Notes... from my memories
1. "Showing you the price of suffering..."
I remember that before my profession I received a very special grace from my dear Mistress. We had washed all day and I was exhausted, overwhelmed with inner sorrows. The evening before prayer, I wanted to say a few words to her about it, but she replied: “The prayer is ringing, I don't have time to console you; besides, I clearly see that I would take unnecessary pains, the good Lord wants you to suffer alone for the moment. I followed her to prayer, in such a state of discouragement that, for the first time, I doubted my vocation. There was then a terrible storm: the wind and the rain shook the large stained-glass windows of the choir and I myself trembled with fear and anxiety. it's too hard a life for me! Besides, the good Lord shows me that he is tired of my infidelities, I am completely abandoned, it's over! I will not continue.
I had been on my knees for a few minutes in this combat and these sad thoughts, when suddenly, without having prayed, without even having desired peace, I felt in my soul a sudden, extraordinary change; I no longer recognized myself. My vocation appeared to me beautiful, lovable; I saw the charms, the price of suffering. All the privations and fatigues of religious life seemed to me infinitely preferable to worldly satisfactions; finally I came out of prayer absolutely transformed.
After snacking, I cheerfully offered to wash the dishes; I no longer thought about my headache, I would have gladly started a laundry day again to suffer more. The next day, I told my sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus what had happened the day before; and as she seemed very moved, I wanted to know the cause. “Oh! she told me, how good God is! Last night you made me feel such deep pity that at the beginning of the prayer I did not stop praying for you, asking Our Lord to console you, to change your soul and to show you the price of suffering. He answered me!”
At the end of these words she shed tears, and I myself wept with joy and gratitude. Amazing thing! since this grace, I who was very impressed by the storm, find myself entirely delivered from this fear.
2. The bowler and the spinning top.
As I am a child of character, baby Jesus inspired me to help me practice the virtue of having fun with him. I choose bowling. Skittles represented souls to me; there were some of all sizes and colors, in order to personify those I wanted to reach: little children, great sinners, priests, religious, etc. The ball of the game was my love. When the game became too difficult, I passed my ball to the divine Child.
In December 1896, the novices received various trinkets for the Christmas tree. And now, by chance, there was at the bottom of the enchanted box an object very rare in Carmel: a spinning top! My companions said: “How ugly! What can this be used for? I, who knew the game well, grabbed the spinning top, exclaiming: "But it's very amusing, it could work without stopping for a whole day, with a good whiplash!" And thereupon, I took it upon myself to give them a performance which threw them into astonishment...
My sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus watched me without saying a word, and on Christmas Day, after Midnight Mass, I found in our alpargate the famous spinning top with this delicious little letter (...).
3. Don't cry in front of God.
One day when I was crying, Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus told me to get used to not letting my little sufferings appear like this, adding that nothing made community life sadder than unevenness of temper.
I replied: “You are quite right, I had thought so myself, and from now on I will never again cry except with the good Lord; to him alone I will entrust my sorrows, he will always understand me and console me. She went on quickly:
"Cry before the good Lord!" beware of doing so. You must appear sad even less in front of him than in front of the creatures. How ! This good Master has only our monasteries to gladden his Heart; he comes to us to rest, to forget the continual complaints of his social friends; because more often than not, on earth, instead of recognizing the price of the Cross, we weep and groan. And you would do like ordinary mortals?... Honestly, that's not disinterested love. It is up to us to console Jesus, it is not up to him to console us.
“I know very well that he has such a good heart that, if you cry, he will wipe your tears away; but then he will go away very sad, not having been able to rest his divine head in you. Jesus loves joyful hearts, he loves an ever-smiling soul. When will you be able to hide your sorrows from him, or tell him in song that you are happy to suffer for him? »
4. Earning a living for his children.
In the past, in the world, when I woke up in the morning, I thought about what would probably happen to me, happy or unhappy, during the day: and if I only anticipated trouble, I got up sad. Now it's just the opposite; I immediately think of the pains and sufferings that await me and I get up all the more joyful and full of courage, thinking of the beautiful opportunities I have in view to prove my love to Jesus and earn the life of my children, since I am the mother of souls. Then I kiss my crucifix; I lay him delicately in my place on the pillow, all the time I am getting dressed, and I say to him: "My Jesus, you have worked enough, cried enough, during the thirty-three years of your life on this poor earth ! Today, rest... It's my turn to fight and suffer”.
5. Propter compensation...
There's only one sext verse that I reluctantly say every day. It is this: Inclinavi cor meum ad faciendas justificationes tuas in oeternum, propter retributionem.
“Inwardly, I hasten to say: O my Jesus, you know well that it is not for the reward that I serve you; but only because I love you, and to save souls. »
6. Blind and ignorant of calculation.
I asked him if Our Lord was not displeased with me, seeing all my miseries. She replied: “Reassure yourself, the one you have taken as your husband certainly has all the desirable perfections; but, if I dare say it, he has at the same time a great infirmity: it is to be blind! And there is a science he does not know: it is calculation. These two great faults, which would be very regrettable shortcomings in a mortal spouse, make ours infinitely lovable.
“If he had to see clearly and know how to calculate, do you believe that in the presence of all our sins, he would not make us return to nothingness? But no, his love for us makes him positively blind!
“See rather: If the greatest sinner on earth, repenting of his trespasses at the moment of death, expires in an act of love; immediately without calculating, on the one hand, the many graces that this unfortunate man has abused, on the other, all his crimes, he no longer sees, he only counts his last prayer, and receives him without delay in the arms of his mercy. “But, to make him thus blind and prevent him from making the smallest addition, one must know how to take him by the heart; this is its weak side..."
7. Come before God empty-handed.
I had an extreme fear of God's judgments and, despite everything she could tell me, nothing dispelled it. One day I put this objection to him: We are constantly told that God finds spots in his angels, how do you expect me not to tremble, I who am imperfection itself? She answered me:
“There is only one way to force the good Lord not to judge us at all, and that is to appear before him empty-handed.
- What do you mean ?
It's very simple: don't make any reservations, give away your goods as you earn them. For me, if I live to be eighty, I will still be just as poor; I don't know how to save... everything I have, I spend it immediately to buy souls.
If I waited until the moment of death to present my small coins and have them appraised at their true value, Our Lord would not fail to discover alloy therein that I would certainly go and deposit in purgatory.
Is it not reported that great saints, arriving at the judgment seat of God with hands laden with merits, sometimes go to that place of atonement, because all righteousness is defiled in the eyes of the Lord?
- But, I continued, if God does not judge our good deeds, he will judge our bad ones, so what?
"What are you saying there?" Our Lord is Justice itself; if he does not judge our good deeds, he will not judge our bad ones. For the victims of love, it seems to me that there will be no judgment; but rather that the good Lord will hasten to reward with eternal delights his own love which he will see burning in their hearts. »
8. When Communing...
“At the time of receiving communion, I sometimes imagine my soul in the form of a little baby of three or four years old who, from dint of playing, has his hair and his clothes dirty and in disorder.—These misfortunes have befallen me in battling with souls. But soon the Virgin Mary hastens around me. She quickly took off my dirty little apron, tied my hair up and adorned it with a pretty ribbon or simply a little flower... and that was enough to make me look graceful and make me sit down without blushing. feast of angels. »
9. True and selfless love.
On one occasion, I had seen Our Mother speak in preference to one of our sisters and show her, it seemed to me, more confidence and affection than to me. I was telling my pain to Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, believing that I was receiving sympathetic condolences, when to my great surprise, she said to me:
“Do you think you love Our Mother very much?
-Certainly ! If I didn't love him, I wouldn't care if he preferred others to me.
-Well ! I am going to prove to you that you are absolutely wrong; it is not Our Mother that you love, it is yourself. When we really love, we rejoice in the happiness of the loved one, we make all the sacrifices to get it for him. So, if you had this true and disinterested love, if you loved Our Mother for herself, you would rejoice to see her find pleasure at your expense; and, since you think she gets less satisfaction from talking with you than with someone else, you should feel no pain when you seem to be neglected. »
10. Crying in a shell.
I used to cry continuously and for nothing, which caused her great pain.
One day when she was scolding me and I was crying like a Madeleine, a bright idea came to her: taking a mussel shell from her painting table and holding my hands to prevent me from wiping my eyes, she began to collect my tears in this shell and my tears soon changed to joyful laughter. Then she says to me:
"Come on...from now on I'll let you cry all you want, as long as it's in the shell." »
Now, eight days before his death, I had wept for a whole evening thinking of his imminent departure. She noticed it and said to me:
“You wept.—Is it in the shell?
I couldn't lie...and my confession saddened him. She resumed:
“I am going to die, and I will not be safe on your account, if you do not promise me to follow my recommendation faithfully. I attach great importance to it for your soul. »
I had only to surrender and I gave my word, asking however, as a grace, permission to mourn freely for his death.
“Why mourn my death? These are very useless tears. You will mourn my happiness! Finally, I pity your weakness and allow you to weep for the first few days. But after that, it will be necessary to resume the shell. »
I must say that I have been faithful, although it has cost me heroic efforts. When I wanted to cry, I courageously armed myself with the pitiless instrument, but whatever need I had, the care I had to take to run from one eye to the other distracted my thoughts from the subject of my pain. , and this ingenious means soon cured me entirely of my excessive sensitivity.
11. To be magnetized by Our Lord.
I was talking to him one day about magnetism, telling him that, in the boarding house where I had been brought up, several young girls played imprudently there. I told him what I had seen: truly extraordinary phenomena, which had never occurred to me, because, when it was a question of surrendering one's will to the magnetizer — an indispensable condition for the success of the operation — I felt very frightened, and stubbornly refused.
These details seemed to interest Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus very much; and the next day she said to me: "How good your conversation yesterday did me!" Oh! How I would like to be magnetized by Our Lord! This is the first thought that came to me when I woke up. How sweetly did I hand over my will! Yes, I want him to take hold of my faculties, so that I no longer perform human and personal actions, but divine actions, inspired and directed by the Spirit of love. »
12. Forgoing communion.
I wanted to deprive myself of Holy Communion for an infidelity which had caused her great pain, but of which I bitterly repented. I wrote her my resolution and here is the note she sent me: LT240.
13. Hot water bottle and tincture.
During her illness, she confided to me this touching trait:
“One evening, at the hour of great silence, the nurse came to put a bottle of hot water on my feet and iodine tincture on my chest. I was consumed by fever, a burning thirst devoured me. While undergoing these remedies, I could not help complaining to Our Lord: “My Jesus, I said to him, you are witness to it, I am burning and they still bring me heat and fire! Ah! if I had, instead of all that, half a glass of water, that I would be much more relieved!... My Jesus! your little girl is very thirsty! But she is nevertheless happy to find the occasion to lack the necessary, in order to be more like you and to save souls. »
Soon the nurse left me, and I did not count on seeing her again until the next morning, when to my great surprise she returned a few minutes later, bringing a refreshing drink: "I just thought at the moment that you might have thirsty, she said to me, from now on I will get into the habit of offering you this relief every evening. I looked at her, taken aback, and when I was alone, I burst into tears. Oh ! How good is our Jesus! How sweet and tender! How easily her heart is touched! »
14. All Good Friday penances...
On the morning of this Good Friday [1896], she knew so well how to make believe that her spitting of blood would be without consequence, that the Mother Prioress allowed her to accomplish all the penances prescribed by the rule, that day. In the afternoon, a novice saw him cleaning windows. Her face was livid and, despite her energy, she seemed exhausted. Seeing her so exhausted, this novice who cherished her burst into tears, begging her to allow him to ask for some relief. But her young mistress expressly forbade her, saying that she could bear a slight fatigue on this day when Jesus had suffered so much for her.
When evening came, the heroic child had to climb the dormitory stairs alone; stopping at each step to catch her breath, she painfully returned to her cell, and arrived there so exhausted that it sometimes took her—she admitted it later—an hour to undress.
16. My secret: invoke the Blessed Virgin.
The novices showed her their surprise at seeing her guess their most intimate thoughts:
"Here is my secret," she told them, "I never make observations to you without invoking the Blessed Virgin, I ask her to inspire me with what should do you the most good; and I myself am often amazed at the things I teach you. I simply feel, in telling you them, that I am not mistaken and that Jesus is speaking to you through my mouth. »
17. "My way is sure."
"If I mislead you with my little way of love," she said to a novice, "don't be afraid that I'll let you follow it for a long time." I would appear to you soon to tell you to take another road; but if I don't come back, believe the truth of my words: You can never have too much trust in the good God, so powerful and so merciful! We get as much from him as we hope!...”
18. Die after Communion?
The day before the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel a novice said to him:
“If you were to die tomorrow, after communion, it would be such a beautiful death that it would console me for all my pain, it seems to me. »
And Therese replied quickly:
"Dying after Communion!" A day of great celebration! No, it will not be so: little souls could not imitate that. In my little way, there are only very ordinary things; everything I do must be able to be done by little souls”.
19. Lifting her little foot...
I was discouraged at the sight of my imperfections, says one of them [the novices]; Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me:
“You remind me of the very small child who is beginning to stand up, but does not yet know how to walk. Absolutely wanting to reach the top of a staircase to find his mother, he raises his little foot to climb the first step. Unnecessary trouble! he always falls back without being able to move forward. Well, be that little child; by the practice of all the virtues, always raise your small foot to climb the staircase of holiness, and do not imagine that you will be able to climb even the first step! No ; but the good Lord only asks of you goodwill. From the top of this staircase, he looks at you with love.
Soon, overcome by your useless efforts, he himself will come down, and, taking you in his arms, will carry you forever into his kingdom where you will never leave him. But if you stop lifting your little foot, it will leave you on the earth for a long time.
20. Stay small.
“The only way to make rapid progress on the road to love,” she said again, “is to always remain very small; that's how I did it; so now I can sing with our Father Saint John of the Cross:
"And stooping so low, so low,
I rose so high, so high,
That I could achieve my goal!..."
21. In the midst of repentance.
To help me accept humiliation, she confided in me:
“If I had not been accepted into Carmel, I would have entered a Refuge, to live there unknown and despised, in the midst of the “repentant” poor. My happiness would have been to pass for such in all eyes; and I would have made myself the apostle of my companions, telling them what I think of the mercy of God...
"But how could you have managed to hide your innocence from the confessor?"
“I would have told him that I had made a general confession in society and that I was forbidden to repeat it. »
22. The face, reflection of the soul.
“The face is the reflection of the soul, she added, you must constantly have a calm and serene face, like a little child who is always happy. When you are alone, do the same again, because you are continually on show to the Angels. »
23. What Jesus has the right to expect.
I wanted her to congratulate me on having performed an act of heroic virtue in my eyes; but she said to me: "What is this little act of virtue, in comparison with what Jesus has the right to expect from your fidelity?" You should rather humble yourself for letting slip so many opportunities to prove your love to her. »
24. Recreate others.
At recreation more than anywhere else, said our angelic Mistress, you will find the opportunity to exercise your virtue. If you want to derive great benefit from it, do not go there with the thought of recreating yourself but with that of recreating others; there practice complete detachment from yourself. For example, if you tell one of your sisters a story that seems interesting to you, and she interrupts you to tell you something else, listen to it with interest, even if it does not interest you at all, and don't try to resume your first conversation. By doing so, you will come out of recreation with great inner peace and invested with new strength to practice virtue; because you will not have sought to satisfy yourself but to please others. If only we knew what we gain by renouncing ourselves in all things!...
25. Work to support your children.
One day of laundry I went to the laundry without hurry looking in passing the flowers in the garden. Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus also went there, walking quickly. She soon passed me and said, "Is this how you hurry when you have children to feed and you have to work to support them?" »
26. Fight without courage.
I was sorry for my lack of courage, my dear little sister said to me:
“You complain about what should cause your greatest happiness. Where would your merit be if you had to fight only when you felt brave? It doesn't matter if you don't have any, as long as you act as if you do! If you find yourself too cowardly to pick up a piece of thread, and yet do so for Jesus' sake, you have more merit than if you did a much greater deed in a moment of fervour. Instead of being saddened, rejoice to see that by letting you feel your weakness, the good Jesus gives you the opportunity to save a greater number of souls for him! »
27. How Jesus receives us after a fault.
I had hurt her, and I was going to ask her forgiveness. She seemed very moved and said to me:
“If you only knew what I feel! I have never understood so well with what love Jesus receives us, when we ask him for forgiveness after a fault! If I, his poor little creature, felt so much tenderness for you, when you came back to me, what must happen in the heart of the good Lord when we come back to him?... Yes, certainly , even more quickly than I have just done, he will forget all our iniquities never to remember them again... he will do even more: he will love us even more than before our fault!...”
28. Saints who suffer...
Seeing one of our sisters very tired, I said to my sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus: "I don't like to see suffering, especially holy souls." She continued immediately:
" Oh ! I am not like you! Saints who suffer never make me pity! I know that they have the strength to bear their sufferings, and that they thus give great glory to the good God; but those who are not holy, who do not know how to profit from their sufferings, oh! how I pity them! I pity those ones! I would do my best to console and relieve them. »
29. Distractions in prayer.
I was sorry for my many distractions in my prayers: "I too have many," she told me, "but as soon as I notice it, I pray for the people who occupy my imagination, and so on. they benefit from my distractions. »
30. Life is not sad!
I was very sorry to see her ill and I often repeated to her: “Oh! how sad life is!” But she corrected me immediately, saying:
“Life is not sad! On the contrary, she is very cheerful. If you said: "Exile is sad", I would understand you. It is a mistake to give the name of life to what must end. It is only to the things of heaven, to that which must never die, that we must give this true name; and, as such, life is not sad, but cheerful, very cheerful!...”
31. Devotion of Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus for NP Saint Jean de la Croix.
Our holy little Thérèse had great esteem and deep gratitude for NP St Jean de la Croix for the good he had done to her soul through his writings. She says in the Hist. of a Soul “Ah! What enlightenment have I drawn from the books of St John of the Cross! At the age of 17 and 18 I had no other food. —From her Novitiate, in 1890, she had read his works. In our conversations it was his favorite subject, we kept coming back to it. She quoted to me from memory, with an indefinable anointing, very long passages of the holy Doctor, especially the words which had comforted her, in the time of very great trials, among others this one:
“O souls who want to walk in joy and security, if you knew how good it is for you to be afflicted in order to reach this state, you would seek no consolation anywhere, you would not want anything other than the cross with its gall and its vinegar, you would consider yourselves supremely happy to have it to share... By suffering external trials with patience, you would deserve that the Lord fix his divine gaze on you, in order to purify you by even more intimate sorrows. ..” (The Living Flame of Love, explanation of v. 5). “Thus,” added our Saint with celestial ardor, “receiving suffering well deserves the grace of greater suffering, or rather of deeper purification to arrive at the perfect union of love. Ah! when I understood this, the strength was given to me to suffer everything. »
One day she said to me: “The only way to make rapid progress on the road to love is to remain very small. Also now I sing with NP St Jean de la Croix:
Lowering myself so low, so low,
I rose so high, so high,
That I could achieve my goal!
As a souvenir of my Taking the Veil (May 7, 1896) she gave me a picture of NP St Jean de la Croix, which was the photograph of a painting by her sister Our Rde Mother Agnès of Jesus. At the bottom of the image, she had written: "For love, to suffer and to be despised..." And on the back are three thoughts chosen from the Writings of our Bx Father.
For my Profession, she had offered me Our Father's "Glose on the Divine", which she had translated into French verse, pointing out to me that the thought that pleased her best was "that Love knows how to take advantage of everything: the good, the bad that he finds in us. »
Being in charge of the hermitage of NP St Jean de la Croix. We passed in front of this statue of the Carmelite Saint each time we entered the choir, I had imagined, as a decoration, to represent the mountain of Carmel. Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus expressed to me all her satisfaction. She pointed out to me in particular these two sentences which pleased her more: "There is no way here, because there is no law for the just." » — « Everything was given to me without seeking it, when I did not want it out of self-love. »
A few months before her sister Céline entered our Carmel, she had asked her to paint a large portrait of NP St Jean de la Croix for the Community. It is an oil painting measuring 0m.95 high by 0m75 wide. This “known subject is the statue of the saint, leaning on the cross, which dominates one of the side altars in the chapel of the Carmel of Lisieux. Several times, she had expressed to me her desire that NP St Jean de la Croix be declared a Doctor of the Church, in order to accredit her Writings, for the good of a greater number of souls. I remain convinced that, from Heaven, she worked for this happy and glorious result which fills all the children of Carmel with joy. [Exchange of courtesies: Saint Thérèse of the EJ. was proclaimed patroness of the missions on December 14, 1927, the anniversary of the Saint's death (December 14, 1591). In the life of Thérèse of Lisieux, the apostolic fruitfulness of love was verified as expressed by the Doctor of Carmel: "It is of the highest importance..." etc.]
Before she was 15, she was already repeating with enthusiasm: “Lord, to suffer and to be despised! » when at the windows of the « Belvédère » she contemplated, with her sister Céline, the starry sky.
Text B on this devotion of Thérèse to St John of the Cross - written in 1942
St Thérèse of the Child Jesus had a very particular love for NP St John of the Cross, a love full of gratitude for the good, the comfort drawn from his writings. She liked to talk to me about it and quoted me, from memory, the passages that had struck her the most: "He is the saint of love par excellence", she said. And, in fact, she saw in her writings only her doctrine of love taken to the most sublime degree, whereas many souls only stop at her renunciations, death to nature and abandoning it. frighten. In reality, the “little” path of Sr. Th. de l'Enfant J. is none other than the “narrow” path, and one has to make oneself very small to engage in it. I can still hear him say to me with an inimitable accent, adding graceful gestures:
"And stooping so low, so low,
I rose so high, so high
That I could achieve my goal.
This goal of love to which all his wishes tended. For my Profession, she composed in verse the "Glose sur le Divin" by N. Bx Père, and she pointed out to me the thought which delighted her the most: "Love knows how to profit as much from the evil as from the good it finds in We. In the "Spiritual Song", she liked to quote me:
"When you looked at me
Your eyes imprinted your grace on me,
This is why you loved me with tenderness;
And therefore mine deserved
To worship what they saw in you.
Deign not to despise me;
For if once you found my black complexion,
Now you can look at me,
Since you yourself looked at me,
You have left grace and beauty in me.
Let's enjoy each other, my Beloved
And let's see each other in your beauty..."
(Str. II and XXXIII and beginning of str. XXXVI.)
— Coming out of an influenza that put her life in danger, in January 1929, Sister Marie de la Trinité wrote to Mother Agnès: “Ah! how many thanks I owe her (to Thérèse) especially that of placing my soul in the full truth of her little path of trust and abandonment. So last night I thought that I could well die of this flu, well I feel quite prepared for death, not by me, I am quite incapable of it! but I am convinced that at the last moment the good Lord will give me everything I need. I remember with such great sweetness this passage from the Canticle of N. P. St. John of the Cross that Sr. Th. of the Child Jesus and I loved to repeat so much: "When you looked at me Your eyes imprinted your grace on me. This is why you loved me with tenderness...” And again: “Since you looked at me You have left grace and beauty in me. »
Yes, it is this look of Jesus, my divine Spouse, which will be my preparation to appear full of assurance before Him... I will not be afraid then to raise my eyes full of grateful love towards his, so pure, who will have purified me, with a single gaze, and made me like Him" (Because we find in the offering to The Love this idea of the gaze of Jesus which purifies, a gaze which leaves the soul covered with "grace and beauty", we can think that this Teresian rereading of the Spiritual Canticle, with this nuance of confidence characteristic of the "little way", takes place in 1895.
... I would have to quote too much... What I cannot render is his penetrating accent, insisting on what his little way of humility and love was none other than that of NP St Jean of the Cross. It was above all a passage from the "Vive Flamme d'Amour" which fortified her wonderfully at the time of her great trials: "I found it so lofty and deep," she told me, "that when I read it I was excited, my breath failed me. »
Here are some excerpts: "O souls who want to walk (then text identical to that of version A, until: "more intimate spiritual sorrows". Version B continues:)... God acts thus with regard to souls that he wants to bring to an eminent perfection. He allows them to be tempted, afflicted, tormented, purified internally and externally by suffering brought to its ultimate limits, in order to then deify them by union with his infinite Wisdom. »
I remember that having said all this to our good Father Travert [Chaplain of the Carmel of Lisieux from 25/8/1923 to his death, 17/3/1942.) he was enthusiastic about it: "My child, me says -he, I can no longer read St John of the Cross without bringing his doctrine closer to that of our little Saint Thérèse, I find unfathomable depths in these comparisons that are so just... Only, St John of the Cross shows us the bare cross and Thérèse the cross covered with roses, but the thorns, to be concealed, exist none the less...” (Nov. 8, 1942)
32. Voice for two.
It is 48 years ago today that I entered this blessed Carmel and you gave me our Holy Little Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus as Angel and Mistress. I remember a little story that I have not yet told: When Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus realized that I had a good voice for the Choir, she expressed her satisfaction to me, telling me :
Now I am quite consoled to have such a weak voice for the Choir and I thank Jesus for having given me a "daughter" who has something for both of us... I offer Him your voice as if it were mine .
So I told her that I would always chant in her name and mine and I was touched to see the happiness she felt.
I had entered before evening prayer and I remember that a few minutes before 6 o'clock she took me out of the Choir to change my noisy shoes. On her knees at my feet, she insisted on putting on felt slippers for me herself.
These small lines are not much but I like to remember these lesser memories (...).
At that time, Thérèse had “her voice covered”; we will begin to treat her throat on the 18th. Sister Marie de la Trinité does not remember that she had already reported to Mother Agnès the first line in 1906 with more details: "Yesterday, while I was singing the Darkness of Everything my heart, I remembered with great consolation what our little sister Th. from Enf. Jesus said to me a few days after my entry. We were coming out of a sung Office; she called me to the Relics, and there, embracing me with an expression of great joy, she said to me: “How happy I am! I had asked the good Lord that the one who would be my daughter have a strong voice to support the Choir in order to make up for what I could not give, and now he granted me! You have exactly the voice I wanted, now I no longer have any trouble not having one since the good Lord has given me a girl who has had enough for her and for me! This memory was very sweet to me. (Note 6 to Mother Agnès, 13‑4‑1906.)
33. Know how to thank.
I had recently arrived and Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus (my Angel) was watching me all the better because I had begged her to tell me everything she found reproachful (sic) in me.
She had rendered me several services which I had received as my due, although deep down I was extremely touched. So she said to me: “You have to get used to showing your gratitude, to thanking your heart for the slightest thing. It is practicing charity to act thus, otherwise it is an indifference — although it is only external — which freezes the heart and destroys the cordiality so necessary in Community. »
Later, she herself explained her thought in the Story of her soul, saying that "charity should not remain locked up in the bottom of the heart, because" no one lights a torch to put it under a bushel but one put it on the candlestick so that it gives light to those who are in the house". It seems to me that this torch represents the charity that should enlighten, rejoice, not only those who are dearest to me but "all those who are in the house". »
Sister Marie de la Trinité had written a draft of this line on the same date, with slight variations. Thérèse's words begin like this: “You have to get used to acting differently, I know that your heart is very grateful, but you have to let it show and thank profusely for the slightest thing”, etc. And the witness concludes: “The lesson bore fruit; Since then I had rather exceeded my thanks, she smiled at it, but I felt that she was happy that I had understood her lesson, which I indeed found so necessary to the practice of charity. »
34. My poems... a throw from the heart.
(...) The other day you expressed regret that our holy little Thérèse had not learned the rules of versification to avoid mistakes in her poetry. Alas! my little Mother, her ignorance was willful... When I entered Carmel, June 1894, I had brought a treatise on versification, she glanced at it and returned it to me very quickly, saying to me: "I I prefer not to know all these rules, my poems are a jet from the heart, an inspiration, I cannot subject myself to making it a work of the mind, a study. At this price I would prefer to give up writing poetry! »
35. The Life of Sister Saint-Pierre.
Our holy little Thérèse already had a great devotion to the Holy Face when she read the Life of Sr Saint-Pierre of the Carmel of Tours. This reading made the Servant of God Sr Saint-Pierre very sympathetic to her, and she invoked her with confidence. She carried with her a relic of her hair and, in her gospel, her photo pasted on a bookmark, at the bottom of which was written: “May I expire thirsty to see the Face of my God! »
She was inspired by his thoughts to compose her poetry: " The Divine Dew or Virgin Milk of Mary »
She believed in her revelations, mainly in the promises of Our Lord to all those who would have devotion to his adorable Face.
Date: 1892‑1896, if we consider that the reading of this Life is prior to February 2, 1893, date of PN 1: The Divine Dew. Thérèse refers again to the Carmelite nun of Tours in writing to Mother Agnès on 18/12/1896 (to Latvia). The testimony of Sister Marie de la Trinité is based on what she learned personally in 1894‑1897.
36. He would lose love.
There is a memory that my heart remembers that I often evoke and that makes me feel good. Thérèse, wanting me, like her, completely faithful to God, told me not to refuse anything.
“And if I neglected to pick roses for her. Wouldn't I go straight to Heaven one day? »
- " Oh ! yes, his indulgence would fix things. But it is He, the good God, who would lose love. » December 8, 1920
“On another occasion, she told me that it was necessary, through our prayers and our sacrifices, to obtain for souls so much love from the good God that they could go to Paradise without passing through Purgatory. »
37. You no longer have the vocation?
One day when our young Sister had been strongly reprimanded, she came, very discouraged, to find her Mistress and said to her sadly: “I no longer have the vocation! But the Saint, too clairvoyant to be impressed by a joke, began to laugh. Since then, if something went wrong, anticipating the same sigh, she warned him, saying: “So you no longer have the vocation today, do you? And the fight died down.
38. The offering to the Love.
(...) About theOffering to Merciful Love, I will tell you how my donation was made. Six months after she had offered herself as a little victim to The Love, Thérèse spoke to me of her desire that I do the same. I was delighted and it was decided that I would perform this act on December 1, 1895st Sunday of Advent XNUMX. the greatness of the Act that I was about to perform, that I told Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus that I did not feel sufficiently well prepared and that a victim as imperfect as myself could not be accepted by Jesus with pleasure . Immediately her face became radiant with happiness, and hugging me in her arms, she said to me:
“I was afraid that you did not understand enough the importance of the Act that I am having you do; what you tell me confirms the contrary. How happy I am! Do not be afraid, Jesus will receive you tomorrow with joy and love, it is enough for you to recognize your unworthiness for him to do great things in you... We will both stay at the Oratory after Thanksgiving, and while you pronounce the Act of Donation, I will offer you to Jesus as a little victim that I have prepared for him. The next day everything happened like this. But how to describe to you the abundance of consolations that flooded our souls? I felt so crushed under the weight of divine mercies that it seemed to me that my heart was going to break. And when, leaving the Oratory, we wanted to exchange our feelings, we could not do it otherwise than by our tears... Date: November 30 and December 1, 1895.
(On the first Sunday of the month, the Blessed Sacrament was exposed at the Oratory after Mass. The community went there to give thanksgiving; the sisters could then prolong their adoration at will.)
Sister Marie de la Trinité recorded the same testimony some thirty years later, on a loose leaf. It only offers slight variations. Here is this text B:
It was on November 30, 1895 that Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus made known to me the Act of her Donation to love. His words so convincing and fiery aroused in me a great desire to imitate him and it was agreed together that I would do this same Act the next day. However, left alone, and reflecting on my unworthiness, I concluded that I needed a longer preparation. So I went back to see Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus and gave her my reasons. Then her face took on an expression of great joy: “Yes, she said to me, this Act is even more important than what we can imagine, but do you know the preparation that the good Lord asks of us? Well, it is to humbly acknowledge our unworthiness. Ah! since he grants you this grace, deliver yourselves to him without fear. Tomorrow morning, after thanksgiving, I will stay close to you at the Oratory and, while you are pronouncing your Act, I will offer you to Jesus as the little victim that I have prepared for Him. » (...)
39. “Abide in me as in the tabernacle”
(...) I remember that I promised you some details on the opinion that we have that Jesus-Eucharist dwelt continually in the soul of our little saint. For me it is my intimate conviction, because would it be the only desire that Jesus would not have realized for her? I cannot believe it, she asked for it every day with such ardor! Then, a fact that is personal to me confirms his assurance of possessing such a favor. I want to tell it to you in all simplicity. The day when she offered me herself as a victim of holocaust to the merciful Love of the good God, 1st Xber 1895, I was so inundated with graces on this beautiful day, the most beautiful of my life, that the whole day I sensibly felt the presence of Jesus-Host in my heart. I confided it to Sr. Th. of the Child Jesus who did not seem at all surprised and replied simply: 'Isn't the good God Almighty? It is not difficult for him, according to our desire, to make the sacramental presence last in our souls from one communion to another. By this extraordinary feeling that you experience today, he wants to give you the pledge that all the requests you made to him in the Act of Offering will be magnificently granted. You will not always enjoy this feeling but the effects will be no less real. We receive from God just as much as we hope for. »
In fact, I have never experienced since that delicious grace of December 1, 1895, but that does not prevent me from keeping the certainty that Jesus-Eucharist constantly lives in my heart and that despite the aridities, the life of faith that I lead, this marvelous grace is the share of all the little victims of love. If this were not so, what was the use of making a request every day that one was sure in advance would not be fulfilled? It would be useless! Everything I ask for, I think the good Lord gives it to me and this thought expands my soul, collects it, does it good. If I'm wrong (which I don't believe) well, my mistake will have helped me to unite myself more to Jesus and I won't regret it. (...)
Late post (about 1935?) about the previous word:
(...) The next day was for me a day in Heaven, I have never had so many spiritual consolations in all my life, it was to die for. I made my act of offering, with the conviction of being answered in all my requests and all day long I felt the real Presence of the Holy Host in my heart. Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, to whom I confided my impressions, did not seem in the least surprised, she herself tasted a celestial happiness and her tears of love mingled with mine... She said to me: "This feeling extraordinary that you experience is a proof that the good Lord will magnificently answer all your requests. Yes, for his little victims of love, he will take pleasure in performing wonders which will infinitely surpass their immense desires, but usually they will be done in faith, otherwise they could not live. The Real Presence will not be felt, but it will exist none the less. Nothing is impossible with the omnipotence of God and I am sure that he would not have inspired me with this request, if he had not wanted to carry it out. »
"For me, this grace, more extraordinary it is true than ecstasies, visions or revelations, can be the sharing of little souls, without leading them out of their little path of humility, since it is a grace granted to their humble confidence and which takes place in naked faith, therefore sheltered from pride and vainglory. —Sr Mary of the Trinity, rci” (The signature “rci”—unworthy Carmelite nun—proves that the note predates 1936, when the abbreviation becomes “cdi”—unworthy Discalced Carmelite).
40. Glorify mercy.
(...) I understood that this joy of feeling imperfect and of passing for such was a pledge to me that I was really on the small path. Oh ! How sweet has this grace been to me. As our little Thérèse explains, I often want to climb the mountain of perfection, the beautiful and royal edelweiss attract me and when I think I have grasped them... crash! I tumble into the valley of humiliation where the humble violets grow, the only flowers that I am allowed to pick without fear of falling. How consoling are these words: “It is enough to humble oneself, to bear one's imperfections with gentleness: this is true holiness for us. What canonized saint has ever spoken thus?
"We others," she told me, "are not saints who mourn our sins, we rejoice that they serve to glorify the mercy of God." » This morning I was not in the process, so to give me heart I wanted to draw a passage in his life and I read: « Where would be our merit if we had to fight when we feel courage, etc For me his book is worse than The Imitation, each time I open it, I reap a grace.
41. Little Mother...much loved.
(...) With what sweetness I remember these words of our incomparable Saint, when she struggled with us in the thousand difficulties of this valley of miseries: "Be sure that our Little Mother is much loved by the good God and that 'she pleases Him as she is! »
42. About an image of the Presentation.
Giving me this picture (see it here at the bottom of the page on the left) on the day of my Profession (April 30, 1896), Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus explained to me: “It is you, little Mary, who are climbing the steps of the Temple. To the left of the High Priest, I am the child calling you, waving my hand; Celine is leaning on my shoulder; and, on the other side, is Sr Marie of the Eucharist. On the back of the image, we still read in pencil: “This image was offered to me by Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus on the day of my Profession, April 30, 1896.” It was a memory image of his Taking the Habit.
43. To be unknown and despised...
For your birthday on May 8, I wanted to try to put into verse one of my interviews with little Thérèse, the one whose memory does me the most good. There are probably mistakes but I couldn't do better. (...)
Unpublished memory of a novice of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus
That I like to remember
From my little Sister Thérèse!
We talked, never ending,
Of God, of the Saints, all at our ease.
In this sweet intimacy
I listened to it almost in ecstasy
And said to myself: "In truth,
I feel his love embracing me...
However, I often noticed
That she lived far from the earth,
In deep contemplation
From which nothing could distract her:
"Tell me what you think,
O little sister of my soul,
Tell me all the secrets
Of this Love that ignites you?
- What I think ? Ah! I would like
To be unknown and despised,
To have lost all my charms,
Of all become the laughing stock,
The abasements of Jesus
Described by the Holy Prophet,
delight me more and more,
With what ardor I wish them!
He looked like a leper,
How hidden was his Face
He made himself the most unhappy,
To atone for us..."
........................
I listened in amazement
The deep accents of this Angel,
Guarding them carefully
To repeat them in his praise.
Source: letter 21 to Mother Agnès (8/5/1919). Date: summer 1896
44. Plenary indulgence.
"The main plenary indulgence, and the one which everyone can earn without the usual conditions, is the indulgence of charity which covers the multitude of sins."
(Source: HA 53, p. 233. We have not found a writing by Sister Marie de la Trinité containing this sentence of Thérèse, but the Lexovian tradition attributes this testimony to her.)
45. Rather suffer a lot...
Oh ! my little Mother, how sweet the memory of our little Thérèse is to me! I live every moment. It was so profound, so holy and at the same time so simple! And it was precisely her beautiful childlike simplicity that deflected her heroic virtues, which veiled them, so to speak. I remember that one day I told him my apprehension of suffering. " Oh! for me, as long as it takes, I'd rather suffer a lot than a little here below! » And it was not just words, we saw her practice them very often on occasions when sufferings and humiliations were not spared her! Oh ! what a grace to have lived with this Angel!
(‑‑‑) Last night I rushed to write you my little letter and I'm afraid I forgot a sentence! When our Little Thérèse told me that “as long as she had to, she preferred to suffer a lot rather than a little”, I replied, surprised: “But why? »
“Oh! it's because we only have this life to prove our love”, she replied with her angelic air.
46. No book, no theologian...
On hearing the letter from Monsignor who asked for some facts from our dear Saint for the enthronement of her statue at the Catholic Institute [November 21, 1927], I remembered the following feature.
One day when I was listening with admiration to everything she was explaining to me about her little way of love and spiritual childhood, I said to her: “Where does this teaching come from? » « It is the good God alone who instructed me, she answered me, no book, no theologian taught me and yet I feel in the bottom of my heart that I am in the truth. I did not receive encouragement from anyone (except from our little Mother) and when the opportunity arose to open my soul, I was so little understood that I said to the good Lord as NP St Jean de la Croix: "Don't send me any more messengers from now on who don't know how to tell me what I want." would have been well consoled! I spent a real retreat of graces with him, in which he explained to us the way of love as you conceive it”; and I quoted passages to her which expressed exactly what she was telling me. Then her face beamed with happiness: “What consolation you give me! she said to me, you cannot imagine it... Knowing that I am supported by a scholar, a renowned theologian, gives me unparalleled joy! And she made me repeat all that I remembered of the teachings of this religious saint.
47. Like a day of triumph.
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me one day, in confidence; it was about a year before his death: “Yesterday evening, during the silence, I thought of my approaching death, so I fell asleep for a moment. In this semi-sleep I found myself in the middle of a field that looked like a cemetery, the hawthorns were in bloom, the birds were singing, I saw a lot of people celebrating, it was like a day of triumph! And I said to myself: But what is it? Who is this party for? It's not a funeral, however... And despite everything, I sensed that it was about me. This dream seems very mysterious to me and I cannot help thinking that sooner or later we will know its meaning.
Now, on the day of the Translation of his relics, March 26, 1923, this prophetic sight suddenly came back to me in memory and I could not help but see in it the realization of this vision.
48. Saint Therese of the Child Jesus...
Sister Marie de la Trinité (...) became more and more enthusiastic about the consummate holiness that she came so close to. Having retained a pleasant and spontaneous character from her Parisian youth, she even went so far as to kneel in a gesture of admiration before her young Mistress, then clasping her hands and bowing her head, she exclaimed: "Oh ! Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus, you are not like the others! I am sure that after your death, people will prostrate themselves before you saying: “Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, pray for us!”
Whence this amiable reprimand of the Saint: “What a child you are! Come on, enough laughing at me! »
49. At the bottom of my stairs.
I see that you are always greedy for Thérèse again, but your greed will only be truly satisfied in Heaven. long enough, I think, to do good and encourage souls. One of the features that still does me the most good is the first where she compared me to a little child at the bottom of the stairway to perfection. Since that day, I no longer grieve to see myself always at the bottom of my stairs. Knowing my powerlessness to raise myself only one degree, I let the others climb and I content myself with constantly raising my little foot by continual efforts. I thus await in peace the blessed day when Jesus himself will come down to take me in his arms...”
“At that point, Thérèse said to me, will you be more advanced having climbed 5 or 6 steps by your own strength? Is it more difficult for Jesus to take you down than halfway up the stairs? There is still an advantage for you in not being able to climb, it is to remain all your life in humility, while if your efforts were crowned with success, you would not pity Jesus, he would let you climb all your life. alone and there would be every reason to fear that you would fall into self-indulgence. »
50. A heart just for you.
One day, Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: “I assure you that I love you as if I had a heart for you alone! »
'But,' I continued, 'you love your Little Mother and your other sisters very much and it is not possible for you to love me more or even as much.
- Oh! but it doesn't have to compare! Our heart is made in the image of the good God, who loves each creature as if it were alone in the world. Likewise, the Love I have for my Little Mother and my other sisters in no way harms the one I have for you. I have a particular and entire heart for each one and despite that my heart is entirely with the good Lord. Jealousy or comparison should never exist in true love of neighbour. Otherwise it is because this love is misunderstood and there is a search for the self, so we do not see correctly.
51. My love for you can no longer rise.
(...) in all truth I can tell you what our holy little Thérèse said to me: "I cannot tell you that I love you today even more than yesterday, because my love for you has reached such a degree that he can no longer climb! By loving you in this way I feel that it is Jesus whom I love because you are my visible Jesus and I thank him for having made himself so accessible to me in you. »
It was in May that Thérèse stopped receiving novices regularly. And his “discovery” of fraternal charity, that same year, indeed brought his love to perfection. Marie de la Trinité wrote this memory in verse:
Formerly, when I went to consult our Saint,
Collect his advice, receive his imprint
I was always finishing our simple talk
Asking her quietly, “Do you still like me? »
"Today more than yesterday," her smile told me.
Then, one day, stopping: "I can no longer say
“For my love for you cannot grow any further. »
52. Even in my dreams!
One day Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: “Last night, I dreamed that you were asking me: 'When you are in Heaven, where will you be placed?'
—Without hesitation, I answered you: “On the knees of the good Lord and there I will preach in his ear!”
So you went on: “And me, where will I be placed? »
And I said to you: "For you, my doll, you will be placed in my arms!..."
And she added: You see how much I love you since even in my dreams I think of you!
Source: undated sheet, signed. The witness clarified: “It is textual”.
53. Stripped forever.
(...) Yesterday, the song of the " leafless rose reminded me of a cherished memory. It was Mother Marie-Henriette of Carmel, avenue de Messine, who asked me to ask Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus to compose a poem for her on this subject. As it responded to the feelings of our dear Saint, she put her whole heart into it. Mother Henriette was very happy with it, only she wrote to me that a last couplet was missing explaining that at her death, the good Lord would collect these stripped petals to reform them into a beautiful rose which would shine for all eternity. So, Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: “Let the good Mother herself make this couplet as she sees fit, for me I don't feel at all inspired to do it. My desire is to be stripped forever, to delight God. And that's all!... "
54. True beauty.
Here is yet another feature: I had told Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus that I found it pleasant to be pretty and to please. She said to me: "But it's entirely within your power, if you want!" The true, the only beauty is holiness: there is no other! A virtuous person, however ugly, has charms that cannot be resisted; a pretty person, but without virtue, is unpleasant as possible! »
It is to please you, my darling little Mother, that I am writing to you these memories so deeply engraved in my heart.
55. I want to console you
Since you take pleasure in hearing me tell you about my personal memories with our dear little Saint, here are some very intimate ones, which I would not tell to everyone, but only to you who know me inside out...
I have always present the three long months of agony of our Angel. What I suffered from it is unspeakable. To make matters worse, Mother Marie de Gonzague had relieved me of my so pleasant charge of nurse's aide which gave me the consolation of caring for her; moreover, I had the prohibition to speak to him, under pretext that being young I could contract his illness! (However, I was sure of the contrary because Sr. Th. of the EJ had told me that no one would catch her illness, that she had asked the good Lord.)
The news of his health grew sadder and sadder every day; I was suffocating with difficulty... One day I went to take the air in the garden, I saw him in his sick car, under the chestnut trees; she was alone, she beckoned me to approach: “Oh! no, I told him, we would be seen and I don't have permission. I entered the hermitage of the Holy Face where I began to cry. Raising my head, I saw with surprise my little sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus sitting on a tree trunk, next to me. She said to me: "I am not forbidden to come to you, even if I die of it, I want to console you."
She wiped away my tears by resting my head on her heart. I begged her to go back to her car, because she was shaking with fever: "Yes, but not before you laughed at me!" I did immediately, for fear that she would get sick, and I helped her back to her car. But before that I had asked him: "Give me a finale for your little prayer to the Child Jesus, so that everyone can say it?" » And she dictated to me this formula: «... the Angels and the Saints recognize in me the so sweet features of your divine Childhood » instead of: «... Thérèse of the Child Jesus. » [This is stone number 14.].
56. Look at my doll!
When you die, I will come myself to get my doll and I will say to the Holy Innocents who will be with me: “Don't look! And in a little corner I'll fix you up very quickly, I'll take away everything that doesn't look good and dress you exactly like me, we won't even have a ribbon longer than the other. As soon as the toilet is finished, I will turn triumphantly towards the Sts Innocents, saying: “Look at my doll! Then they will be amazed, they will never have seen the like, they will all ask me as a grace to lend it to them to play with. How proud I will be of my doll!...
To illustrate this story, a Carmelite woman from Lisieux had painted for Marie de la Trinité an image (opaline 11,5 x 7,6 cm) representing Thérèse holding in her arms a large doll dressed as a Carmelite. A caption reads: “Here is my doll! », while the doll holds a banner with these words: « I owe him everything!... »
57. Red balloon and spinning top.
Another time, about a month before her death—she never left her bed—I had the consolation of going to babysit her for half an hour. She seemed as happy about it as I was. I told him that I couldn't stand seeing his illness last so long, it made me fall into a sadness that I couldn't control and that, to get out of it, I felt like I needed to play, to distract myself. ...
“Oh! I understand you, she said to me, in your place I would feel just the same! Also, I make it your duty to distract yourself as much as possible, I even order you to go to the attic of the Novitiate—to be neither seen nor heard—and to play there with the spinning top I gave you at Christmas. . This is necessary for you. »
She had a red balloon inflated with air, hanging at the foot of her bed, she made me take it and play with it, behind the headboard of her bed, so as not to see the movements which would have dazed her, so she was weak. When I had left her, I went, to obey her, to the attic of the Novitiate. I tried a part of spinning top... Useless! I quickly stopped to cry... However, I felt that my little sister Th. of the Child Jesus was praying for me, because I understood that it was a grace to suffer thus in union with her in order to obtain for her the strength to endure his long martyrdom...
It was shortly after his death — you remember, my darling little Mother — that I was seized with this painful deposit on the chin, caused, I always thought, by the great pain of his departure and the to have seen so much suffering. My Little Mother, what I have just told you can only be understood by you, others could judge me heartless for having desired distractions when she was so ill; it is true that I was only 23 years old, with a childish character and an enemy of sadness. However, I still feel the same, at more than 60 years old!... Source: letter to Mother Agnès, August 1897.
