November 20, 1887
My dear little Pauline,
The good Lord made me go through many trials before making me enter Carmel. I'll tell you how the Pope's visit went. Oh ! Pauline, if you had been able to read my heart you would have seen great confidence there; I think I did what the Good Lord wanted of me, now all I have to do is pray.
Monseigneur was not there, M. Révérony replaced him; to get an idea of the audience you would have had to be there. The Pope was seated on a large, very high chair. M. Révérony was close to him, he watched the pilgrims passing in front of the Pope after having kissed his foot, then he said a few words. You can imagine how my heart was pounding when I saw my turn coming, but I didn't want to go back without having spoken to the Pope. I said what you told me in your letter, but not everything because M. Révérony did not give me the time, he said immediately: Most Holy Father, she is a child who wants to enter Carmel at fifteen, but his superiors are dealing with him at the moment. (The good Pope is so old that it looks like he is dead, I would never have imagined him like that, he can hardly say anything, it is M. Révérony who is speaking). I would have liked to be able to explain my case but there was no way. The Holy Father told me simply: God willing, you will enter. Then I was taken to another room. Oh ! Pauline, I can't tell you what I felt, I was like devastated, I felt abandoned, and then I'm so far, so far... I could cry writing this letter, I have the heart quite big. However, the Good Lord cannot give me trials that are beyond my strength. He gave me the courage to endure this ordeal, oh! she is very tall... But Pauline, I am the little Ball of the Child Jesus; if he wants to smash his toy he's free, yes I'm willing whatever he wants.
I haven't written what I would have liked at all, I can't write these things, I'd have to talk, and then you won't read my letter for three days, oh! Pauline, I have only the good God all alone, all alone...
Goodbye Pauline darling, I can't tell you any more, I'm afraid Papa will come and ask me to read my letter, and it's impossible.
Pray for your little girl.
Theresita
I would like to write to my darling Mother but I cannot this evening. Ask him to please pray for his poor Theresita.
Kiss my dear Marie for me, I wrote this letter also for her but I prefer to speak only to one person, I hope that she will understand her little Thérésita. I don't have time to re-read my letter, it is certainly full of mistakes, excuse me.
