the Carmel

Preparatory Notes by Sister Marie of the Eucharist

Notes that Sr. Marie of the Eucharist did not pronounce at the Process because of her death in 1906. Copy made in June-July 1910 (?) of an original notebook of 1897 which has disappeared. 

"No eyes, no words. » (Ms B, 4 r7v°)
One of the great recommendations of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus was “not to speak in the cloisters, in regular places, and above all, in permitted places, never to say the first word before the door is closed. Then she also recommended me a lot to “never waste my time, not a single minute”. And in the refectory, she always made me resolve not to look up. And as I was almost always near her, each time she saw me looking around me, I was sure to be called to order by a little flick skillfully and gently given. She never lifted them, even when our Mother was talking about interesting things or when something happened to a sister in the middle of the refectory; or, if he happened to raise them at the first moment, it was only a wink; she immediately lowered them. Me, I took advantage of these occasions to watch what was going on; but the little flick of the occasion came, and I received it so until I lowered my eyes. When I was too recalcitrant, then my little sister raised her eyes to Heaven and heaved sighs and ahs!... which brought me back to myself. "You'll never get there," she told me, "if you don't mark on your practice rosary every time you miss it." It's the only way... Out of love for God, don't you want to lower your eyes?... Think that you are doing an act of love each time you don't look up, that you save a soul. »

Forget yourself!
And for my self-esteem! Ah! how many times she said these words to me: "I beg you, take a little less care of yourself, take care of loving God, and leave yourself to yourself." All your scruples are so many searches for yourself. Your sorrows, your sorrows, all of this rolls around you, it always revolves around the same pivot. Ah! please forget yourself, think about saving souls. She repeated this to me every time I was with her.

Yes, but ...
When I happened to have fights against my first job who ordered me such a thing while another was more in a hurry, when I found that this sister had no organization and that she made me do impossible things, when I came to complain in this way, she invariably replied: “Oh! yes, but...' And then I finished the sentence: I know very well that this is the merit, but I can't take it anymore. Then she resumed: “You only have to do what you are told; when your first job would order you to plant cabbages upside down, you would just have to obey... It is by doing so that you will have peace. I know it's very annoying, but also, that's where the credit lies.

Humbly apologize.
On the subject of humility, she always said to me: "It's so pretty a little novice who is humble, who breathes humility in everything, who always humbles herself instead of rebelling, who admits her wrongs, who is humble in his manner, in the tone of his voice. One day when I had a little argument with Sr xxx, I hadn't been at all wrong; she agreed, but she advised me to apologize anyway. I revolted and didn't want to; so she said to me: "Ask for forgiveness only when you have been wrong, but that is not what merit is: it is to ask for it when you have really been wrong." »
Another time, still with Sr xxx, I had had all the wrongs, and I said to him with a somewhat frivolous air: “Hey! Well, I'm going to go ask forgiveness! - Oh! yes, she resumed, you are still going to ask her forgiveness, laughing. When we go to ask for forgiveness, we must always do it humbly, in a serious way and not laughingly. And with another sister with whom I hadn't really been wronged, she advised me to go and humiliate myself near her and to answer "It's true" to all the little remonstrances she would give me. .

Be cheerful for others.
For recreation, she had made this little remark to me one day: "Why do you go to recreation to satisfy yourself and find pleasure there?... You have to go there like any other Community exercise, for loyalty, without ever stopping on your way. On leaving the refectory, you must immediately go to recess; you are not allowed to stop at anything else, not even a single minute to talk to a sister.. . Then in recreation, practice virtue, be kind to all, no matter near whom you are; be cheerful by virtue and not by caprice. When you are sad, forget yourself and show cheerfulness. It would seem that at recreation one must seek only pleasure without thinking of practicing virtue, without worrying about the good Lord. But it is a Community exercise like any other; have fun, but above all out of charity for others. Never go out of yourself, stay virtuous in the very midst of pleasure. You should make the sacrifice of standing next to those you love. — And when I asked her if it was at all recess, she replied: "Yes, you should always go without it." Then, it's good to be cheerful in recess, but there is a certain religious way of being cheerful, of distracting others. You are sometimes wildly cheerful, do you think that pleases the sisters?... They laugh at your follies, it's true, but that doesn't edify them. »


Mutual support.
11 JULY. — “I advise you, when you have battles against Charity, to read this chapter of the Imitation: “That it is necessary to bear the faults of others.” You will see that your battles will fall; he has always done me a lot of good; it is very good and very true. »
Great things in heaven.
JULY 18. — I asked her to obtain great graces for me when she was in Heaven, and she replied:
" Oh ! when I'm in heaven, I'll do many things, great things. It is impossible that it is not the good Lord who gives me this desire himself, I am sure that he will grant me! "And then again, when I'm up there, I'll be the one who'll follow you closely!" scared?... He tails you, however, all the time; hey! Well, I'll follow you the same way, and close again! I won't let you miss anything..."
When we reason...
JULY. “It always hurts God a little bit when you reason a little bit about what the Mother Prioress says; and it hurts him a lot when you reason a lot, even in his heart. »

From the age of three.
I asked her if she sometimes refused sacrifices to God. - " No never ! she replied, "I don't remember him refusing anything he asked of me." »
"And when you were little?"
- " Oh ! even less, I refused him nothing from the age of 3, because I was already doing practices. »

From the joy of being humiliated.
AUGUST 2ND. — “I find no natural pleasure in being loved, pampered, but I find a very great one in being humiliated. When I've done something stupid that humiliates me and makes me see what I am, oh! then, it is there that I experience a natural pleasure; I experience a real joy as you would experience in being loved. »

Always sweet.
SEPTEMBER 11TH. “You would have to become very gentle; never harsh words, harsh tone; never look harsh, always be gentle.
“So yesterday you hurt Sr xx; a few moments later, a sister made him too. What happened?... She cried!... Hey! Well, if you hadn't treated her harshly, she would have accepted the second sentence better, which would have passed unnoticed. But two sorrows so close together put her in a state of very great sadness; whereas if you had been gentle, nothing would have happened. »

Holy now.
One day she made me promise to be a saint; she asked me if I was making any progress; so I answered her: “I promise to be holy to you when you go to Heaven; at that time, I will do it with all my heart. »
- " Oh ! don't wait for that, she replied. Start now. The month that preceded my entry into Carmel remained for me as a sweet memory. At the beginning, I said to myself like you: "I will be a saint when I am in Carmel; in the meantime, I will not be in any embarrassment..." But the good Lord showed me the price of time; I did the exact opposite of what I thought; I wanted to prepare myself for my entry by being very faithful; and it is one of the most beautiful months of my life.
“Believe me, never wait until tomorrow to start becoming holy. »

To overdo.
“Be charitable, considerate... At recess, oblige the old ones by going to get them chairs; then, on all occasions, be obliging: a LITTLE NOVICE SHOULD ALWAYS OVERCOME. IT WOULD BE SO PRETTY!...”


Some time after the death of Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus, for the first time since her departure for Heaven, I was disturbed, I dared not make Holy Communion. So I begged her to come and console me, and I took these words from the Gospels: “Tell those invited: Behold, I have prepared my feast; everything is ready ; come to the wedding. »
These few words put peace in my soul. I could not doubt that this was truly heavenly counsel, and I made a fervent and peaceful Communion.
Another time, I experienced the same trouble as the previous one; I did not yet dare to make Holy Communion, and I drew these words: "This one, throwing off his cloak, sprang up and came to Jesus." »
I understood. — I shed the cloak of scruples far from myself, and happily "came to Jesus."
In all these circumstances, it is above all the feeling of peace and the light that floods my soul that I believe in these heavenly answers.
Once again, I was seized with despair, saying to myself: Now I no longer have anyone to tell me if I am on the right track, if the good Lord is pleased with me; I may not be saved. — In this desperate state where I suffered a lot, I prayed to my darling little sister, I asked her if I was pleasing to the good Lord; she answered me (by the Holy Gospel):
“And a voice came from Heaven: You are my beloved Son, in you I have placed my delight. »
I wondered if it was necessary to express a scruple to our Mother, I did not know how to accuse myself of it in confession. After a prayer made to my little Angel, I drew in the Holy Gospel:
"He commanded them strongly that no one should know about it."