about picking all the flowers within her reach.
In this regard, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus told me this allegorical story:
    Once upon a time, there was a "young lady" (Allusion to an expression used in a history of chivalry, read in her childhood: "Franchise", by Mme C. COLOMB Journal de la Jeunesse, 1879. Hachette. Paris.) possessing riches which render unjust and to which she attached great value.
    She had a little brother who had nothing, yet had plenty. This little child fell ill and said to his sister: "Lady", if you wanted to, you would throw all your wealth, which only serves to worry you, into the fire, you would become my bo-maid (Little Servant, a familiar name that she gave to her sister, because she served her, during her illness, as a second nurse. This appellation was easier for her to pronounce in her state of extreme fatigue. She had humbly asked permission and would not have wanted to use the name of "Céline" which - it should be said in passing - was dear to him until finding without charms a calendar which did not give Saint Céline, c. to October 21!) rejecting your title of "young lady", (177) and I , when I am in the enchanting country where I am soon to go, I will come back to fetch you because you will have lived poor like me, without worrying about tomorrow. "The 'young lady' understood that her little brother was right, she became poor like him, became his maid and never again was tormented by worrying about the perishable riches she had thrown into the fire...
    Her little brother kept his word, he came to fetch her when he was in the enchanting country, where the good God is the King, the Blessed Virgin the Queen, and both of them will live eternally on the knees of the good God, this is the place that they chose.
Another time, alluding again to the image of the two children and, moreover, to a mistress of the house who lacks nothing in all her cupboards, she says:
  Miss too rich: several rosebuds, several birds to sing in her ear, (Allusion to a passage she had read about Blessed Théophane Vénard. The author praised his hero thus: "He had a rosebud on the lips and a bird to sing in his ear.") a petticoat, cookware, small parcels...

I slept near her, in a small room communicating with her infirmary. One evening when she (178) saw me undress, she was taken with compassion at the misery of our clothes and, using a comic expression she had heard, she exclaimed:
  Poor, poor, how torated you are! (Badly turned) Tore, in Latin torus: rope) but you won't always be like that, I'm telling you!

Death teaches to let go of many things
Our dear little Saint, far from being frightened at the thought of death, sought to draw useful lessons from it, from which she made us profit. She said to us one day:
      When I am dead - a corpse - I will remain silent, I will give no advice; if they put me on the right or on the left, I will not help. People will say: she's better on this side, they can even set the fire near me, I won't say anything. How this thought helps to detach from the little things that upset us, from all that we should let go!

Joyous serenity in the face of death
She rejoiced in death and watched with pleasure the preparations that they would have liked to hide from her.
Thus, she wanted to see the crate of artificial lilies that had just arrived to decorate the funeral bed and (179) said, with joy!: “It's for me! She couldn't believe it, so great was her contentment.
One evening during the last days, as it was feared that she would not make it through the night, they had prepared in the apartment adjoining the infirmary a blessed candle, the stoup and the bottle brush. She suspected him and asked that these objects be placed so that she could see them. She looked at them from time to time with an air of complacency and told us kindly
    Do you see that candle, when the “Thief” (Allusion to the Gospel passage where Our Lord compares himself to a thief (Mt., XXIV, 43; Lk. XII, 39) takes me away, they will put him in my hand, but don't give me the candlestick, it's too ugly!
Then she told us everything that would happen after her death, she happily reviewed every detail of her burial and shared it in terms that made us smile when we wanted to cry. It was not us who encouraged her, but she who cheered us up.

His grave doesn't matter to him
She was indifferent to all human concerns. Shortly before her death, we had discussed in her presence the purchase of the new enclosure for our deceased Sisters, in the cemetery of Lisieux; she says to me pleasantly:
 My place matters little to me; that we are anywhere (180) what does it matter? There are many missionaries who are in the stomachs of cannibals and the martyrs had indeed as a cemetery the bodies of ferocious animals.