The red notebook of Sister Marie of the Trinity

This "Red notebook" is a notebook with a red cover, 21 x 13,5 cm, containing 139 pages.

Marie de la Trinité will destroy her drafts of preparatory notes for the apostolic process, but she will transcribe them in her red notebook, modifying them on occasion. She will also add several new elements that are not found in her depositions of the two Trials. (The pagination is in square brackets).

I personally knew Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, from my entry into the Carmel of Lisieux, June 16, 1894, until the day of her death, September 30, 1897, that is to say for 3 years and 3 month. During all this time, I had a very intimate relationship with her. From the first day of my arrival, the R Mother Prioress Agnès of Jesus gave her to me for "Angel" and for "Mistress"; our souls were not long in uniting deeply, we had no secrets from each other.
I have prepared my deposition on the unforgettable memories of these intimate relationships. Reading her Life written by herself taught me nothing, the Servant of God having confided to me verbally all the details of the story of her soul which are reported there.

Her faith.
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus acted in all things with such perfection and with such a recollected air that one could judge that she did not lose the presence of God.
I spoke to him one day of the wish of several saints: To always do the most perfect. She then said to me: “There is no need to have made this vow to practice it, for me I always try to act as if I had made it; moreover, I do not understand how a soul who loves the good God, and especially a Carmelite, can act otherwise, because it is a [3] duty of our vocation. »
What above all made her exemplary fidelity heroic was the disarray in which the community lived at that time, under the regrettable government of Mother Marie de Gonzague. Having no other incentive than her faith and her love for God, surrounded by bad examples, she truly deserved the praise addressed to the righteous in Ecclesiasticus: “Who is he who has been tried and found without reproach? May this ordeal be a cause of glory for him! Who could break the law and did not break it, do evil and did not do it? This is why the assembly will publish its benefits” (Eccli., XXXI, 10, 11). 'If all of them break the rule,' she told me, 'that's no reason to justify us; each should act as if the regularity, the perfection of the Order depended only on her personal conduct."
[4] On this point of regularity and perfection in acts, she spared me nothing and did not want to put up with any negligence on my part. One day, among other things, she reproached me severely for the fact that my bed was badly made: "You give there proof," she said to me, "that you are hardly united with the good Lord." If you had made the bed of the Child Jesus, is this how you would have done it?... So what have you come to do in Carmel if you do not act with an inner spirit? It would have been better for you to remain in the world to make yourself at least useful by some external works. But as soon as she saw me humbly acknowledging my wrongs, her tone softened and she spoke to me like a saint of the merits of faith, of the souls we save by our fidelity, of the marks of love we can give to the good God.
[5] I had a very strong but supernatural affection for the Servant of God. I noticed with astonishment that the more I loved her the more I loved God and when my love for her cooled, I was forced to recognize that I was in bad moods, my fervor was slowed down. One day, she gave me a picture on the back of which she had written this sentence of NP S'Jean de la Croix: "When the love that one bears to the creature is a completely spiritual affection and founded on God alone, as it grows, the love of God also grows in our soul...” As often happened to her, she had responded to my thought, without my even expressing it to her.
Our relationship was entirely spiritual. She was careful to reprove me for all my shortcomings: "I owe you the truth, she said to me, I will tell it to you until I die." I am severe, [6] it is true, but I feel that time is pressing, I must hasten to form you to perfection, because I must not stay long on earth. >
I always drew great spiritual benefit from my outpourings of soul with her: "The main cause of your sufferings, of your battles, she said to me, comes from the fact that you look too much at things from the side of the earth and not enough with a spirit of faith. You seek your satisfactions too much. And yet, do you know when you will find happiness? That's when you won't be looking for it anymore. Believe me, I have experienced it. "
I admired his faith in his Superiors. Whoever they were, she treated them as with God himself and always spoke of them with great respect. When Mother Marie de Gonzague was Prioress, she corrected me when I happened to criticize her behavior or call her [7] “the wolf” (nickname we had given her among novices). “It was good when she wasn't Prioress, but now that she has authority, we have to respect her; if we act towards her with a spirit of faith, the good God will never allow us to be deceived; even without knowing it, it will always give us the divine answer."
It is animated by these supernatural feelings that meeting me one day going in the direction of Mother Marie Marie de Gonzague, she said to me: “Have you thought of praying to recommend your direction to the good God? It is very important to obtain that the words of the Mother Prioress are for us the organ of the divine will. Otherwise, you'll be wasting your time!" 
Her spirit of faith showed itself above all in her employment as sacristan. I found myself sometimes with her while she was preparing the Mass for the next day and I was deeply edified [8] to see with what faith, what respect and what care she acquitted herself of it. She expressed to me her happiness at having, like the priests, the privilege of touching the sacred vessels, of preparing, like Mary, the nappies of the Child Jesus. She kissed them with love as well as the large host which was about to be consecrated. One day, I met her under the cloister, her contemplation struck me, she seemed to be carrying something precious which she carefully sheltered with her scapular. When I passed her, she said to me in a low voice in an emotional tone: “Follow me, I carry Jesus! She had just taken from the Communion table the small golden plaque on which she had discovered a rather notable fragment of the Holy Host. I followed her to the sacristy where, after she had deposited her Treasure, she made me kneel beside her to pray, until she could give it to the priest whom she had warned. .
His desire for Communion was intense. She envied the fate of [9] those who took communion every day, because at that time the community did not have this privilege. To console herself for this deprivation, she asked God with me to remain in her heart from one communion to another: “Ah! she said to him, I cannot receive Holy Communion as often as I wish, but, Lord, are you not Almighty? Host. »
One day of Communion, as she was very tired, Mother Marie de Gonzague wanted her to take a remedy before Mass. In her pain at losing Communion, she begged her with tears not to take it until after Mass; she pleaded her cause so well that she obtained it, and even, from that day, the ancient custom of losing Communion in such a case was abolished.
The books of Holy Scripture, especially the Holy Gospels, delighted her, their hidden meanings became[10] luminous to her, she interpreted them admirably. In her conversations, in my directions with her, a few passages from these divine books always came, as if from the source, in support of what she was telling me.
It was as if she knew them by heart. “If I had the time, she said to me one day, I would like to comment on the Song of Songs, I discovered in this Book such profound things about the union of the soul with its Beloved! She explained this passage to me one day: "We will make you chains of gold inlaid with silver." — "What a strange thing!" she told me. // would be more understandable for the Bridegroom to say to his beloved: "We will make you silver necklaces inlaid with gold, or gold necklaces inlaid with precious stones", because usually one does not enhance a jewel of price by an inferior metal. During my prayer, Jesus gave me the key to the mystery, I understood that these [11] gold necklaces represented love, charity and that they could only be pleasing to Jesus as long as they were inlaid with silver, that is to say with humility, simplicity, the spirit of childhood. Oh ! who can say, she added, thoroughly penetrated, the value that God attaches to these humble virtues since, alone, they are found worthy of enhancing the luster of charity! »
The Servant of God had great devotion to the Divine Office. She was so recollected there that she told me that it was sometimes easier to make prayer there than at prayer itself. Her outfit was impeccable. She often gave me recommendations on this subject, attaching great importance to them. “If you had an audience at the Court of an earthly King,” she said to me, “your dress and dress would be correct, all your movements would be studied; how much more must you be reserved in the presence of the King of kings and of the celestial court which forms his retinue? To deprive oneself, because of this divine [12] Presence, of moving, of touching either one's face or one's clothes, is extremely pleasing to the good God, because he sees that we value Him and that we love it. »
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus had a very special cult for the adorable Face of Jesus, she saw in Him the mirror of the humiliations and sufferings of Jesus during his Passion. The sight of this divine Face kindled in her soul a passionate desire to resemble Him, as she expressed it to me. She was proud to bear his name. Very happy to see her two novices: Sr. Geneviève and I, sharing her same devotion, she composed a Consecration to the Holy Face for the three of us. She also composed a Song for me on the same subject. These two pieces were printed in the complete edition of the Histoire d'une Ame pages 304 and 375.
The Way of the Cross also had a lot of attraction for her soul, she [13] liked to do it as often as possible "as much, she told me, for the personal good that she derived from it, as to deliver, by this means, the souls in purgatory. »
His devotion to Our Lady was touching; his relations with her were those of a child with the dearest mother. She confided everything to him and awaited his help with confidence. When I was heading out with her and had expensive things to say to her, she would lead me past the miraculous statue that smiled at her as a child, and said, "You're not going to me. say what weighs on you, but to the Virgin Mary. I complied and she listened beside me to my confidence. Then she made me kiss Marie's hand, gave me her advice and peace was reborn in my soul.
The Servant of God had a cult for the Holy Angels and particularly for her Guardian Angel whom she liked to invoke often. She [14] told me that, out of respect for him, she always tried to have a dignified dress. She corrected me each time she saw me wrinkle my forehead or contort my face: "The face is the reflection of the soul, she would tell me, it must always be calm and serene like a little child who is always happy, even when you are alone because you are constantly on show to God and the Angels. »
She had a filial affection for NM Sr Thérèse and NP St Jean de la Croix. The works of the latter especially delighted her, she quoted me long passages from memory, with an indefinable anointing. She told me that at the time of her great trials, these books had comforted her and done immense good.
She had told me that she had asked all the Saints to adopt her as a child and to obtain for her their double love for the good God; in return, she had given up to them the glory [15] which they would make her acquire. Among her favorites, she mentioned S* Joseph, Sr Innocents, Sr Cécile, B Théophane Vénard and B Jeanne d'Arc. She liked to talk to me about the characteristic virtues of each one to excite me like her to imitate them.
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus had to undergo terrible temptations against the faith. One day when she was talking to me about the darkness in which her soul was, I said to her in astonishment: "But these songs so luminous that you compose belie what you tell me!" “Oh! she replied with a painful smile, I sing what I believe in them, but it's without any feeling. I wouldn't even want to tell you how dark the night is in my soul, for fear of making you share my temptations..." She wouldn't have confided to me that I would never have suspected. , to see her speak and act as if she had been blessed with spiritual consolations.
[16]    

His Hope
Hope in God was one of the characteristic virtues of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, it is impossible to push it further than she did. She liked to repeat "that we obtain from God as much as we
hope”. She told me that she felt within her infinite desires to love the good God, to glorify him and to make him loved and that she firmly hoped that her desires would all be realized and beyond! She said that it was to misunderstand the omnipotence and infinite goodness of God to restrict one's desires and hopes, but that on the contrary it was to glorify Him to develop them in oneself. "I would pass for insane," she told me, "if I listed all that I hope for from the good God!" My infinite desires are my wealth and for me the word of Jesus will come true: “To him who has, it will be given and he will abound.” (Matt., XXV, 29.) “A good measure will be poured into your bosom , well squeezed and still overflowing..."" (Luke, VI, 17.)
Her hope in God never wavered, even when her soul was plunged into the deepest darkness, when her prayers were not answered, when everything went against what she would have liked. “The good Lord will sooner tire of testing me than I will of doubting Him,” she said to me one day; even if He killed me I would still hope in Him. »
One day I expressed to her my fear that the good Lord would be angry with me because of my constantly recurring imperfections: “Reassure yourself, she answered me, He whom you have taken as your Spouse certainly has all the desirable perfections; but, if I dare say it, He has at the same time a great infirmity; is to be blind! and there is a science he does not know: it is calculation! These two great faults, which would be most regrettable shortcomings [18] in a mortal spouse, make ours infinitely lovable. If he had to see clearly and know how to calculate, do you believe that in the presence of all our sins, He would not make us return to nothingness? But no, his love for us makes him positively blind! See rather: If the greatest sinner on earth, repenting of his offenses at the moment of death, expires in an act of love, immediately, without calculating on the one hand the many graces which this unfortunate man has abused, After all his crimes, he counts only his last prayer, and receives him without delay in the arms of his mercy. »
In my first year of novitiate, I encountered a lot of opposition to succeed in my vocation. When everything seemed hopeless, Sr Thérèse of the Child-Jésus asked me: “Are you confident that you will succeed all the same? — "Yes," I replied, "I am so [19] convinced that the good Lord will grant me this grace, that nothing can make me doubt it." "Keep your trust in," she told me resolutely. However, I confess to you that if I had seen you weaken in your hope, I would have doubted myself so much all hope is lost on the human side. »
She asked me one day if I would abandon, after her death, her little path of trust and love. “Surely not! I said to him, I believe in it so firmly that it seems to me that if the Pope told me that you were mistaken, I could not believe it. " - Oh ! she resumed quickly. one would have to believe the Pope above all; but do not be afraid that he will come and tell you to change your way, I will not give him the time because if, when I reach Heaven, I learn that I [20] have misled you, I will obtain Good God permission to come immediately to tell you. Until then believe that my path is sure and follow it faithfully.
I asked her how she prepared for her Communions; she replied: "At the time of Communion, I sometimes imagine my soul in the form of a child of three or four years old who, from playing, has his hair and his dirty and disheveled clothes. These misfortunes happened to me while battling with souls. But soon the Virgin Mary hastens around me; she quickly took off my dirty little apron, tied my hair up and adorned it with a pretty ribbon or simply a little flower... and that was enough to make me look graceful and make me sit down without blushing at the feast of angels. »
“When you are ill, she told me, simply tell [21] the Mother Prioress, then abandon yourself to the good Lord, without any trouble, whether you are treated or not. not. You have done your duty in saying so, enough is enough. The rest is none of your business, it's God's business. If he lets you lack something, it's a grace, he trusts you are strong enough to suffer something for him. »
For her, she would never have said that she was in pain if she weren't forced to. We felt that it was up to her to take care of her. "The good Lord sees everything, she said to me, I abandon myself to Him, He will know how to inspire Our Mother to have me treated, if necessary." >
She told me the following story, which happened five months before her death: “One evening, the nurse came to put a bottle of hot water on my feet and tincture of iodine on my chest. I was consumed by fever, an ardent thirst [22] devoured me. While undergoing these remedies, I could not help complaining to Our Lord: "My Jesus, I said to him, you are witness to it, I am burning and they are still bringing me heat and fire! Ah, if only I had half a glass of water instead!... My Jesus, your little girl is very thirsty! to resemble and to save souls." Soon the nurse left me, and I did not count on seeing her again until the next morning, when to my great surprise she returned a few minutes later, bringing a refreshing drink... Oh! How good is our Jesus! How sweet it is to confide in Him! t>
When I had family problems, she used to say to me: "Entrust them to the good Lord and don't worry about them any longer: everything will turn out well for them." If you worry about it yourself, the good Lord will not worry about it [23] and you will deprive your parents of the graces that you would have obtained for them by your abandonment. »

His charity for God.
We can truthfully say that the life of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus was nothing but an act of love for God. She carried out St. Paul's advice to the letter: “Whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do everything for the love of God. » On July 29, 1894, the Community drew lots for a few pious sentences, the ticket which fell to it in sharing was this: « If at every moment, you were asked: What are you doing? Your answer should be: I like it! In the refectory? - I like ! "To the Choir?" - I like ! - Everywhere ? - I like ! This note, which she kept until her death, gave her great pleasure and she said to me: 'It is the echo of my soul; for a long time this is how [24] I understand love and practice it. Certain passages from the works of NP S* Jean de la Croix on love delighted her, she quoted them to me frequently and mainly this one: love, so that quickly consuming itself, it hardly stops here below and comes quickly to see God face to face. And again: "On the evening of this life, you will be judged on love." So learn to love God as he should be loved and leave yourself*. »
She spoke to me of God's love for us with such unction that she often shed tears. She suggested to me and prepared me to offer myself, like her, as a victim to the merciful Love of God.
One day, I showed pride by refusing to recognize the wrongs she reproached me for. At this time the bell calling us to a [25] Fellowship meeting, we parted abruptly. Shortly after, I realized that I had hurt her and, approaching her, I simply said to her: "I was very naughty just now..." Immediately I saw her eyes fill of tears. Looking at me with great tenderness, she said to me: “If you only knew what is going on inside me! No, I have never felt so keenly with what love Jesus receives us when we ask him for forgiveness after having offended him. Hardly had you begun to express your repentance to me than my heart was moved and I felt more love for you than before. If this is the case with me, poor little creature, what must the good God feel when the sinner returns to Him? Even faster than I did — for He does not wait for words to come from our lips — at the first movement of the repentant heart, He not only [26] forgives, He forgets and returns His love to the sinner, but He loves her even more than before his fault. Ah! if I celebrated alone, I would sob... it's too much love! »
Everything served to increase his love. I related to him, one day, certain facts of magnetism which I had witnessed. The next day she said to me: "How good your conversation yesterday did me!" Oh ! how I would like to be magnetized by Jesus!... With what sweetness I handed over my will to Him! Yes, I want it to take hold of my faculties, so that I no longer perform human and personal actions but entirely divine actions inspired and directed by the Spirit of Love. »
I told him of my intention to explain his Little Way of Love to my Parents and friends. - " Oh ! she said to me, be very careful in explaining yourself, because our misunderstood Little Way could be taken for [27] quietism or illuminism. She then explained to me these false doctrines unknown to me; I remember that she quoted M. Guyon to me as a heretic. “Don't think,” she told me, “that following the path of love is following a path of rest full of sweetness and consolation. Ah! it's quite the opposite. To offer oneself as a victim to the Love is to surrender oneself without reserve to divine good pleasure, it is to expect to share with Jesus his humiliations, his chalice of bitterness...”
“I had wanted to be very rich,” Sr. Thérèse of the Holy Father told me one day, “in order to have the consolation of sacrificing to God all the pleasures I could have given myself with a good fortune. The good Lord who grants all my desires, also fulfilled this one. At the time of my Profession, I learned that the enterprise in which my Father had invested a large sum was on the verge of success. I cannot [28] say how happy my heart was to be able, by uniting myself to Jesus, to offer him the fortune that I was hoping for at that moment. »
From his love for God was born an ardent zeal for the salvation of souls, especially for the souls of priests. It was especially for them that she had embraced her Carmelite life. She told me that by praying and sacrificing oneself for their sanctification one worked at the same time for the salvation of the souls with whom they were entrusted. She had a maternal love for souls and called them “her children”. She thought of them continually and worked diligently to “earn their eternal life” as she put it.
One laundry day, I walked leisurely to the laundry room, examining the flowers in the garden as I passed. Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus went there in the same way, but with an alert step. She soon [29] ran into me and said to me as she dragged me along: “Is this how you hurry when you have children to feed and you have to work to support them? Hurry, because if we have fun, our children will starve! »
She said to me again: “Formerly, in the world, when I woke up in the morning, I thought of what was probably going to happen to me, happy or unhappy, during the day; and, if I foresaw nothing but trouble, I got up sad. Now it's just the opposite; I think of the pains, the sufferings that await me; and I rise all the more joyful and full of courage, as I foresee more opportunities to testify my love to Jesus and to save souls. Then I kiss my crucifix, lay it delicately on the pillow while I am getting dressed and say to him: "My Jesus, you have worked enough, cried enough during the 33 years of [30] your life on this poor land! Today, rest... It's my turn to fight and suffer."
She said to me another time: “At the Sext Office, there is a verse that I utter reluctantly every day. It is this: "Inclinavi cor meum ad faciendas justificationes tuas in oeternum, propter retri-butionem." for the reward I serve you; but only because I love you and to save souls.
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus had such a great desire for Communion that she urged Jesus to remain in her from one Communion to another. She was confident that she would be answered and she told me that nothing was impossible for God's omnipotence and that he would not have inspired her with this request if he [31] had not wanted to fulfill it. Here is the formula of his prayer, in his Act of offering to Merciful Love: "I know it, O my God, the more you want to give, the more you make people desire, I feel in my heart infinite desires and it is with confidence that I ask you to come and take possession of my soul. Ah! I cannot receive Sr Communion as often as I wish, but, Lord, are you not Almighty? Stay in me as in the Tabernacle, never move away from your little host..."
In the canticle: "I thirst for love" that she composed for my Profession, she wanted to express the same thought in these verses: "You the great God whom all Heaven adores, "You live in me prisoner night and day... "
And in this regard, she said to me: “For his little victims of love, the good Lord will do wonders... but usually they will be done in faith; [32] otherwise they could not live. »
I said one day to the Servant of God: “If I were unfaithful, wouldn't I go straight to Heaven? " -- " Oh ! That's not it, she answered me, the good God is so good that he would manage so that you would lose nothing, but it is he who would lose love!..."
“Who then taught you your little way of love which dilates the heart so much? I tell him another time. "It was Jesus alone who instructed me," she replied. No book, no theologian has taught me and yet I feel in the bottom of my heart that I am in the truth. I received no encouragement from anyone except Mother Agnès of Jesus and when the opportunity arose to open my soul, I was so little understood that I said to God, like St Jean de la Cross: 'Don't send me messengers anymore who don't know how to tell me what I want. " [33]    

His Charity for the neighbour.
The great charity of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus for our neighbor had always struck me very much. She manifested it on every occasion, and these occasions were frequent.
For more than three years she had, as her first job, the most practicing Sister one could meet; by her many quirks and demands she would make an angel lose patience; it is the appreciation of all those who know her. It takes heroic virtue to bend to all his whims; in spite of her lively manners, she gets nowhere because of her thousand minutiae. When she saw Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus going on a hurried errand, she went ahead of her and then walked very slowly, preventing her from getting ahead of her. All day long she dazed him with her sermons; her speeches [34] were veritable charades, she never clearly expressed her thoughts; after many detours of obscure phrases, the conclusion was almost invariable: "I put you on the path, guess the rest!..." One day when she was speaking to me in this way, I said to her in an impatient tone: "I'm in a hurry, tell me honestly what you want, I don't understand what you're saying!" - " Oh ! my little sister, she replied, never Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus spoke to me as you do! I reported this to the Servant of God, who said to me: “Oh! be very gentle with her, she is sick, then it is charity to let her believe that she is doing us good and that gives us the opportunity to practice patience. If you are already complaining, given the lack of contact you have with her, what would you say if you were in my place forced to listen to her all day? [35] Well, what I do you can do, it's not very difficult; one must take care not to get annoyed inwardly, to soften one's soul with charitable thoughts; after that we practice patience as naturally. » I admit that I was so often edified by the patience and charity of Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus towards this sister that I believe that, for that alone, she would have benefited from being canonized.
Instead of common work or recreation, she preferred to seek the company of the Sisters whom she saw as a little sad and tried to make them bloom through her enthusiasm and the services she rendered them. When she couldn't, she prayed for them, as she told me one day.
She asked and obtained to be placed as the help of a sister with whom none had been able to stand. This sister, who has now returned to the world, was afflicted with a [36] dark melancholy and a violent character; she caused the Servant of God to suffer many sorrows by her injustices, her harsh and wicked words. Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus endured everything without ever complaining and by her gentleness soothed her companion to the point that she ended up recognizing her faults and humiliated herself for it near her. The Servant of God took advantage of these good times to reason with her, to cheer her up, so much so that this sister admitted that no one in the world had understood her and had done her as much good as Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus.
Better than anyone, because of the intimacy of our souls and the advice she gave me, it was easy for me to discover her hidden acts of virtue. It was thus that, in joint work, I saw her taking the most difficult, the least attractive part by preference. One day I asked him which was better [37], or to go and rinse the clothes in cold water or to stay in the laundry room to wash in hot water. She replied, “Oh! it's not hard to know! When it costs you to go to cold water, it is a sign that it also costs others, because we all feel pretty much the same things, so go for it; if, on the contrary, it is hot, preferably stay in the laundry room. By taking the worst places one practices both mortification for oneself and charity for others, since one abandons the best places to them. She told me to go to recreation with the aim, not of recreating myself, but of recreating others. "There, perhaps more than anywhere else," she said, "we find opportunities to renounce ourselves in order to practice charity." For example, if someone tells you a boring story, listen to it with interest to make them happy; make yourselves agreeable to all, you will succeed in this, it is true, only by renouncing yourself, but then you will come out of recreation with new vigor to advance in the path of virtue . I noticed with what perfection she practiced all her advice, she was always ready to go out of her way to be of service and she did it with such a pleasant smile that one would have thought that it was obliging her to put her to contribution. .
I witnessed her heroic charity towards the Sister who was so antipathetic to her, and of whom she speaks in her Life, page 172; she never told me about her struggles with regard to this Sister, but I was too close to her and studied her too closely not to have guessed them; when I wanted to talk to her about it, she adroitly diverted the conversation, which confirmed me in the truth.
When she received such bright lights on charity, of which she speaks [39] in her Life, chap. X, she communicated them to me, and from that day I noticed the progress of this virtue in her soul; I can say that she had become all charity, so resplendent in her actions was the "new commandment of the Lord" which she had understood so well. She no longer said that people bothered her when people came at the wrong time and even unnecessarily disturbed her in her work. It was immediately that she rendered the service that was asked of her. "Making a service wait, promising it for later, is not doing charity perfectly," she told me. She was so complacent that I noticed many Sisters taking advantage of her and asking for her help as a matter of course. It was to the point that I was sometimes revolted by it, but she found it quite natural and her charity made her ingenious in order to please everyone. At the approach of the [40] feast of the Mother Prioress, almost all the Sisters brought her their festive gifts so that she could embellish them with some paintings. Each wanted to be served first, and instead of recognition she often received reproaches: "You took better care of my Sister So-and-so's work, you started with her...etc." There were some that were not delicate enough to require very complicated paintings, she overworked and tired herself a lot to satisfy them, but she rarely succeeded. All these failures, so painful at times to nature, seemed not to touch her: "When one works for the good Lord," she said to me, REMOVE PEACE. J>
She taught me to supernaturalize my affections. Realizing that I was looking for myself with our [41] R Mother Agnès of Jesus, which was a source of pain for me, she said to me one day: “Do you think you love Our Mother very much? - Certainly ! if I do not. I didn't love him, I wouldn't care if he preferred others to me. - Hey! well, I am going to prove to you that you are absolutely wrong; it is not Our Mother that you love, it is yourself. When we really love, we rejoice in the happiness of the loved one, we make all the sacrifices to get it for him. So, if you had this true and disinterested love, if you loved Our Mother for herself, you would rejoice to see her find pleasure at your expense; and, since you think she gets less satisfaction from talking with you than with someone else, you should feel no pain when you seem to be neglected. These words were for my soul a flash of bright light. For the first time in [42] my life, I understood true love and I realized that until now I had not known how to love.
On June 13, 1897, she wrote to me on the back of a Christmas picture: "May the divine little Jesus find in your soul a dwelling place all perfumed with the roses of Love, may he still find there the burning lamp of fraternal charity which will warm his frozen little limbs, which will rejoice his little heart by making him forget the ingratitude of souls who do not love him enough. »
It remains for me to speak of the charity she exercised towards me. It is thanks to her that I managed to be a Carmelite. My lack of virtue, of health and also the lack of sympathy that I encountered in the
Community, because I came from another Carmel, created a thousand almost insurmountable difficulties for me. In these painful moments, only the Servant of God consoled me, [43] encouraged me and skilfully seized the opportunities to plead my case with the Sisters who were against me. “How willingly I would give my life, she repeated to me, for you to be a Carmelite! So on the day of my Profession, April 30, 1896, she confessed to me that she counted him among the finest of her life; his joy seemed to equal mine. In memory, she painted me an image of the Holy Face and composed three poems to sing my happiness. (Two of these poems: "Glose sur le Divin" and "I thirst for Love" were printed in the Histoire d'une Ame.) On the evening of that beautiful day, I found our bed covered by her with forget-me-nots, with this note: "My darling little sister, I would like to have immortal flowers to offer you in memory of this beautiful day, but it is only in Heaven that the flowers will never wither and... These forget-me-nots will tell you at least that [44] in the heart of your little sister will always remain engraved the memory of the day when Jesus gave you the Kiss of Union which must end or rather be accomplished in Heaven. [44 continued]

His Caution
If Thérèse of the Child Jesus always showed a prudence and a maturity well above her age. To see her acting and reasoning one would have believed that she had the experience of years. Very often, at that time, because of the mentality [“Mentalité”; first draft: "black malice". Another example of the tendency of the witness to dramatize... Further on: “erroneous spirits”: the adjective is crossed out] of Mother Marie de Gonzague and certain spirits of the community, there were disputes, even scenes; so when things got too nasty, it was always Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus who, with uncommon tact and skill, restored peace to the Community.
Because of her astonishing wisdom, [45] I consulted her as an oracle; she clarified all my doubts, without hesitation and with precision she told me what I should do or avoid. I always had to congratulate myself for having followed his advice and when I wanted to go against it I had to regret it.
I wrote to him one day that to punish myself for an infidelity, I had resolved to deprive myself of Communion the next day. Here is the note she sent me: "Little flower, darling of Jesus, it is enough that, through the humiliation of your soul, your roots eat up the earth... you must half-open or rather raise your corolla very high , so that the Bread of the Angels comes, like a divine dew, to strengthen you and give you all that you lack. »
At the end of a long retreat, I spoke to him of my resolutions and of the new fervor with which I was animated. But she said to me:
Beware [46] of you! I've always noticed that hell is emaciated against a soul coming out of retirement. The demons unite to bring us down from our first steps in order to discourage us. Indeed, once fallen, we say: “How could I keep my resolutions, since from now on, I failed in them? If we reason like this, the demons are victorious. So each time they knock you down, get up without astonishment and say to Jesus with humility: “If they made me fall, I'm not defeated, here I am still standing ready to begin the fight for your love again. Then Jesus, touched by your good will, will himself be your strength. »

One day, I wanted to deprive myself of prayer in order to devote myself to a hurried work, she said to me: "Unless there is a great necessity, never ask permission to miss the exercises of Community for any work, it is there is a devotion which cannot please Jesus. True devotion is not wasting a minute and spending yourself entirely during the hours intended for work. »

My excessive sensitivity made me cry often and for nothing. Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, realizing that this weakness was putting an obstacle to my spiritual advancement, did her best to heal me, to force me to cry each time in a shell. This original method works perfectly for me.

One day, I wanted to point out to him an act of virtue that I had practiced — “What a wonder! she said to me, that you did so. When you think of all the lights, of all the graces that Jesus grants you, you would have been very guilty of acting otherwise. What is that compared to what he has a right to expect from your fidelity? Rather, you should humble yourselves for missing so many opportunities to practice virtue! His repartee was a salutary lesson to me; even now it prevents me from being complacent in myself even when I do something good.

One holiday in the refectory, they had forgotten to give me dessert. After dinner, I went to see Sr. Th. of the Child Jesus in the infirmary and, finding my neighbor there at the table, I made her understand quite skilfully that I had been forgotten. Sr. Th. de l'Enfant J. having heard me, forced me to go and inform the Sister in charge of the service, and as I begged her not to impose it on me: "No, she told me, this will be your penance, you are not worthy of the sacrifices that the good Lord asks of you, he asked you to be deprived of your dessert, because it is He who allowed you to be forgotten, he thought you were generous enough for this sacrifice, and you deceive his expectation by going to claim it! I can say that his lesson bore fruit and cured me forever of the desire to start over.

I especially noticed her caution in the directions I had with her. No curious or embarrassing questions, even under the pretext of doing good. She listened to my confidences with interest, but did not provoke them. I was well aware of what she wrote later in her life (p. 184): “When I speak with a novice, I take care to mortify myself, I avoid asking her questions that would satisfy my curiosity. .. because it seems to me that one can do no good by seeking oneself. »
Once I explained to her some scruples about purity, she said to me: “It is astonishing how easily souls [50] lose peace about this virtue! The demon knows this, which is why he torments them so much about it. And yet, there is no less dangerous temptation than this. The way to get rid of them is to look at them calmly, not to be surprised, even less to fear them. Usually at the first attack, we are terrified, we believe everything is lost; it is precisely this fear, this discouragement that the devil uses to cause souls to fall. However, be sure that a temptation of pride is much more dangerous and the good Lord much more offended when one succumbs to it, than when one makes a fault, even serious, against purity, because he has regard to the fragility of our perverted nature, while for a lack of pride there is no excuse. And yet it is a fault that souls often and easily commit without worrying about it! A temptation of pride [51] should be feared more than fire, while a temptation against purity can only humble our soul and thereby do it more good than harm. »

On another occasion, she said to me: “Notice the method used to make the brasses shine: they are coated with mud, with materials that dirty them and make them dull, after this operation, they shine like gold. Well, the temptations are like this mud for the soul, they only serve to make shine in it the virtues opposed to these same temptations. » 

I told her of my pain at having many distractions in my prayers: "I too have a lot of them, she answered me, but as soon as I notice it, I pray for the people who occupy my imagination and thus they benefit from my distractions. »

I said to him one day: "I am very afraid of judgment at the time of my death, because we [52] are constantly told that God finds stains in his angels" and that He "will judge justices themselves".— "It's true, she answered me, but if you don't want to be afraid any longer, do like me, take the means of forcing the good Lord not to judge you at all, by presenting yourself before Him with empty hands, that is to say keep nothing for yourselves, give all your merits to souls as you acquire them, in this way the good Lord will no longer be able to judge what is no longer yours! “—But, continued I, if God does not judge my good deeds, he will judge my bad ones, and then?— “What are you saying there! Our Lord, who is Justice itself, cannot judge your bad deeds if He does not judge your good ones! Rest assured, for the victims of Love there will be no judgment, the good God will hasten to reward, with [53] eternal delights, his own love which He will see burning in their hearts. »
The Servant of God followed the attraction of my soul to lead it to Jesus. She told me that she would never want to force souls to follow her path, unless they were inclined to it and wanted it, because the good God leads them by different paths and each one must walk in it according to the divine will. Thus, at that time, very childish in character, I used a rather original method to practice virtue: that of delighting the Child Jesus by playing all kinds of spiritual games with Him. This method making me make serious progress, Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus encouraged me in it with the following letter which she left in our cell on Christmas Eve 1896.

[55] One day when I was sorry for my lack of courage, Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: “You are complaining about what should cause your greatest happiness. Where would your merit be, if you had to fight only when you felt brave? It doesn't matter if you don't have any, as long as you act as if you do! If you feel too cowardly to pick up a piece of thread, and yet you do so for Jesus' sake, you have more merit than if you performed a much greater action in a moment of fervor. Instead of being saddened, rejoice to see that by letting you feel your weakness, the good Lord is giving you the opportunity to save a greater number of souls for Him! » [56]

His Justice
The virtue of justice shone particularly in Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus. Her novices had recourse to her in complete confidence because they knew her to be just; she gave us her advice, settled our difficulties without involving any research on her own, any human consideration, which is why I looked at her decisions as being the very expression of the will of God.
She was faithful to her duty and nothing could have turned her away from it; for me, when I wanted to remember the text of our regulations, I had only to watch her act.
Outwardly she showed no preference for her novices, each of them could believe she was the most loved and yet she counted among them her own sister and a cousin [57] sine germaine... I remember that Sr Geneviève, her sister, who knew photography well, shot a few Community groups. Sr Thérèse would then invite me to sit next to her, which gave me the greatest pleasure; however, taking pity on Sr Geneviève who was getting very tired with the preparations, several times I wanted to give her this envied place, but the Servant of God prevented me, saying: "No, that wouldn't be right, it's up to you. turn, Sr Geneviève is next to me in family groups and you are not there. »
She loved the truth and endured with difficulty the dissimulations imposed by the sad character of Mother Marie de Gonzague. At the time of the crying injustice that took place regarding the Profession of Sr. Geneviève, she was seized with holy indignation and was not afraid to defend aloud the unrecognized rights of authority. She then made me think of Our Lord scourging the vendors of the Temple [58] I admired her courage, which certainly did not come from a natural affection for her sisters, but from a love of justice and a deep sorrow for see the good God offended [PA 481, where this feature is further developed, at the request of M. Dubosq, deputy promoter of the Faith. On this incident, which occurred in January 1896, cf. CG II, 1182-1184]. She suffered from seeing Mother Marie de Gonzague living under the illusion of her faults and tried every means to open her eyes to the truth. She thus exposed herself many times to the malevolence of this poor Mother blinded by her sad passion of jealousy, but it mattered little to her! She only aimed to do good to this unhappy soul she loved in spite of everything.

His strength
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus pushed the virtue of moral strength to the point of heroism.
When I entered the Carmel, his sister, our Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus, was Prioress and I was well edified by the strength of soul she showed when she witnessed, [59] powerless, the scandalous scenes of jealousy that Mother Marie de Gonzague said daily to her beloved Little Mother. You have to have witnessed it to get an idea of ​​the violent persecution that Mother Agnès of Jesus had to undergo: "It is a wonder, the Servant of God told me, that she did not die of grief . » And I find it an equal prodigy that Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, whose heart was so sensitive and so affectionate, was able to bear the repercussions of so much pain without dying. And yet her serenity of soul was never disturbed by it, she was always found to be gracious and amiable even in the midst of a storm. “The good Lord who allows this evil will draw good from it, she told me, our Little Mother is a saint, that is why he does not spare her... surely, in Heaven, she will have the crown of martyrs. She also told me that it was our duty to pray for the conversion of Mother Marie de Gonzague and that she [60] was more saddened to see God offended by her than to see her Little Mother suffer. [PO 463; PA 483. The remarks are clearly attenuated at the Trials].
It is the same thought that she expressed to me on another occasion, when I told her that I did not like to see holy souls suffer. - "I am far from being like you," she replied. Saints who suffer never make me pity! I know that they have the strength to bear their sufferings, that for them it is an occasion of great merit and of glory for the good God; but those who are not holy, who do not know how to profit from their sufferings, oh! how I pity them! I pity those ones! I would do my best to console and relieve them. »

In the Community, I have often heard the elders praise the strength of soul of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus at the time of the painful trials of her Father, and she herself, when telling me about them, said to me: “These trials [61 ] are for me the subject of perpetual thanksgiving; those humiliations of yesteryear are my glory today. »

We were talking one day about the happiness of martyrs and our hope of becoming so because of religious persecution. She said to me: “As for me, I am already practicing to suffer joyfully; for example, when one takes discipline, I imagine myself being beaten by the executioners for the confession of the faith; the more I hurt myself, the happier I look. I do the same for any other bodily pain, instead of letting my face contract in pain, I smile! »
Another time, she came all beaming and said to me: “Our Mother has just told me about the persecution that is rampant on all sides against the religious communities. What joy ! the good Lord is going to make the most beautiful dream of my life come true! When I think that we live in the era of the martyrs!... Ah! let us no longer trouble ourselves [62] for the little miseries of life, let us apply ourselves to bearing them generously in order to deserve such a great grace! »

One day when I was crying, Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus told me to get used to not letting my little sufferings appear like this, adding that nothing made community life sadder than unevenness of temper. "It's true," I told him, "from now on I won't cry except with God." She went on quickly: "Cry before the good Lord!" beware of doing so. You must appear sad, much less in front of Him than in front of creatures. How ! this good Master has only our Monasteries to gladden his Heart; he comes to us to rest, to forget the continual complaints of his social friends; because more often than not on earth, instead of recognizing the price of the Cross, we weep and moan, and you would do like ordinary mortals?... Frankly, this is not disinterested love [63] It is up to us to console Jesus, it is not up to Him to console us! I know it, he has such a good heart that, if you cry, he will wipe your tears; but then he will go away very sad, not having been able to rest his divine head in you. Jesus loves happy hearts. He loves an ever-smiling soul. When will you be able to hide your sorrows from Him, or tell Him by singing that you are happy to suffer for Him?

The Servant of God was of incomparable courage, she followed her Rule without softening until her strength was completely exhausted. She never said she was in pain unless she was compelled, out of obedience, to say so. She began to suffer seriously from the throat, three years before her death, but no one took notice. It was at the end of Lent 1896, when she had fulfilled all the rigor of our Order, that she was seized with the spitting of blood of which she speaks in her Life. In [64] my capacity as nurse's aide, she told me about it the next morning, Good Friday; her face was radiant with happiness in the hope of going soon to see God; She also expressed to me her joy that Mother Marie de Gonzague had easily allowed her, despite this accident, to practice all the penitential exercises of these last two holy days. She made me promise the secret of this sad news (which she called happy!) so as not to upset Mother Agnès of Jesus. I therefore kept for myself alone the weight of this immense pain, increased by an interior revolt against the imprudence of Mother Marie de Gonzague who, not only did not have her treated, but exposed herself to increase her illness by her senseless permission. . Now, this Good Friday, she fasted like us all day, eating only a little dry bread and drinking water, at noon and at 6 o'clock in the evening. Moreover, apart from the Uffizi, she did not stop cleaning [65] which was very tiring. In the afternoon, having seen her mounted on a ladder washing tiles and struck by her pale and defeated expression, I begged her, crying, to let me finish her work, but she refused me. In the evening, she again took the discipline for three Miserere. Also, on returning exhausted to her cell, she was again spitting blood as the day before.

Since then her health declined with alternating better and worse, which did not prevent her from following all the Fellowship exercises and always appearing to be smiling.
She confided to me that, often during the Divine Office, her heart failed her by the violence she made to chant and remain standing and that, tempted to go out, she shook off her fatigue with these words: "If I die, we will see it! (Word of a soldier going to seize an enemy flag.)
When I realized that she was [66] at the end of her strength, I went to ask Mother Marie de Gonzague to dispense her at least from the Office of Matins, but my efforts had no success. was answered more or less: “What is a youth like you, who pay attention to your slightest ills and seek to dispense with the fatigues of the Rule! In the past we would never have missed Matins! If Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus can't take it anymore, let her come and tell me! But the Servant of God was never going to complain and when she noticed that I was going there for her, she begged me not to do it, assuring me that Our Mother was aware of her fatigues and, since 'she didn't notice, that she was inspired by the good Lord who wanted to fulfill her desire to go without relief to the end of her strength.
She went there, indeed, because the day before the day when she was not to get up again, [67] she came again to the evening recreation. I kept a very painful memory of this last recess. On entering the Community room, the Servant of God, oppressed and burning with fever, came to sit on her heels beside me. She said to me in a low voice: "I am coming near you so that you can look after me, I feel that I would not have the strength to carry on a conversation, so you are going to seem to be talking to me, in this way of others won't talk to me. I confess to you, I feel very ill but I don't want to say it yet, Mother Agnès of Jesus would be in so much trouble!... Last night, it took me more than half an hour to go up in our cell, I had to sit down almost at each step of the stairs to collect myself. Arrived in our cell, it took me incredible efforts to undress alone, I thought for a moment that I could not manage it... If you only knew to what state of impotence the disease reduces!..." This statement pierced my heart. Despite her denial, I informed Mother Marie de Gonzague and from then on we took serious care of her. [1]

His Temperance
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus was very mortified, but with a kind mortification that did not make itself noticed. For me, who followed her and studied her closely, she edified me in all her actions, which is why I received her advice and her remonstrances as I would have received those of a visible angel. She used people and things only out of necessity, for the accomplishment of her duty or out of charity, without ever seeking her pleasure in them. I particularly admired her detachment towards her sisters according to nature, giving them no more expressions of affection than her other sisters.
Lately, I expressed my astonishment to his eldest sister, Sr. Marie du Sacré-Coeur, that [69] having had such an extraordinarily holy sister, she had hardly sought her company and had rather seemed to neglect her. - "Certainly, she replied, but how did you want me to go on his side?" I wanted to though! but out of fidelity she did not want to speak to me...”

In the refectory, I was her neighbor at the table and despite all my attention, I was never able to notice what she liked or disliked: she ate everything indifferently. When she was very ill and the nurse forced her to say what she liked, she admitted that certain foods had always hurt her; yet I had seen her eat them with the same indifference as other foods.
The mortifying advice she gave me made me notice hers more easily, because she never gave me advice without doing it perfectly herself. This is how she recommended me not to make [70] mixtures in my food to make it more pleasant; not to lean my back against the wall while eating (this requires great attention, since the rather narrow benches are adjacent to the wall); to finish my meal with something that does not flatter the taste, like a bite of dry bread. “All these little nothings, she told me, do not harm our health, they do not make us notice and they maintain our soul in a supernatural state of fervor. »
She also advised me, when I was sitting in our cell, to move our little bench away from the wall so as not to lean on it. In short, she reminded me of mortification in all my actions, which gave me proof of the attention she brought to it herself.
During the last Lent, the year of her death (she was already very ill) Mother Marie de Gonzague, to ease her fast, made her take a very small [71] piece of chocolate in the morning, but she, to temper this gently, immediately put a small piece of gentian wood in his mouth. She carefully concealed this mortification which I discovered only by trickery.
By her own admission, the cold was the most painful bodily mortification she endured in Carmel; she bore it heroically without complaining or seeking relief. She picked me up when I let it appear that I was cold, either by walking bent over or shivering. One day I had put our alpargates to dry on a heater and had put them warm at my feet to warm me up. Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, noticing this, said to me: “I would have done what you have just done, I would have thought of committing a great immortification; what would be the use of having embraced an austere life, if we sought to relieve ourselves in all that can make us suffer? Without a command of obedience we must not shirk the smallest practice of mortification. » [72]

His Obedience
The Servant of God was heroic in her obedience. For nothing in the world would she have wanted to do anything without permission. One day when she had forgotten to ask permission, I told her that she could do the thing and then she would report on it. She replied quickly: “No, of course! Unless in a very extraordinary case, I would never allow myself to act like this, when I don't have permission, I prefer to abstain; that's how it is for my permissions for the week, I don't use them until I forget to ask for them. These little subjugations make us practice our vow of obedience in perfection, but if we withdraw from them, what is the use of having made this vow? »

Not only did Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus scrupulously fulfill [73] all our written regulations and our customs, but above all she proved the heroicity of her obedience in her exemplary fidelity in fulfilling to the letter and without reasoning the multitude of small regulations that Mother Marie de Gonzague established or destroyed according to her whims, unstable regulations of which the Community paid little attention. And what was most admirable was that she thus obeyed not only the orders of her Mother Prioress, but she obeyed with the same promptitude any Sister in the Community. I have experienced this myself more than once to my great edification and confusion. One day, among other things, I said to him: “Go and do such and such a thing. Immediately, she left her occupation, which certainly had more attraction for her, and went where I sent her. And yet she was my Mistress and under no obligation to do as I told her. Also, since that day, when I asked him something, I hastened to add: [74] "if you like it, or if it doesn't bother you, I leave you free, etc." I was so afraid that she would take my requests for an order.
It is recommended in our regulations to collect the smallest pieces of wood that can be found around the house because they can be used to light the fire. Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus carried her fidelity to this practice to the point of carefully collecting the bits of wood from the size of her pencils.
After taking the Habit, our Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus, teaching her to sit on her heels, as is customary in Carmel, told her to sit on the right side. She took this advice for an order and, until her death, she submitted to it, never wanting to allow herself to change sides, even to relax.
She was very regular and left what she was doing at the first ring of the bell. She was extremely careful not to speak to me during the great silence, there was only a pressing motive of charity that could make her derogate from this law.
To teach me a lesson in obedience, she confided to me one day the heroic act she accomplished as a postulant and a novice: "Our Mistress, she told me, ordered me to tell her each time that my stomach hurts. stomach. Now, this happened to me every day and this commandment was a real torture for me. When the stomach ache took hold of me, I would have preferred a hundred blows of the stick rather than going to say it, but I said it each time out of obedience. Our Mistress—who no longer remembered the order she had given me—said to me: “My poor child, you will never have the health to make the Rule, it is too much for you!” Or well, she asked Mother Marie de Gonzague for some remedy for me, who replied displeased: "But after all, that child there [is] always complaining! We come to Carmel to [76] suffer, if she cannot bear the pain that She's going away!" Yet I continued for a long time out of obedience to confess my stomach ailments at the risk of being fired until finally the good Lord, taking pity on my weakness, allowed us to relieved me of the obligation to make this confession. »

His Poverty
Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus practiced poverty in all its perfection. I noticed his attention to losing nothing and to taking advantage of everything, to avoid the slightest expense.
She lowered the wick of her little lamp very low so as to receive only the indispensable light. She mended her clothes and everything she needed to the end to avoid renewing them. By this same spirit of poverty, she always wrote in very close lines to use less [77] paper. When, in the refectory, she happened to take a few too many grains of salt, instead of throwing them away, she endured the inconvenience of keeping them in reserve for another meal.
She often recommended this virtue of poverty to me, assuring me that it was very enviable to lack the necessities, because then one could call oneself truly poor. She told me that when I couldn't avoid having people buy and they gave me a choice, I should, without hesitation, take the cheapest, to imitate the poor.

His Chastity
Everything about the Servant of God breathed purity. I cannot say what good it did my soul on account of this virtue. She taught me to see everything with purity. "Everything is pure for the pure", she liked to repeat to me, "evil is only found in a perverse will". She confessed to me that she had never [78] been tempted against purity.
This so pure soul said to me one day: “I always take extreme care, when I am alone, either when I get up or when I go to bed, to have the reserve that I would have if I was in front of other people. And besides, am I not always in the presence of God and his Angels! This modesty has become so habitual to me that I could not act otherwise. »

His Humility
The humility of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus was truly heroic. She sought humiliation like a treasure. She often begged me to tell her all the unpleasant words I heard not only about her but, what must have been more painful for her, about her dear Little Mother and her other sisters. Knowing the real pleasure that I caused him I hid none of the bitter words that I could hear.
[79] She herself expresses the joy she felt on these occasions, in the Story of a Soul, chap. X: “Oh! really it is more than a pleasure, it is a delicious feast which fills my soul with joy. How can a thing that displeases nature so much give such happiness? If I hadn't experienced it, I couldn't believe it. »
One day, she approached me with these words: “An abundant and chosen table has just been served in your honor; fortunately for you I passed at that time and, like a mother for her child, I eagerly collected these substantial dishes, I bring them to you because I think that they will do you the good and the pleasure that they would do to myself. These dishes were humiliating words, bad judgments against me. "Promise me," she said to me as she finished, "that you will act for me as I act for you?" See how I give you proofs of true love; since you love me, give me these same proofs. »

[80] Many times at recess or elsewhere, when I said to him: “What do you think? tell me something? " - " What I think ? she answered with a deep sigh, ah! How I would like to be unknown and counted for nothing!...”
It was in her devotion to the Holy Face that she drew her desire for humiliation. She constantly repeated to me in a penetrating tone this passage from Isaiah (chap. 53): "His face was hidden, He seemed to us an object of contempt, the lowest of men... etc." " Oh ! that I would like, she added, that my face were hidden like hers so that no one here below could recognize me. »
In the poems she composed for me, she always offers me the humility of Jesus as a model, for example in this stanza:
"For me on the foreign shore
“What contempt have you not received!...
"I want to hide on the ground,
[81] “To be in everything the last
    “For you, Jesus. »
Not only did the Servant of God show this supernatural joy when I told her about the reports against her, but I noticed the same serenity in her when the Sisters suddenly threw hard and disagreeable words at her.
A former nun could not understand that Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, so young, took care of the novices, and she made her feel unceremoniously the opposition she felt towards her. One day, at recess, she said bitter words to him, among other things that she needed to direct herself more than to direct others. From a distance, I carefully examined the scene, the Servant of God's air of angelic gentleness contrasted singularly with the passionate air of her interlocutor, and I heard her reply: “Ah! my sister, you are quite right, I am even more imperfect than you think! »
One day, I told her about certain procedures towards me, which I found unfair. it's treating us as we deserve. »
To help me accept humiliation, she confided in me:
"If I had not been accepted into Carmel, I would have entered a Refuge to live there, unknown and despised, in the midst of the "repentant" poor. My happiness would have been to pass for such. I would have made myself the apostle of my companions, telling them what I think of the mercy of the good God..." And when I asked her how she managed to hide her innocence from her confessor, she replied: "I I would have told him that I had made a general confession in society and that I was forbidden to repeat it. »
On November 30, 1895, she made known to me her Act of offering as a Victim to Love, of which she speaks in her Life (p. 148). I then showed him a great desire to imitate him. [83] She approved my resolution and it was decided that I would do this act the next day. But left alone, and reflecting on my unworthiness, I concluded that I needed a longer preparation. So I went back to see Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus and explained to her the reasons why I wanted to postpone my offering. what we can imagine, but do you know the preparation that the good Lord asks of us? Well, it is to humbly acknowledge our unworthiness. Ah! since He gives you this grace, deliver yourselves to Him without fear. »

What she called her Little Way of spiritual childhood was the continual subject of our talks. "The privileges of Jesus are for the little ones," she repeated to me. She never stopped talking about the confidence, the abandon, the simplicity, the uprightness, the humility of the little child and [84] always offered him to me as a model. One day, when I showed her my desire to have more strength and energy to practice virtue, she resumed: "And if the good Lord wants you to be weak and powerless like a child, do you believe that you will have less merit? ?... Consent then to stumble at each step, even to fall, to carry your crosses weakly, love your impotence; your soul will derive more benefit from it than if, buoyed by grace, you carried out with enthusiasm heroic actions which would fill your soul with personal satisfaction and pride. »

I was discouraged at the sight of my imperfections. Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus said to me: “You make me think of a very small child who is beginning to stand up, but does not yet know how to walk. Absolutely wanting to reach the top of a staircase to find his mother, he raises his little foot to climb the first step. Unnecessary trouble! he always falls back without being able to move forward. Well, [1] consent to be that little child; by the practice of all the virtues, always lift your little foot to climb the stairway of holiness. You won't even be able to climb the first step, but the good Lord only asks of you good will. From the top of this staircase, he looks at you with love. Soon, overcome by your useless efforts, he himself will come down, and, taking you in his arms, will take you forever to his Kingdom where you will never leave him. But if you stop lifting your little foot, it will leave you on the earth for a long time. »

Another time when I was still saddened by my shortcomings, she said to me: "There you are again, out of the Little Way!" Pain that depresses and discourages comes from self-esteem, supernatural pain raises courage, gives new impetus for good; we are happy to feel weak and miserable, because the more we recognize him humbly, expecting everything gratuitously from the good God without any merit on our part, [86] the more the good God lowers himself towards us to shower us with his gifts with magnificence. »
She said to me again: “The good Lord made me understand that the only way to make rapid progress on the path of love is to remain very small; also now I sing with NP St Jean de la Croix:
"And stooping so low, so low,
I rose so high, so high,
That I could achieve my goal! »

[86 bis] She never ceased to warn me against the demon of pride: “He constantly revolves around us, she said. We blind ourselves, we darken ourselves so easily... Look at poor Lamennais who had nevertheless written such beautiful things on humility! All that one can say and write is nothing. What preserves is to be at all times in the disposition to humbly accept being taken back, even if one is not aware of having been wrong, and above all not to apologize internally. The humble peace that will follow will be the reward for our effort. It is good and even necessary for us to see ourselves sometimes on the ground, to see our imperfection; it does more good than rejoicing in one's progress.—To help you repeat this prayer with confidence, especially at the time of battle: "Meek and humble Jesus, make my heart like yours." Immediately you will feel the appeasement and the strength to practice humility. »
[continuation of 86]
Why do you want so much to be forgotten and counted for nothing? I asked him one day, I find it very pleasant to be loved and considered. she answered me, and it is precisely because I thirst for love and glory that I despise those of the earth who are only mirages and illusions. Only in Heaven can I really and fully enjoy it; there, I will need, to satisfy myself, the love of all hearts and if I only lacked the love of one, it seems to me that I could not [87] help saying to Jesus, like Aman for Mordecai: “Lord, until this one loves me, my happiness will not be complete. »

His Supernatural Gifts
The supernatural gifts: miracles, ecstasies, etc., which one ordinarily admires in the lives of the saints, were not the share of the Servant of God. His life here below was not, so to speak, out of the ordinary; this is its particular cachet which makes it imitable and accessible to all. The good Lord made her feel that he wanted it that way in order to give her as a model to the many souls who walk in the common and ordinary way of perfection, in the night of faith. She spoke to me about it sometimes with her usual simplicity. I remember that one day I expressed to him the desire that his death should take place during his thanksgiving after Communion. " Oh ! no, she resumed quickly, this is not how I want to [88] die, it would be an extraordinary grace which would discourage the “little souls” because they could not imitate that! They must be able to imitate everything in me..."
Her high degree of perfection, of union with God and also her great natural intelligence made her very insightful, so that very often I thought she had the gift of reading my soul, so much the advice she gave me so by the way suited the secret needs of my soul. I pointed this out to her and she replied: "I don't have this gift at all, but here is my secret: I never make observations to you without invoking the Blessed Virgin, I ask her to inspire me with what should do you the most good. After that, I admit to you that often myself I am surprised by certain things that I tell you, without thinking on my part. I only feel that I am not mistaken and that it is God's will that I tell you. »

A rather extraordinary thing [89] happened to me one day. I wasn't happy that she didn't want to see me when I had gone to find her at an inopportune time and I wanted to make her feel my bad mood by not talking to her about the day. In the evening, she came to see me and as I was preparing to reproach her, I was suddenly seized, on seeing her, with a supernatural feeling which completely changed my dispositions so that instead of executing my project, I I could only apologize for having disturbed her unnecessarily and humbly acknowledge that I had been very imperfect. I was as if under the action of a superior force which gently forced me to act in this way and made me understand that I was not dealing with just any person but with a saint particularly loved by God. Since then, in my relations with her, I could not help feeling a certain respect mingled with a daily growing admiration for this angel of virtues.

[90] I was suddenly and wonderfully comforted more than once by the power of her prayer alone. Before my Profession, I found myself one day broken down with fatigue and overwhelmed with interior sorrows. In the evening, before prayer, I wanted to say a few words to her about it, but she replied: “The prayer is ringing, I don't have time to console you; besides, I clearly see that I would take unnecessary pains, the good Lord wants you to suffer alone for the moment. I followed her to prayer, in such a state of discouragement that, for the first time, I doubted my vocation. I had been on my knees for a few minutes, overwhelmed by these sad thoughts, when suddenly, without having prayed, without even having desired peace, I felt a sudden change in my soul; I understood the charms of suffering and I emerged from prayer absolutely transformed. The next day, I told Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus what had happened and as she seemed very moved, I wanted to know the cause: “How good God is! she said to me [1] then, yesterday evening, you made me feel such deep pity that I did not cease, at the beginning of the prayer, to pray Our Lord to change the dispositions of your soul and to show you the price of the sufferings. He answered me! »
Before leaving her position as Prioress in 1896, Our Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus had to have Sr. Geneviève and me make Profession, because our Novitiate time had expired. The difficulties which Mother Marie de Gonzague then raised were so great that I had to be delayed after the elections. I had a presentiment of this ordeal. Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, to whom I communicated my apprehensions, urges me uselessly to make the sacrifice. One evening I kept crying filled with this sad thought... when suddenly my ideas changed, under the influence of a powerful grace, which was lasting, I accepted the test not only with resignation but with joy.. The next day, I asked Sr Thérèse of the E. Jesus [92] if she had prayed for me.
" Oh ! yes, she replied, I felt strongly urged to do so last night during the silence. I understood everything. The hour when she had prayed so much was precisely when grace had overflowed in my heart.
The Servant of God spoke to me many times of her hope of spending her Heaven doing good on earth. In her last recreational composition, which she wrote in February 1897, the year of her death, she put into the mouth of St. Stanislaus Kostka the expression of her thoughts on this subject. “What I liked in composing this piece, she told me afterwards, is that I expressed my certainty that after death one can still work on earth for the salvation of souls. St Stanislaus, who died so young, served me admirably to express my thoughts and aspirations on this subject. »

Here is the passage copied verbatim: (St Stanislaus addressing the Blessed Virgin coming to announce to her his approaching death): "I regret [93] nothing on earth and yet I have a desire, a desire so great that I know how to be happy in heaven if it is not realised... Oh! Mary, tell me that the Blessed can still work for the salvation of souls... If I cannot work in paradise for the glory of Jesus, I prefer to stay in exile and still fight for Him! »

(The Blessed Virgin 🙂 You would like to increase the glories of Jesus your only love
For Him in the heavenly court You will win victories...
Yes, my child, the Blessed Can still save souls
Of their love the gentle flames Draw hearts to Heaven.

(St Stanislaus 🙂 Oh! how happy I am... Sweet Queen of Heaven, please, when I am near you in the Fatherland, allow me to return to earth in order to protect souls whose long career here down will complete mine... so through them I can present to the Lord an abundant harvest of merits.[94]

(The Blessed Virgin 🙂 Dear child you will protect Souls struggling in this world
The more fruitful their harvest will be, the more in Heaven you will shine!...

Another time, I said to Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus looking at Heaven: “How happy we will be when we are up there! - It's true, she went on, but for me if I have the desire to go to Heaven soon, don't think it's to rest! I want to spend my Heaven doing good on earth until the end of the world. Only then will I enjoy and rest. If I did not firmly believe that my wish could come true, I would rather not die and live until the end of time in order to save more souls”. She looked inspired and full of certainty as she spoke these words.
I have a feeling she had a revelation of her future glories. On this subject, she said to me one day: "My desires rise to infinity... can conceive, that I am forced, at times, to stop my thought. I'm kind of dizzy... And she added, laughing: "Someone other than you might take me for crazy or very proud!"
 [95]

His reputation for holiness during his lifetime
For me, since my entry into Carmel, I have always considered the holiness of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus heroic. I watched her act with admiration and I remember that writing to my relatives and friends in the world, I told them of my impressions about her, adding that I was amazed that such perfection could exist on earth and that 'because of this I was convinced that my holy little companion would soon fly away to Heaven. In this persuasion, I carefully guarded like relics all that she gave me. Having obtained permission to cut his hair, instead of burning it, I kept it in the belief that it would be used to work miracles after his death.

Apart from the sisters of the Servant of God who shared my opinion, the [96] rest of the Community, while considering her a good nun, seemed indifferent towards her. Several of them even made her feel the animosity they felt against this group of “four Martin sisters”, as they disdainfully called Sr Thérèse and her sisters.
This movement of antipathy had been awakened and was maintained by Mother Marie de Gonzague. Yet it was she who had done everything to promote the entry of the four sisters into the Community; her jealous character made her regret it bitterly, the superior qualities of these elite subjects overshadowed her and she made every effort to stifle their value or at least to prevent the Community from appreciating them. His conduct to achieve this was often iniquitous and our Reverend Mother Agnès of Jesus was in particular, during her priorate, the victim of her sad passion.
The Servant of God resented him less because she was quite young [97] and remained dependent on him as a novice; this is why, although she treated her severely, she knew how to recognize her virtues and said with admiration that she had never encountered so much maturity and holiness united in such a young nun. Basically, it was the intimate thought of the whole Community, apart from two or three evil spirits. Mother Marie de Gonzague even told me several times: “If there were a Prioress to be chosen from the whole Community, without hesitation, I would choose Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus, despite her young age. She is perfect in everything; her only fault is having her three sisters with her. »

His Precious Death
Since her double spitting of blood at the end of Lent 1896, the Servant of God's health declined rapidly. The Prioress, Mother Marie de Gonzague, first had her auscultated by Dr La Néele [98] who did not attach any importance to this serious accident, which prevented her from being treated as we should have been. Nevertheless, his cough persisting, Dr. de Cornière was called in around the following month of July; he too said that there was nothing serious, at least for the moment; he recommended tonics, gave him points of fire to calm his pains in the side and ordered frictions to restore the circulation of the blood. The treatment of the frictions was particularly painful for the Servant of God. Every morning, when she woke up, Sr. Geneviève went to rub her whole body with her horsehair belt; but far from doing her any good, this operation completed her exhaustion and left her sore for the whole day. But she didn't complain and let herself be treated as we wanted. The fire spikes also made her suffer a lot, the Doctor gave her up to 500 at once! Despite these harsh treatments, [99] she still followed all the exercises of the Community. It only stopped completely in June 1897.

It was at this moment that my relations with Sr. Thérèse of the Child Jesus ceased, because they removed (to my great chagrin!) my position as nursing assistant and novices were forbidden to go talk to her so as not to tire her; therefore, since that time, I no longer had an outpouring alone with her. This deprivation was very painful to me. I wrote to her about my grief on this subject and here is the note she sent me: "June 6, 1897. My dear little sister, your letter rejoices my soul, I can clearly see that I was not mistaken in thinking that the good Lord is calling you to be a great saint, while remaining small and becoming more so every day. I very well understand your pain at not being able to talk to me anymore, but be sure that I also suffer from my impotence and that I have never felt so well that you hold [100] an immense place in my heart... You want know if I have joy to go to Paradise? it is too slow a conductor; I only count on love. I would have a lot if I went there, but... I'm not counting on illness, ask the good Lord that all the prayers that are said for me serve to increase the Fire that must consume me. »

One day, no longer able to endure the pain and the struggle of being kept away from her like a stranger, I went to the infirmary and I exhaled my complaints in front of one of her sisters: "Your Sisters and your cousin, I tell her, can't love you more than me and they have the consolation of coming to see you whenever they want, I don't think that's fair! My bitter complaint pained the Servant of God, she sent me away, reproaching me severely for my lack of virtue. That evening, she gave me this note: "My dear little sister, I don't want you to be sad, you know what perfection I dream of for your soul, that's why I spoke to you severely... I would have understood your struggle and would have comforted you gently if you had not said it aloud, and kept it in your heart all the time that God would have allowed. I have only to remind you that our great affection must be hidden. »

Another time, needing to go and comfort myself near her, I went to the infirmary, but a Sister refused me entry quite harshly. Then, at the height of sorrow, I went in front of the Blessed Sacrament which was exposed to the oratory. As soon as I arrived, my pain vanished completely to make room only for a heavenly peace, I was happy to see all the support on earth failing me, Jesus alone filled my heart and was enough for him. A few days after this invaluable grace, I had the opportunity to say to Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus: “Do not worry about me any more, I no longer have [102] pain. I feel that you are praying for me and your sufferings obtain many graces for me. " - " Oh ! what consolation you give me! she said to me, I could really cry... How good Jesus is to answer my prayers for you! »
On August 12, the day of my 23rd birthday, she wrote to me on an image of a trembling hand: "May your life be all of humility and love so that soon you will come where I am going... in my arms of Jesus!”

“When I am in Heaven, she told me, it will often be necessary to fill my little hands with prayers and sacrifices to give me the pleasure of throwing them as a shower of graces on souls. »
How I will miss you when you are gone! I said to him one day.— "You are quite mistaken!" he replied with a thin smile; so far you have only seen the feathers, after my death, you will taste the little chicken! »

[103] Having found an illustrated book, full of entertaining stories, I took it to her in the infirmary to distract her. But she refused me, saying: “How can you think that this book could interest me! I am too close to my eternity to want to distract myself from it..."

• Oh ! how sad life is! I said to her another time. "No, life is not sad," she went on; if you said: “exile is sad”, I would understand you. We make a mistake by giving the name of life to what must end. It is only to things in Heaven, to things that must never end, that one should give this true name, and as such, life is not sad, but cheerful, very cheerful. »

After the last washing they did in the laundry room before her death, I went to see her; she had suffered more than usual and she said to me with a smile: “I am very happy to have been so ill today to compensate for the [104] fatigue of washing that I did not share with you. So I have nothing to envy you. »

She was constantly burning with fever, her lips were all parched, and yet no one took her temperature to find out the degree. One day, I saw Sr. Marie of the Sacred Heart bring him a bunch of grapes to quench his thirst. She then said to him with the sweetness of an angel: “Quench my thirst! Ah! now it's over! I will always, always be thirsty!...”— “Should you take more milk? »— « The more I drink, the more I'm thirsty, it's like pouring fire on fire. Even in good health, she had never been able to digest milk and now she saw herself reduced to being unable to take anything else.

Monsieur de Cornière came quite often to see her, he asserted that she was suffering a real martyrdom, but ordered nothing to relieve her, because, [105] he said, there was nothing to be done. Three days before her death, I saw her in such a state of suffering that I was painfully impressed. She made an effort to smile at me again and in a voice broken by suffocation, she said to me: “Ah! if I didn't have faith, I could never bear so much suffering! I'm surprised there aren't more atheists who kill themselves! Seeing her so calm and so strong in the midst of such martyrdom, I couldn't help telling her that she was an angel. - " Oh ! no, she went on, I'm not an angel... they're not as happy as I am! She wanted me to understand that they did not have the privilege of suffering for the good Lord like her.

The day of her death, after Vespers, I went to the infirmary where I found the Servant of God sustaining with invincible courage the last struggles of the most terrible agony! Her hands were [106] all purple, she joined them with anguish and exclaimed in a voice that the violence of the pain made clear and strong: “Oh! my God!... have pity on me!... O Mary! come to my aid!... My God... How I suffer!... The chalice is full... full to the brim!... I will never know how to die!...”  
Courage, said Our Mother to her, you are nearing the end, a little more and everything will be over. — "No, Mother, it's not over yet... I can feel it... I'm going to suffer like this again. maybe for months!...
“And if it was God's will to leave you on the cross like this for a long time,” Our Mother resumed, “would you accept it? » With an accent of extraordinary heroism, she said: « I want it! And his head fell back on the pillow with an air so calm, so resigned that we could no longer contain our tears. She was absolutely like a martyr waiting for new tortures... I left [107] the infirmary, not having the courage to bear such a painful sight any longer. I only came back with the Community for the last moments and I witnessed her beautiful and long ecstatic gaze when she died, around 7 o'clock in the evening, Thursday, September 30, 1897.

His Reputation for Holiness after his death
Immediately after her death, the face of the Servant of God became remarkably beautiful, a celestial smile animated her; I had never seen her so beautiful during her life. She exuded peace and bliss.
She had told us that the weather would be fine on the day of her death; now, all day of September 30 the weather was cold and rainy, but as soon as she had breathed her last, all the clouds immediately dispersed [108] and myriads of stars appeared. It looked like all of Heaven was celebrating!
When Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus was exposed to the gate of the Choir (according to the custom) many people came to see her and made her touch, by devotion, objects of piety and jewels. At this moment, a rather curious fact happened to me. Contrary to what the Servant of God had recommended to me, I kept crying and could not console myself for her death. Now, approaching her to make her touch a rosary that someone had just given me, she held it between her fingers. Very gently I lifted them to take it back, but as I freed it with one finger it was immediately taken up by another finger. I started again five or six times without result. My little sister Thérèse said to me inwardly: “As long as you don't give me a smile, I won't return it to you. » And I answered him: « No, I am too sad, [109] I prefer to cry! However, the people who were at the gate were wondering what the hell I was doing for so long! I was very annoyed by it and I begged my little Thérèse to let me take the rosary away; I even pulled on it to get it by force. It was useless, it was as if she had had iron fingers to hold him back, and yet her fingers had remained very flexible. At the end, unable to take it any longer, I began to smile... That's what she wanted, because she immediately dropped the rosary on her own, and I was able to take it away without difficulty.

The life of the Servant of God was published only a few months after her death, in 1898. The effect produced in souls by this reading was wonderful. The letters that we have preserved bear witness to this. Confidence in this new little saint (as she was called) quickly won hearts; we were asked for his relics, novenas in his honour, others were already testifying to his credit with [110] God by recounting to us the graces they had received from him.

As her life became better known, devotion to her grew. In 1910, the average number of letters received at Carmel reached 100 per day. In July 1914, the number reached 350 to 400 letters per day. Since the war, this number has more or less been maintained, despite the fact that correspondence has been stopped with the numerous countries invaded. [To the P. 110 of the CRM, a paper was pasted on about fifteen lines; here is the original text: "Nevertheless, this process of the beginning, while being progressive, was slow since in 1909, 12 years after the death of the Servant of God, the average number of letters received at the Monastery did not exceed 30 per day . But from this time, that is to say from the Opening of the Diocesan Trial of the Servant of God, her devotion spread with remarkable rapidity so that the following year, 1910, the average number of letters reached 100 per day. This number increased more and more and in August 1914, it reached 350 to 400 letters per day”. Since the war... etc.]
The content of part of these letters, up to 1913 inclusive, was published in 4 brochures entitled “Rain of Roses”. These 4 volumes in 8° form a total of 1.365 pages, containing 1.488 [111] graces obtained by the Servant of God.

It is not only far away that our dear little Sister fulfills her promise to spend her Heaven doing good on earth, her Community is in the first place the object of her sensible protection. We all like to recognize it. We can say that it transformed the Community. I recently noticed a former nun, who had despised the Servant of God during her life, recommending herself to the prayers of the Community on the occasion of her great annual retreat, asking her to obtain the fidelity of Sr Thérèse to her in all the little things.
Each of us practices to imitate him, to walk in his Little Way of spiritual Childhood, of confidence and of abandonment. Already three of us have distinguished themselves in this imitation and have died very young as predestined; they are: Mother Marie Ange in 1909, Mother Isabelle of the Sacred Heart in 1914, Mother Thérèse of the Eucharist in 1915. Their [112] lives so edifying have been published. For me, the memory of the virtues that I saw the Servant of God practicing is the best stimulus. When I want to encourage myself to do well, I have only to ask myself what she would do in my place, immediately I know the line of conduct to follow in order to act in the greatest perfection.

My confidence in his holiness is such that every day I make this prayer to the Child Jesus: "Imprint on me the graces and childish virtues so that on the day of my birth in Heaven, the Angels and the Saints will recognize Thérèse in me of the Child Jesus. »
In all circumstances I have recourse to his intercession and I note with gratitude that I have never done so in vain.
For greater convenience, I had made a big pleat in our dress, firmly stitched together, so as not to have to form this pleat [113] every morning when putting on our belt. A few days before the Servant of God died, she told me to unravel this trick because it was against custom. Nevertheless, I left him still, postponing to unravel him. The day after the death of Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, this unfortunate letter did not leave my mind and I said to myself: She sees that I still have it and perhaps she is sorry? .. Finally I prayed to her: "Dear little sister, if you don't like this fold, undo it yourself and I promise not to do it again." »
Amazing thing! The next day, I noticed that the fold no longer existed! I had a feeling of fright and at the same time of great consolation. This was a warning to me to put into practice all his advice and recommendations.

On February 28, 1909, she suddenly cured me of a distended stomach that no remedy could overcome. I had suffered from it for more than two years and the [114] evil was always getting worse. I saw the moment when necessity would compel me to abandon the austerity of the Rule. In my distress and full of faith, I anointed my stomach with burning oil in front of the Virgin who smiled at the Servant of God in her childhood, begging my little sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus to have mercy on me and heal me so that I can follow my Rule. Immediately all discomfort disappeared, and this grace has continued to this day.

Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus also favored me with her perfumes on different occasions: Perfume of violets, especially on a day when I had just practiced an act of humility; the scent of roses one day emanating from the cupboards where her books and pictures are kept; incense scent under circumstances where I was going to do a favor about her.

On September 15, 1910, I went to the Tour, around 6 o'clock in the evening, [115] to pick up a parcel that had arrived from Bar le Duc. On the table I saw a damp, worm-eaten board. As I approached it to seize the package which was under the table, there escaped from this piece of wood, which I considered a scrap board, a very strong and very delicious smell of incense. The thought came to me then that it was a fragment of the coffin exhumed nine days before. I went to warn our Rde Mother Prioress to make her enjoy this prodigy, but she felt nothing. A knowledgeable novice recognized the smell of incense. Seeing this, Our Mother went to look for another sister but without warning her in any way: this one approaching was struck by the same smell of incense. Our Mother took this precious relic to recess to show it to the Community, but our Sisters felt nothing but dampness and mould, although they were warned that it was a plank from the coffin of the Servant of God. This [116] board was in fact the one on the side of the head of the coffin, which had fallen and could not be found. Mr. Doctor La Néele, expert witness at the exhumation, to whom we showed it, recognized this fragment perfectly. It should be noted that these perfumes are not perceived at times when one would expect them more: thus one brought to the Community, the same day of the exhumation, the whole lid of the coffin and fragments of the clothes, nobody of we then did not smell any perfume coming from these objects.
The Servant of God had promised me, shortly before her death, that she would take care of my family and protect them. She truly fulfilled her promise. My parents visibly felt his assistance in various very painful ordeals that they had to bear. For me, I had the certainty that she assisted my Father and my Mother at the time of their death. Here is how: [117] Papa died on October 30, 1912. Knowing that he was very ill, a few days earlier, I had entrusted Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus with the task of replacing me near him. However, it was reported to me that he was suddenly relieved 2 or 3 times, in his great crises of suffering, by the sole invocation of the Servant of God. The night before his death, my eldest sister coming to ask if he needed anything, he thanked her with these words: "Leave me, I don't need anything, I am in the company of the Little Sister Therese. In reporting this fact to me, my sister tells me that she will never forget the sweet supernatural feeling she felt then. My Father died a few hours later during his Communion thanksgiving.
My Mother died last year on June 23, 1915. For her too I had instructed my Little Thérèse to replace me close to her and to obtain for her the grace to die in an act of perfect love. [118] Now, at the very moment of his death, I received a supernatural grace which gave me the assurance that my prayer had been answered. Here is the detail of this grace:
[118 bis] On June 23, 1915, the day my dear Mother died, around 2 am I was suddenly awakened when I heard a very painful sigh clearly close to me. I immediately thought that Maman needed prayers and I begged my little Thérèse to have pity on her and to come and get her after having obtained for her the grace to die in an act of pure love. I tried in vain to go back to sleep, I was always in a hurry, by a supernatural movement, to pray, to pray a lot and Sr Thérèse, I have no doubt, put on my lips everything I had to ask for Mother. and I did so with unshakeable confidence that I would be heard. I prayed thus until a few minutes before 5 o'clock, when suddenly I heard a triumphal Magnificat intoned, continued, in several parts, by celestial voices; I had never heard anything so beautiful... In the 2nd verse, I recognized Papa's beautiful voice which dominated in the lower part, children's voices made the upper parts. I became frozen with shock, with astonishment; I realized that I was wide awake and I said to myself: At this moment Mama is dying and Thérèse is coming to fetch her with Papa and my ten brothers and sisters. The voices were lost in the distance... and a few seconds later it was the awakening of the Fellowship. I got up in haste, having in my heart a joy, a peace that I cannot describe, convinced that Mom was in Heaven. It wasn't until 9 o'clock in the morning that I learned that Mama had breathed her last at the precise hour when I had heard the Magnificat. (It was under oath that I had the consolation of relating this fact for the glory of our Little Sr Thérèse at her Beatification Process).

[118, continued] Seven years ago, my youngest sister, who had abandoned her religious duties for several years, made a novena to Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus to ask her to obtain her conversion. On the evening of the 7th day, after lingering to read in a novel, she went to bed. Hardly had she turned off her light when she heard herself called in a loud voice: Marguerite! Daisy ! And at the same moment her heart was filled with such repentance of her faults that she confessed the next day and has since led the most perfect life. She entered Carmel here, where our Holy Mother told me that, although she was in poor health, she was one of the most generous souls she had known. She still hopes to be able to give herself entirely to Our Lord in religious life [PO 9 gives a different version. In CRM, a note added afterwards specifies: “Currently, she made her profession at the Visitation of Caen on January 473, 31”].

My former confessor in the world, Father Charles, currently Curé of Bagnolet (Seine), a very holy and very zealous priest, never writes to me without recommending himself to the prayers of Sr Thérèse of the Child Jesus; he says that he drew from his writings great benefits for his soul. He came to make a triduum on his grave in thanksgiving for all that he owes him. He entrusted his Parish to him and attributed to him [119] all the good that was done there. He was particularly happy last year to learn that one of his parishioners had been favored on the battlefield by an apparition of the Servant of God on the day and hour of his death, September 30, 1914 around 7 o'clock in the evening, grace which had determined his perfect conversion.