September 1, 1890
JMJT
Jesus
Monday
I give you the letter I wrote for Papa; if you think it can't go, you'll kindly make me a little draft, but I'm sure he won't understand... Ah! what a mystery that the love of Jesus for our family!... what a mystery that the tears and the love of this spouse of blood...
Tomorrow I am going to find M. Youf; he told me to do a little review for him only since I've been at Carmel; pray well so that Jesus leaves me the peace he HAS GIVEN ME. I was very happy to receive absolution on Saturday... But I don't understand the retreat I'm doing, I don't think of anything, in a word, I'm in a very dark underground!... Oh! ask Jesus, you who are my light, that he not allow souls to be deprived because of me of the lights they need, but that my darkness serve to enlighten them... Ask him also that I do a good retirement and may he be as happy as he can be; then I too will be happy and I will consent, if it is his will, to walk all my life in the dark road that I am on, provided that one day I arrive at the end of the mountain of Love, but I believe it won't be down here.
(I'm going to take my little wine, the same one this morning would have been to my taste, but I couldn't find Our Mother).
Should we write to Mme Papinot?... It seems to me that it is not worth it, she would not understand, it would perhaps be better to wait until the sail is taken?...
